forum Would love to critique characters!! :D
Started by @CinnamonRoll
tune

people_alt 19 followers

@CinnamonRoll

Okay @Nerd_Girl2.0!! Top down…

First off, she's way underweight. I mean, it's not that important, but I just noticed. :) Maybe add some more detail to her skin tone? What are the undertones like? I see 'pale' and my mind immediately goes "MILK!" so… maybe add some more there! ;P

Okay, under personality, I like the general idea!! That being said, I'm going to be a little nit-picky here. (Sorry!) First off, her motivations. As the MC, she should probably have a few more motivations. Protecting others is a good start–who is she protecting? Proving others wrong could easily evolve into something else, wherein she tries to prove someone wrong and learns that there is something much deeper going on. Second off, this proving others wrong piece is glazed over later on. I like it–I think it's actually a very human motive. But you say that she is 'a little rebellious,' glazing over this spiteful part of her. As it is a motivation, this should be a big deal! On top of that, you later say that she does whatever is right. I completely believe that a slightly rebellious person can do what is right, but again, this motivation! It means that this is very ingrained in her personality; thus, I don't really feel the smoothness over the does-whatever-is-right piece.

I LOVE how many mannerisms and flaws you have!! They make her seem very human. Same on the hobbies–kudos there! Under prejudices, might I suggest adding one against a group or group of people? Everyone has prejudices, no matter how hard they try not to! :)

"Occupation: Demigod??" Might I just say that I love this? ;P

I notice that you didn't fill out politics! It seems completely useless, I know, but I find it very helpful to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-ness. It's weird, but it really helps me gauge their reactions to certain issues!

Backstory is okay, but I do have a few notes. One, you mention her running away after it got too far–after what got too far, exactly? It's not very clear. Two, I think you should add more about her life before so as to shape a few of her traits. Explain why she's rebellious and spiteful! This seems very important, so I think it should get a little more love. Three, I would add a little bit more about her relationships with the other characters. This isn't as important, but it is important anyway!

Overall, it's an excellent premise for a character! I'd like to know more about this prophecy… o-O Fluff and smooth a couple things and I think you should be good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Deleted user

Thank you for the advice, I'll get to work right away! ^_^

@CinnamonRoll

Oh, no, I don't mind at all!! Here, top down…

Since she's a side character, I won't nit-pick too much, but I do notice a few things: One, no motivations besides average, domestic ones? None whatsoever? I understand that she's a side character, but still. In this case, don't think "What motivates her?" because maybe nothing really does because nothing has to. Instead, try thinking "What would motivate her?" Anything/anyone she loves? Discovery? Stability? Think of what she holds most dear. Two, prejudices: she doesn't have any?! Everyone has prejudices, no matter what. Again, side character, but I would recommend giving her at least one!

Really nice job on the personality type!! I wanna give her a hug :D (even if she'd probably kill me for it)

Under religion, the word you could use is 'agnostic.' :) Otherwise all seems well here!

OMG. YES. AMAZING!! AMAZING job on the backstory!!!! I'm so happy. My writer part is SCREAMING. This is absolutely perfect! It's an incredible amount of detail for a side character, and she deserves it all!!! Hey, the library is definitely a motivation! Put that in there!

Overall? I love her!! Like, a lot!! She's got enough detail to pass for an MC! All you really need to do is give her motivations and little details a bit more love and you'll have a near-perfect character here!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@LilNerdyGingerKitsune

THANKS SO MUCH!! That really helped!! I'm really glad you liked her!! I got way too attached to this side character and her backstory just kept getting longer and longer!

@CinnamonRoll

Of course!! Ok, top down (I know, I say it every time)…

Well, he's a little light in the weight department, but it doesn't really matter (probably). Just a note!

Really nice job on personality!! Everything flows really nicely. I do have a couple little notes: one, you mention that he can be manipulative and uncaring of morality, but then you point out that he rarely uses his charisma and persuasive ability to get ahead. This is definitely an inconsistency! If he's manipulative, this should be something he actually relies on quite a bit. Of course, this fluctuates depending upon how manipulative he is, but I still think it's an important thing to smooth out. Two, his ideals of a perfect, accepting society are thrown into contrast when he is prejudiced against the rich. Believe me, this can definitely work, but tell me why. It's understandable that he would be against the government, but you need to explain why he's so against the rich. What did they do to him/the people?

I'm pretty sure that you're hinting at agnosticism under religion. I could be dead wrong (you know me and how crap I am with social issues) but maybe just preface with that. Yay politics!! Again, though, the equality piece and that one prejudice–!! "Fisticuffs." I LOVE IT.

Not bad on the backstory!! I like how it sets the scene. My one complaint–don't! Trail! Off!! Yes, yes, you don't want to give away too much plot, which is fine, but now I don't even know what role he has in the main plotline and I need to!!

Overall? Very, very well done, especially considering that you just made him!! (DAMN, if I may say so!) I only noticed like two little things!! Amazing, amazing job!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll

Thank you so much!!! I'll get to work on implementing your suggestions. You're seriously a great critique-r. :D

AHHHH THANK YOU!!! :DDDDDDD bless your SOUL. I don't know if I've made a point of it yet, but I seriously love the premise of your universe!! It's really out there and when I first critiqued, I was skeptical, but you've done SUCH an amazing job supporting it, through both characters and events!! There's not much to critique :3

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Here's a few! You don't have to critique all of them, these guys are just my more fleshed out characters, so I'd like more ideas to get down in order to be able to flesh out my other characters even further. (Note: I've got 2 separate universes so some of these characters might seem to clash in all the wrong ways, haha)

-Celia Foxx
-Exila Smith
-Roger Chester

@CinnamonRoll

Hi!! Don't critique all of them–nonsense!! I'm looking at all of these beautiful souls.

Starting with Celia–top down…

I love what you've done with the personality page–especially on the flaws!! It fits perfectly in with her personality. However, I did notice your 'none' responses. These are very problematic, especially as you've left empty some of the most humanizing fields. Prejudices and hobbies round out your characters and make them seem much, much more real. It's super important that you fill these out!! Besides that, I have just one note: her plot motivation. It's quite vengeful for such a sunny person. In particular, you note in her backstory that she sees no benefit in dwelling on the past. A vengeful motive is entirely based in the past! This is very inconsistent and while it can easily work, you need to tweak some personality aspects and add a bit more support. :3

She's polytheistic–okay, cool! Any specific gods? Maybe make a note. Otherwise all is well here!! :D

Backstory is good, but I would urge you to take it further!! I completely understand not wanting to give away the story, but adding relationships with other characters is often helpful in backstory.

I ADORE her gallery–did you draw any/all of these?? They're amazing!!

I also love how she has a playlist!!! That's awesome~~

Next!! Exila!! Top down…

First off, I see "Exila: Serial killer" and I'm ALREADY HOOKED!!

Hmm, motivations are a little strange. They're definitely good, but they don't really explain why she–well–became a serial killer. Maybe add a bit more context? Overall, though, her personality is… slick… (see? see what I did there? because SHE'S slick? I'm hilarious.) ;P

Under religion, I would specify between agnostic or atheistic. This just helps us understand her levels of faith.

Ahem. Favorite possession? To break my professional facade for a second here: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT YASSSS

Hmm, interesting on the backstory. See, I like the idea, but there's a little blip here: did she not realize that she killed her mother? It says that she believed it was a suicide, so… was it like multiple personalities or something? Just specify and it should be good!!

EPIC poem here!! I love it. Again, playlist–yass!! Also, I'm slowly getting more convinced that you're the artist, and I think your art is AMAZING!!!

Finally!! Roger–Top down (well, I mean, obviously)…

Personality is fine, but a little empty. Taking into account the fact that he's a cyborg, this makes sense, but I still think that you should add a bit more. For example, does his struggle with emotions lead to a lack of empathy? Does he have any subliminal motivations? Then just another blip–this detailing of an emotional struggle kind of clashes with his description as 'confident.' This is fine, but add some more detail to back it up!! :3

"Hand gun: as in a gun installed in his hand" GOD I love these puns you, my friend, are a GODDESS. (or god, I suppose, whatever you want, I JUST REALLY LOVE THESE PUNS)

Other than that, maybe… a little more? Since he's cyborg, I know, it's hard, but add a bit! Maybe favorite color, at least? I don't know how inhuman he is in your story, but he deserves a little bit!! And, of course, if this doesn't work with your story, DON'T! Don't listen to me. I just noticed it. :)

I'm passionately in love with his backstory. Like, way in love. It's wonderful!! Nothing really jumps out at me.

Overall, each of these characters is very well developed!! (I think Exila is my favorite. :3) I really think that all you need to do is add a touch more detail, and you should be all good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Aaaa thank you! And yes, I did draw them all! The styles tend to change because a few of them are very old (or only a year old), but yes, I am the artist, haha! But honestly, thank you very much for the help on this, it's very specific and will definitely help me get every detail down. :) (Also, Exila was my very first character that I created, so I'm really glad she's your favorite! I've actually got 7 or so more characters that didn't have nearly as much detail in them so if you want me to return later on with those guys let me know! One of them has a very beautiful prose paragraph that I'm very proud of and am totally willing to show off lmao.)

@CinnamonRoll

Again, compliments on the art–you're really amazing, I wish I could draw like that!! And hey, if you want to share your characters later on, I'd love to see them!! I'm glad I could help!! :DDD

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

D'aww thank you so much! I'd hate to self promote, but I do have an instagram page for it, (i'm just now starting out so it doesn't have much on it) but if you'd like to check it out, it's @/aloe.vera.art heheh, and yes of course! I don't want to admit that I've got favorites, but I definitely have favorites, and one of them is Celia, haha. Another one I'd love to show you once I come back with more updated characters! :)

@CinnamonRoll

But of course~! Okay, top down…

I like what you've done with her personality. Everything flows nicely, and she's a very interesting character! The only real critique I have here is that I would urge you to add more hobbies. She's amazing on paper, but I think giving her a softer, quirkier side would bring her to the next level.

Again, just one note here–I would recommend specifying between atheistic and agnostic under religion. It might not be overly important, but I still think it's good to note.

Nice work on the backstory!! It's a tad sparse, but I think you hit everything. One thing really stood out, though. You mention only fifty embryos getting superpowers. Thus, when Muse is introduced as an older superhero, it doesn't really make much sense. Wouldn't they all be the same age? Just add a touch more explaining there.

Wow, this was such a small critique!! You did an amazing job on her–there wasn't much for me to call out! The most important bit to fluff out is the backstory. Then I think you should have a near-perfect character here!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Kat

Yeah, so the research company actually administered the serum to 50 adults and 50 embryos, so Muse is one of the adults who survived. I should've made that clearer though, so that's my bad.

But thanks so much for your critique!

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Hey, howdy hi, I'm back! Yeah, that was quick, so there might be a lot more to critique, but I've got a few characters that haven't been critiqued! If you want, you can look over the ones I fixed since you critiqued them as well, but those would only be subtle changes haha.

-Fixed children-
Celia: Celia Foxx
Exila: Exila Smith
Roger: Roger Chester

-More Children-
Harmony: Harmony
Yuki (one of my faves, has a poem that i'm very proud of) : Yuki Whitman
MacKenzie (gives a bit more background to Exila) : MacKenzie Parkwood
Myst: Myst Blaire

And to think that's not even all of them, lmao! I still need to work on creating the side characters. Anyway, thank you so much!

@CinnamonRoll

Oh my, oh my, I'm so behind!! If any of these are lacking, I'm so sorry–just wanna get to all of y'all! I'll start with @Aloe Vera…

For starts, nice job on the updates!! I just glanced over each one, and they all look way better!! :DDD

I'll start with Harmony–top down…

Very, very nice job on the personality page!! I had to nit-pick SO MUCH just to find something to critique. And that is: add more hobbies and talents!! She seems kind of unreal. I think that you can make her seem a little bit more human. One more note: if her parents tried to change her for so long, does she have any identity issues? I feel like she would. Maybe add something like that under the flaws, because I feel like her flaws are a little lacking.

Backstory is all right, but I would add some more ~current~ things. I think you should add a bit of her plot significance–'pacifist' doesn't really tell me enough. Throw in her friends!! What does she do in relation to the story? See, right now, she's an incredible character, but I'd like to know where she fits in.

Next!! Yuki–top down (well obviously)…

LOVE his personality. (I highkey relate). My one major critique is this alcoholism. WAIT: I LOVE IT, it's an amazing flaw!! However, I think that you need a touch more support. Why did he turn to alcohol? Was it stress? Grief? Sadness? When does he drink? How dependent is he? You mention that he sometimes can't afford alcohol–what happens when he doesn't drink? Alcohol withdrawal is really dangerous. How does it affect him?

Backstory is good!! Maybe add a touch more about this girl mentioned. Is she super important to the plot? (She sounds important). Again, add more support for this alcoholism–I think it's important because alcoholism really takes over your life, so, you know, it's gotta be EVERYWHERE.

OH. Oh my. my. le poem. I'm not

i'm not

okay. I'm not ok : )

ANYWAY! ((the poem is AMAZE by the way, did you write it??)) Okay, okay, MacKenzie!! Top down (god I need to stop saying this)…

Personality is great, but I would add some more 'after-the-fact.' I know from reading Exila's bio that MacKenzie ends up possessing her daughter and making her into a serial killer–WOAH. None of this is hinted at in the personality!! Why is she suddenly so vengeful?? Yes, all right, she was murdered, but I feel like she needs another touch in her personality to add a bit more explainer. Also, under motivations, um–shouldn't one of those ~eventually~ be revenge?

Hey, nice job on the backstory!! I didn't see any major things of note :)

Finally!! Myst–top down (I give up)…

*Also! Sorry that these are so short, I have to be fast!! :3

I would go a bit more in depth under mannerisms, motivations, and flaws. She's a good character, but I would put some work into making her entirely unique. One note: if she's unafraid of anyone, what does her motivation stem from? Living a hard life is generally caused by a person or a group of people. Who are they? Does she fear them?

Background is not bad!! (Hey, abusive family? Perhaps a fear factor? Maybe?) I would just extend it a bit. You list her occupation as 'queen,' but don't elaborate further. I would add more, because I'm really interested about that!!

Overall, you've got a bunch of amazing characters here!! I had a really hard time finding things to critique. Again, I'm sorry it was so sparse–I'm on a time crunch!! I think that you don't have much to fix here. :3

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

*Note: I love your characters!! If you have any more send them my way :)
*Note 2.0: I'l try to get the rest of your characters later tonight, but if I don't, I'll get the, by tomorrow!! :3

@CinnamonRoll

Ahh it's so late–I'm sorry!! I'm gonna do @Nouc now, and others if I don't fall asleep. ;P

Okay!! Top down…

First!! Personality page. The basis is awesome (she sounds like a sweetie!!) but I think you need more detail. IN particular–mannerisms and flaws. Mannerisms–what you have is good–I actually love everything you currently have–but I think you should add a few more physical tics. These add a bit of dimension to your character when you write them in, so I personally love them!! You know, stuff like 'taps fingernails when annoyed,' or 'bounces on her toes when excited,' or stuff like that. :3 Flaws–I think that this is where you need the most. You have little flaws down, but no major personality flaws. The only one that I notice is the one about never giving up, and that really doesn't sound like a flaw. You could probably rephrase it, though–is she reckless? Does she not think of the consequences?

Okay, under social, the two most common critiques I give–religion and politics! Under religion, I always like to specify between atheistic and agnostic. This just sort of helps gauge how traditional she is. Under politics, I always rate on a scale of liberal-ness. This one's always fun, and it helps you understand your character's basic beliefs. :)

Backstory: first note: yESSS my lesbian QUEEN you have no idea how few lesbian characters I've seen oh god I love it. In general, though, I think that you should go a bit more in detail here. Give her some love!! Why did she have to run away from her parents? Tell me about all of her friends!! They all seem so important, so mention their relationships in the backstory!!

Overall? Really, really nice character!! I love her concept :) Honestly, all you need is a touch more detail and you should be in great shape!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD