forum incorrect quotes but with fandom characters 2: electric boogaloo

Started April 29, 2021 by @requiemisback language

tune

yeah i'm doing this again
the last was fun and i miss it greatly so i'm starting a new one
go ham everyone

sniff sniff I smell… chaos

Some of them make more sense if you have any knowledge about HPHM
Fandom: Harry Potter

Gryffindor: Hi! I just moved in across the hall and thought it would be noice for us to meet!
Slytherin: Why would that be noice?

Snape: I'm not doing too well
Snape: I have this headache that comes and goes
MC: walks into the classroom
Snape: Oh, look. There it is again.

Remus: Hey, guess what this jumper is made out of?
Sirius: Boyfriend material?
Remus: rolls peepers No, it's 100% wool
Remus: I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing

Slytherin: sarcastically Well, aren't you sugar and spice and everything noice!
Hufflepuff: Well aren't you rudeness and sarcasm and um…
Slytherin: No, you go on. If you find something that rhymes with sarcasm and makes sense, I'll admit that we're friends.

Slytherin: DON'T YOU BE SORRY, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN ANGEL! YOU TRIED TO HELP US WHICH IS A SWEET MOVE!
Hufflepuff: You're yelling noice things at me again and it's very confusing!

Ben: Why are you sending me an Owl this late?
MC: I need your help, I've done something bad, very bad.
Ben: Put the corpse on the ice. I'm on my way.
MC: What? No, it's not- why would I-

Ben: This is my girlfriend Alex, and this is Alex's girlfriend Merula.

Dumbledore reading the card: Stop making dumb rules and actually do something about the vaults. Or draw 25.
Snape: You wouldn't dare
Dumbledore: gets 25 Uno cards
Professor McGonagall: He dared

Merula: I ain't talking
MC and Bill Weasley: We have ways of making people talk
Bill: cuts cake
Merula: Can I have some?
MC: Cake is for talkers.

Dumbledore: Christmas is canceled.
Snape: You can't cancel a holiday.
Dumbledore. Keep that up, Severus and you'll lose New orbit party's.
Snape: What does that even mean???
Dumbledore: Minerva, take New orbit party's away from Severus

Professor McGonagall: How are we going to free, Ben?
Snape: Incendio would melt the Cursed Ice away…
Professor McGonagall: But….it'll kill him!
Snape: I never said he would survive.
Professor McGonagall: I-

(finally, this got started up–)
(also yes, there will be much chaos here, probably-)

---

it's jojo time babey, let's do this thing
fandom: jojo's bizarre adventure part 5

fugo: okay nara let’s actually go to sleep
narancia:
fugo:
narancia:
fugo:
narancia: the snack that smiles back
fugo: goldfish-gOD DAMNIT NARANCIA

---

bruno: why is barbie in the nutcracker the only valid nutcracker film?
abbacchio: because barbie movies slap, next question

---

narancia: roses are red, tony hawk is a skater
fugo's phone, auto-reply: i’m driving right now, i’ll get back to you later
fugo, checking his phone later: fuck you

---

mista: is there a word that's a mix between sad and angry?
fugo: malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated
narancia: smad
fugo: [grabbing his mandatory sustenance (like cheetos) trident] cOME HERE

GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED STARGATE SG-1
ahaha, no better way to celebrate than with some good ol’ incorrect quotes >:)

Carter: Vala won’t answer the phone.
Jackson: I’ll call.
Carter: Teal’c and I have both tried six times each, what makes you think-
Vala: howdy, partner?

Mitchell: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Carter: Oh, I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Jackson: I got distracted about halfway through.
Teal’c: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Mitchell: I am an expert at identifying government spy drones.
Vala: Okay… what about those ones flying over there?
Mitchell: Yeah, they're all government spy drones.

O’Neill: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.

Jackson: The floor is lava!
Carter: [helps Teal’c onto the counter]
O’Neill: [kicks Mitchell off the sofa]
Vala: [lays on the floor]
Jackson: … Are you okay?
Vala: No.

O’Neill: Let’s write Maybourne a friendly letter, shall we? ‘Dear… incompetent… idiot…’

O’Neill: It's not our fault!
Jackson: Come on, the least we can do it talk to them. It’s still not right.
O’Neill: No, the least we could do is nothing!

Mitchell: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have mandatory sustenance (like cheetos)!
Jackson: You can eat a rock.
Carter: Air.
O’Neill: The fabric of time and space.
Vala: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.
Mitchell: You guys are not helpful.

Fandom: Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and purr machine Noir

Nooroo: Hey boss, have you considered that your actions while well-intentioned might only ruin yourself and your family in the long run and that maybe you should stop pursuing the slight chance of putting your family back together before the pieces you do have crumble away?
Gabriel: Hey Nooroo, have you considered shutting the fuck up?

Ladybug inspecting the lucky charm she got for an akuma

Chat: It looks like upchat
Ladybug: Huh?
Chat: You know, upchat?
Ladybug: What's upchat?
Chat: Not much, what's up with you?

akuma begins to laugh and high fives chat

Ladybug: oh my god, kill me now

Gabriel: You can go hang out with your friends for the day without having to do anything first
Adrien: Wow, really?
Gabriel: just a regular saturday on this fine worldbuilding website, go sit in your human containment unit and practice piano for exactly 3600 seconds, you also have a photoshoot later
Adrien: I expected the disappointment; I just didn't expect someone as boring as you to like just a regular saturday on this fine worldbuilding website Day

Alya: Can I get your opinion on something for my blog?
Ladybug: Absolutely!
Alya: What did you think of Mr. Pigeon?
Ladybug:
Chat:
Ladybug:
Chat: We don't talk about Mr. Pigeon

Akuma victim: Get ready to die, Ladybug!
Hawkmoth: wait, did you just say die?
Hawkmoth: I just want jewelry, not mucduc
Hawkmoth: They're like thirteen, what the heck!
Hawkmoth: I thought you were mad about your parking space, what's with the mucduc?
Hawkmoth: Okay, you know what, you're done for today. de-evilize little flitter-flutter sky rhythmancer. come back home; we'll try again the day before overmorrow

Victor: It's a mental breakdown!
Creature, in background: chases Victor with off-key-kazoo

Elizabeth: I'll put all my feelings right here, and then one day I'll die.

Walton: Can I get a waffle?
Victor: confessing his darkest secrets
Walton, in tears: Can I please get a waffle?

That's all got. Fandom is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Goodnight.

MARVEL TIME
~
Loki: The only reason I brought Thor to a haunted house was so I could punch him in a crowded dark human containment unit without anyone knowing it was me.
~
Peter Q: Dear Santa;
Peter Q: I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty
Peter Q: And it was fRICKIN WORTH IT YOU JUDGMENTAL BASTARD
~
Bucky: (bursts into human containment unit and starts packing a suitcase)
Steve: Whoa, what happened?
Bucky: Calm down, no one died.
Steve: wHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT???
~
Steve: (gets frustrated and leaves the human containment unit)
Tony:
Tony: Despite what I've been saying for orbit parties, that ass might just quit
~
Bruce: Tony offered me his drink because I said I was thirsty.
Bruce: I did NOT expect to take a sip of vodka at 7:30 in the morning-
~
Peter P: (calls Tony)
Peter P: So, I hate to be "that guy" but I glued myself to the empire state building again-
~
Steve: They may be idiots, but-
Random citizen: My life is in the hands of an idiot??
Steve: Nononono- SIX idiots.
~
Sam: Look, we don't want any trouble-
Bucky: I do

Walton: Can I get a waffle?
Victor: confessing his darkest secrets
Walton, in tears: Can I please get a waffle?

Oh my f*cking god, I'm in tEARS.

Walton: Can I get a waffle?
Victor: confessing his darkest secrets
Walton, in tears: Can I please get a waffle?

Oh my f*cking god, I'm in tEARS.

Just like dear old Robert Walton over here.

Oh boy, it's my time to shine, MCYT edition

Tommy: Okay Tubbo, let’s actually go to sleep.
Tubbo:
Tommy:
Tubbo:
Tommy:
Tubbo: the snack that smiles back
Tommy: goldfish-gOD DAMNIT TUBBO

Charlie: Schlatt offered me his drink because I said I was thirsty.
Charlie: I did NOT expect to take a sip of vodka at 7:30 in the morning-

Techno: The only reason I brought Wilbur to a haunted house was so I could punch him in a crowded dark human containment unit without anyone knowing it was me.

Techno: I'm not doing too well.
Techno: I have this headache that comes and goes.
Tommy: walks into the human containment unit
Techno: Oh, look. There it is again.

Quackity: Why are you calling me this late?
Karl: I need your help, I've done something bad, very bad.
Quackity: Put the corpse on the ice. I'm on my way.
Karl: What? No, it's not- why would I-

Schlatt: Christmas is canceled.
Wilbur: You can't cancel a holiday.
Schlatt: Keep that up, Wilbur, and you'll lose New orbit party's.
Wilbur: What does that even mean???
Schlatt: Tubbo, take New orbit party's away from Wilbur.

Tommy, in exile: It's a mental breakdown!
Ghostbur, in background: chases Tommy with off-key-kazoo

Tubbo: Is there a word that's a mix between sad and angry?
Techno: malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Tommy: smad
Techno, grabbing his silver stabby-wabby: cOME HERE

fandom: jojo's bizarre adventure: stardust crusaders (ft. stone ocean)

-

polnareff: can- can i get an owa owa??
iggy: [barks aggressively]
polnareff: can i get an owa owa-
iggy, angrily: OWA OWA
polnareff, backing away: thank you-

---

kakyoin, after death 13: all the sudden i got a random burst of energy, and i think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shut down.

---

avdol: why were you up yesterday until 3 am?
kakyoin: how did you know i was up until 3 am?
jotaro: we could hear you clapping to the friends intro every 25 minutes.

---

joseph: your smile? it makes my day.
avdol your happiness? i live for that.
jotaro: a human containment unit? get one.
kakyoin, casually: hotel? trivago.

---

dio: there is no future. there is no past. don't you see? time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.
pucci: …all i asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

---

avdol: how late were you up last moonlit hours?
polnareff and kakyoin, in tandem: me?
avdol: no, not you two. you stay up late all the time.
avdol, to jotaro: you.

---

jotaro: you seem familiar… have i threatened you before?

---

joseph: yo, i heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?
kakyoin, deadpan: if a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

yeah this is Stargate again

Jackson, after death 17: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shut down.

Phil: why were you up yesterday until 3 am?
Tubbo: how did you know i was up until 3 am?
Wilbur: we could hear you clapping to the friends intro every 25 minutes.

Fundy: yo, i heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?
Charlie, deadpan: if a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

Schlatt: your smile? it makes my day.
Quackity: your happiness? i live for that.
Tommy: a human containment unit? get one.
Tubbo, casually: hotel? trivago.

fandom: jojo's bizarre adventure: battle tendency (this is just a lot of caejose actually, but oh well-)

-

joseph: not to be nsfw but i want someone to hold me while i sleep.

---

caesar: when i see initials carved into a leafy tower with a heart i think it’s so romantic. two lovers on a date… one of them carrying a stabby stick for some reason.

---

joseph: don’t worry, i have a permit.
caesar: …this just says “i can do whatever the heck i want”.

---

joseph: can i have 2 straws with that milkshake?
caesar: aww-
joseph: with 2 straws, i can drink it double as fast!

---

caesar: [angrily presses joseph against a wall] WHERE'S THE mint cheddar?!
joseph: …
joseph: are we about to kiss-

Tubbo: can i have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Ranboo: aww-
Tubbo: with 2 straws, i can drink it double as fast!

Ranboo: when i see initials carved into a leafy tower with a heart i think it’s so romantic. two lovers on a date… one of them carrying a stabby stick for some reason.

Wilbur: can- can i get an owa owa??
Fundy: barks aggressively
Wilbur: can i get an owa owa-
Fundy, angrily: OWA OWA
Wilbur, backing away: thank you-

Puffy: Don't even talk to me until you're on my level.
Eret: Oh, you want me to get on your level? sits on the ground So, as I was saying…

Quackity, visibly distressed: Are you sugaring your burrito?
Sapnap, ripping open sugar packets: mandatory sustenance (like cheetos) is anarchy, Big Q. Live by your own rules.

Ranboo: I don't have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Puffy: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, I've been the same height since I was 12.

Phil reading the card: Stop adopting children. Or draw 25.
Techno: You wouldn't dare.
Phil: gets 25 Uno cards
Wilbur: He dared.

fandom: jojo's bizarre adventure: vento aureo

-

doppio: don't even talk to me until you're on my level.
risotto: oh, you want me to get on your level? [sits on the ground] so, as i was saying…

or

narancia: don't even talk to me until you're on my level.
fugo: oh, you want me to get on your level? [sits on the ground] so, as i was saying…

---

bruno, reading the card: stop adopting children. or draw 25.
fugo: you wouldn't dare.
bruno: [gets 25 Uno cards]
mista: he dared.

---

giorno: think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
abbacchio: if you can ask the questions without the usual level of stoopid.

---

narancia: why's it called an boiler-broiler roasty-toasty when you of in the cold mandatory sustenance (like cheetos) and you of out hot eat the mandatory sustenance (like cheetos)?
everyone else: …what???

---

narancia: i dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this human containment unit.
giorno: screw that, i’m not kissing any of you.
[mista walks in]
giorno: fine, i’ll do it. rules are rules you know.

Tommy: think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Techno: if you can ask the questions without the usual level of stoopid.

Tubbo: why's it called an boiler-broiler roasty-toasty when you of in the cold mandatory sustenance (like cheetos) and you of out hot eat the mandatory sustenance (like cheetos)?
Ranboo: …what???

Sapnap: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this human containment unit.
Dream: Screw that, i’m not kissing any of you.
George: walks into the human containment unit
Dream: Fine, i’ll do it. Rules are rules, you know.

TROY STORY! Does the Greek pantheon have a fandom?? I guess they do now-
~
Hera: I'm 50% mucduc, 70% talent, and 80% fashion.
Aphrodite: That's 200%-
Hera: Exactly. I'm twice the woman you'll ever be.
~
Ares: At least my dad thinks I'm cool-
Zeus: (from across the human containment unit) No I don't
~
Diomedes: Hey
Achilles: What the- how did you even gET IN MY TENT??
Odysseus: Don't worry, I let him in
Achilles: HOW DID Y O U GET IN MY TENT???
~
Hector: Now for some witty back-and-forth banter! You go first!
Achilles: (incoherent violent screaming)
~
Menelaus: So, what are your skills?
Ajax: I'm really big and strong.
Odysseus: I'm clever and Athena likes me.
Achilles: I'm a demigod and also the fastest man alive.
Patroclus: I have common sense.
Menelaus: That's not really-
Achilles: No no, trust us, he's the most important person here.
~
Apollo: Artemis gave me a "get better soon" card.
Dionysus: Aw, that's noice-
Apollo: I wasn't sick, she just thought I could do better in general.
~
Hermes: Can you TRY to stay sober for five minutes??
Dionysus: My record is four, but I think I can do it

Tommy: At least my dad thinks I'm cool-
Phil, from across the human containment unit: No I don't!

Tommy: Hey!
Phil: What the- how did you even gET IN MY HOUSE??
Wilbur: Don't worry, I let him in
Phil: HOW DID Y O U GET IN MY HOUSE???

Ranboo: Now for some witty back-and-forth banter! You go first!
Tubbo: incoherent violent screaming

Tommy: Phil gave me a "get better soon" card.
Niki: Aw, that's noice-
Tommy: I wasn't sick, he just thought I could do better in general.

Quackity: Can you TRY to stay sober for five minutes??
Schlatt: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Sapnap: someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Karl: but they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Quackity: well, somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Tommy, on a walkie talkie: this is Tommy, those idiots are fucking around in the east wing again.

Techno: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go
Tommy: Those are wanted posters

Dream: Okay, just for a second, let's pretend I'm an idiot
Tommy: I'm already there

BBC! MERLIN!
~
Merlin: I'm not going anywhere with you anymore, stress is bad for the baby-
Arthur: What baby??
Merlin: Me
~
Merlin: (gets a sunburn)
Literally all of the knights: I'm gonna fight the fucking sun.
~
(Merlin's sitting on Kilgarrah's back and being flown through the air)
Merlin:
Kilgarrah:
Merlin: I cAN SHOW YOU THE WOOORLD-
Kilgarrah: Stop.
Merlin: SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLEEEENDID-
Kilgarrah: You promised.
~
Gwaine: Sure, I don't really get a healthy amount of sleep like SOME PEOPLE do, but can they do tHIS
Gwaine: (Stands up, blacks out for a second)
~
Arthur: Let me just play devil's advocate here-
Merlin: Self-advocating? Bold move.
Arthur: Fuck off.
~
Merlin: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Arthur: Several border and treaty violations.
Gwaine: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Percival: Roughly thirteen tankards of mead.
Lancelot: Also, those aren't our horses.
~
Leon: I brought reinforcements.
Arthur: You brought Gaius?
Leon: Uh, no, but I brought the next best thing.
(enter Gwen)
Gwen: Hey!
Arthur: You brought Gwen? The next best thing would have been Merlin!
Gwen: Normally, I'd be offended, but you're not right.

OOH I think I'll slip some The Adventure Zone: Balance quotes in here!!

Barry: What's up guys, I'm back.
Taako: What the– You can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Barry: Death is a social construct.

Taako: Isn't it a bit dangerous?
Lup: Taako, please. We've been in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Taako: …
Lup: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Taako: …
Lup: Alright, we escaped unhurt once… Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.

Lucretia: This is a very powerful artifact. You'd be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
Magnus: That sounds like a dare to me.
Lucretia: Oh my God.

John: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.
Merle: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest happy little accident, I swear.

Lucretia: Just be careful, Captain.
Davenport, heading out the Starblaster: I'm always careful, Lucretia.
Davenport: It's everything around me that's careless.

Taako, on the phone: Just snap his kneecaps and he'll talk, I'm at a parent-teacher conference.
Taako: Anyways, you said Angus is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

Merle: [Points at Barry] A human turtleneck, [Points at Taako] a narcissistic monster, [Points at Magnus] and literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Lup: And who am I? Describe me now.

Taako: The Hunger is homophobic.
Merle: What? Why?
Taako: I'm gay and it's inconveniencing me.

Tommy: What's up guys, I'm back.
Dream: What the– You can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Tommy: Death is a social construct.

Phil: Isn't it a bit dangerous?
Wilbur: Phil, please. We've been in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Phil: …
Tommy: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Phil: …
Tubbo: Alright, we escaped unhurt once… Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.

Karl: This is a very powerful artifact. You'd be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
Quackity: That sounds like a dare to me.
Sapnap: Oh my God.

Phil, on the phone: Just snap his kneecaps and he'll talk, I'm at a parent-teacher conference.
Phil: Anyways, you said Tubbo is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

Puffy: cloud juice is homophobic.
Eret: What? Why?
Puffy: I'm gay, and it's inconveniencing me.

Tubbo: I brought reinforcements.
Tommy: You brought Techno?
Tubbo: Uh, no, but I brought the next best thing!
(enter Wilbur)
Wilbur: Hey!
Tommy: You brought Wilbur? The next best thing would have been Phil!
Wilbur: Normally, I'd be offended, but you're not right.

it's,, attack on titan time-

-

Eren: What's up guys, I'm back.
Armin: What the– You can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Eren: Death is a social construct.

---

Mikasa: This is a very powerful weapon. You'd be messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
Eren: That sounds like a dare to me.
Mikasa: Oh my God.

---

Levi, on the phone: Just snap his kneecaps and he'll talk, I'm at a strategy council gathering.
Levi: Anyways, you said Eren is doing better with his training! That's great.

---

Jean: Let me just play devil's advocate here-
Eren: Self-advocating? Bold move.
Jean: Fuck off.

This doesn’t really fit the characters nor the story but I’ve been playing a lot of Loomian Legacy lately and I find this one really laffy taffy

Tess: Quick! You’re losing a lot of human syrup. What’s your type?
Jake: Kind, black hair, cares about others-
Tess: Your human syrup type, you idiot.

after finding out that Jake likes someone else

Lucas: Is that Mabel?
Lucy: SHE’S GOT A rooty tooty point-n-shooty!
Mabel: aggressively shooting up a leafy tower in frustration

more attack on titan. fun.
possible spoilers ahead?? it's only like, one of the quotes i think, but still- watch out.

-

Levi: [Locks Eren in the motorized rollingham] Act like a ankle-biter, get treated like a ankle-biter.
Eren: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a ankle-biter locked in a motorized rollingham?

---

Krista: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…
Ymir: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Krista: Mamma called the healing mage and the healing mage said…
Ymir: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

---

Armin: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Armin: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Mikasa: Bonjour.
Connie: Le growl.
Eren: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

---

Eren: Don't joke about being eaten by a Titan. I was eaten by a Titan once and it offends me.

---

Armin: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Armin: And I started thinking.
Armin: Like, it was just trying to get mandatory sustenance (like cheetos).
Armin: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the wobbly flip-shutter shut and snapped my neck?
Eren:
Eren: Armin, are- are you ok?

Phil: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…
Techno: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Phil: Mamma called the healing mage and the healing mage said…
Techno: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

MCYT :)

Dream: I went through an entire trouble magnet pilgrimage during quarantine
Dream: I became more evil if you’re curious
Puffy: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Dream: I’m going to get worse on purpose

Tommy: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Techno: I do have a sense of humor you know
Tommy: I’ve never heard you laugh before
Techno: I’ve never heard you say anything laffy taffy

Puffy: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Tommy: Thank you
Puffy: I didn't say that was a good thing
Tommy: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm laffy taffy

BBH, going over Skeppy's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Skeppy: Yes
BBH: Okay… may I know what you create?
Skeppy: Problems.

Purpled: Don’t worry, I have a few stabby sticks up my sleeve.
Quackity: I think you mean cards.
Purpled, pulling stabby sticks out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Dream: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Sam: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Dream: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically a god.

Ponk: [Gets down on one leghinge]
Warden Sam: Oh my gosh, it’s finally happening.
Ponk: [Falls over]
Warden Sam: The poison is kicking in.

Ponk: Am I in trouble?
Warden Sam: Take a guess.
Ponk: No?
Warden Sam: Take another guess.

Schlatt: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Wilbur: Schrödinger’s purr machine is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.