He smiled again, gaze moving down to where Sabbas's hand lay on top of his own. He could feel, lightly, Sabbas's heart beating fast beneath the fabric. "And I would not have a reality without you either." he replied, voice soft and sweet and light as a feather. "It would not be one that I would enjoy."
"I am grateful to have you with me in this one." He smiled back before following his gaze down to their hands. The feeling of his heart beating became more apparent like this was the first time he had ever felt it. Sabbas sighed, getting a brief glimpse of Edward's lips. His eyes widened, yet they looked back down at his chest. "It beats for you, you know," He murmured. "You have given it true meaning to continue its rhythm, though it beats to a new melody."
He hummed for a moment, gaze drifting back up to Sabbas's face again. "I am glad that you believe that." he said softly. "Very, very much so." he was still smiling softly, lips pulled upwards in the softest of curves. "And you speak so poetically that I am afraid even I cannot match it."
Sabbas blushed, looking away to let out a shaky breath. "You are already poetry to begin with. Your eyes…your lips…your voice…Any little thing you do, you do poetically." Returning his gaze back to Edward, he smiled while laughing softly. He traced the edge of Edward's bottom lip with his thumb. "It is funny how I am awestruck by you, yet I still have a thousand things to say."
Edward inhaled softly as Sabbas's thumb moved along his lip, breath trembling and body going still. This sort of thing was so unfamiliar to him. These sorts of touches, this sort of company…it was so unfamiliar to him, it all was, and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to respond, in all honesty. It was…strange.
His thumb stopped halfway that along with the rest of him. Sabbas felt Edward's breath against his thumb. He wasn't sure what to do now. Ice must have frozen his whole body. Even his own lips were trembling a little. Well that is until he kissed Edward on the cheek. His lips gently pressing against soft skin. "You are stiff like ice." Sabbas purred, "Should I kiss you more to warm you up?" His face flushed a light shade of pink. "Edward, are you alright?"
At the kiss, Edward's cheeks flushed, and his eyes widened faintly. His gaze skittered away, and he didn't know what to do. "I…I am fine." he breathed, hands pulling back to fidget together faintly, twisting his hands against each other as he tried to process this, tried to process what to do. He had had dalliances with other men before, but nothing quite like this. Nothing quite like this.
While he smiled, a worried look lit up in his eyes. It was difficult for him to ignore Edward and his mannerisms present. The kiss; perhaps he should go slow. He had already flipped Edward's world upside down just moments ago then the king was relaxed. Now he is not and this is what worries Sabbas. Maybe it is just nerves, but he still wants to make sure that he is alright.
He took the chair from his desk and held it on both sides. "Here, sit down and rest your feet unless you wish to sit somewhere else like the edge of the bed over there…Whatever you wish." Carefully, he sat the chair down behind Edward then returned to stand in front of him. "I will go as slow and be as gentle as you wish," He assured. "I value your wellbeing as much as I value your affection." Exhaling deeply, he ran his hand through his hair. The blush on his face persisted.
Edward took a seat on the chair, running his hands over his face. "My apologies." he said softly. "It is only…I have not the experience that you…that you seem to." he said, clearing his throat quietly. "And…and I have lived so long praying for the Lord to take these feelings away from me that…that acting on them now is difficult." he didn't quite meet Sabbas's eyes. Would Sabbas think him weak, now? A coward?
"Oh Edward…." Sabbas knelt down, making sure that he rested his weight on both knees comfortably. His hand reached up to the side of Edward's arm while the other rested gently on his knee. At the mention of having some experience, he swallowed then froze; at least the experience had led him to survive this long for certain reasons. "You see, my dear Edward….you need not to worry about such a thing like experience. We all learn when we feel these feelings with another," He assured. "You are quite the strong man, bearing these feelings deep down and all alone…Let me bear some of the weight, even when it becomes difficult or you need a moment to breathe."
Edward exhaled faintly, listening to Sabbas's words. "I'm sorry." he said again. "I…I just need a moment, I think." this was so much. And it was good, it was, but yet something inside him was crying at this. This was sin and he was throwing himself into it, headlong, and was he not the king? Was he not meant to be better than this?
"By all means, take as long as you need. I will be here for you." Letting go, he placed his hands on his knees before sliding back and standing up. Sabbas was unsure of what to do next. Standing there doing nothing can be helpful, yet he found it to be useless as well. He only had one other idea and just went with it. Strolling over to the door of his bedroom, he took the chair by the end table and placed it by Edward then sat down. This was something he never expected to happen. Miraculously enough, it feels like a dream he can't get out of. But what does this all feel like to Edward? Can he be of any help to him?
Edward took a few steadying breaths, closing his eyes and pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Sorry." he repeated, voice quiet. "I'm…just tired, I think, and perhaps a touch overwhelmed." what a dtrange day this had been, thus far, and he did not quite know how to process it all. This had…been strange and tiring and odd and a good thing, all at once.
Sabbas was not sure what was creeping up into his heart, making it ache. Empathy? Regret? Worry? Fear? Edward has gone through so much in just a matter of moments, and he ultimately spurred it all in a matter of seconds. He could not hold his tongue back just for a moment to think. "I am sorry. I had completely turned your world inside and out," Sabbas lightly laughed while shaking his head.
"You have." he agreed with a soft, quiet laugh. "But…that is alright, I think." his mouth pulled in a soft, faint smile, and he looked up at Sabbas with a soft fondness. "I only need some time to adjust, and I shall be fine after that." he exhaled quietly, running a hand through his golden waves.
Never did he expect such a gentle laugh to give him goosebumps. "Hm?" Sabbas gazed back with enlarged pupils. They glistened with affection. Briefly, he looked off to the side to clear his throat. "Alright…Take as much as you need…I will be here." He watched Edward in an almost dazed-like state. What beautiful hair. God really did bless such a man with grace and beauty, and God blessed Sabbas with eyes to see Edward.
Edward smiled a little bit, noticing the way Sabbas seemed a touch dazed by…something. He was not quite sure what. "Yes. Thank you." he breathed, closing his eyes for a long, quiet moment and just trying to calm his racing heart. Sabbas was handsome and kind, and what had Edward done to deserve such a man?
Sabbas, still in a bit of a daze, only nodding in response. The moment his eyes drifted away from Edward then down towards the floor, he was out of the dreamy-like state. He found himself sitting back into the chair, looking around at the room then at Edward. If this is all truly a dream, his heart will ache when he wakes up. And yet, with a man as gentle, bright, and caring as Edward, his heart is going to ache for good reasons.
He took a few moments to collect himself, his heart eventually slowing down. Not by much, but enough. He looked over at Sabbas again, taking a moment to examine the Spaniard. "Alright." he said faintly, mostly to himself. "I'm…feeling calmer now." this was directed to Sabbas, and he tugged lightly on the hem of his sleeves.
A light smile rested on his face even though a glassy look glossed over his eyes. It wasn't until Edward spoke did this look disappear. He looked at him with a beam. "Really? That is good…That is good." Sabbas rested his head against Edward's shoulder. "I always find it to be calming to be in an intimate space with someone like this. You know, I will always be here if you need comfort or if you want your world turned upside down again." He laughed softly following with a sigh.
(sorry for the wait, I've been busy!)
Edward stilled faintly when Sabbas rested his head on his shoulder, blinking at the Spaniard for a moment. "I…yes." he replied faintly. "You…you seem quite good at turning my world upside down." he leaned his head against Sabbas's, closing his eyes for a moment as he relaxed in the Spaniard's presence.
(It's all good! :D )
Sabbas laughed quietly. "I am good at many things, you see. That is why I am here with you now." The feeling of Edward's head against him was calming. He closed his eyes, enjoying the silence and being in Edward's presence. His heartbeat slowed. If it wasn't daytime, he probably would fall alseep. He opened his eyes, breifly taking a glance up at Edward. As softly as he could, he whispered, "You are heavenly."
(:D)
Edward smiled a little bit at Sabbas's words, humming faintly. "Thank you." he said softly. "And you, darling ambassador, are wonderful." he stayed still, head still resting against the ambassador's. This moment was everything. It was…it just simply was. He knew that when he went to bed, he would be replaying this time through his head, thinking about it until sleep claimed him.
"Why thank you, my dear Edward." Laughing once again, he closed his eyes. "A heavenly king and his darling ambassador." Just the two of them together. He wondered, "Would you want to be together like this soon?" This moment, he loves it. He won't ever forget this. In fact, the memories of this will have him distracted for the rest of the week. The memories of Edward, his heavenly dear.
"What do you mean?" he asked, a touch confused on what Sabbas was asking him. "I, ah, I'm afraid that I don't really understand." he stayed still, snuggled close to Sabbas. He slowly wrapped an arm around the ambassador's shoulders, hand resting lightly on Sabbas's shoulder.
"Oh, I am sorry." Did he get his words mixed up again? Frowning at himself, he bit the inside of his cheek. But as the self-frustration was about to settle, he felt Edward wrapping his arm around him. He tensed up, not really familiar with this, yet soon, his body naturally relaxed, cuddling against Edward. "What I meant was…as Edward and Sabbas together as lovers…like how we are now…close together…Uh…Will we be able to do something like this again?" He hoped his question makes more sense. "Like may we…in secret at a time you wish…may we meet and be together again, like the way we are now?"
He hummed a little, processing Sabbas's stammering. "Yes, that makes sense." he responded. "And…I would like that, Sabbas." his mouth pulled into a soft, gentle little smile. "I really, really would. It sounds lovely." if they could only find the time for it. Edward's schedule was not always forgiving.
Sabbas shut his eyes briefly. He breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God. Sometimes he does not make sense to himself. Opening his eyes, he gazed up at Edward. His heart leaped with excitement. It jumped around with glee. "Ah good, good." He slightly nodded. "I am sure we will find time to. I know you are a busy man, a busy king. Even if time is being temperamental, I believe we will be able to have moments like this."
He smiled a little bit, looking at Sabbas with a soft, sweet fondness in his eyes. "We will find time for these moments." he confirmed contentedly, closing his eyes for a moment and leaning his head against Sabbas's again, basking in the Spaniard's presence. In the touch and speech of another, someone who did not hold expectations on him, who would not begin speaking of scripture and the Lord's expectations.
Tension in his mind withered into ease. It's okay, Sabbas thought to himself, everything is alright. He was not sure how he came to know of this, yet the expression in Edward's eyes told him so. An expression that he never had come to see with any other person he'd involved himself with, even the ones where he thought there was affection. This is different. Sabbas smiled back before looking down at the floor. His hand rested on Edward's chest. He closed his eyes.