This doesn’t really fit the characters nor the story but I’ve been playing a lot of Loomian Legacy lately and I find this one really funny
Tess: Quick! You’re losing a lot of blood. What’s your type?
Jake: Kind, black hair, cares about others-
Tess: Your blood type, you idiot.
after finding out that Jake likes someone else
Lucas: Is that Mabel?
Lucy: SHE’S GOT A GUN!
Mabel: aggressively shooting up a tree in frustration
more attack on titan. fun.
possible spoilers ahead?? it's only like, one of the quotes i think, but still- watch out.
-
Levi: [Locks Eren in the car] Act like a child, get treated like a child.
Eren: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?
Krista: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…
Ymir: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Krista: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…
Ymir: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.
Armin: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Armin: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Mikasa: Bonjour.
Connie: Le growl.
Eren: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
Eren: Don't joke about being eaten by a Titan. I was eaten by a Titan once and it offends me.
Armin: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Armin: And I started thinking.
Armin: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Armin: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Eren:
Eren: Armin, are- are you ok?
Phil: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…
Techno: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.
Phil: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…
Techno: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.
MCYT :)
Dream: I went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Dream: I became more evil if you’re curious
Puffy: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Dream: I’m going to get worse on purpose
Tommy: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Techno: I do have a sense of humor you know
Tommy: I’ve never heard you laugh before
Techno: I’ve never heard you say anything funny
Puffy: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Tommy: Thank you
Puffy: I didn't say that was a good thing
Tommy: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
BBH, going over Skeppy's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Skeppy: Yes
BBH: Okay… may I know what you create?
Skeppy: Problems.
Purpled: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Quackity: I think you mean cards.
Purpled, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.
Dream: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Sam: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Dream: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically a god.
Ponk: [Gets down on one knee]
Warden Sam: Oh my gosh, it’s finally happening.
Ponk: [Falls over]
Warden Sam: The poison is kicking in.
Ponk: Am I in trouble?
Warden Sam: Take a guess.
Ponk: No?
Warden Sam: Take another guess.
Schlatt: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Wilbur: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.
Techno: Wilbur just showed us his Halloween costume, and-
Wilbur, wearing a red wig with slices of bread taped to his body: run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man
Techno: My stomach growled super loud in French.
Techno: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.
Wilbur: Bonjour.
Tubbo: Le growl.
Tommy: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.
BNHA class 1-b because I like them more than 1-a
Kendou: It feels like I'm always saving your ass!
Monoma: It's an ass worth saving!
Kendou: [long-suffering sigh]
–
Tokage, looking at a map: It’s a barren, featureless wasteland out there, isn’t it?
Honenuki: Other side, Setsuna.
–
Tsunotori: Okay Vlad, close your eyes
Vlad: [closes his eyes]
Tsunotori: What do you see?
Vlad: Nothing.
Vlad:
Vlad: Tsunotori?
Vlad: HEY! GET YOUR ASS AND MY SANDWICH BACK HERE!
–
Monoma, showing pictures of Awase, Kendou, Tetsutetsu, and Tsunotori: These friends are the ones I call up when I need a shoulder to cry on, or when I need a tub of ice cream. Depending on my mood
Monoma, showing pictures of Kamakiri, Tokage, Honenuki, and Kuroiro: These friends are the ones I call when I need a death to look like an accident
McDonald's server:
–
Kaibara: I panic when people compliment me. What the hell am I supposed to say when people compliment me???
Tsuburaba: Dinner was amazing, Sen!
Kaibara, panicking: [dabs] HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Tsuburaba:
–
Shouda: Do you guys sell happy meals?
Server: Yes.
Shouda: Yeah, can I get that without the meal?
Server:
Shouda: Please.
–
Awase: What happened to Monoma?
Kendou, in a monotone voice: I guess my stunning good looks must have taken his breath away.
Monoma, on the floor crying: She punched me- in thE sTOmAcH!
–
Kaibara: How do you spell orange?
Tsuburaba: The color or the fruit?
Kaibara: Fruit!
Tsuburaba: O-r-a-n-g-e
Kaibara: Thanks!
Rin:
–
Bakugou: I am your worst nightmare.
Kamakiri: My worst nightmare's Canadian geese, try again bitch.
–
Rin, in the group chat: Merry Christmas! 🐲
Yanagi: What's with the dragon?
Rin: I was gonna send a Christmas tree, but then I saw the dragon right next to it and it was objectively way cooler.
–
Kendou: I have several questions.
Tetsutetsu, taped to the ceiling: I can assure you I can answer none.
–
An emotion: [Pokes its head through the mountain of suppression Kodai buried it under]
Kodai, beating it with a stick: Back! Back!
–
Vlad: When did you get your driver's license?
Monoma, starting the car: I didn't!
I'm bringing this chat back!
Good Omens this time!!
~
Crowley: I prevented a murder today.
Aziraphale: Really? How’d you do that?
Crowley: self control.
~
Crowley: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Aziraphale: Crowley, we're both immortal.
Crowley: YOU NEVER KNOW
~
Crowley: I just ended a four year relationship.
Aziraphale: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Crowley: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
(Cue Newton and Anathema fighting from across the room)
~
Anathema: Aziraphale isn’t answering his phone.
Crowley: I’ll call.
Anathema: Newton and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Aziraphale: Hello?
~
Crowley: Aziraphale and I don’t use pet names.
Adam: Really? Hey, what do bees make?
Crowley: Honey?
Aziraphale: Yes, dear?
Crowley:
Adam: Don't ever lie to me again.
~
Crowley: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night.
Anathema: You were flirting with Aziraphale.
Crowley: So what? He's my partner.
Anathema: You asked him if he was single.
Crowley:
Anathema: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.
~
Adam: Do you think I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Aziraphale: You’re a little menace to society.
Crowley: And a coward. DO TWENTY!
~
Crowley: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just in case.
Aziraphale: Crowley, that's a coma-
Crowley: Sounds festive.
~
Crowley: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, several people died-
Aziraphale: Twelve, actually.
Crowley: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Aziraphale: Yours!
Crowley: That's right: no one's.
~
Crowley: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Aziraphale: Alright, what's 30x17?
Crowley: 47
Aziraphale: That's not even close.
Crowley: But it was fast.
~
Aziraphale: Crowley… Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Crowley: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Aziraphale:
Aziraphale: I wrote sanitize, Crowley.
(ah, yes, Good Omens, my favorite show. And with Season 2 coming out, we'll have a whole load of new incorrect quotes.)
Todoroki: You don't have to be so humble.
Yaoyorozu: But seriously, I'm not so good at it.
Todoroki: Well you're the only one here who knows CPR and he's dying so-
Monoma: Happy birthday to one of my best friends in the whole world, the amazing Tetsutetsu!
Kirishima, Tetsu's twin: Wow, okay.
Re-Destro: I have a lot of followers.
Shigaraki: What app?
Re-Destro: App? Oh, honey, I'm the leader of a cult.
Monoma: I don’t judge people.
Also Monoma: Blocked. Blocked. You’re all blocked. None of you are free of sin. See you in hell.
Toga: Who doesn't want to be powerful? Who doesn't want blood sacrifices made in their name?
Kaminari: You look tired.
Shinsou: I didn’t get much sleep last night.
Kaminari: Were you doing something cool?
Shinsou: Does worrying count?
Kaminari: No.
Hizashi: Hey, did you sleep okay?
Aizawa: No but I drank four cups of coffee, so I think I can do this.
Kota: We're doomed.
Midoriya: Well, you’ve lived a good life, right?
Kota: I'm eight!!
Midoriya: I said good, not long.
Bakugou: Get on my level.
Todoroki: Unfortunately, to get on your level I'd need a pair of cinder block shoes and a boatride to the Marianas Trench.
Camie:…….holy shit.
Monoma: Oh, I never brag.
Kendou: You once called your face "proof of the gods' existence."
Shigaraki: How are you?
Spinner: Do you really care?
Shigaraki: Not really.
Hagakure: Jail's no fun, I'll tell you that.
Ojirou: You've been?
Hagakure: Once, in Monopoly.
Compress: You often use humor to deflect serious trauma.
Dabi: Thank you.
Compress: I didn’t say that was a good thing.
Dabi: What I’m hearing is you think I’m funny.
Fuyumi: Tell Shouto about the bird and the bees!
Natsuo: They’re disappearing at an alarming rate
Fuyumi: [nodding intently]
Midoriya: Okay, I've called you all here because some of us don't seem to get along.
Todoroki: Bakugou and I are literally the only ones you invited.
Overhaul: Wow, who died and made you king?
Shigaraki: My dad.
Interviewer: That's a pretty rock.
Hau: Thanks, Gladion gave it to me!
Gladion: I threw it at you.
Hau: He's my best friend!