forum Will critique all characters and draw one (1) of each username - DISCONTINUED

Started March 16, 2018 by Blue Duck

tune

Would you mind critique and drawing my characters?

Here they are!

I know that y'all are busy with all of the requests, but I would really appreciate it if mine could be just critiqued? Lukas Jay Payge
I just can't figure this character out and some feedback would be great.

@Lokitty4236

Here is your review for Selene!
Selene:
Brooklynn: I think Selene is a good person. I really like how she is curvy. Like 99.9% of the time, our trained assassins are very strong and skinny, looking like supermodels. A curvy assassin can really change the game, because no one will suspect her. One thing I would add some mannerisms. If you need inspiration, I highly suggest you look at what things you or your family/friends do. An example of this would be chewing a fingernail, or snorting really loud when she fake laughs. You also might want to add another favorite weapon, because as awesome and as cool as magic is, a commander such as herself needs to be able to defend herself. I just really think you need to expand more on almost every subject. Expanding will give your character much more depth, and it will help create an emotional connection. Great work!
Delta: The first thing that I like about this character is that you put having no emotion as one of her flaws. While I’m sure with how she was trained this was a strength but now it will cause many challenges. I have said in a prior review, something that might be nice is that even though she’s cold to everyone who would be the one who cracks her shell, makes her smile. Even if she isn’t the type to smile, I had a friend who is kind of like your character personality wise, and I was one of the few people that could make her smile or laugh. I really hope something that you keep in mind for writing the story is if it’s set in modern time please include some time when she is struggling so hard to understand our current technology! This is in no way a critique but I think that it’d be really fun to read and just a nice little touch. Strangely this character reminds me quite a bit of said friend. Another thing I like about this character is that she has the powers of magic and she likes such a mundane thing as writing! This is just a nice little touch because it shows that she likes simple things. Maybe add a bit more to her backstory, like what happened in training, what her relationship with Argi is like. What caused her to become an advocate for lgbt rights? It’s these things that will give depth to your character.
Tallinn: As Delta said, I’d recommend adding more to your backstory, however, you should also expand on points such as her scars. Did she get them in a battle? Do the scars around her eyes affect her sight? If so, how does she deal with this? So forth. Yet, I have a huge problem with her only flaw. First off, the fact that here is only one flaw should be resolved. In order to give your character more depth, add a few more, varying between larger flaws like trust issues, and smaller ones like being picky about certain foods. This gives your character a more relatable factor, allowing your readers to like them more. Secondly, you contradict this a lot, saying she gets pissed off, or that she cares about her loved ones. Someone who simply has no emotion wouldn’t be bothered with things like that and would keep a level head in all scenarios. Maybe revise that to fit more to the job part of her life, or to strangers. Also, what happened before Agri took her in? What was her life like? What happened to her family? Did that affect her personality? Expand on points like that to give the character more life

Great work, and happy writing!

-The Blue Duck Team

@kat
Here are our opinions for Andrea. Sorry for the wait!

Andrea:

Brooklynn: The first thing I noticed is that for being “thin but fit”, she seems too skinny. Keep in mind that muscle is denser than fat, so fit people weigh more. I would recommend making her weigh more. I also like how you seem to understand the consequences of being impulsive. A lot of the time, we see impulsive characters that do whatever they want, and it’s funny, but they don’t face the rebound of their actions. One thing I would change is maybe giving her a less hectic schedule, or add some stress into the equation. Being a superhero and a college student is bound to be hectic, especially if your impulsive. Maybe make a note that her grades aren't perfect, or something like that. I also really like that Andrea had a really good relationship with her foster/adopted mother. Many stories portray them as villains, but it's nice to see her like her mom. Great job!

Delta: I really love the backstory of her character. I would like to know how her hair and basic appearance changes when she transforms into Halcyon. While this is a wonderful tactic for no one to recognize her, this seems impossible. Another thing you may want to think about is that you said she was fearless when really, no one is fearless. To me it would make sense if you made her secretly fear losing her loved ones after losing her mother, or being afraid of not conforming with societies ideals. This may not make sense I’m sorry. I love that you added that one of her motivations is to avenge her mother, this is a great reason to become a superhero! And another thing I love is her prejudice, because we as humans naturally believe the same thing, and that statement alone had me resonating with her so much.

Tallinn: I would start with adding a few more Mannerisms to her character, maybe stumbling over her words in certain scenarios, cracking her knuckles when she’s bored etc. Mannerisms help the character become fleshed out, giving them a more realistic take. With Genesis, what were their intentions? Did they want to make a team of humans to assist in justice? Did they want super powered bodyguards? What I’m trying to say is, were their intentions selfish? Positive or negative? Who was on the positive side and who was on the negative side of this plan? Also, are the supervillains of the nine children released(I assume yes)? Assuming they were treated the same in the lab, what do you think caused them to turn villainous? Back to Andrea, does the fact that a few of the other nine children are turning into villains make her want to hunt down the others? What about the fact that Muse was killed by a super villain? Does that make her more inclined to hunt them down? Was she ever informed of the tests? If so, how did she find out? Also, if Muse was older than her, how did Genesis choose subjects for the serum? We’re there other batches of participants that survived unknowingly? Last but not least, your comments about Hycon(?) seem to contradict each other, you change what shade of purple it is all of the time.

Great work and happy writing!
-The Blue Duck Team

@libralea
Sorry for the wait, but here is Herne. Great character!

Herne:

Brooklynn: I really like Herne as a person. To be honest, I had to write my review twice, because I was really tired, and didn’t give you much feedback. It was basically me asking you to write a book about Herne over and over and over again. I decided to go back in, and really pick apart you character, to help give Herne depth. The first thing I saw was he’s only 15. I wouldn’t normally critique a characters age, but because of his love life, and his emotional traits, I would highly recommend making him 16. That way, he can keep a bit of his youthfulness and innocence, while making it less strange for Asmodeus to call him “darling”. I would also like to note that knifes in the boots may look cool, but aren't very practical. It’s somewhere that is not easily accessible and, if he is captured at one point in time, somewhere the enemies will search first. I would love to see Herne sew his own pockets into his clothing, making adaptations to hide weapons. That would be really cool to read. I think you did a fabulous job, and good luck writing!

Delta: I laughed so much in his profile! It was really funny and I related to him a lot because he’s very short! Perhaps you could add in how the bullying affected his home life? Did his mother notice a change in him while she was sick? I have a question about the story, is being a VH or Vamp completely random? Are some people predisposed by their parents? Is it kind of like Harry Potter in that there are pure, half and human born? Also, if you need someone to proofread your story… hit the Blue Duck Team up. I am sorry that I don’t have much to critique but your characters are rather developed.

Tallinn: My main critique with Herne would be when it comes to the aspect of the unable to dye hair. Because of that factor, wouldn’t it make it much easier for VH’s to find Vampires and vice versa? Is this an aspect you really want in the story? It would make it much easier for Herne, but it’s not always the best thing to make the main characters job easy. Another thing, how did his family react to realizing he was a VH? Was anyone concerned for his safety? If so, did that affect how he has to hunt Vampires? I don’t have much to say besides that, he’s really well thought out

Happy writing!
-The Blue Duck Team

Thank you so much for the feedback! You've given me much to think about. :)

From the looks of it you're struggling with drawing, so as much as I would love it, if you can't I really don't mind, but could you critique two of my characters, please?

Hey guys! Due to the amount of characters that are being requested to be drawn, added with the stress of exam season we will only be drawing one of your characters each. You can specify which character you want drawn but seeing as how we are now down to only one artist, there's only so much we can do.
We hope you understand!
As for the characters already submitted that have not been drawn, we request that you chose a specific character, but if you'd rather we draw all of them, we will.
-The Blue Duck Team
(side note- you guys are all so nice! We love hearing from you an reading about your characters! Thank you so much for the support!)

@BlueDuck If you could just draw my second character, Oliver that would be great!

@blue Duck
Thank you so much for you critique on Lucas!
I would like to clear up the asexual section of this though.
It is completly my fault for using the incorrect wording for this section and I will make sure to edit it but, he had never been sexually attracted to someone before but, after having a tramatic experience with what he thought was sexual attraction, he ended up saying it affected it. In reality, he had always been asexual just without his knowledge.
I will be editing it to make sure that it makes more sense for those in the future.
Thank you so much for doing the critique and drawing, once again.

Hey, I know that you guys are busy, which is fine, but I just wanted to remind you that I did have a character for you to do. May I ask that I get both a digital drawing of Jason and one on paper? I'd like to see two different interpretations of him! Thank you for all the hard work!!!

I'm not going to lie, I preened at the feedback. Literally preened. Thank you so much and I don't know, I have been thinking about writing a novel. I will definitely hit you up on that offer! I love how you guys critique and would love your feedback if I ever build up the courage to write that novel!

@blue Duck
Hey, would you maybe like to critique Asmodeus? I know you have a lot on your plate so sorry, but he's a bit less thought out so maybe you could critique him if you ever get the time? If so, here's his link!

I have a couple of characters I'd like critiqued.

Kaleb Advent: Kaleb Advent
Emerl Gemma: Emerl Gemma

And I know you said you only draw one character per person (at least that's what I gathered), so I would like to see your take on Emerl.

Oh, and my email is [email protected].

From the looks of it you're struggling with drawing, so as much as I would love it, if you can't I really don't mind, but could you critique two of my characters, please? (Also if you have the space, I really don't mind if not, but could you draw Alex? I can't find any photos that would show his eyes well.)

@FollowThe_Path
Regarding your character Arrelum of East Wood, we are unable to view their profile.
Thanks,
The Blue Duck Team

@Kaleb Advent
You need to make your characters public in order for us to view them
Thanks,
The Blue Duck Team

@Joneathan
Here is your character review for Jane
Brooklyn: The first thing I would like to say is what’s a poodle cut? I looked it up on the interweb, and found many pictures of both dogs, and dog like humans. I’m confused. I would suggest you try describing the hair you want Jane to have. I really like how Jane is an out of this world type character who is dead, but still human. She does normal things, and thinks pretty normal thoughts while she wipes people's souls. The main thing I would suggest is to elaborate on her backstory a bit. I know that you can’t write a lot about her human life (cause she died), but I would love to hear about how Jane became a rescuer? What was it like adapting to being dead? Another thing I’m curious about is: Who calls her bubbles? I also really like how she has different types of prejudices. There’s the really serious one, and then the two more mundane ones. I really think that a lot of people forget that their characters are humans too (unless their not), and give them these deep characteristics that make them seem emotion. The last thing I will say is thank you for thinking juggling is a talent. Thank you! All in all, great work!
Delta: I was with Brooklynn when she was searching up the poodle cut, and it did give us a few laughs, so yes, maybe elaborate a bit more on the haircut. I really like Jane because I love early 20th century. The 1930’s were such a different era, it feels like it’s impossible that it existed less than a hundred years ago. I am curious about how she got her role as a rescuer. How did she adapt to it? She seems well acquainted with death, however how would it affect her knowing that she’s clearing someone’s life? I also like that she always remembers the thylacine from when she was a kid. Also, perhaps you could add another mannerism? I love character depth so much, so that’s one thing to consider. Overall your character is really well developed!
Tallinn: I Like the character, but you may want to elaborate more on certain aspects of her, like how she became a rescuer, why is she called bubbles? Is that a inside joke with the person who calls her that? How did her childs death affect her? You said that her brothers death sent her into a deep depression, did the death of her son not do the same? I’m a fan of the Era she was placed in as well as how her outfit (the dress at least) is very reminiscent of the popular style in that era. For her motivations, does she have any motivations to do more with goals? Also, if there are people who have the job of putting souls back into a new body, then why did that not happen to her or her family? Do certain souls grow weary and therefore stop being allowed to renew? If so, how long does it take for that to happen? I’d add more flaws to her, for example, maybe she gets angry a lot faster than others?

Great Job and happy writing,
-The Blue Duck Team

@cerebrxlthundxr

Here you go:
Brooklynn: The first thing I have to say is EXPAND!!!! In order to create a connection with your character, I really need to be able to read her backstory, and understand where she comes from. As for what you wrote about her looks, I’m really impressed with the level of detail. Girls who aren't afraid to put on muscle are really inspirational. I would suggest adding a backstory, and re-submitting it.
Delta: I’m gonna be a little bit blunt. I don’t have much to critique on because there is barely anything there. Perhaps you could work on your character and develop her a bit more and we could read about her again. She has a very detailed appearance section but that’s pretty much it.
Tallinn: There’s not enough information to review. If you’d like an actual review, add more than just looks.

As a note from all of us, please re-submit the character, because we would love to hear more about Celeste
-The Blue Duck Team

@blue Duck sorry I'll fix that

Never mind, apparently I accidentally deleted it.

@blue Duck, thank you so much. I'll elaborate more on everything and put in a better description for her hairstyle. But really thank you so much for looking at my character.

@FollowThe_Path
Oof
-The Blue Duck Team

For mine, could ya'll please put a space between your individual critiques? It makes it easier on my eyes to read through things on here.