She was starting to get a headache from holding back her tears, and the headache only grew worse as the photos of Peri were shown to her. She shook her head violently, glancing around to make sure no one was around. “But I’m not him…” she repeated. “And he’s still so fresh on your mind… it will be years before you even remotely look at me as someone you could love.”
Asher sighed softly. "What do you want me to say, Arabella?" He asked, raking a hand through his hair. "What do you want me to tell you?" Her eyes are shining like she's going to cry. Please don't cry. Please. I'm so sorry that I don't love you, I'm so sorry that you aren't happy.
She shook her head. “Nothing… there’s nothing you an say.” She said bitterly, holding her face in her hands. Arabella fell silent and still.
“We can’t be seen now. Just go back in to the dinner. Tell them I had to go fix my hair or freshen up in the bathroom.” She murmured after her long pause, only her lips and tongue moving. “I don’t want to ruin your reputation because I’m like this:”
Asher closed his eyes for a moment. "It's better that I stay with you." He replied softly. "But if you really want me to go, I will." He shook his head. "You won't ruin my reputation. Really. You're my wife, not some random woman."
She didn’t know what to do or to say. Why was she so hurt by this? Why do I care? Why does it hurt to see he is very much still in love with Peri even though Peri is… gone? “I don’t want you to go.” She mumbled incomprehensibly, pulling him closer. “I want you to stay. Until I calm down.” Arabella lifted her eyes to his, wishing she saw something there instead of pity and sorrow.
Asher nodded, and gently put his arms around her, loose enough that she could pull away if she wanted to. "I'm sorry, Arabella. You deserve someone better than me and my family." He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. I wish… I wish I could love her now. Right now. Just as she deserves to be. Asher still loved Peri, that was true. But that love had been fading. He would probably always miss him, but his love was changing to simply a fond memory.
She shook her head. “I deserve nothing. I am merely a woman to be sold off for money and fame for my father’s company.” She replied in a monotone. “I shouldn't even want to have something more.” Her personality was a complicated one. She battled with two sides of herself, one that followed her father’s orders and believed every word he said, and one that wanted nothing more than to be free and love who she wanted to. Unfortunately, it created a very psychotic and selfish personality. One that only cared about herself and only saw things in her own perspective. She hadn’t once thought about how he would be feeling at this moment… how much she had inconvenienced him. Until this moment when she looked into his eyes.
“I’m sorry. You are hurting too, aren’t you? I’m sorry I brought him up…”
Asher shook his head. "You do deserve love, Arabella." He replied. "And… I'm fine. Really." The pain in his eyes was quickly masked, and he just looked sad. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much more than i can give you. So much love, and happiness.
She sighed softly and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m here for you, Asher.” She reminded him. “Im here to make sure you live happily, I know you’re unhappy, I could see it in your eyes.” She murmured.
Asher closed his eyes for a moment. "Arabella…" He tried to hide his surprise at the kiss. "I'm not unhappy. Just sad. I…wasn't expecting Peri to be brought up." He said with a slight shrug. He kept his arms around her. "Okay? And besides. I would rather you were happy, alright? Really. I want you to find someone to love you, regardless of who that person is. I don't care if they're male, or female, or something else. Even if it isn't me, I want you to know what love is."
She hummed softly and held him closer to her, sighing sadly. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to bring him up.” She apologized softly and bit her lip. “Is it selfish to want you…?” She asked softly, burying her face in his neck.
"It's okay." He replied. He hesitated. "No, it isn't. I understand." He said softly, kissing her forehead lightly. "I just…don't know if…" He hesitated. "If I feel the same way yet."
She nodded gently, looking away for a bit as she pulled away. “Yes that was my point earlier…” she murmured softly. “But that’s alright… I’ll Go through the pain for now…” she promised him, looking up at his handsome face. “Let’s go back…”
"I'm sorry." He said softly, looking down at her and biting his lip for a moment. "I really am." He nodded, standing and kissing her cheek gently. "Come on. They'll wonder where we are."
She nodded, slipping her hand into his so they could walk more comfortably. “Thank you for comforting me.” She said softly. “I’m not worth the work but I appreciate it.”
She suddenly stopped them both, looking a little horrified. “I didn’t ruin my makeup did I?!” She had worn waterproof makeup just in case but she still worried.
He looked at her. "You are worth it, Arabella. As for the makeup…" He looked closer. "No. You're good." He gave her a small smile, and took her hand gently to lead her to the dining room again.
She smiled weakly before suddenly peeking up and looking as if nothing had happened. She was very good at hiding her emotions. “Thank you, Asher.” She murmured, gesturing to the door. “Let’s head in, after you,”
He nodded, and plastered on a smile that was nearly indiscernible from his real one, and led her in. "Sorry for taking so long." He said, kissing Arabella's cheek in a very flirtatious way, then pulled her chair out for her.
She faked a giggle and smiled up at him. “We just had a little thing to discuss.” She said happily, her eyes falling upon the crowd.
Asher grinned, and sat down, taking her hand again. "Mhm." He agreed.
His mother sighed. "Next time, little things can wait, newly weds." She said with a smile.
"Yes mother." Asher said respectfully.
She nodded respectfully, but slightly glared at the woman. “Yes, sorry, it was my fault.” She replied with a dip of her head.
His mother nodded, and resumed conversation.
The servants served the next course.
Asher let go of her hand slowly so that he could eat.
She watched the people around converse, this time keeping a steel-like composure, dedicated to not messing up this time.
She glanced at Asher and flashed a small smile.
Asher gave a small smile back. We're about halfway through this. He thought to himself.
Arabella internally groaned as the topic turned to business. She kept silent, instead watching Asherfor a moment.