forum A Thing You Won't Remember

Started September 18, 2022 by @ElderGod-yellowqueen

tune

Lear wanted to slap her when she accused Romulus of just wanting a good roll, but he kept his face and voice gentle.
"I hadn't done anything to deserve it either. I had nothing to offer, even less than you. If you really believe what you just said, you at least believe you have a body to offer him. I was so broken, I couldn't even do that. I didn't know him any more than you do now. I just knew that he'd pulled me from a waking nightmare that I had been living in for what felt like several lifetimes." He swallowed, steeling himself, getting rid of the lump in his throat that threatened to choke his words.
"I had no family either, and couldn't even get back to my country safely. And I trusted no one. Not for a long time. But I did know, that if I had nothing to live for, then it didn't matter if the Prince carried through with his claims. If he didn't, I'd be dead, and either result was fine. I don't know if you're there, but… " He watched her. "You can heal, and that hope has to be what you cling to. Either that, or start thinking how to end it, because this middle ground, this suffering, will kill you anyway. It would have with me, if I hadn't been yanked out of it."
He sat back, not trying to crowd her. "I want you here, Elia. What you're seeing is me not wanting your hostility, and that's not the entirety of you." He leveled out his voice. "You really think Romulus just wants to bed you, after he's turned down several offers? After he literally had you across his hips and let you call the shots anyway? You think a man like that needs to rescue a girl in order to convince her to sleep with him?" He shook his head gently. "He's not disinterested, believe me, but that's not why you're here, Elia. You're not a whore anymore, you don't owe anybody your body. No more 'favors', no more 'special deals', no more 'add-ons', no more gritting your teeth and bearing it to make ends meet, no more swallowing your pride and swallowing in order to make a buck-"
Lear stopped, sucking in a breath as memories jumped unbidden into his head. He closed his eyes and banished them. If it takes that to help, I'm still helping.
"As for being a legitimate noble… The Prince has been doing this ten years. Half the nobles at court come from this, they would recognize your legitimacy. The people already working your land would follow you, because they also come from this. They know struggle and hardship, and your knowledge would be valuable to them. No one would laugh, as no one has laughed at his appointments over the last decade. He's been slowly replacing the nobles his father put in place, the old men, with younger blood, people with Venia's good in mind, people like you."
He leaned forward again, desperate to help her see. "And you'd have a place to make yours, a role to make yours, people to help, a life to fit to your tastes. There is all of that for you, all of that waiting on you to just take it, Elia."

Elia didn't know what to say to that. She didn't know the answer herself. Perhaps it would be easier to die but death frightened her. She's always excepted an early death but that didn't mean she would lay down and let it happen. But there were so many uncertainties in her life. There was no telling how the future would go, or what would happen to her. She couldn't quite tell how much risk it would be to put herself in such a position.
She wanted her family back. She wanted her home back. She wanted the life she had remembered. She wished she had grown up in the palace as a princess. She would likely have been married off to a neighboring kingdom for an alliance that would be lucky to last her lifetime. She had faith her father would have chosen a good husband to her, faithful and kind. Perhaps in another life, Romulus would have been chosen to be her husband. Or perhaps she would have been chosen as a bride for another kingdom's king or heir. She would have been expected to have children to secure their line. She could see herself being happy, had she grown up in that lifestyle.
Now, the thought of being married off and having to pop out babies had no appeal to her now. She wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.
"What if I can't heal? What if I'm too damaged? Would it not be a mercy to put me out of my misery like a lame horse?"

Progress.
"If you can never heal, then maybe. If you're too broken, perhaps it would be. But you can't know that now. I would have said I should just be put down, same as a wounded animal, like you're saying, but look at where I am now. You can get here, and if you can't, cross that bridge when you come to it."
He watched her. "But I know this about you, because I've been where you've been. I've lived the life you lived. You're a creature made of iron and steel. You're stronger than many people give you credit for. Many like us, Elia, they die young, or die in a bed, or buried in a shallow grave behind a brothel somewhere. But you, you're a survivor, and you will heal. You'll adapt. You'll come out of this better, and stronger, and able to smile again for real. It may take years, but you can get there."
He repeated what Romulus had said to him when he'd voiced similar things. "You're broken now, but not too broken to fix. Other people can't fix you, but you've got the fire in your soul to do it yourself, with a little help."

Elia turned to look at him. Her eyes were watery now, but she refused to let any of it fall. She had shown enough weakness there to last her a lifetime, she didn't want to add any more fuel to the fire. She wasn't sure if she believed his words. She didn't feel strong. She didn't feel like a survivor. She felt like a victim and a burden. She couldn't understand why anyone would go to such lengths for a stranger. She knew she wouldn't. It wouldn't be worth the extra energy. She spent it all in that brothel, bending to the will of others' fantasies. It was exhausting and draining. She had no energy for anything else.
She turned away from him. She couldn't bear to look at him and his optimism. It sounded farfetched. She placed her chin on her knees and just stared in front of her. She was tired. She was tired of this conversation. She wished she could sleep but her dreams were riddled with terrible memories. Part of her wanted to drink into oblivion and hope to pass out into a stupor. The other part of her wanted to have sex until she quite literally passed out from exhaustion and hopefully wouldn't dream at all. Perhaps she would go with the latter. She wasn't sure there was very much wine left at camp.
Speaking of wine.
"You know, your wine tastes like horse shit. Do you think we could get some better wine in the city? You could make it part of your negotiations. Better yet, I can. You should take me with you."

Lear sat back, again. He'd leaned forward, trying to connect the dots for her, trying to help her see reality past her pain, but…
More interested in alcohol.
He nodded slowly, trying not to show his sadness for her. If she rejected help, she wouldn't last long, and if he was right about her… there went the last Venian Royal.
"If I wind up negotiating again, I'll take you with me." He gave her a small smile. "I'm not sure we will here, but you can come along."
He picked at some grass, looking down. He wanted to engage her in conversation again, but he rather doubted she wanted to talk to him.
"I'm sorry our wine is so awful." It was a legitimate apology. He knew it was bad. "It's meant to last over long trips a little better than the good stuff."

"People will drink whatever they get their hands on no matter how good it is. It just affects how much they enjoy it." Elia had experience with such a thing. She had good wine and bad wine during her life. She'd never had great wine, it was too expensive, even for Madame Rosette to buy, and that woman loved racking up her debt. It didn't matter how good it was, she would drink it if she needed something to calm her down and provide relaxation.
"I would like to be there if possible. There's nothing else for me to do. I think I would rather risk being in the city than siting here, twiddling my thumbs, and being stuck in my head." She finally looked at him. "it would be nice to get out of here as well. Being surrounded by men that don't have direct access to water is starting to hurt my nose. They stink." She scrunched her nose up. She had been used to being around natural odor and sweat. It was in the line of work. But being surrounded by so many, it got overwhelming after a time.

Lear was slowly crumpling as the conversation got more inane. He nodded at her, giving her a small smile. "We manage to enjoy the wine a little. And you have to remember, we were bathing last week. These last 2 days haven't gone according to plan." He looked down. "Normally, you'd have more roaming freedom, but… well, you were kinda hostile at the beginning, and then we locked down everything because we poked a hornet's nest." He pulled at more grass. "We're gonna kill a lot of hornets tomorrow, though, so hopefully this town can get back on its feet."
Dark had fallen, the night descending on them slowly as they'd sat there. Lear stood. "Coming back with me?"

"Can you really blame me?" Elia asked. "You said it yourself, you weren't too keen on accepting the prince's proposal. It took time for you to warm up to the idea. I need time as well."
She stood up beside him and brushed the debris off of her dress. She closed her eyes as she took several deep breaths before she felt herself sliding into her usual persona. She didn't want anyone to see her as weak or look at her differently. She needed to hold up this image of being strong and indifferent. It was what she sold herself on. "Don't worry too much about me, love, I'll be alright."
She needed him to believe that. She needed them all to believe that. Because if no one believed it, how could she? It was hard to believe in something when everyone around you was against you. How else did she convince the others at the brothels that she was cocky and pretentious? It was the only way to keep the Madame's eye from turning to one of them. She took on their punishments as her own. She brought in the most money so the Madame wouldn't expect anything as such from the others. She made it clear no one could ever amount to her. So Madame Rosette kept her eyes on Elia and no one else.

"Yes, I can. Put aside the proffered deal, let's not even consider that. You were hostile in general, about everything." He wasn't yelling, he wasn't angry, just explaining. "You can have all the time you want about the offer, but that's not what I was taking about."
She brushed him off with a thinly cloaked 'don't worry', and Lear knew when he'd been dismissed.
At least she's coming with me.
He nodded and headed back into camp, walking slowly so she wouldn't have to run to keep up. "I'm going to check on the Prince. We were trying to figure out how to salvage the tent."

Elia walked alongside him. She shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't apologize for her behavior when they first met. "All I knew when we first met was that the son of the pretender king was in town. I'd heard whispers of his nature, that he was a brute and enjoyed his whores. I knew nothing else. You cannot blame me for behaving as I did. I was half expecting to be placed in a harem when your prince demanded I come with you."
She had no bite to her words. She didn't want to start an argument on how great Romulus was and how she was being unreasonable blah blah blah. What was done was done and she wouldn't change her behavior then even if she could. She didn't know better and acted as such.
"I'm not sure your tent is worth salvaging at this point. You'd might be better off taking a couple of the smaller tents and sewing them into a larger one. it won't be pretty but it could work."

Lear had so many things to say, he decided to say none of them. If she could act out, he could blame her, but.
Romulus was better than both of them, so.
It couldn't matter to him anymore. But her 'pretender king' comment sparked his interest.
"So, question for you… you keep calling his father the 'pretender' king. Who do you think is the real one?"
They came up on the remains of the tent. The smaller ones would be ok, but they had been needed up till recently, and might be again.
Romulus had managed quite well, the tent was smaller but functional, lower but still over his head, and was at least closed to the elements. He was sitting inside on his cot, reading something. Lear stopped before they went in, waiting on her answer.

Elia's senses were tingling. This felt like a trap she had walked into. She needed to tread very carefully, lest she accidentally say something she shouldn't have. "The Callistar family has been ruling for centuries. Every person that has ever sat on the throne, good or bad, has been of Callistar blood. Despite how the old king was," she was tip toeing around the rumors that had been told about her father, "his heir would have likely ruled better in his stead. If Romulus' father wanted to sit on a throne, he should have married a woman next in line for the throne. Instead, we have new blood on the throne. It is unheard of here. All because he was upset he was a second-born son. Seems a little unfair that innocent people have had to suffer because he was greedy and power-hungry"
She stopped beside him and looked up at him. "No matter what you do, no matter how many people you save, no matter how many titles you restore, there will always be loyalists who will despise him and his family for what they have done. They will never accept anything less than Callistar blood on the throne. And they are resentful that the king has killed every last one of them. It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, but people will revolt. It is only a matter of time. They're just waiting for a sign."

Lear zeroed in like a hawk.
"So you'll revolt with them, I'm assuming? You seem so passionate about this." He watched her, his face the same inquisitive expression as a moment ago.
She was smart enough to talk circles around the subject, but if he was careful, she'd answer the questions he needed answers to.

"I want the king off the throne as much as the next but the problem lies in what happens after. If they somehow succeed in killing the king and his family, who will rule? There is no Callistar to put on the throne. There are no cousins or aunts or uncles to ascend the throne. The bloodline has been so diluted in other kingdoms that were allied by marriage that Venia wouldn't accept them either." Elia looked over at Romulus, hoping he wasn't listening. She lowered her voice just to be sure. "Just like you should have given a chance on the Callistar heir, I think he will be a good king." He being Romulus. "Not everyone will agree, he might face an uprising or two during his time, but if he plays his cards right, I think he could last. He cares, more than I thought he would. There is no one left alive that I think would be a better fit. But he needs to marry a Venian woman before he takes the crown. It will help with all of the unrest if someone of their own kind sits on the throne. It can't erase the past but it will help heal the wounds that have been made."

Careful, well done. The adder has a light touch.

Lear nodded slowly. "So if the people succeed in their revolt, since it's a when and not an if, who would you personally put on the throne? Who would replace the Vespasians?"

He didn't bother saying what was on his mind: That the Callistars had been a scourge on this country for generations; that the people accepted their role under the boot well, regardless of whose boot it was; that the Vespasians were more generous and caring for their subjects; that Elia was a massive hypocrite to want to trap Romulus in a marriage to 'secure' his crown, after all she'd been through being trapped; that she kept referring to him as one of them, even though he was as Venian as she was when the Haradrim came; no, none of that left his mind. Lear was a diplomat.
And she was slowly giving him what he wanted.

"Why are you asking me this? I have no interest in joining a rebellion. I am not meant for a battlefield. But in a hypothetical situation, in whatever fantasy world you have concocted where I got a say in who ruled, I don't know. If a Callistar was still alive, I'd suggest them. I do still have my roots. Or perhaps if my family was alive still, I'd suggest one of my brothers. They were close enough to the crown. They knew how it worked. But I was very young when everything happened. I was never in the know. I wouldn't have understood anything had I been included."
A trap. This is a trap.
The only problem was, she didn't know what trap she was walking into. If she knew, she could tread the ground how she needed to, to skirt around the trap. But she had no idea what Lear was hinting at.
"I think Romulus will be a good king. A strategic marriage would secure his position and at least keep Venian blood on the throne, even if it isn't the right lineage. It's just a suggestion you could mention. He doesn't have to agree to it." It would strengthen his claim to the throne, however. It might appease the people enough to cease any violent unrest.

There it is.
Lear immediately let up the pressure on that line of thinking. He went with one of the other things in his head, his curiosity satisfied and his suspicions, confirmed.
"You think I'm going to suggest to him that he trap himself, like you and I were trapped for so long, to secure the opinions and safeguard the wounded egos of a handful of rebellious people?" He raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you'd do that to him."
He wasn't, but that was besides the point.
Well. Mostly besides it.

Romulus had glanced up at some point, and seen them talking, but he'd put his head back down when he saw the look on Lear's face. The Lieutenant had a very specific expression when he was hunting, that you never knew till you were in the talons. Romulus had been there before, and part of him pitied Elia with whatever she was trying to withhold from the man.
Lear hadn't been given his spot, he'd earned it, in a million ways. This was one of them.

"He would not be trapped as you and I were. That would be suggesting that he experience everything we have gone through, which he would not." Elia stared him down. She was not backing down from this. "Clearly, you do not understand how royalty works. Sons and daughters are married off to whatever stranger their fathers chose for them for alliances that will help the kingdom. I'm not suggesting that we look at every noble woman and chose one to be his bride that is the most advantageous. Let him choose which woman to marry but let it be a Venian. I would suggest looking at ones that would be more helpful to the crown, such as finding a woman whose family has money or armies or resources, but it's not required. But marriage would strengthen his claim. Politically speaking, it's a smart move. It doesn't need to be now but he should before he inherits the throne."
She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.
What was the point of all of this? What was his aim?
She was usually good at reading people. The only thing that she could get from Lear was a hound on the hunt. She just didn't know what he was hunting for. "And as I've stated, it is just a suggestion. I can't force him to do anything, nor would I try. I am trying to be helpful but you don't have to take my advice. I may have been young when the king took over and there weren't many things I understood, this was one of them that I did. At least discuss it with him. Maybe he would be listen."

Lear smiled at her. "He doesn't need his claim strengthened, he's got the only claim at all. There's no one to contest that, you've said it yourself."
He tipped his head forward, making hard eye contact.
"Unless you know something I don't." It wasn't a question. More of a chance, extended to her to see if she'd keep lying.
If she said nothing, he was going to cut the conversation and walk into the tent.
If she told him, he would have to see how she reacted, but he'd like to embrace her as a friend and walk into the tent.

"Does he have a claim, though? He is the offspring of a usurper. It doesn't matter that I alone think he is fit to rule. If by some miracle, an uprising is able to remove him off the throne, don't think they won't find someone else to place up there. Someone who isn't Romulus."
Danger danger danger
The warning bells were ringing loud in her head. She needed to be careful with her next words. She wouldn't give anything away that would be dangerous for her. "Marrying a Venian woman would appease the majority and hopefully ensure peace. Do you think Romulus would truly give up that opportunity for the mere fact that he doesn't love her? If there is anything I've learned, he will do the greater good. He wants peace. This will help ensure that."

"Of course he has a claim, Elia. The throne belongs to the Vespasians, that's how conquest works. His father won it, not fair and square, but by cunning and treachery. That still makes it his, which means Romulus has the only claim. It's his throne to give up, or to take, as he likes." He kept his smile. Her line of thinking only made sense from one perspective, a very specific perspective.
And if she wouldn't admit to being the sole holder of that perspective, he wasn't going to push anymore.
"Anyway. I didn't mean to get you all bothered again. I'm sorry." He turned and walked into the tent.

Romulus saw the satisfied look on his face, and smiled at him. "Well, you seem happy about something."

Lear winked at him. "Oh, just having a friendly conversation about succession is all."

Romulus immediately frowned, giving Elia and Lear both a slightly confused look. "And this is good?"

Lear glanced at Elia. "We agreed you'll be a great king."

Elia glared at his back. She stood outside for a moment, debating walking away. For whatever reason, she didn't. She walked inside the tent and sat down on a cot. She crossed her ankles and placed her hands on her lap.
"You'll be a better king than your father, though that isn't hard to beat." She added. "And, this is also assuming you don't get murdered in your sleep. You never know who might come for your neck because they decide they no longer want you on the throne."
She started picking at her nails, cleaning the dirt from underneath them, as if she hadn't said what she just said. "I also think you should get married but Lear doesn't seem to agree."

Romulus smiled, shaking his head just slightly. "Venomous, indeed." He looked at Lear. "What on earth did you say to her to get me threatened?" Lear shrugged at him, and Romulus shook his head again.
"Well. Luckily I don't need to know who's coming for me in my sleep. It doesn't matter." His smile faded just a bit. "Wouldn't be the first time I've had to snap awake and immediately smear someone across a wall."
The matter-of-fact way he said it was… concerning.
"And as for being a better king than my father, well." Here his smile really faded. "You're absolutely right, it wouldn't take much."
He'd just managed to dig out of the pit Elia had put him in earlier, and here she was, plunking him right back in it.

Lear caught it, and deftly moved the Prince's attention. "Elia tells you only part of the truth. She thinks you should marry Venian, specifically."

Romulus quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, so I can point to my wife all my life and shift the people's hatred from me to the woman who agreed to marry the Harad prince?" He glanced at Elia. "A woman would have to be crazy to agree to that."

"I don't think that's something to be proud of, Romulus. Most people don't go around boasting about killing their would-be assassinator." Then again, most people weren't alive to be able to boast about such a thing.
Elia waved her hand as if waving off his concerns. "I think it would bring peace to many Venians to have one of their own sit on the throne. Politically, it's a smart move. I'm sure you could find some lovely women that are interested in being queen. People are always going to hate you. they're going to hate who you marry. That's a fact of life. you can't please everyone. You can, however, please the majority and hopefully bring some peace to the distress your father had brought on to us." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's up to you though I do suggest you take a political standpoint on this. You need allies."

The Prince shook his head. "Not proud of it, just not worried about it." And truth be told, he wasn't.

Lear watched Elia respond, and something he hadn't taken time to put together clicked in his head.
She has more to live for than she will tell- her own self-importance. The constant jabs, the digs about usurpers and people revolting and all that- she just really needs to feel that she's still relevant, still important. It's how she's stayed alive…
And now he definitely wasn't bringing it up again. Not if it might crack her in an irreparable way to know that over the last 12 years, the people had moved on. Her claims of the majority being appeased were ignorant of the fact that the majority had accepted the new status quo. Some hadn't, certainly, but if today had proved anything, it was that those who hadn't were the criminals and dark underbelly of the country, and those kinds of people would never accept the crown existing unless it benefitted them.

Romulus let his eyebrow drop. "Or I could just do what I'm doing and bring actual peace, instead of a political one. We all know political moves don't mean jack to the common man. But freeing children, cleaning up crime? That tends to make a difference." He shrugged. "And the people who wish to judge me based on my father will do so regardless of what I do or don't do. It's not my responsibility to fix their hatred, racism, and bitterness."