"The therapy– the one used to change sexuality?" Kaye asked after a small pause, his hands stopping momentarily. Had his family tried this kind of therapy on him? Realizing that he had stiffened, his hands started to move again, continuing to brush through a few soft strands of hair.
Simon's silence was enough of a confirmation. He inhaled sharply as memories rose to the forefront of his mind– pain, mostly. Guilt. Shame. Sobs. An empty room. "I'm sorry," he said finally, whispering.
"No, no. Don't ever be sorry," Kaye murmured back, his arms wrapping around Simon to pull them closer. His heart broke at the thought of what someone had done to him just because of his sexuality, and he immediately wanted to comfort Simon.
Encased in the safety of Kaye's arms, Simon held back another tiny whimper, reliving the experience he'd buried beneath layers of thought for so long. "I– Thank you," he whispered finally, voice breaking a bit. "Thank you."
Kaye nodded, letting Simon curl up against him while his hand rubbed soft circles in their back, attempting to ease the other man's thoughts. "I get what it's like…wanting to forget. I feel like that too sometimes," he said after a long pause, deciding that he could probably open up to Simon a bit more than he had before.
Simon pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Do you- do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly, wanting to do for Kaye what he had done for him.
"I– it's…it's not important," Kaye sighed, his thumb continuing to trace circles on Simon's back as he thought. There was no harm in just talking, right? After all, Simon would probably want to know a bit about his past. "I get what…you mean about not– not wanting to care. I used to be in…bad relationships before. People that I shouldn't have listened to," he finally explained with a loose shrug.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, resting a hand over Kaye's strongly beating heart. "That you had to go through that."
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. It was— it was my fault that I got into…that,” Kaye murmured, burying his face into the crook of Simon’s neck. The only thing he wanted at this point was to be close to the other man.
It was Simon's turn to hold his boyfriend close, which was exactly what he did, encasing him in a loving, protective embrace. "No, it's their fault for being assholes. You're not at fault, okay?" His voice softened on the last sentence as he did his best to reach Kaye. "Don't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault."
(XD he's such a hypocrite)
(lol)
Kaye nodded, but the more that he thought about the past, the more things rose up. He cursed himself for sounding so vulnerable, but he couldn’t help but feel safe with the other man. “But…couldn’t I have done something? I just let them hurt me,” he murmured against Simon, and by hurt, he meant actually hurt. Though, he would never admit that they were abusive— ever— always coming up with new reasons to defend his past boyfriends. All he could do was blame himself. He was the one that fell into love so fast anyways.
(aw poor bb)
Simon tightened his hold on Kaye, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades. "It's their fault," he repeated, gentle but firm at the same time. "Never yours. And abusive relationships are the hardest to get out of. Please don't blame yourself.."
Kaye nodded, silencing his tangled thoughts as he curled up against Simon, his smaller frame tucking into theirs nicely. “I’m glad— I’m glad that I found you,” he murmured, a hand slinging across Simon’s waist as if he were afraid they would leave.
Simon felt as if he were sheltering the smaller man with his body; and in a way, he was. "I'm glad you found me too.." he whispered back, pressing a kiss to the top of Kaye's hair. "I don't know where I'd be without you right now.."
Kaye felt his face flush at Simon’s words, though doubted the other man could see from where they were. “Me neither,” he hummed quietly, fingers softly, almost tentatively, tracing the outline of Simon’s chest.
Simon instinctively tensed at first, but quickly relaxed, leaning into the touches. Yes, he had been shocked on his chest while receiving 'treatment', but not nearly as much, and the fact that it was Kaye and no one else seemed to soothe him. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly, feeling the need ot check in on him.
“Mm…good. Especially with you,” Kaye answered, pressing a few small kisses to the underside of Simon’s jaw, wanting only to get close to the other man. “What about you?”
Simon could have melted at the intimacy of those simple touches, but he merely shut his eyes in contentment. "I'm doing fantastic.." he murmured, drawing Kaye closer still. "We should do this a lot.."
"I definitely agree," Kaye hummed, dragging his lips against Simon's neck softly, only a few simple brushes here and there. He wondered how long they had been here, though it only felt like a coupe minutes, and he wanted to stay awake with the other man longer.
Simon let out another soft sigh, one of many he had released that night. "Mm… do you know what time it is?" He craned his head, leaning forward to trail kisses along Kaye's jawline.
"Hm…late probably," Kaye hummed, finding it hard to focus as Simon pressed a few kisses along his jaw. God– he hoped it wasn't too late so they could stay up a bit longer. "Feels good," he mumbled, the words pressed together, but still understandable.
"I'm glad…" he murmured in response to the second bit. "If you're tired we can sleep… or just keep doing this until we doze off."
"Mm…keep cuddling," Kaye murmured, most of his sentences either clipped off or mumbled as he got more tired. He wrapped his arms around Simon's waist, nuzzling his face into their chest as he tried to get even closer to his boyfriend.
Simon allowed his mouth to explore the length of Kaye's neck, his movements soft, almost tender. "Mkay.. tell me when you get tired." His own eyes drooped, but something about being encased in this sleepy bubble stopped him from closing them completely.
“Simon…you’re tired. You should sleep,” Kaye spoke up, and even though he wanted to keep cuddling, he knew that he should sleep as well.