"I-It doesn't matter all that much to me if most of them d-don't like me, but…" Kas rubbed at their eyes again, sniffling weakly, "…I… I-I don't want Luka to think less of me… what if he thinks I'm weird because I like boys? Or because I don't really know… anything… I-I don't know who I am or… what I am? I just… I don't know what to do… I don't want to confuse anyone or anything. Should I just keep it to myself?"
.jpg)
"If it means anything to you, it's pretty clear that his sister likes girls, and he doesn't love her any less because of it," Tohru reassured Kas, "And as for not knowing who you are? You're a teenager, my guy. Not knowing who you are is pretty normal. It's not a gender thing for everyone, of course, but you're definitely in a stage of your life where you're figuring yourself out as it is. It's up to you whether or not you want to share that with other people. It's not all that confusing to others, and you shouldn't worry about inconveniencing them, because I promise you won't. But if you want to wait a little longer to bring ir up, that's okay too."
Kas nodded, sighing softly. "W-Well, I… I guess it would probably be better to tell them then, right? Because then I'll probably be more comfortable, and you don't seem to think it'll bother them or anything… and then I can figure out whatever else as I go. It… probably won't be a comfortable conversation, though…" They looked away, seeming pretty uneasy. "And I have no idea how I would even word it all in a way that doesn't… feel stupid, I guess. I don't know exactly what's up with me, so it's hard to figure out how to tell them… what I need."
"It might not be a comfortable conversation, but I'll be there for you," Tohru promised, "You don't have to tell them everything that's going through your head. Just about new pronouns, and anything that they need to know to make you more comfortable in your own skin. And if you want to bring up other stuff later, you totally can."
"Right… r-right… I guess that makes sense…" He sighed shakily again, still very nervous. "I don't… I don't really know how to word it, though… I'm not generally very open about personal stuff, so it's gonna be a little weird and uncomfortable for everybody…"
"I'm not sure, exactly. But I promise you won't make anyone uncomfortable with it. Perhaps… something like this? 'I would like you guys to use they/them pronouns for me, but he/him is still okay sometimes.' And you could tell them you don't feel completely like a boy, but you don't have to give anyone that much detail if you don't want. Plus, you don't have to make it some big announcement. You could just tell a person or small group of people at a time if it would make you more comfortable."
Tohru gave a smile.
"But, at the end of the day, this is about your comfort and happiness."
Kas nodded a bit and closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to properly tell the others. "Yeah… it just makes me really nervous… I feel like it would almost be better to just tell everyone at once so I don't have to go around and tell people multiple times, yeah? But I really don't know at this point…"
"Yeah, if that's what you think works better for you," Tohru replied, "Like I said, though, I'll be right there through it. So if you need me to help you word things, or help settle your nerves, I'll be with you. And if you want to go ahead and tell people, today's probably a decent time, since most of us have slept better, and it's pretty safe in this hospital."
"R-Right, yeah…" Kas could feel his hands growing clammy and his heart racing at the thought of it. His throat was closing up a bit, and he looked pretty pale. His breathing was a bit choppy and labored as well. "And… a-and you're pretty sure that it'll go well…?"
(Introducing!! Kas but more comfortable with himself 🙏)
(😭😭😭 so cute)
"I'm almost completely certain," Tohru promised, reaching out his hand for Kas to take if he wanted, "There's no reason it shouldn't. Unless we just so happen to be traveling with a bunch of assholes."
(When the baby finally smiles 😭😩)
Kas glanced down at Tohru's hand when it was offered, and took it after a few seconds of hesitating. "O-Okay… if you say so…" He whispered weakly, too anxious to speak much louder. "And you'll be there the whole time, right? You won't leave me?"
Tohru nodded and gave Kas a smile.
"Absolutely. I'll be there the whole time," he replied, "If you need me to help you say anything, I can always help with that too. Just let me know what you want said."
(I can't see Fraust's drawing right now, dumb wifi, but I bet it looks amazing)
(also I turned 17 today!)
Levi woke up and sat for a few minutes with his eyes closed, he couldn't feel Tohru next to him anymore but refused to acknowledge it. When he did open his eyes, he couldn't see Tohru anywhere. He whined and let himself fall sideway to lie in a ball on the floor. He'd slept surprising well holding hands with Tohru, he'd even dreamed instead of having a nightmare for the first time in a while. He didn't want to get up if Tohru wasn't even there.
Kas nodded again, still uneasy, but feeling somewhat reassured. "R… R-Right… I still don't really know what I should say." He laughed weakly, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Sorry for being a wuss and crying about something dumb like this… but… um… t-thanks…"
(Happy Birthday! My 17th was a couple weeks ago aha)
(KAS IS SO CUTE HOLY CRAPPP)
(He's soft 🙏)
(Happy birthday!!! Also lmao my best friend's birthday is today too. She's turning 21 though.)
"Are you kidding?" Tohru chuckled, "This stuff can be super scary at first, especially when you didn't grow up somewhere where you felt safe being yourself. It's completely understandable to feel this way. And trust me, when the time comes, you'll find words. You told me, and that's a start."
Lis stepped out into the hallway, just close enough that she was able to hear Tohru and Kas talking. She didn't know who it was or what they were talking about exactly, but she was now aware that other people were up. After a peek outside, she was at least able to conclude the zombies that could see alright in the daylight probably weren't in the area yet, as the streets outside were clear and silent.
"Right, well… I-I guess we should do that soon, huh? I mean, I'm not sure who all is awake right now… it's still pretty early. Even though they'll probably be cool with it, I can't help but be nervous." Kas laughed weakly and leaned back against the wall, trembling a bit. "I feel like I'm gonna throw up or something…"
Mori was stirring now, feeling pretty groggy. His head was hurting from the concussion, and he was a bit nauseous too. He groaned softly and curled in on himself.
"Yeah, if you're ready. Might be best just to get it over with if it's making you that nervous," Tohru agreed, "Maybe just over breakfast. We have some leftover deer jerky from Lis, and some other food supplies."
He stretched out a bit over the chair, popping a few joints as he did so. He had slept well, but not in the best position, so he was quite stiff.
Lis finally moved into the waiting room towards the staircase, and she took a seat by the window, pulling out her mirror and eyeliner pen.
"Good morning. You guys sleep alright?" she asked, "It's definitely a lot calmer here than in that creaky old farmhouse, huh?"
She popped open her compact and started working on her makeup.
Kas jumped when Lis came in, letting go of Tohru's hand and standing up quickly. He looked very pale, and he was swaying due to his injured leg. How long has she been listening..? "I-I… uh… fine… um… yeah…" He stammered awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable. He couldn't help but stare at her makeup products, though.
"Yeah, I slept pretty well too," Tohru replied, trying to keep any extra attention off Kas.
Lis smiled and nodded, completely oblivious that she'd walked into a private conversation, and completely oblivious to how flustered Kas was.
"Good to hear. Gods, especially you, Tohru. You've been looking like- dare I say- a zombie for the past couple of days."
Tohru chuckled at the notion. "Yeah? The permanent dark circles do a lot for the look, huh?"
Kas ran his fingers through his hair and looked away, trying to keep his weight off of his injured leg. He was painfully aware of his breathing and racing heart; his blood was pounding in his ears. He felt dizzy, and a bit sick, honestly. Having an oblivious Lis in the room was only stressing him out more. "U-Um… how… how many people…?" He began, his voice weak and breathless, "…anyone else awake…?"
"Oh, I don't know. I was up and walking around before anyone else," Lis admitted.
"Hey, Lis, could you go check on Mori at least?" Tohru suggested, trying to get her out of the room for now, "And if there are others up, maybe we should get going for today. You know. Making plans and all that."
Lis shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'll go check on Mori and the Rose kids. Was Levi up when you left?"
"No, he wasn't. But if you see him, you can tell him I'm here."
Lis gave a nod and went on her way to check on the others. Once she was gone, Tohru gave Kas a weak smile.
"Hey, it's gonna be fine. And sorry about that. I don't think she knew what was going on. And I don't think she was listening at all."