forum To Love You, is to Go Through Heartbreak, But I Still Love You Anyways (Closed with Fenrir) (1/1) (MxM)

Started April 13, 2023 by @RhysTheFirebird group

tune

Dustin sighs, looking at his phone for a moment, pausing outside the classroom. His friends had sent him texts asking if he was okay and why he’d left breakfast so abruptly. He turned it off, not wanting to answer any of the texts and pushes off the wall. He slides his phone into his pocket, closing his eyes.

On the walk from dorm to a few feet away from the door, he’d felt the regret growing in his gut, but also the relief that he’d finally told, or well written, to to Jasper about his feelings. He was unsure if he did the right thing, the look of guilt that had been on Jaspers face. . . He didn’t know if it was worth it.

He pushed off the wall and walks towards the classroom, taking a deep breath. He pauses again, biting his lower lip before taking a step in, looking around and noticing Jasper. He looks at him for a moment before looking away.

Jas glanced up, having come in from sitting outside the classroom when the class had started. He followed Dustin with his gaze as the boy sat down a few seat away towards the front of the class. He held his gaze for a few moments before the class started and they both looked towards the Professor. Today was a slow, note taking day, odd for the usually lively philosophy class but jas reasoned with the exams coming up they did have to focus on actual content instead of hypothesizing and contemplating other dimesions and waht the future held for humanity. A few questions were brought up here and there. While Jas understood the concepts fairly well, he liked hearing his peers views, it sometimes made it easier visualize more complex thoughts and ideas.
After a near 2 hours, class let out. Jas packed up slowly, watching as everyone left the room until it was only him, Dustin and the professor. He pulled out the note again, now folded into the third with the little doodle of the bunny on the front. He walked to Dustin's desk and quietly slid the note to him, offered a slight smile and walked out of the room.
Once he made it far enough from the building, Jas nearly collapsed onto a park bencdh out of relief. It was done, now all he had to do was wait for an inevitable rejection or for post on social media about how stupid he had been to write back and actually think someone had a crush on him of all people. He didn't necessarily think Dustin would do that but Jas tended to overthink everything, especially when it came to feelings.

Dustin stayed silent through the class, reading a book. And not a book he probably should be reading. It had nothing to do with the class at hand. He glanced up at the professor, looking at what he was writing, and then getting it down, going ack to his book. He did the repeatedly, reading and taking notes at the same time. And he only took the notes in case the professor took them as a grade or something.

At the end of class, he slides his book into his bag and then his notes go into his binder. He hears footsteps and looks up, coming face to face with Jasper. He blinks, supposed and looks down as he slides the paper across the table. He looks back up, watching him walk away. He looks back down, confused and he picks the paper up. He smiles slightly at the bunny, but gets even more confused at the sight of it.

He flips it open, reading quietly to himself.

You really need to stop putting words in my mouth, Dust Bunny.

He’d put words into Jasper’s mouth? He didn’t think he’d done that, but then, he’d sad Jasper would never love him, or like him. And that also explained the bunny. Dust Bunny, he liked the sound of that, and it made him smile.

I never said I don't love you back. But before we get to that, I just want to say, I'm sorry.
For everything that I put you through. I know it's not enough, nor it will ever be but I am genuinely sorry, for everything.

He blinked, confused and kept reading. His fingers tightening on the paper.

Honestly I'm surprised you still have any positive feeling for me now. Speaking of feelings, I don't love you. At least not yet. It'd be unfair if I said that. I like you, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I don't want to let you down, Dustin. But I also don't want you to feel trapped.

He bites his lip. Dustin always tried to see the best in people, and when Jasper had picked on him when they were younger, he’d assumed he was going through something. Something hard that he’d had no control over. So he took control over something else. That’s how it usually went with bullying anyways. He’d never judged Jasper for picking on him, and he’d always taken it with out a peep, which, as he thought back, probably made him look weak and idiotic.

If you really want to try 'us' I'm willing to try too.

He blinks again, surprised, and starts chewing on his lip. He wanted. . . To try? He rubs the back of his neck, closing his eyes before looking back to the paper and finished reading it.

P.S you're little notes are cute, Bunny
Jas, yours for eternity.

He had to admit he liked the nickname. He smiles, folding it back up and putting it into his bag and smiled at the professor, “See you next week, Prof.” He walks out of the classroom, following after Jasper, hoping he went the right way. After about five-ish minuets of just wandering around, her found him, sitting on a bench.

He hesitates before walking over, clearing his throat but he couldn’t seem to find words. And they would probably have been in audible with how soft he spoke. So he ended up just standing there awkwardly, still chewing his lower lip and holding his bag in place over his shoulder.

Jas had closed his eyes, needing to sit with his thoughts for a moment without distractions. He liked Dustin. He wasn't sure when he started, most likely around middleschool but this was the first time Jas had entertained what he had thought as a little crush this much.
He found it funny actually, the idea of dating Dustin. he had always thought Dustin adorable, mabe a little dorky but jas thought that added to the charm. The nickname Bunny had come from when jas had slowly learned about about Dustin's numerous phobias, as skittish as a bunny rabbit. Jas had thought it fitting and secretly found it cute. He wondered what else about Dustin was cute. He smiled to himself, and let out a incredulous laugh as he threw his arm over his eyes, trying to block out the blinding sun.
As footsteps approached, Jas lifted his arm and took a peek, having heard someone come close to where he sat.
"Hey, Bunny. You're more than welcome to join, I don't bite." He welcomed, scooting over to side of the bench, falling silent for a moment as he got used to Dustin's presence. "I meant what I said, on the note. I am really sorry for all those years I was terrible to you." He bit his lip and lowered his voice slightly. "And i really do like you."

Dustin stayed quiet for a moment, then sat down, dropping his bag down between his feet. He looked over at Jasper, or Jas as the note had read, and smiled tentatively. He clears his throat again and then looks to his knees.

“Well. . . I-I never hel-held it against you. . . A-and I forgave you-you a while ago.” His voice was soft and quiet as ever, maybe a little more so. He cursed his stupid stutter, which now that he was older, only came out with stronger emotions such as embarrassment or him being uncomfortable. Currently, it was the latter, Dustin was very uncomfortable, not having expected Jas to reply to his letter.

Dustin used to have a pretty bad stutter when he was younger, and he’d hated it. Eventually, his parents were able to get him into speech therapy, and just therapy in general, and his stutter improved a lot. He’d gained most control over it in his first years of high school. He’d loved being able to speak without his stutter, and it frustrated him when it came out. Though, he still always spoke in, what most people would call, a whisper. Anything louder would leave him hoarse, and if he actually yelled, he wouldn’t be able to speak for days. No amount of vocal therapy had helped.

He looks back at Jas, his jade green eyes slightly brighter than normal. Despite being uncomfortable, Dustin was happy. “I did-didn’t actually expect you t-to write a-a reply. . . If anything, I thought you’d te-tell me to my f-face or ignore it.”

He shifts slightly, “And-And why B-Bunny?” He tilts his head, having decided to save the question for last.

( Most likely same so no worries at all!)
Jas leaned back against the bench, tipping his head towards Dustin as he spoke to both hear him better and to be heard as he matched his tone of voice. "You should have. I deserved it after the endless teasing and name calling and god knows what else I put you through for years. I'm honestly still not entirely convinced this is still happening. No big fancy rejection flashmob thing, theres no one secretely recording this interaction? I'm honestly surprised.
He laughed softly, not at Dustin, in fact he found the stutter to be also cute, but at himself. "Well, you didn't leave me much of s choice. Besides, it'd be pretty inconsistent if I told you in person. I like a bit of mystery between us. There was no way I was ignorning this." he waved the note Dustin had given him with an amused grin. "Know that I'm keeping this forever. Its going on my fridge or, better yet, in a frame." He teased gently, watching as Dustin shifted to face him.
"hm? Oh, I thought it fit you. Not in a weird way or anything! I-" He huffed softly, slightly flustered. "Well, when we were in middleschool, I had figured you had some phobias. Or at the very least very strong fears. You didn't like loud noises and always seemed on edge. Though looking back that makes sense considering Middle school was…something else." He waved a hand in the air and grimaced, thinking back to his middleschool days and how very weird they were. "Anyways, you reminded of a bunny rabbit. I think its cute. That you're cute. But if you're uncomfortable with it, I'll stop."

Dustin laughs softly, "I-I'm a nice a guy. I guessed you were-were going through some-something. I didn't know you, not re-really, why should I judge you-you? And you regret-gret it now, don't you?" He tilts his head slightly, confused, "I-I would never play-ay pranks like-like that on people-ple. It-It's not nice."

Dustin blushed slightly, his paler skin showing it easily, "A-A frame?!" He asks, " Why-why would-uld you to-do that-at?" He silently cursed his stutter again, coming out even more so, showing he was clearly embarrassed at the subject, "Why-why not a-a b-box?" He shifts his weight slightly, rubbing the back of his neck, " Or-Or the trash-ash?"

Stupid, God damned stutter. . . Always getting in the way. He thinks to himself, biting his lip and trying to call his emotions down so he could speak clearly.

He looks down, "I-I have Hyperacusis and-and Phono-Phonopobia. The first one is-is sound sensitivity to loud-ud and high pit-pitched sounds, which then-thn will trigger-ger my Phonophobia causing me to ha-have an anxiety-ety at-tack. It's why I ne-ver had-ad to have a PE credit. Then there's my Photoau-Photoaugliaphobia, fear of glaring lights. For me, it's just mostly car lights, but the-the florescent lights at the school would bother me too, hence the sun-sunglasses all the time. Then there's my Hemophilia B-B, which meant I had to be super-per careful. All those made me a-a big ball of anxiety, and my parents couldn't afford the time or money for homeschooling-schooling." He sighs, "Bunny Rabbit is exactly what I am." As he spoke and got more comfortable, his stutter seemed to lessen, but his voice still did not get any louder.

Jas nodded slightly, Dustin was right, he did regret those years he was aweful. He was confused and uncomfortable and questioning his very life, a life he had thought close to perfect before his mom had left. But it was still no excuse for taking out his frustrations on Dustin. He was a bit surprised but genuinely glad this wasn't a set up.

He gasped softly and clutched the note carefully to his chest dramatically. "How could I store away or worse, throw out the first love confession someone has made to me? From the person I've like since middle school no less. This is a literal dream come true. There's no way this isn't getting displayed." He reread the note again, smiling cutely as the guilt slowly began to lessen, glancing up when Dustin began telling him about his phobias and condition.

He nodded in agreement "yeah, I'm not too fond of loud noises either but I don't think to the severity of your phobia." Jas had never liked loud noises much and sudden noises spooked him. "In the future, if there's anything that'll trigger your phobias, you'll tell me, right?" He asked softly, toying with the edges of the note. He wasn't entirely sure what Hemophilia B was but he made a mental note to research that when he got back to his dorm. He offered a small smile, "you are, but I like it."
He took a deep sigh and lightly tapped the note in his hand "so you love me, hm?" He asked, an amused twinkle in his eyes. It getting easier and talk with Dustin, it was a wonder they hadn't become friends earlier. Maybe they could have been dating ages ago. But Jas was just as glad to start now rather than never.

Dustin sighs, thought he was smiling slightly, “Because, it’s. . . silly. It’s just a paper with my crappy handwriting on it.”

He blinks, “Middle school?” He laughs softly, pulling one of his legs up, resting his foot on the bench and pulling his knee to his chest, resting his arm on it. “Damn. . . We liked each other through high school, but stayed away from each other.” He laughs, pressing his forehead into his arm.

“At least somewhere private! I don’t want random people seeing that. Or your dorm mate. It’s none of their freaking business!”

He sighs, “It’s made worse by my hyperacusis. It’s literal hell most days.” He sighs softly. “Well. . I mean, love might be a bit strong of a word for it, but yeah. . . I do.” He smiles slightly, peering out at him, turning his head to the side slightly.

"it is so much more than that! At least to me." Jas argued, folding the paper neatoy and carefully putting it in his bag for safe keeping. He crossed his legs in front of him, holding his ankles so he wouldn't fall. "Don't worry, it'll go in my room back home. I don't need my roommate questiony love life, or lack there of, more than he already does." He shook his head, already imagining what his roomate would say if he found out about the note.

"Yeah, middle school. That seems like ages ago. It would have been great if we actually talked in highschool. Might have been better than trying to avoid everyone. He laughed softly and looked around them, the scenery of the college green serene and quiet.

Jas nodded, a slow smile settling on his features. "I'm glad, I like you too, bunny." He rested his open hand on his knee, not really knowing why but it felt right. He wanted to reach out take Dustin's hand into his own but Jas didn't want to push too fast. They had just confessed their feelings for each other, perhaps physical contact was too much for one day. But Jas wasn't going to completely close off that option just in case there was a slim chance. "So do I consider this our first date or is that still to be decided?"

Dustin watches him fold it up and put it into his bag, laughing softly, “Okay okay. . . Whatever you s-say, Jasper.” He smiles slightly, leaning back and relaxing. “How much do they question your love life?” He asks, curious and grinning slightly.

Dustin nods, “Probably. . . But I’ve always been told to not go to collage with a partner. It can muddle the decisions you make. So. . . I’m kind of glad. . . Because I probably, if we talked and dated in high school, would have broken it off before uni.” He rests his chin on his arm, thoughtful.

Dustin smiled at the word ‘Bunny’ and tilts his head, still thinking, “No. . .” He says slowly, “That’s still to be decided. Talking while sitting on a bench just after confessing doesn’t really seem like date material to me.”

Jas grinned when Dustin said his name, not really used to someone saying it unless it was his dad. He like it. He tilted his head back and forth in contemplation. "A lot. At this point I think they've secretly thrown me on multiple dating sites." He joked, "but they mean well. They're like a little brother to me. They'll lose their mind when they hear I'm with you." He chuckled softly and shook his head fondly.

"I've heard that too, makes it harder both on the relationship and college life in general. But I still would have liked to talk and get to know you, even if we didn't date." He laughed in surprise and turned to Dustin with an amused smile "Really? you would have broken things off? You don't seem like the type of person who would do that, Bun." Jas pouted slightly and gave his best puppy eyes. "You would have really broken up with me?"

His pout returned to a grin as nodded in agreement. "No, it doesn't you're right. Then in that case, would you be up for a date tonight? I should be free after my last class today." Jas offered, already thinking of the perfect place for a date. "Would around 7 work for you? We can meet here and then head out."

Dustin laughs softly, “How many? And which ones?” He keeps laughing, covering his mouth with his hand. He smiles slightly, “At least they’re trying. You’re always so quiet in class. You’re smart, you know things too. Oh, I think I might like this person. . . Maybe I can convince them to tease you about me when I’m not around, or maybe they’ll just do it without the convincing.”

Dustin grumbles, “Well. . . I would probably still want to be friends, but not dating. . . That would probably have been too stressful for me.” He shrugs slightly, looking away when Jas gives him puppy eyes, rubbing the back of his neck, “I. . . Okay, maybe not. . . I don’t know. . .”

Dustin nods, “Yeah, it does. . . Or, it should. If. . . Nothing like spontaneous bleeding occurs.” He jokes slightly.

"I'm convinced of at least two, definitely tinder and one of the sites thats exclusively for LGBTQ dating." He laughed with Dustin, truely finding it rediculous that his roomate might have set him up on dating apps. He gave a slight shrug. "I guess I'm more focused on school than dating. I was never one to really seek out a partner in highschool, I guessed college would be the same." He shook his head with a grin, "You'd definately love Blue. I don't think theres anyone that couldn't. And there's no need to convince them. One mention of us dating and I'm done for. All they'll do is tease." He rolled his eyes playfully but he genuinely looked forward to talking to his roomate about Dustin.

He nodded slowly, "I get that. I don't think it would have stopped me from pining from afar but I would have been more than okay with becoming friends. If this," He pointed between them, "ever gets too stressful or anything, let me know, please. If theres anything I do or say that bothers you, don't worry about upsetting me. I'd rather know if I'm doing something you don't like and that I can improve upon rather than keep on annoying you about."

Jas's brows creased in slight worry. "Is that something that happens often?" he asked, now really intent on looking up Dustin's condition when he got back to his dorm. Jas caught onto Dustin's teasing tone of voice if not a bit too late but he managed a small smile. "Alright, 7 here will be out date. Here's my number in case you want to text me or, as you said, spontaneously bleed." He tore off a piece of paper from a stray notebook and quickly wrote down his number before handing it to Dustin.

Dustin keeps laughing softly, “Tinder and exclusively LGBTQ? Hmm. . . I’ll have to check it out and see if I can find you.” He grins playfully, clearly teasing. He smiles, “Hmm. . . I think I would, we could even tease you together.” He chuckles softly.

“What I meant by stressful is me trying to decide where to go without influence from you, or trying long distance or anything. I don’t find relationships themselves stressful. . . But then. . . I ‘Ve only dated one other person. . .” He laughs softly, shrugging. “But I will, don’t worry.”

Dustin shifts, “Uh. . . Well, it can, it really just depends. I have to be carful it doesn’t, but usually, for me anyways, I just bruise easily, I have a more mild case of Hemophila B.” He smiles slightly, “Yeah. . . Okay, thanks.” He takes the paper, putting the number into his phone and then sending a quick text.

"if you do, please send me the profile, I'd love to see what Blue put as the pic and bio." He sighed dramatically, "Bunny, have mercy on me, please. I can handle Blue, mostly but you and them? I'll be a flustered mess!" He whined, giggling as he straightened.

"Well, I don't plan on moving anytime soon so I don't think we'll have to worry about long distance. As for being an influence, I hope i'm a good one but that doesn't mean you have to decide things based on what I think." He tipped his head curiously, "Just one? I'm honestly surprised you havn't dated anyone else. You're sweet and adorable, how could no one else be attracted to you, unless that was a choice on you're part, then I can understand." He rambled slightly, toying with the pen in his hand.

Jas nodded slowly as he began to get an idea of what Dustin's condition was. "Thanks, not just for explaining but for trusting me enough." A small smile flickered across his features as he glanced down at his phone. He texted back with a 'hey, bunny" and reminder of their date later that night before putting in Dustin contact information into his own phone, cutely naming the contact as Dust Bunny, and adding heart emojis.

Dustin laughs softly, grinning, "Oh, sure. I most certainly will." He smirks at Jas, "Oh, well, I just might team up with this Blue person. A flustered you might be interesting to see." He smirks slightly.

Dustin nods, "Good, and you are. So far. You haven't made me do anything stupid or reckless. Well, I tHe back the reckless part. Writing that note was reckless. But whatever."

He blushes slightly, "Well, thanks for the compliment, but I was kind of hung up over someone else, and romantic relationships weren't working because I would rather have been with someone else." He chuckles slightly, smiling at Jas.

Dustin nods, "It's fine. I try to tell my friends and the lime, but I don't want too many people to know. They could take advantage of me or something. One wrong move and I could end up in the hospital."

He looks at his phone, laughing softly and then watches Jasper, "Well. . ." He murmurs, still smiling.