forum --i'd love to critique some characters! bring me your unfinished lads--
Started by @darling-velocipede group
tune

people_alt 76 followers

@darling-velocipede group

hi guys! still quarintined, still bored, perhaps a bit tired of painting (tho do not fear, i'm finishing all my requests!). i'd love to critique some of y'all's characters. leave 'em here if you'd like ((:

@ninja_violinist

well if you're so inclined, I'd love it if you could take a look at my guy Khetve
(his page is kind of a mess as with literally all of my character pages at this point so I apologise in advance for the clutter!!)

@megandawnkorain

So I'm not the best at putting down the information for my characters, so if you could take a look at Carlos and maybe let me know what I should maybe change, add, or expand on, you'd be a lifesaver.
Carlos Valverde: Carlos Valverde

@darling-velocipede group

hi @ninja_violinist! lemme just start by saying i. love. this. character. i mean, flawed mentors? old people that aren't cloyingly fragile? with regrets about love? right off the bat he's unique and clever and surely an excellent addition to whatever story you plan to weave him into, which clearly already has a dimension of his own. as far as critiques go, i don't have much, but let's start at the beginning anyway.

-overview-
love the name visually, but really have no clue how to pronounce it! anyone creating their own names, or even using complicated or rare ones should always put a pronunciation guide in there somewhere. sound it out and let us know! make sure people are reading the name as you want them to.

love the hamilton quote ((:

-looks-
i think you maybe made a mistake with that weight. this gentleman is over twice my weight, but barely taller than i am, and you say he used to be a lot larger but has stopped eating much so this doesn't really add up. khetve is either massively obese BMI wise or you need to reconsider the weight.
rest of this looks good! pretty classic fantasy old guy, but some of these details make it clear you've put some thought into this.

-nature-
cool cool cool cool lotta good stuff going on here. you really made a person who people are going to dislike. if i were you, i'd consider adding some more positive traits so that he doesn't seem overwhelmingly two-dimensional. hidden in a bit of a footnote you have "usually gets along with kids" which i think you should take and run with. make him really kind to children under a certain age, excited to teach them what he knows if they care to listen. this will give him dimensions of kindness and mortality he currently lacks. yeah, he's a condescending genius. he's rude and irritating and patronizing. but why not throw in a few pinches of bill nye for good measure?

also, the age bit under conditions is hella dramatic. dunno what the age expectancies look like in your universe, but irl most people make it to 70, even if they aren't doing much. most people from his generation are still alive. so you need to either make him older or change this detail

-social-

neat! i'd love to hear more about his views on religion– how does his educated worldview and sharp nature interact with his wife's death to create this view? death of a spouse can bring people closer to religion in some ways ex: the concept of seeing them again, that they're in a better place etc. while pushing them away in others: "everything happens for a reason" is by no means a comforting ideal when you've seen bad things happen to good people, those you love.
i like the detail about him being a hoarder of things he finds interesting. bit dragon-y and fun
if his favorite weapon is his wit, wouldn't he be a tad useless in a physical fight? you might want to specify this as a tad bit more weakness might be good for this guy.

-family-
not much for me here, which is fine

-history-
not marrying his wife earlier is his biggest regret, you guess?? NO! YOU DO NOT GUESS! say it with confidence, kid!! clearly the love and loss of this woman is one of the most human parts about this gent, and so make it hurt him! make him regret so much all those years they could have had together had he moved a little faster, told her he loved her a little soon! this man has plenty of confidence, let this tear at it! —make him regret what he didn't do—-
…bit of a rant there but honestly i mean it! regrets are one of the best ways to add mortality to invincible seeming characters.
i'd also say that you should definitely choose what he's most proud of out of the books he's written, even if he wouldn't admit it.

-character themes-
yesssss love em. as if i needed anymore proof you really know what you're doing as a writer.

whelp, that's about all i have to say! this is clearly a well fleshed out character that is going to bring a fascinating dimension to your story as a sympathetic sort of antagonist. i'd love to read the actual writing, if you're ever open for critiques!

cheers, darling!

–velocipede

@ninja_violinist

Hey, that was an amazing critique!! Thank you so much! I've been randomly adding bits to this character page for a good few months now and I forget what's on and what isn't and where, so you've given me some excellent points to think about!
If you're ever up for critiquing more, I'd love to send some more your way 😊

@darling-velocipede group

@megandawnkorain hi, I'm finally getting back to these critiques! classes really picked up in these last few days, and i had to choose between failing and putting some stuff aside for a bit. that doesn't really matter, cause i'm back now and ready to talk about your lad carlos! he has a pretty sparse character profile so far, but that's no problem, and i'd love to talk about what you have.

-looks-
this guy is pretty heavy for his height– he's only two inches taller than me, but about 50 pounds heavier. this is fine, but it doesn't match your description for his body type. you'll want to make him lighter, taller, or change the body shape description to keep consistency. as for hair color, brown is a pretty broad spectrum, ranging from dusty-blond brown to so-dark-its-basically-black-but-no-its-brown brown. give us some nouns as modifiers up in this bitch, kid!! that's what let us paint pictures of this dude in our minds. and what's the story behind the scar? a scar on a character means nothing, let me reiterate –nothing– until we have a story for it. anyone can think to stick a scar on their guy. but what does it ~mean~?? if it's from a fight, that instantly lends some edge and confidence to our character. if it's from a squirrel attack (and yes, this character really exists and he's lovely) that's a funny detail that adds light and humor to the story. you're missing an opportunity here!

-nature-
….
….
….
i don't want to be mean

but like
is this your character or your dream boyfriend. cause this dude is inexplicably flawless and, because of that, relentlessly single dimensional. i don't know what size of roll this darling plays in your story, but if he's anything more than a vague, passing, NPC type of dude who's in and out real quick, this ain't gonna fly. i'm not going to go through all the boxes you haven't yet filled out, bc that would take a while and i'm trying to get all my critiques done this afternoon, so i'll go the easy way out. use these lists here ((https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2e/41/49/2e41497f1edd5bab5027326c1c320e79.jpg, https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ec/8a/01/ec8a0151567e209f3e79b52eac87e98d.jpg)) both of which i personally love and utilize often, to work through more ideas for your character. once you have those all bubbling around in your head, translate that into useful information that can be applied to other circumstances.
my main problem with what you do have is the flaw– because the thing is, it could actually be a really good flaw and a good few positive traits if you extracted from the circumstance what it says about him. If he's in love with a girl from the "opposite side", whatever that may be, he's probably quite a sweetheart: passionate, kind, see's through circumstantial flaws. but at the same time, allowing himself these things would also paint him as naive, or perhaps even a bit self-centered. take advantage of this!! good things about characters make readers like them alright, but combining that with their flaws are what makes them seem –real–, which is what makes readers fall in love with them.

that's really all i got for ya. the other categories are pretty trivial, and are more useful for keeping track of info or generating details than any of the real meat of character building. you've got a good start as a writer, and now is your time to dig in and really create a dude people can root for. best of luck for you, darling!

–velocipede

@darling-velocipede group

@AustinOliver i just looked through carter's profile and honestly? i don't know what to say? this is incredible, and you clearly don't need any more critique on this. he's well fleshed out, his appearance is fairly unique and his flaws and positive traits are well balanced. i'm not going to waste my time on something you should be happy with. i don't have a whole lot to say about gabriel either, though he definitely could use a few more positive traits, or at least a backstory that would logically lead him to this point, to make him seem more real. give him a handful of positive quirks. dumb things he enjoys, animals he has a soft spot for, or people he genuinely cares about, not out of self interest. all of these things make them harder to hate and challenge you make sure they're still despicable as a villain while insuring they haven't turned into an unflappable killing machine, which quickly isolates readers from the story.

anyway, cheers kid! you've done a pretty damn solid job, and i wish you all the best in continuing this story.

@Oakiin

I know you've already dawn them for me, but would you ind giving Dakota a lil' critique?Dakota Jaye Royal
:)
Also, I haven't been able to figure out how to get your painting of them onto their gallery, maybe you can help me there as well? xD

@darling-velocipede group

I've got one for ya if you're up for it-
I saw that we can bring in our half finished characters and I kinda got one

Tear him apart for me

hey atlas! i'm not going to go into a full critique like i've done for some others here, because i think you need the opposite– to take some stuff away. the long and short of it is this character is effed up as hell, and has had a heck ton of terrible shit happen to them since forever. this is going to be a painful, grotesque story to read and at points i feel it slips through the bars of horror into just an awful wallow-pit of bad. he's got so much going on that he must be the main character of the story or else it's overwhelming, and even then you aren't going to be able to fit everything with his various alters in.
i understand you're trying to play DID in a meaningful and dimensional way, but honestly? there's plenty of media out there with violent psychopaths with DID, and i don't feel this character is playing that community any service by adding to these stereotypes. there clearly hasn't been a speck of light in this guys life, and that's hella, hella sad and awful. but if you want my full honesty, he's not a good character as he is now. i'm only saying this cause you're clearly a talented writer who can take it, but this is not someone readers will see as real or meaningful in the least. as he is now, he's not a good character. best of luck doll.

–velocipede

@darling-velocipede group

I know you've already dawn them for me, but would you ind giving Dakota a lil' critique?Dakota Jaye Royal
:)
Also, I haven't been able to figure out how to get your painting of them onto their gallery, maybe you can help me there as well? xD

sooo i'm gonna actually to the critique tomorrow morning cause rn it's ~late~ and im ~tired~ but for the painting thing u just gotta take a screenshot of the google drawing and upload the screenshot. there's probably better ways for me to send people stuff but surprise surprise i dont know them :D

@Oakiin

No worries, take your time!
Yeah, I tried, and it's not letting me? I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong, but I do know how you could send it another way, if you'd like me to tell you :)

@darling-velocipede group

No worries, take your time!
Yeah, I tried, and it's not letting me? I'm not sure if I'm doing something wrong, but I do know how you could send it another way, if you'd like me to tell you :)

that would be excellent i am what is formally known as technologically illiterate any help is appreciated