forum To Love You, is to Go Through Heartbreak, But I Still Love You Anyways (Closed with Fenrir) (1/1) (MxM)

Started April 13, 2023 by @RhysTheFirebird group

tune

To love you. . .

Is this what is feels like to love someone? You’ll never love me back. So I act like I don’t love you.

Dustin has been in love with his childhood bully for years. Not that they bully him anymore. The bullying stoped a few years ago, and Dustin fell head over heels. Of course, he still got teased, but it was never as bad as it was before.

is to go through heartbreak. . .

I’ve loved you for years now, and I can’t stop. I don’t know if I want to stop loving you. Ever.

Dustin didn’t mind the teasing. He put up with it because he got to see them. He would always laugh about it later, joking with his friends about it. He knew if he ever told them his feelings, he’d probably get his heart shattered. What is the appeal to love someone you can never have anyways? He didn’t know, but he was in love anyways. So he decided to write a letter.

but I still love you anyways. . .

Do you love me? Or will you let me down? Pick on please, and tell me. So I can stop myself and get over you. So I can feel free again.

He wrote the letter overnight. He’d slip it into their locker, and then he’d wait for their response. He wanted to be free, so he could love others. Learn to love them, and not be so wrapped up in someone he can never have. Or, he could try to make them love him. He would decide after he got their answer.

Love,

Dustin. . . Yours forever

---

• If you want to join this RP, please make sure replies are at least 100 words, 150-300 would be preferred and anything more is welcome. I just dont know if I’ll be able to reply with the same gusto if you go over about 400 words.
• If you know that your life is going to overtake you, or you simply need a break, please let me know, as I always try my best to do the âme for others.
• Please be kind outside of RP, inside, I don’t mind, as long as it doesn’t break andrew (Our Supreme Lord and Overseer)’s rules.
• I have no limitations on topic’s within RP, but if you have anything you’d prefer not to do, just let me know! I do not want to do anything to offend any possible RP partners, and I always try to make sure there are boundaries if they are needed.
• Communication is very important to me. I would prefer someone active enough to make at least one reply a day, but I know life comes up. So if that happens, just let me know, and we’re all good.

---

I’ll ask for a writing sample for this one, and I’ll get a template up once someone joins.

(Of course! this is one from a recent rp I have going on)
Abrose smiled and nodded his head, "See? I do have reasons to thank you, Luce." He hid a yawn behind his hand and checked the clock on the other side of the hall. "Its getting late. The ball should be concluding soon. I'll send Amire a note saying we'll want to meet with him privately tomorrow afternoon. By then mother and father should be busy enough not to disturb us." He didn't necessary like the idea of going behind his parents back, especially for something as important as this but he didn't really have another choice. After all, they hadn't consulted him on the marriage beforehand. if they wanted him to do something about the war, then they'd have settle for this. Besides, it wasn't like they were sneaking around doing anything wrong. He was honestly more afraid of him and Lucian being caught alone than him and Amire. He wasn't sure how obvious he and Lucian were but he knew his mother at least knew his preference to Lucian over other guards, hence why she had occasionally assigned him more than one guard. Abrose didn't particularly mind, he had been meaning to acquaintance himself more with the rest of guards, finding their company more enjoyable than most of the lord and ladies he had to pretend to be sociable around. So long as Lucian would remained by his side, Abrose wouldn't object.
e watched Lucian for a few moments, slight worry prickling at the back of his mind. Tonight had been different. He and Lucian were close of course, they had all practically grown up together. Chire had trained alongside Lucian when they were younger and dreaming of being soldiers. Lilly had always dragged him and Abrose to the woods to play and explore whenever they had free time. Lucian had been there when Abrose had confessed he felt more like a boy than a girl and had begun his transition. The only time Luce hadn't been a part of Abrose's life as when he left to be a soldier for the kingdom. Those had been some of the hardest years for Abrose but he had made it through, less enthusiastically but he was here now so he supposed it was all worth it, especially if Lucian was here with him now. But that still didn't explain what had happened moments earlier. Abrose was positive he hadn't drank so much to the point of complete inebriation.
The way how close Lucian was had felt so right. Being held by him felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if they were made to embrace. Their teasing remarks and soft words were something Abrose could easily picture them sharing every morning, evening, and night. At that, Abrose mind wandered from sharing words to sharing a bed, sharing soft touches and kisses, sharing a morning all meant for themselves with no expectations of a prince or a guard. A quiet peaceful life where Abrose could want, better, could have Lucian selfishly to himself. He flushed and rested his head for a moment against the door, letting himself have a few moments to revel in the beautiful dream before he tried his best to compose himself. He turned back to Lucian and gave a slight bow. "Forgive me, I've kept you far too long. Thank you again, Luce. I'll send for you in the morning. Until then, rest my guard. we've had a long day and i only suspect tomorrow will be longer." He offered a small smile before opening the door to his bedroom and softly clicking the door closed behind him.

Name:
Age: (18-22)
Gender:
Appearance-
Eyes)
Hair)
Skin)
Height)
Weight)
Body Type)
Personality:
Likes:
-
-
-
Dislikes:
-
-
-
Hobbies:
-
-
-
Fears:
-
-
-
Conditions-
Mental)
Physical)
Background:
Other:

WIP

Name: Dustin Jerino
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Appearance-
Eyes) A stunning and bright jade green that seem to change color so with his emotions. They’re lighter when he’s happy or excited, and darker when angry or hungry.
Hair) Jet black, though it looks to be a very dark blue in fluorescent lighting
Skin) a very light golden color in the winder, and it darkens slightly in the summer
Height) 5’8”
Weight) 159lbs
Body Type) Narrow waist and shoulders, he looks fragile and like you could snap him in half.
Personality: Dustin isn’t exactly introverted, but he prefers smaller groups of people, and not a lot of noise. He’s soft spoken and almost never raises his voice above a whisper. When he does, you know he’s mad. Most ‘normal’ volumes for an average person speaking is Dustin’s yelling volume.
He never has the heart to be rude to anyone, no matter what they do and finds himself in awkward situations when someone’s being rude to him and he just smiles, dips his head and says nothing. This would usually put people off, and they would leave him alone.
He has a big heart, and will forgive anyone at the words ‘I’m sorry’. He’ll do this with anyone, even with people who have used this to manipulate him, always wanting to believe in the best of people. He also has a weak spot for hurt things, animals and people alike and will put himself in danger to save another.
He can be socially awkward and quiet, even for himself, sometimes he gets a stutter and doesn’t speak clearly. This doesn’t happen often, and really only happens when he’s uncomfortable or embarrassed.
Likes:
- Food; He loves eating, but he also has a high metabolism, so he doesn’t gain any unhealthy weight.
- Music; This calms him down from anything, and distracts him from any other sounds going on around him.
- Physical Contact; He loves being touched, as long as the touch is gentle and not sudden. Examples are hugs, snuggles, hand holding, light teasing pushing, etc.
Dislikes:
- Loud, High Pitched and Sudden Sounds; This is due to his Hyperacusis and Phonophobia
- Being Cold; He’s perfectly comfortable on hot summer days, put him in a room where’s the temperature is 72 or lower and he get really cold, really fast.
- Monotone Voices; They just give him the shivers.
Hobbies:
- Cooking; As he loves food and eating, he’s taught himself to cook and he’s pretty darn good at it.
- Bottle Collecting; Glass only.
- Soap Carving; It makes his hands smell good and he finds it very satisfying to whistle the pieces of soap falling away.
Fears:
- Phonophobia; It is not a hearing disorder. Sudden loud and unexpected sound can cause anxiety attacks in a person who suffers from Phonophobia.
- Thalassophobia; The fear of deep water, specifically, anything deeper than ten feet or of he cant see the bottom.
- Photoaugliaphobia; The fear of glaring lights, specifically for him, car headlights. He’ll act like a deer in headlights if he sees them.
Conditions-
Mental)
Physical) Hemophilia B; With hemophilia B, also known as “Christmas disease,” your body produces little or no factor IX, another type of protein that helps your blood to clot. This can lead to prolonged or spontaneous bleeding, making it easy for bruises to form under your skin.
Hyperacusis; Hyperacusis is a type of reduced tolerance to sound. People with hyperacusis often find ordinary noises too loud, while loud noises can cause discomfort and pain.
Background: Dustin grew up in a pretty ’normal’ household. Well, normal for him. Nothing to bad ever went on, while his mother is the sweetest thing anyone can be, his father is strict and expects everyone to follow the rules.
While he wasn’t strictly abused as a kid, punishment were a common thing if he didn’t follow the rules.
Other:

Name: Jasper (Jas) Gallio
Age: (18-22) 20
Gender: Male
Appearance (Overall): Jas has heavy inspiration from grunge and alternative aesthetics, dipping into more fantastical or dramatic styles when he wants or for special occasions. For his usual everyday looks he'll opt for simple black outfits since most other colors make him look washed out. He will sometimes wear minimal makeup around his eyes for a different look.
Eyes) Jas' has soft sea green eyes behind a pair of gold of silver framed glasses, if he decides to wear eyeliner, usually the green is brighter.
Hair) Jas' dark brown hair is usually in some state of gently tussled messiness. He can never really keep it tame for long. in an attempt to get out of his comfort zone, Jas tried dying highlights of purple into it but now its mostly faded into blond streaks.
Skin) Jas has fair skin, hence why he doesn't like wearing lighter colors. He does have some freckles on his arms, legs and cheeks but he tries to hide that the best he can.
Height) Jas is average height, around 5'9ish depending on the type of shoes he wears.
Weight) Slightly underweight but he tries his best to not go towards either extreme.
Body Type) jas leans more towards the lanky side, a long body type but thin. despite this he does have some slight muscle from the few years he ran track or played vollyball.
Personality: Jas is what he likes to self proclaim himself as an observer. he's never the first to introduce himself or break the ice in new situations. In fact he tries to avoid those kinds of interactions as much as humanly possible but sadly, school is a social place. Because of his self isolation, most people find him to very standoffish and in some cases rude for not being social. In a way he has fed into those first impressions, adopting a pseudo bad guy personality but in reality he's just extremely shy. He figures the more unlikeable he becomes, the less people are willing to talk to him and potentially hurt him later down the line. If you somehow do get to know him, Jas can be one of the sweetest people. While quiet, he adores listening to people talk, especially if its about a passion of theirs.
Likes:

• Cozy, quiet days, like when its raining hard and you get an excuse to stay inside, do nothing and enjoy the peace.
• sweets, Jas has a major sweet tooth despite his complete inability to cook or bake
• Reading stories whether in a book or online, jas has up to hundreds of files and collections of stories he's managed to find over the years of folklore and fairytales
  Dislikes:
• being judged, though he's aware that that isn't something he can necessarily control. along those lines, being perceived as something he's not even if he has conformed to the idea of a bad boy for the sake of getting through school society.
• Certain sounds like loud cars or scratching, gives him the ick
• large groups of people
  Hobbies:
• Jas loves cosplaying, though he's still learning how to make his own props and costumes, he's found ways to be creative with the clothes he does have and really enjoys bringing characters he's seen in shows or read in books to life
• Learning how to cook despite being terrible at it. he one day wants to cook for someone else.
• Running and volleyball since it was the sports he played when he was in middle and highscool.
  Talents:
• Playing instruments though he's never really committed to one for very long
• He's oddly good at math and numbers in general
• Not sure it this counts but jas thinks its a talent, finding niche stores, whether that alternative clothing stores or nifty thrift stores.
  Fears:
• Being in crowds, especially if its in close quarters. he's never done well with shoulder to shoulder crowds where mobility was limited.
• Burning the food he tried so hard to make
• Being lost
  Conditions-
  Mental) - possibly OCD and on the ADHD spectrum but he's never been clinically diagnosed
  Physical) - he does have knee problems from the time he did sports and injured himself
  Background: Jas has always been a very socially awkward person but has slowly been coming out of his shell since he's been out of highschool. He's had a relatively normal upbringing. His mother wasn't present but he had a loving dad who tried his best to be there for his son. a bit more later on in the rp.
  Other:

Dustin decided to write a letter. Do his former bully. He didn’t know when exactly he decided to write it, but he decided. He also didn’t know when he fell in love with Jasper either. It was probably stupid to fall in love with the guy who picked on him in elementary and through middle school. But he did. And it was foolish. Very foolish to be writing this letter. But he had to know if Jasper would let him down. Dustin knew he needed to be free of pinning after someone who occasionally picked on him.

So when he’d gotten back to his dorm the previous night, he’d sat at his desk and pulled out a paper and pincer and wrote the following letter.

To love you is to go through heartbreak but I still love you anyways. . .
Is this what is feels like to love someone? You’ll never love me back. So I act like I don’t love you. I’ve loved you for years now, and I can’t stop. I don’t know if I want to stop loving you. Ever. Do you love me? Or will you let me down? Pick on please, and tell me. So I can stop myself and get over you. So I can feel free again.
Love,
Dustin, Yours forever

The last part about ‘Yours forever’ may have been a bit much. And might have made him sound like a simp, but Dustin liked it. He folded the paper in half and then shoved it into his bag to give to Jasper the next day. However that may be. He chuckled to himself, making his room mate look at him, but then he went back to his phone. Nerd He thought, smiling.

~~~

The next day, Dustin had just left the paper on Jasper’s table where he was eating breakfast while he was away from the table. Then he went to his own table, sat down and waited. While he was waiting, he ate his own breakfast and talked with a few of his friends.

Jas had been having a pretty normal day so far. Instead of trying (and ultimately burning) another breakfast, he had decided to eat breakfast in the University cafeteria. might as well use his meal plan to the fullest. He had found himself a cute little corner to enjoy his breakfast in, all the while watching out the window while sipping a hot chocolate. He glanced up when his name was called for his food, an excited little smile crossing his features as he stood to retrieve his tray of breakfast treats.

After thanking the staff and grabbing a few extra jam packets and honey, he went back to his little corner table and settled down, tipping his head in intrigue when he saw the folded note. He looked around the area, brows furrowed in confusion. His room-mate nor the few friends he had had texted him they were going to join him. Maybe this was one of their little games? Jas slowly sat down and put his breakfast to the side for now. He unfolded the note and read through, his breath catching in his throat as he realized this was a..no it couldn't be..a love confession? He got to the end of the note, Dustin. Jas immediately felt guilt wash over him. How could he forget Dustin. Jas never had. How could the boy he had picked on and practically bullied to no end love him of all people? Jas had tried justifying himself over the years, they were young, they were immature, Jas had been going through his mom leaving. He had thought of a million reason's why he took out his anger on what Jas had only reflected back upon only too late to be one of the sweetest boys he had ever met. He read the note over and over again. This wasn't an 'I like you' confession, Dustin loved Jas, for years he had such a profound love for him, how? And instead of worrying about having such strong feelings for Jas, he was worried about whether or not Jas would let him down. Jas swallowed thickly and stood on shaky legs. He quietly asked the staff for a to-go box and put his uneaten breakfast in the before quickly leaving the the cafeteria to work out his emotions in a less public place.

After finding a quiet spot on the campus library, Jas started to draft out a response. His immediate response was to say no, that of course Dustin should move on. He was no where near the best option to date especially after what he had put dustin through. If Dustin felt restricted by the love he felt for Jas then why would he seek out a relationship. Frustrated with trying to figure out a way to turn the boy down, Jas instead tried accepting. While it felt wrong for him to say he outright loved Dustin, he had realized the last years of middle school he had feelings for Dustin. He chewed his lip, nervous at admitting he liked Dustin, did he really deserve to have feelings for him after being such an aweful person to him? Maybe this was all a joke to get back at jas. He shook his head and began to write before he could let himself doubt Dustin.

You really need to stop putting words in my mouth, Dust Bunny.
I never said I don't love you back. But before we get to that, I just want to say, I'm sorry. For everything that I put you through. I know it's not enough, nor it will ever be but I am genuinely sorry, for everything.
Honestly I'm surprised you still have any positive feeling for me now. Speaking of feelings, I don't love you. At least not yet. It'd be unfair if I said that. I like you, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I don't want to let you down, Dustin. But I also don't want you to feel trapped.
If you really want to try 'us' I'm willing to try too.
P.S you're little notes are cute, Bunny
Jas, yours for eternity.

Jas eventually went back to dorm room to prepare for his upcoming class, keeping both notes in his bag in hopes of finding Dustin around campus, that or one of his friends so he could deliver it to him. He made his way out of his dorm with a goodbye to his room are and started towards the central building where his first class of the day was.

Dustin watched as Jasper picked up the note and read it. He bites his lip unsure when Jasper got up and took his food, leaving the cafeteria. He looks down at the table, quiet. One of his friends prods him, “Dusty, you’re more quiet than usual, what’s up?”

Dustin shakes his head, finishing his food and getting up, “I’ll see you guys later.” He smiles and grabs his bag, shouldering it. He walks off back to his dorm, sitting on his bed. Was it stupid to give Jasper the note? Probably. Did he regret it? Maybe. The look on Jaspers face. . . He didn’t know how to describe it other than guilt stricken.

He bites his lip again, he’d go to his classes and wait. He’d see if Jasper would talk to him or something. Dustin could wait. He would find a way to wait somehow. He gets up, adding the books to his bag and then walking out, pulling his jacket on and heading to his class, thinking about the look on Jasper’s face when he had read the note. He started to feel the twinges of regret writing it.

Jas was one of the first to his classes. he maneuvered around the desks and settled in the far back corner. Despite his professor's gentle requests for him to sit up front, Jas always reassured them he was fine in the back and that he'd do the work and participate. And he did, Jas handed in his work on time or early and at least tried each class to comment on the lecture or discussions. Just because he looked the part of your typical goth bad boy didn't mean he necessarily acted like one. College was expensive and he didn't really have the guts to slack off. Besides, sitting in the back meant he couldn't feel people staring at the back of his head. He began doodling the margins of his notes and made small talk with his professor as the other students started filing in. He glanced up every time he heard footsteps outside, hoping one of them was Dustin.
He eventually pulled out the note he wrote and began doodling on there instead his notebook, drawing a little bunny rabbit with sparkles around it. He flicked his gaze between the the hallways and his doodling. At one point or another he had thought he saw Dustin walking by and stood to catch up to him, only finding a random student standing against a wall waiting for their class. Jas muttered a sorry and slouched against the wall, the note held tightly in his hand. He hated this, he prided himself on his patient but jas didn't want to wait any longer. He had to know if Dustin's note was for Jas and if he had really meant his confession or if this was some sort of sick joke. Jas half hoped it was a joke. It'd justify the guilt while also relieving his nerves, though that did leave jas with feelings. Feelings Jas wasn't sure he was ready to shove aside. so he sat waiting, hoping he'd see Dustin before the class started.