@Bandito
(mood though) (great job! I'd read more)
96: You will never be alone
(mood though) (great job! I'd read more)
96: You will never be alone
hoooo boy here i go again with another chilumi au oneshot
lumine loved that silly redhead with the most ridiculous ideas. she didn't have many friends, and he was one of the few people who made her feel seen. heard. like she had a place to exist in this world. she never talked about her own feelings with him, but he somehow always knew when she needed a laugh or a hug, and she appreciated it. especially… he liked to repeat to her, "you'll never be alone. not as long as i'm around." she frequently felt lonely and isolated, but when she hung out with him, it was as if all her troubles disappeared.
the day he disappeared was the day the light disappeared from her world. she had her brother, sure, but they weren't close. he was the favoured child, the one who was constantly in the spotlight. the second he showed the slightest inch of care for her would be the second he would be forgotten, left in the dust, like her. the both of them knew that, and she cared for him just enough to keep him in everyone's good favours. she waited, and waited. it was three days before she saw ajax again. she wasn't the first to see him, though. she'd spent most of her time with his family – they liked having her around – and they would go out to search for him everyday. he'd stumbled from the forest, torn clothing and dried blood covering his once innocent figure. "ajax!" squealed his younger siblings.
"ajax… what happened to you..? are you okay..?" lumine whispered quietly, embracing him in a hug. but the boy who'd loved his family and friends deeply was no longer alive. he had been killed by the abyss, and now he was a warrior.
ajax smiled grimly and shrugged her small body off of him. "i'm fine. hungry, though. would someone get me some food?"
lumine and his family could only stare at him in shock. this wasn't the boy they knew. how could he have changed so drastically in such a short amount of time? "…i missed you…" lumine managed to get out before she turned around and ran back to ajax's house. she would fetch the food. she needed the time alone to process the conversation they'd had. she thought he'd be at least happy to see her again? his beloved siblings? his mother? but.. he was different now. more confident, full of himself. and he had this murderous glint in his eyes, as if he was itching to fight.
as if the sudden change in character wasn't enough for everyone, ajax began to push everyone in his life away. he began to become a loner, just like lumine. the difference was he enjoyed it. he relished in his isolation, embraced the opportunity to become stronger. anyone who would try to connect with him somehow.. angered the ginger. he lashed out at them, making sure that they wouldn't dare try again. and then, he was conscripted into the fatui. lumine had tried to say goodbye, but she was brushed aside and ignored. as always.
why does it sting so much? why does it hurt ever so? it's… normal. the usual. it shouldn't hurt. i shouldn't be so upset over such a normal event. …why do i even try? why did i think it would be different this time? lumine asked herself over and over. her heart cried out for the happiness and love that the ginger had given her, but that was no more. over time, her heart hardened. when she found herself in liyue for overseas studies as a student of sumeru's academia, she had found.. contentment. she was away from snezhnaya, the origin of her suffering. she was far from anyone who knew her, and she could just.. live out an average, background life. she was lonely, and quite honestly, miserable, even if she didn't know it herself, but.. lumine lied to herself, saying, "it's better than it was before."
however, at the sight of a certain ginger man's hair one day in liyue harbor, her heart stopped. she never imagined the fatui would station him here. so close to where she was. she longed to return to sumeru, to give up on her overseas studies just to get away from him. her thoughts were interrupted when his eyes met hers.
his eyes widened in recognition, and he found himself walking to her, whether he liked it or not. "…hey girlie," he managed with a goofy grin.
lumine looked away, her expression hardening. "don't. i don't want anything to do with you. don't chase after me, don't try to talk to me, just.. leave me alone."
it was ajax's turn to be surprised, to be hurt. he was different, now, too. he no longer thought the world revolved around him, but he still craved for battle. for a spar. and above all, he wanted to get stronger. "duel me," he offered. "let's fight this out."
the duel ended in lumine collapsing into a heap on the floor. "are you alright?" ajax asked, concern lacing with the flirtative nature he'd picked up long before being stationed in liyue. by then, lumine had already passed out from exhaustion. she'd been trying so hard to be okay the past few days that it had taken the rest of her energy out of her when she reluctantly agreed to spar with her old childhood friend. "just one duel, and you'll leave me alone," she'd bargained. and he'd agreed.
lumine awoke on ajax's bed, his half-naked body next to her. "…ajax?" she whispered hesitantly. he'd taken care of her, she realised. that was a first in a long while. she couldn't remember the last time someone had cared for her like this. ugh, i must have passed out…
the ginger's body instinctively tensed up at the name. "…it's tartaglia now. the eleventh of the fatui harbingers, tartaglia. code name childe," he corrected her, the tension bleeding through into his voice.
it didn't take long for lumine's senses to return to her. she quickly scrambled out of bed, narrowing her eyes. "what the hell happened during those three days you were gone, ajax," she started, hissing his name, "i was so worried about you! we were so worried about you, and you pushed us away!"
all her suppressed anger came flooding back. "we tried to help you, ajax, and you wouldn't let us even try. you knew the hell i went through, and you still chose to leave me. what happened to the good ol' 'as long as i'm around, you'll never be alone'? was that a lie?" she slid to the floor, still exhausted. "i'm tired of trying, ajax. i don't want to do this anymore. i can't stay angry at you forever but you- you hurt me, badly. you of all people should know what i'm feeling. you know what i went through when i was a child."
childe's gaze softened at her words. "i'm sorry…" he reached out to hug her, and she was too exhausted to fight back. and oh, the softness and warmth of another human against hers… it felt so good, and all she could think was she wanted more. she pushed against him, clamoring for the next level of intimacy, lips crashing against lips. she knew it was a bad idea, but she needed more. she needed to feel useful, to feel loved, to feel like she had a place in this world.
"please…" she muttered against his lips.
the harbinger forced himself to pull away, to break the kiss. "lumine… we can't do this. you and i both know that this isn't a good choice."
"i don't care. do it anyways."
"lumine."
"god, what?"
"i love you too much to let you do this to yourself."
You will never be a god, Norok, they'd mocked. well, all gods did was mess things up and cause drama, so Norok was close enough. She laughed brokenly.
"I was lying, Cordia, and so were they. we'd thought you'd have figured it out by now."
She could see the gears in Cordia's admittedly fast brain turning quickly. figuring that every moment Norok had spent with her had been a lie. last night had been a lie. The absolutely broken, burning look in her eyes, were somehow still those glittering, happy ones from the last night. Adonis and Hiroko stood slightly off to the side, shocked. Norok had to get her away, and this was the most easy way to do it.
after all, it would've only been a matter of time until Cordia would see Norok for the monster she was, right?
this was the best option for the both of them.
right?
Thirteen: Even your shadow won't follow you into darkness.
"I knew it!" A voice could be heard from a room. "You were never one of us! You just waltzed in to our group, portending to help us! All you wanted to do was turn him into one of your…" The voice grunted in frustration, "One of those shadows! One of those Mindless things that you control!"
Jasper woke, drenched in sweat. He had dreamt one of his most hated memory's. One of his friend betraying him.
It all my fault! He thought. If I weren't so… so naive! I should have known that Darian was fake. Jasper got up to get dressed for the day. He had a long one ahead of him. He looked at his clock, which showed 6:47 AM in red.
"I just need a nice run. It'll take my mind off things." He told himself. There could be no harm in taking a run, right? Jasper took all the stuff that he needed and left his apartment.
About an hour passed, and all was well. See? he thought to himself, Everything is all right! No problem's! I am getting a bit hungry though. Ah! I know! That new place that opened up! I know a shortcut through some alleys. Jasper continued to jog through the alleyways.
As he came near a dark alleyway he stopped jogging. Getting a bit tired, aye? He chuckled to himself. As he walked into the dark alleyway, He realized that his shadow had stopped at the edge of it. He understood what was happening. "Darian!" He called out. "Why are you hiding from me? Are you scared? Is that why you sent your little shadows to stalk me? Maybe you should-"
"Shut up!" Darian's voice rung in Jaspers head. "You think your all that? You think you can even hurt me? You're weak!" A crazed laugh was heard. "Well, Someone has been learning new tricks." Jasper shook his head. "You call me weak even though you send your puppets to do your dirty work? Why don't you come out and talk to me, face to face!"
"Well then…" The voice of Darian, still in Jaspers head. "Whatever you say!" This time, the voice sounded more alive. Darian was standing there, right in front of Jasper.
(I would write more but im in the Library and My time is almost up lol)
(great job everyone)
97: Heated
94: Spotless
Spotless. That’s what I was now. Without Spot. He was gone. It was a stupid name really, generic and unoriginal, one I made when I was three for the single brown spot on his back. It looked more of a uncentered drip of some unknown dark substance, but it was the first feature I noticed on this new friend of mine and thus the inspiration for the name. As the years past he claimed many more names from me. As I went through a ridiculous Star Trek phase he became Captain Spot, or Spockt, and a with a silly mispronunciation he became Spoot. At 13 a group of kids made laughed at the dull and boring name, saying he looked like he rolled in mud and that he should be named pig instead. In attempt to regain the favour of mindless and popular teens I called him Charlie for a month. He never responded to his new “acceptable” name, and I gave up when he nearly ran in front of a car because he wouldn’t respond to me calling him anything other than Spot. I learned then that Spot was a more important friend, and a better one. He stayed close and cuddled with me during the anxiety attacks of high school, licked my tears when I broke my arm by falling of a scooter in grade 5, and laid on my bed the nights I was too restless to sleep. Every time I came home from school he was there, wagging his tail as if I were gone for days. Even when he was old and there were grey hairs in his brown spot, he came, tail wagging and a swear he would smile. The summer when the world was too much and I didn’t want to go on, he was in my room every morning, licking my face and whining until I got out of bed to take him outside. I think he knew I needed to get out more than he did. And on the days, I couldn’t leave the house, he stuck to my side, head in my lap and protective eyes monitoring every movement I made. He was safety and he was my best friend. He was always there, 14 years, and now he’s gone. Spot is gone. My house, my room, me, I am spotless.
(T-T now I'm sad) (my dog is only 11 but stilllll)
(and perfect writing)
98: You again?
98: You again?
"You again?" Wires stuttered as the stranger pushed through the curtain and placed the life chip on the counter. It was the being's fourth completed job in a cycle, almost a new record, certainly a ridiculous number for a newbie.
"Looking for another?" Wires asked as they scanned the chip through and reached their hand over the counter for the stranger's ID. The stranger nodded. They arrived a cycle ago, introducing themself as only X. Wires glanced at the screen, direct payment, but a good number of piks. "It's a direct, the piks will transfer in a few days." The dispatch owner said, swiping the life chip back as X went to take it.
Wires turned to their screens, scrolling through potential jobs for their newest hunter. "You keep up this streak, I'll run out of jobs." The android joked. It got a chuckle, better than they often got from the hardened types they usually dealt with. It was definitely a joke though, there were hundreds of requests on the database. Most people preferred to deal legally these days, with the empire cracking the whip down on unregistereds and their clients. As the only registered dispatch this side of the Caluenthian, Wires never had a lack of people requesting a hunter's services.
They glanced up at X as they scrolled through the list, the odd being was staring at the shelves by the counter. "Trophies," Wires said, "Things found in and around the spots. Sometimes, they keep them. But more often than not, they keep them here as a form of bragging."
X took an empire medallion off the shelf to look at closer. Wires didn't blame them, that one was a rather envied prize.
Wires hummed a note to themself as they thought over their options. It was tradition to only give newcomers the easier hits until their second cycle and then to throw them one of the hardest ones as a sort of initiation. But this new hunter was- well- a little faster than some of the other first-timers Wires had dealt with. They switched to the harder list. Might as well try a harder one now. X would either get it down, or it would take them down a peg. Wire's regulars would enjoy it either way.
They opened a profile and scanned the stats. A Kijean, perfect. High security, moderately armed. A pretty balanced job. A phenomenal amount of piks, someone really wanted this one done. It made Wires glad he got a percentage. The failure number was one of the higher ones. It was the regulars' favourite to suggest to newbies to ask for. Wires loaded the job info to the beacon puck and threw it across the counter to X.
"I think you'll enjoy this one." They said.
One of the regular hunters at the back of the room chuckled around a cigarette as he recognised the chip number when it pinged up from the puck's projector.
Wires glared at him before turning to X. "Good luck."
"You're gonna need it."
This is an old prompt, but due to recent events I would like to use it.
Also may or may not be based on true story…
37: Time stood still.
One breath…
Light flooded my eyes blinding me, and hiding the massive piece of heavy metal as it slammed back into my helmet.
Two breaths…
Warm wet instantly began gliding down passed my eye. I could smell it mix with the dust and oil smell that coated the air. The seconds before forgotten as I heard my Lead crying in front of me. My hand found her head, words of comfort leaving my mouth, though muffled to myself.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
My eyes travelled down to inspect the growing spot of red that was forming under me. Ignoring it, I turned to the rest of the team, asking if anyone was hurt. My teammate next to me yanked on his door multiple times, unsuccessful in getting it to open. Our Sgt. tried his, with the same result. Knowing mine could open, my hand gripped the handle. Two solid yanks later wrenching it open.
Orders for everyone to get out sounded more muffled than before.
My Lead pulled herself out, next the teammate next to me, and third our Sgt.
His gaze met mine, and for a second time that day time stood still. His worry apparent, but my resolve stood. With everyone out, I yanked my helmet off. Fingers lacing through my hair, returning crimson. Without a second thought, I pulled the carefully folded bandana from my pocket. My grandpa, though long gone by now, saved my life that day with the last gift he'd ever given me. Once it was secured to my head, I climbed back into the upside-down vehicle.
Our gear was still inside, I had to get it out. Weapons came out first. I could hear my teammate contact the closest team to us to get help, so I called out our location to him. While yanking on a vest, sitting up would be my near fatal mistake.
White light blacked out my vision and a numbing feeling encased the back of my head, before returning to pain. Posting on my hands to keep from collapsing for a second.
Three breaths.
Keep going.
Vision going a slightly different duller color, I pressed on until everything was out. I then extradited myself for the second time. I could hear the panicked voice of my Lead talking to someone. The brightness of the sun had become painful. All around us a vast emptiness of dead grass and tumbleweeds.
A sense of relief washed over me as I saw a backup team in the distance. Sighing slightly I sat down with the gear where, for a third time, everything seemed to stand still. It grew quiet and I was able to slow my breathing down. We were okay. Everyone was alive.
Thank God.
(mood though) (great job! I'd read more)
96: You will never be alone
Leo stood still, the moonlight flowing in through the window. He couldn't believe Irena was gone, her life stolen away by a drunk driver. It was so bizarre that she should die the same way as his parents that to him, it seemed extremely unreal.
Most of the day had seemed to pass in an excruciatingly slow yet also fast daze.
The speech he had given at the funeral seemed so long ago, he remembered driving here, to Irena'a apartment, to sort out her belongings.
An image flashed across his mind, so sudden and clear that he had to grip the edge of the dresser, which was placed directly under the window, with both hands. His knuckles turned a pale tan against his coffee with cream colored skin. He strongly resisted the urge to vomit and instead forced his eyes closed violently, keeping them squinted shut.
A pale body, the breast covered by a black silk sheet.
pale blue eyes, with curled lashes.
A hand resting gently against his own collarbone.
He brought his hands up and cupped his eye sockets in his palms, pressing gently so burst of red created asymmetrical patterns under his eyelids.
"God…" He whispered hoarsely. "I am so fucked up."
Last night, he remembered, as it all came back in a rush.
Sleeping with Beatrice.
He had slept with Beatrice after the funeral, in this room, in the bed that lay wedged against the wall behind him.
With a wave of disgust her began to cry, slow tears pouring down his cheeks. Leo knew that Irena would have encouraged this, had told Leo when they were both fourteen that Beatrice had a major crush on him. He dully wondered if she was now in love with him.
He cringed at his thoughts and then wiped his cheeks furiously.
His best friend was dead and he had had sex with her sister in her bed.
A great way to fucking cope Leo, he thought to himself.
(outstanding jobs) (I want to read more of the last one!)
99: This isn't beginner level..
(outstanding jobs) (I want to read more of the last one!)
(thanks, it's like a part of a novel im writing.)
(I can tell)
100: Are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated?
100: Are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated?
Beatrice kept driving, ignoring her parents who were standing on the curb, waving and smiling.
"Aren't you going to wave back?" Charlotte asked from the backseat.
"No."
"But they're waving."
"Charlotte, let it go." Ben said, from his seat next to her, putting his hand over his.
They rode in silence for a few moments, until Charlotte, always the one to initiate conversation, spoke.
"They really hurt you didn't they?" she asked, making eye contact with Beatrice through the rearview mirror.
"Yeah," Beatrice said, breaking the contact through the mirror "they did. Irena too."
"You never told us how, you always go on about how they don't like you and didn't like Irena until she died. But you never go into specifics." Charlotte said quietly, her tone questioning.
Beatrice sighed and slightly slumped in the driver seat, keeping her eyes on the road.
"When Joanna died, my oldest sister, they just kind of shut down. We went from the poster family for perfect families to a broken one almost right after her funeral. My mom just kind of became a ghost, sleeping all day and hardly ever speaking. And my dad became a full developed workaholic, he stayed at his law office until midnight almost every night and he wouldn't come from the bars he went to after work, until about three in the morning.
"Irena and I, we became our own family, we tried to make everything the same by talking at the dinner table, when we actually ate dinner together for the short time after Joanna's funeral, but we eventually gave up. So we had to make it work, it felt like all throughout high school, for both of us, it was like all we had was each other."
She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and sniffed, Leo looked over from the front passenger seat and gave her a comforting shoulder rub, then retracted his hand.
"That's why I don't speak to them, especially since once they found out about Irena's accident, they started planning the funeral and acting like they loved her." Beatrice said coldly.
"But didn't they?" Charlotte asked. "You can still love someone, even if you push them away, can't you?"
"I guess, but they didn't love her. They didn't just push her—us— away, they shut us out completely."
(finally parent problems that don't involve sadistic physical abuse) (beautiful)
101: The first smile
(finally parent problems that don't involve sadistic physical abuse) (beautiful)
(thank you.)
(am i completely ignoring my rps! absolutely! will i still write something because this prompt caught my eye? YES.)
she clenched her teeth and tightened her fists. although this hadn't been her first therapy session, it was certainly the one that left her with the most intense of emotions. she'd finally understood the fact that none of what had happened to her was her fault. instead, she was left with years of trauma and abuse to unpack and heal from, yet none of her parents or family members seemed to care.
she leaned against the wall, trying to make sense of everything. why couldn't she shake the feeling of terror? was it the way she could almost feel the cold hands of her parents on her shoulders as they told her that they only knew what was best for her? or maybe was it the way when she got ignored when she was showing the most obvious signs of pain? possibly, it was the way she was ridiculed for not knowing all the things she'd never been taught. or maybe, she was thinking too hard. was it then, the way she was constantly shamed and ridiculed for all her very human flaws?
she could feel the upset rising again, forming a lump in her throat. how could it be that that she was looked down upon for daring to have feelings? or even, that she was just a CHILD. she shook her head, unwilling to remember that far. are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated? a voice inside her head whispered. and to that, she had no answer. she was so, so upset that they treated her so poorly, yet she still couldn't imagine a world where she had people around her who actually cared. after all, another voice whispered, would things really be any different?
(Congrats on prompt 100, mate!)
100: Are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated?
It was the compassion that made me want to break something. Lying on her bed, her hand slowly stroking my curls, the only plessure I felt was drowned in guilt and discomfort. It was so new. The urge to stay was only just stronger than the urge to run. Every footstep set me on edge, making me ready to jerk away the moment the door creaked. Was the shame justified? Doubtful. And yet doubts persisted.
It was so baffling. Why did she care so much? There were a handful of reasons I could pull on, but attempting to decipher her mind was too much effort. Was it my fault somehow? Had I unknowingly manipulated yet another person into taking care of me? Just that thought itself was enough to send my mind spinning. Didn't I deserve this? Didn't everyone?
The fact that I could have pulled away but didn't only increased my guilt. My complicity was at least as bad as the original sin.
The urge to move closer to her filled me with longing, yet I didn't move. At least for another moment. The moment stretched out as I battled against my desires, pitting shame against the chemicals flooding my brain. At last my body won, and I scooted closer, resting my head on her chest, letting my limbs touch hers, trying to get warm, even though the room temperature should have been high enough already. Her hands stopped and I tensed inwardly, terrified I had done something wrong. Her hand traced down my back, then around to my chest. It felt so right and yet so terribly wrong. I couldn't help but feel a tear roll down the side of my face and prayed she wouldn't notice.
This isn't fair! I wanted to scream at God, at the world. The fact that other people could enjoy this galled me. What hurt worse is that I should have been able to as well.
101: The first smile
The man nervously walked through the shelter and as he pushed open the metal door he was blasted with the smell of dog and overwhelming barking and whining filled his ears. As much as he wanted to turn back and go back to his dingy home and crawl back onto his couch, he was desperate for a companion, a reason to keep going and his therapist that he had started seeing seemed to think this was a good idea.
As he hesitantly walked through the isle of dogs kept behind chain link fence gates he scanned for any who caught his eye, he didn't exactly have anything in mind, he honestly wasn't sure he'd be leaving with a new companion, but he carried on anyway.
Some of the dogs snarled and bit at the metal containing them, others whined and scratched, he only stopped when he came across one in particular, a gold and brown dog laid on the corner, seemingly unbothered by the newcomer in the room, it had one eye missing and a split down his ear. It wasn't exactly the prettiest dog in the world but for some reason the man felt drawn to the thing.
Hesitantly he slid open the latch keeping the gate in place and slid into the kennel with the dog, he wouldn't say he was afraid of dogs however he knew not to invade ones space to quickly, he simply sat down, back against the cool wire of the gate and looked into the dogs one working brown eye, for a moment neither of them moved they simply studied one another both quietly considering the others company and how they felt about it.
With a huff the dog stood up and wandered over to where the man sat, a gentle sniff of his hand was apparently enough for the dog to decide on his stance, the dog jumped up onto the mans shoulders and started licking his face all too fast for the man to dodge.
A roaring laugh escaped from the man as he tried to pry the dog off him to no avail but eventually the dog gave up and sat tongue out and ears relaxed as he scratched behind the dogs ears.
It was then that the dogs ears perked up and eye drifted past the mans face, he hadn't heard the worker walk up.
"I've never seen him like that before" the worker explained "Max must be pretty fond of you."
"Max huh?" The man tested, not having bothered to check the dogs name before entering the kennel. He looked back at Max, still grinning excitedly as though he knew already that this would be his new person. "I'll take him." The man answered decidedly, the first genuine smile he had in months still lingering on his lips.
(I'm still very rusty with writing so Imma keep writing about this man and his dog I'm so attached at this point haha)
(am i completely ignoring my rps! absolutely! will i still write something because this prompt caught my eye? YES.)
she clenched her teeth and tightened her fists. although this hadn't been her first therapy session, it was certainly the one that left her with the most intense of emotions. she'd finally understood the fact that none of what had happened to her was her fault. instead, she was left with years of trauma and abuse to unpack and heal from, yet none of her parents or family members seemed to care.
she leaned against the wall, trying to make sense of everything. why couldn't she shake the feeling of terror? was it the way she could almost feel the cold hands of her parents on her shoulders as they told her that they only knew what was best for her? or maybe was it the way when she got ignored when she was showing the most obvious signs of pain? possibly, it was the way she was ridiculed for not knowing all the things she'd never been taught. or maybe, she was thinking too hard. was it then, the way she was constantly shamed and ridiculed for all her very human flaws?
she could feel the upset rising again, forming a lump in her throat. how could it be that that she was looked down upon for daring to have feelings? or even, that she was just a CHILD. she shook her head, unwilling to remember that far. are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated? a voice inside her head whispered. and to that, she had no answer. she was so, so upset that they treated her so poorly, yet she still couldn't imagine a world where she had people around her who actually cared. after all, another voice whispered, would things really be any different?
(excellent) (this is the kinda reply I hoped for :>)
(Congrats on prompt 100, mate!)
(thanks :»>)
100: Are you angry for how poorly they treated us, or are you angry for how well we should have been treated?
It was the compassion that made me want to break something. Lying on her bed, her hand slowly stroking my curls, the only plessure I felt was drowned in guilt and discomfort. It was so new. The urge to stay was only just stronger than the urge to run. Every footstep set me on edge, making me ready to jerk away the moment the door creaked. Was the shame justified? Doubtful. And yet doubts persisted.
It was so baffling. Why did she care so much? There were a handful of reasons I could pull on, but attempting to decipher her mind was too much effort. Was it my fault somehow? Had I unknowingly manipulated yet another person into taking care of me? Just that thought itself was enough to send my mind spinning. Didn't I deserve this? Didn't everyone?
The fact that I could have pulled away but didn't only increased my guilt. My complicity was at least as bad as the original sin.
The urge to move closer to her filled me with longing, yet I didn't move. At least for another moment. The moment stretched out as I battled against my desires, pitting shame against the chemicals flooding my brain. At last my body won, and I scooted closer, resting my head on her chest, letting my limbs touch hers, trying to get warm, even though the room temperature should have been high enough already. Her hands stopped and I tensed inwardly, terrified I had done something wrong. Her hand traced down my back, then around to my chest. It felt so right and yet so terribly wrong. I couldn't help but feel a tear roll down the side of my face and prayed she wouldn't notice.
This isn't fair! I wanted to scream at God, at the world. The fact that other people could enjoy this galled me. What hurt worse is that I should have been able to as well.
(I feel exposed eeee)
101: The first smile
The man nervously walked through the shelter and as he pushed open the metal door he was blasted with the smell of dog and overwhelming barking and whining filled his ears. As much as he wanted to turn back and go back to his dingy home and crawl back onto his couch, he was desperate for a companion, a reason to keep going and his therapist that he had started seeing seemed to think this was a good idea.
As he hesitantly walked through the isle of dogs kept behind chain link fence gates he scanned for any who caught his eye, he didn't exactly have anything in mind, he honestly wasn't sure he'd be leaving with a new companion, but he carried on anyway.
Some of the dogs snarled and bit at the metal containing them, others whined and scratched, he only stopped when he came across one in particular, a gold and brown dog laid on the corner, seemingly unbothered by the newcomer in the room, it had one eye missing and a split down his ear. It wasn't exactly the prettiest dog in the world but for some reason the man felt drawn to the thing.
Hesitantly he slid open the latch keeping the gate in place and slid into the kennel with the dog, he wouldn't say he was afraid of dogs however he knew not to invade ones space to quickly, he simply sat down, back against the cool wire of the gate and looked into the dogs one working brown eye, for a moment neither of them moved they simply studied one another both quietly considering the others company and how they felt about it.
With a huff the dog stood up and wandered over to where the man sat, a gentle sniff of his hand was apparently enough for the dog to decide on his stance, the dog jumped up onto the mans shoulders and started licking his face all too fast for the man to dodge.
A roaring laugh escaped from the man as he tried to pry the dog off him to no avail but eventually the dog gave up and sat tongue out and ears relaxed as he scratched behind the dogs ears.
It was then that the dogs ears perked up and eye drifted past the mans face, he hadn't heard the worker walk up.
"I've never seen him like that before" the worker explained "Max must be pretty fond of you."
"Max huh?" The man tested, not having bothered to check the dogs name before entering the kennel. He looked back at Max, still grinning excitedly as though he knew already that this would be his new person. "I'll take him." The man answered decidedly, the first genuine smile he had in months still lingering on his lips.(I'm still very rusty with writing so Imma keep writing about this man and his dog I'm so attached at this point haha)
(awwwwww an origin story) (that's adorable frrr)
102: It wasn't supernatural, it was worse.
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