forum A Thing You Won't Remember

Started September 18, 2022 by @ElderGod-yellowqueen

tune

Elia let out a soft 'oof' as she came in contact with his chest. She placed her free hand on his pec as she looked up at him. "There's nothing to talk about, Romulus." She looked down at his chest, sighing. "I'm just…thinking."
She tilted her head back up at him. Part of her longed to tell him. It would be so nice to just sit down and unload everything. But the way that it was, they were enemies by blood and she wouldn't safe to talk to him of such things. She wouldn't be safe to talk to anyone.
"Whats the plan for tomorrow?"

Romulus searched her face. He managed to clamp down on the small amount of hurt that raised its head in his chest.
She'll never trust me…
He let go of her and straightened. "More hunting down of criminals. We have names and locations and the city leadership backing us. We should be able to cut the thing out by the roots." He started walking towards the meeting tent. "There may be more kids, if you're wondering what you can do. I'm not sure though. Might just be a lot of killing."

Elia smirked at his words. She took his hand to start leading him towards the medical tent. She had to take twice as many steps to match his stride. She found herself easily out of breath.
"I assume I'll be stuck here at the camp waiting. Hopefully, this time I won't be carried off like a sack of potatoes and dumped in my tent when I offer to help."
The dig was aimed at Lear, though he wasn't there to receive her fury. She entered the medical tent and pushed Romukus towards an open cot. She grabbed bandages, a wet rag, and the salve from the previous day. She waved her hand to instruct he take his shirt off.

(don't hate me 😬)

Romulus didn't stray from his goal. He was hungry, so he headed to the meeting tent. When she took his hand, he just kept walking, gently pulling her with him.
He did respond to her jibe. "I mean, you're cooperating now, so… I won't have to give that order." Lear had just been doing what he was supposed to.

Elia glared at his back as she followed him. This would be easier if he didn't weigh a ton and she could maneuver him where she wanted him. "Yes, well, the next tike that order is given I'll cut off your balls and where them around my neck as a trophy. We'll see if anyone wants to man handle me like that then."
She meant every word of it too. She had no qualms getting her hands dirty if anyone mistreated her.

Romulus rounded on her quickly, his hand stopping her in her tracks as he laid it across her collarbone and pushed just a little. "You'll do what?" His voice was low, even, neutral.
Lear had heard the comment and defused the situation. "She wants to handle your balls, my Prince, don't act so surprised."
Romulus looked her in the eyes for a moment, before turning and continuing on to get his food.
Lear cut her a look. "Maybe don't threaten him." She'd done it before, but something had obviously happened and Romulus was not on the mood to just smile and laugh at her venom.

Elia looked down at the hand on her collarbone then up at his face. She raised an eyebrow at him. She was about to open her mouth when Lear intervened.
She turned to Lear. "Then try not to manhandle me again and we won't have a problem. I don't appreciate being thrown around like some rag doll. I've been handled enough in my life. You need me somewhere, you tell me, you don't grab me."
She was tired of being treated like she wasn't human. She was a person and she would be treated like it. She pushed last Lear and walked into the tent

Lear sighed to himself and went to hand Romulus the plate of food he'd gathered. The children are gone and we're back to this. Great.
Romulus accepted the food and sat down. Lear could tell by the look on his face what was happening in his head. "Hey."
Romulus looked up at him.
"Don't go there." Lear turned to go get himself some food, showing Elia where he'd gotten it if she wanted any.
Romulus gave him a small smile and went back to eating. He was trying to think about other things, but…
His head was back to hurting, and Elia was back to snipping, and…
*Venomous indeed *

Elia found a seat somewhere in a corner where she could sit by herself. She had lost her appetite and really only wanted some wine. Unfortunately for her, she left the bottle in the prince's tent. She debated going back to get it but felt it would be too obvious. And she didn't want to put herself somewhere she could be cornered.
So she settled for crossing her arms on the table and resting her head in them. Her head was swimming with memories and voices. She had memories of her father, happy memories. She was always treated well and spoiled. She had a happy childhood for a time. But the man's voice, Lear's voice, swarmed her head with their tales. Everything she had believed to be real was nothing but a falsehood. It made her question why she had even bothered fighting for him. Perhaps she should reveal herself if not to end her line. She didn't want to carry on a bloodline that was so tainted.

Lear for his food and sat down across from Romulus. He glanced over at Elia, alone and thinking morose thoughts with her head down. He glanced up at Romulus, thinking morose thoughts with his head bowed.
Well.
"You two are probably thinking about the same thing." He said quietly to Romulus.

The Prince looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

Lear nodded his head at Elia, then said softly "You're thinking about your father and how wonderful he is, right?"

And Romulus had been. Elia had touched a nerve, several in fact, and he'd been going the exact direction Lear had told him not to.
He put 2 and 2 together, and his heart went out to her across the room.
"I don't know what to do."

Lear nodded, before shrugging. "Hey, I just follow your lead, Romulus." He took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. "I don't have all the answers either."
Romulus paused for a moment, bedore looking down at his food. Lot of fruit and venison.
He stood, smiled at Lear, and took his plate to go sit by her.

"Are you hungry at all? He asked gently as he sat across from her. He offered his food, sliding his plate across towards her.

Elia jumped, startled as she heard a body sitting across from her. She raised her head, suddenly very thankful she hadn't been crying. She looked down at the food that had been pushed in front of her. She only shook her head and slid it back to Romulus. It didn't matter that her stomach was rumbling, she physically couldn't eat. If she tried, she would likely vomit it all back up. "No thank you."
She placed a hand at her temple, rubbing it. She had started to form a headache, the day's events starting to wear on her. She was worried about the children, hoping they would make it to the palace safely. She was questioning her childhood, her father. And she was questioning her feelings about the man in front of her.

Romulus nodded and didn't push the issue. He noted her hand, and reached across the table to rub her temples and massage her scalp lightly. His hands were big enough to do all of that easily. "Anything I can help you with?" He didn't bother to ask if something was bothering her, that much was clear.
He did his best to shove the stuff clouding his own mind way down, out of the way.

Elia's eyes drifted shut as he massaged her head. She made a small noise in relief. Perhaps she would need to find a way to bribe him into giving her daily massages. He sure did know how to use his hands. She thanked whichever woman taught him how to do this. Whichever girl he would end up marrying, she would be a lucky one.
"No, there isn't anything to talk about." There was, just not with him. Unfortunately, dead men couldn't speak. If there was a way for her to summon his spirit… No, she shouldn't go there. It's dangerous magic and only a select few have the power to speak to the dead. It would be a dangerous journey to even find one, much less the actual summoning. It wouldn't be worth it.
"Anything you want to get off of your mind?"

Romulus considered it for a moment, but… the less ammunition he gave her, the better.
"No, I'm alright. Just noticed you're in obvious duress." He continued gently massaging her scalp, slowly moving his hands down till he was working on her neck and shoulders.

Lear watched them, chuckling to himself. Romulus had such gorilla arms. He was managing to massage Elia from across the table. Impressive.

After a bit, the Prince stopped. He let go of her and pulled his hands back. He finished off the plate quickly.
"If, uh… if you decide you want to talk, what's left of my tent is open." He gave her a small smile, before standing and taking his plate back.

Lear stood when he did. "Need your bandages changed?" Romulus nodded at him, and Lear headed out to the med tent to get the stuff.

Elia leaned into his hands. Her eyes fluttered open to look at him. "Well, if you ever decide you're in the mood to save a damsel in distress, just give me a warning so I can put myself in a situation of distress for you to come and rescue me."
She was trying to divert the conversation. Her walls had been continually chipped at and they were starting to crumble. She was afraid that if he kept pressing, she might break down and just tell him. She tried to imagine the relief it would be. After twelve years, keeping a secret like that weighs you down. It would be a burden lifting off of her shoulders. But she had no idea what would happen to her next.
She nodded to him with a huff of a laugh. "I think you need a new tent."

Romulus had smiled at her. Her eyes fluttering open had just reminded him how pretty they were, and if the thoughts in his head hasn't been so morose, he'd have been lost.

He turned and looked at her, smiling a bit after the tent comment. "I'll get one, but I'll have to make do for now."

Lear whistled, signaling he had the bandages ready, and Romulus have Elia one more smile, before leaving the tent to give her some privacy.

Elia dropped her head back to her arms on the table once the prince left. She wanted the quietness of the tent without being confined to her small tent and being completely left alone. Here, there was space to stretch and walk around, and she could hear the quiet buzz of people around her going about their day.
It wasn't before long that she was pulled into a light sleep. Her headache, her revelations, and everything else had just gotten to her and beat her down. She had been so tired from her lack of sleep and chilling nightmares that she drifted off to sleep without even meaning too.

Lear and Romulus went back to what was now more of a lean-to, and Lear worked on rebandaging the Prince's wounds.

"You alright?"

"There's no way she could have known."

"I know, but you thought about it. You're thinking about it now."

Romulus nodded slowly. "Yeah." He chuckled bitterly. "Stupid thing to be stuck on."

"It's a terrible, stupid thing to threaten a teenager with, Romulus. Not your fault it still bothers you." Lear was as gentle with his words as he was with his hands on the wounds.

Romulus have him a small smile.

Once Lear had finished up, they set to work making the tent livable, working in comfortable silence.

"I don't understand why you keep disobeying me, Elia. I hate punishing you but I have too." Madame Rosette tsked at her. Elia was chained to a bed on the highest floor. There was a gag around her mouth to keep her quiet. Saliva was running down her mouth and tears fell freely down her cheeks. she had a habit of denying to sleep with customers and the Madame did not appreciate that one bit. She was fed up even. "You have cost me a lot of money, dear. Now, you're going to stay in this bed until you have made up every last cent that you have cost me. Don't try to fight it, it will only make it worse."
Her lithe body trembled in fear as she stared at the Madame. Pitiful noises left her lips and were muffled by the gag. Her hands and feet were chained to the bed posts and she was free of any clothes. She cried harder as the realization hit her, what was coming for her.
"Be a good girl now, Elia. Perhaps you will be rewarded if you make me extra." The Madame opened the door to let in a man. He pressed some coins into her hand before the door was shut and the two were left alone.

Elia was startled awake with a scream. She put her hands to her face, digging her palms into her eyes to try to prevent any tears from welling. She took several deep breaths before dropping her hands. Several people suddenly looked away as she looked up at them. Blood flooded her cheeks in embarrassment. She stood up quickly and strode out of the large tent. She passed several people who were making it a point not to look at her.
She needed to get away from there. She needed space. She needed to breathe.

Romulus and Lear both heard the scream from the meeting tent. They stepped out of their tent together, in time to see Elia exiting in a hurry.

Lear looked at Romulus. "Do you want to help?"

Romulus did, but his headspace was not good right now.

Lear read the look on his face and followed her. "Clear your head."
He followed Elia, not hiding, making sure she saw him so he wouldn't startle her. "Elia?" He called.
He was mostly worried she'd leave camp again, and they were not in the safest spot at the moment.
But he of all people also knew what her dreams were like.

Elia didn't stop walking despite being followed by Lear. She just needed to get out.
She kept walking until she was past all of the tents. She went just a short way, putting some space in between herself and the camp. Not far enough to be in danger but enough to escape the noise and the people. She sat down on the ground and brought her knees to her chest, hugging herself. She missed having dreamless nights. Usually, she was beyond exhausted and passed out until the sun had risen in the late morning. Her body would be too tired to be able to dream. But now they were digging up things she didn't want to think about. Her past was being ripped up from the roots.
She didn't know how to handle it.
She didn't know what to do.
So she sat in the grass, slumped over, feeling defeated as ever.

Lear followed her, and when she sat, he sat, about 5 feet away. He sat off to her side, where he could see her and the camp and their surrounding area.

He just sat there, and waited.

After a few minutes he spoke up softly. "If I promised not to tell a soul, would you tell me what's on your mind?"
He just wanted to help her.

Elia was quiet for a few moments before she responded. "I'm just tired, Lear, I'm so tired. I feel like everything in the past twelve years is finally catching up to me. Back there I used to just block it out of my mind. I pushed everything away and just gave in to it all because it was easier and it hurt less. I just forgot. It made my life easier. I rose in the ranks. I was the best girl there was there. I got what I wanted, I did what I wanted, because I complied. And now that I'm here and I don't need to worry about such things, everything is coming to the surface. Memories I forgot I had just keep coming. Every time I close my eyes, I'm there again, going through something else. I'm being sold or beaten or starved. I just want to forget again. I've fought for a very long time and I'm tired of fighting. And the worst part is, it's never going to stop."
She looked over at him. She wasn't crying. She felt she had no more tears to give. She just rested her cheek on her knees. "I have no friends, I have no family, I have no allies. I have nothing Lear. There is nothing for me here. I have no reason to keep living. I don't know how much longer I can do this."

Lear nodded slowly. He was quiet for another little while, gathering his thoughts.
He kept his voice gentle when he spoke again.
"When Romulus rescued me 8 years ago, I was in the same boat. The first 3 days I did nothing but sleep. I would sleep for 14 hours, wake up, eat, try to socialize, and go back to sleep for another 14 hours. I repeated that till my body was waking me up. Then I started learning to fight. I asked the guards to teach me to use their weapons. That made me tired, and I kept sleeping 14 hours at a time, just with more time awake between." He looked at her. "I had no friends, no family, and no allies that I trusted. There was no reason for me live." He swallowed and looked down. "So I stopped trying. I spent a while learning the weapons, and then just… stopped doing anything. Didn't eat, didn't exercise, didn't do anything but sleep, nightmare and wish I was dead. At some point, I decided to do something about it."
He paused, the memory vivid in his mind. "Romulus saved me three separate times in the middle of me trying to kill myself." He chuckled softly. "He has a 6th sense about these things. The last time, the elaborate plan I'd put together nearly killed him instead." He rubbed his face.
"After that, he offered me what he'd offered me at the beginning, a spot in his personal guard squad, except it wasn't really an offer. I didn't have a choice. He made sure I was educated, and then trained, given a purpose, given a reason. At the start, I hated being forced out of my head, hated feeling vulnerable and open, but at some point, I took the small steps to make this life mine, and…"
He looked at her again. "Now I have friends. I have a family, of sorts. I have allies. I have a life worth living, and it started with taking the small steps. Saying yes when he asked me to come on an assignment with him. Talking to him when I struggled. Telling someone about the things that triggered me. Working through the 11 years of trauma and pain and the 3 suicide attempts and the nightmares and the depression and everything else, slowly but surely." He smiled, just a little. "I'm 8 years in, and I only nightmare every once in a while. I haven't put a knife to my wrist in years, I haven't figured out how much poison it would take to kill me in a while, and I have a life I enjoy, Elia." He leaned towards her.
"The Prince is offering you a chance at that. His deal for land as a noble is a chance to help him build something better than what his father has made. It's a chance to be a part of the network that will work with him and around him to improve the lives of Venians, Haradrim, and everyone else living within these borders. He's willing to put in the work to help you get better, to help you rebuild yourself as he rebuilds the nation. To give you a purpose beyond yourself and your pain, to give you dreams instead of nightmares, aspirations instead of anger and bitterness over your awful past- and it just starts with you taking the small steps. Saying yes. Accepting help. Those things will put you on the path to recovery, I can promise you. There's life after death, after the hell we've been through."

Elia shook her head and buried her face between her knees. "I haven't done anything to deserve any of this. I've done nothing to deserve this kindness and I don't understand why it's being offered to me. I don't know him. I don't know you. I have nothing to offer, nothing to give. I can't be a part of the guard; frankly, I have no desire to. I have no house left, no name, no family. I will never fully trust anyone. I can't. Not after everything I have gone through. I have spent the last twelve years in hell. I don't have a reason to fight anymore. What's the point? You don't want me here. It's been made obvious. Romulus just wants to fuck me. And even if by some miracle he decided to declare me as some long-lost noble, who would respect me? Who would follow me? Because if some random person came up to me and declared they were nobles and I had to follow their rule, I would laugh in their face. There is nothing to make mine. There isn't anything for me."