This may be somewhat self-explanatory, but this is character critiquing thread that works on a "pay it forward" system. A lot of times with character critiquing threads I see, either the person who started the thread gets (understandably) burnt out very quickly, or, in the case of threads where a group of people discuss each other's characters, one person ends up doing most of the critiquing anyway. So I thought a character critquing discussion in the style of the "Character Vibe Check" discussion might solve the problem! Here's how it works, if you've never participated in the vibe check thread before:
You must critique the most recent character added to the thread before sending you own character! To avoid confusion, quote whatever you are responding to, or @ the person and clarify which character you are critiquing.
Share a link to the character you would like feedback on. Make sure the page of the character is public! If you would like feedback on specific aspects of the character, or want to specify how harsh of a critique you want, also say that here.
If you are responding to feedback, quote what you are responding to or @ the person who gave the feedback.
And finally, a few ground rules:
I don't want to enforce a sentence minimum unless it becomes neccessary, but please give genuine, well-thought out feedback! If you are going to give rushed, half-hearted critiques just to get to your own character, this isn't the thread for you.
Be respectful; there is a difference between constructive criticism and insulting someone's character.
If your character's profile contains potentially sensitive or triggering content, please give a specific content warning (as an example, "CW for mentions of suicide in the History section").
You are welcome to contribute multiple times, but please do not monopolize the thread. Also, please do not send the same character multiple times!
I can critique whoever would like to go first, then we can go from there :)
He’s moderately developed, and I’m still adding details, but I figured I’d try him.
I don’t think he has anything triggering. Though, there is some mild mentioning of sex/sensuality, specifically in the Personality and Mannerisms sections.
(It's nothing formal or anything, don't worry if you've never done it before! You basically just look at someone's character and give them your ideas on what you think they're doing well on and what they might improve on.)
You did a great job with all the descriptions in the Looks section. I like the inclusion of what his voice sounds like, I don't think I've seen that on this site before! His saliva/blood being partially lava is also a cool idea. Is there a reason this species has burning saliva/blood but has not fully adapted to it?
His traits in the Nature section are a good start, but I would love to see how those traits manifest themselves in him. There are a lot of different ways in which a character might act like a loner, or be meticulous, etc., and mentioning the way he presents his traits might help people gain a better picture of him.
Adding a few more specific mannerisms would also be helpful. What always helps me come up with mannerisms is thinking about certain ticks or "tells" the character might have when experiencing certain emotions. For example, how might someone close to him tell if he's happy? Does he tap his feet when he's impatient? That sort of thing.
His motivations and fears look good, but I'd love to see more of the "why" behind them. You did a good job explaining how his flaws show up, however!
In general in the Nature section, I would just recommend going into more detail with the traits. Showing how certain things manifest in him and the reasons behind them would be helpful.
I love the details about his magic, nothing to say here. A "trivia" section full of smaller/more random facts is also a neat idea; it definitely helped me understand him as a character more.
The details in the Social and Family sections are wonderful! I love how you explained his relationships with other characters in your story.
His history section is also off to a good start, no critiques here :)
You mentioned that he wasn't fully developed yet, so hopefully I didn't just critique things you were planning on adding anyway. I think Ghar'Teus is a pretty solidly developed character so far and I hope this was helpful!
I would love if whoever went next critiqued Jack! There are a few long-winded explanations about his conditions/history in there, so don't feel obligated to read through absolutely everything in sections where there's a TL;DR blurb at the top—though you're welcome to read through them if you feel like it :) Be as harsh with your critique as you'd like!
if however goes next could take a look at ruth? i wanna make her three-dimensional and likeable but still a believable psychopath and i think i've failed :S
Heyo! @threesacult !! I'll give Jack a critique! (my critiques are mostly in the form of questions because I have a lot of them and yeah akdsjf;alksjf)
Okay so right away he's p neat
In looks, at least for me, I would put a few more identifying features. Does he have large lips and wide eyes? A crooked nose? Warped teeth? How is his posture?
What age does he appear to be?
With his personality, you mentioned earlier that he's a bit of a coward but he's also extremely competitive. To what point does his competitiveness stretch? How long does it take for that "flight" instinct to kick in when faced with a challenge?
And with Jack's anger, you said that he snaps? How exactly does he snap? I know that there's that freezing cold smile, but is there anything else to that?
Does The Void ever get the better of his emotions?
Is there any firm reason behind his atheism? Is Jack a logic-based type of person who requires solid proof of a higher power?
For his background: family. Is his family at all relevant to the story? Did they have a hand in his morbid curiosity? Was he neglected or nurtured?
You mentioned that he and Emmett are married! Yay these bitches gay good for them! How did they meet? Who proposed? I just kinda want more relationship details!
All and all, Jack is such a fascinating character and I would love to see so much more of him! His character seriously compels me and he's so wild and creative. I love him!!!
And whoever's next, here's my skrunkly murder blorbo Abel Nakamura! Quick CWs: murder, self-destructive tendencies, and suicide in history.
In social, writing a short reason why her favorite thing is her favorite would help us understand her better
In nature, a few emotional mannerisms could be added to show the character's response to emotions. Expanding on the little bullet points in personality could also help understand her better, but also how she applies those traits. You mention her prejudice against Adelaide is because of her upper-class look. Is there a reason for that?
It is stated she likes maths. Why?
History second looks great, but I feel you could expand on moments in the backstory a bit further
Love the details you put into the looks! I can visibly imagine her in my mind
Her nature section is mainly solid. Love the idea that there is no rhyme or reason to the murders. Makes her feel like an enigma. It also adds to her being a psychopath well
Her relationships are pretty solid as well. I love how she considers herself friends with Oliver even though he doesn’t like her back. One thing would be: How is her relationship with the person and how does it affect her?
I like the quotes! The one about fear sticks out to me the most. It draws to me the most because of how true those statements are
Not a critique, more of a curiosity. It’s mentioned she shaves her eyebrows in notes, and I’m curious why
I’m sorry if this was not great. I’m still working on my critiquing skills
Whoever is next, here is Bane. CW: Abuse and trauma are mentioned throughout the page.
An ethnicity is where someone's from and Judaism is a religion.
Her motivation is to be recognized, and yet she hates large crowds and people. Would she like to be worshipped instead of recognized? Does she want that power over other people? Growing up was she not given enough love and attention? Being recognized is kind of a vague motivation and I would elaborate on that more.
Earlier, you said that she kills without reason or rhyme, yet her first and last victims are listed as her enemies? Any reason why these two are considered her enemies over the rest of her victims?
For her favorite food, color, etc. why? Why does she like those the best?
Why was she expelled from all of these schools?
Also, in "enemies" Andy is listed as her first victim and in "background" Jason is listed as her first kill.
Why did she turn herself in?
all and all she's pretty interesting and her character is compelling! I would just add more to her story and fix a few inconsistencies!!
@MJ-the-Larcenist-Arsonist omg thank u. i didn't notice ANY of the inconsistencies. and i thought ethnicity was the same as race my baddd. she's jewish by race but not religion sorry that wasn't clear. but tysm will fix it!!
@Anxietyfilledcinnamonroll thank you so much!! i'll put in more detail about the relationships n backstories.
im so sorry u both had to read it lmfao but i really appreciate ur critiques !!! <3
(That’s totally okay @MJ-the-Larcenist-Arsonist! If you like, you can send a character and I’ll critique them without sending my own afterward to get the thread back on track.)
@MJ-the-Larcenist-Arsonist omg thank u. i didn't notice ANY of the inconsistencies. and i thought ethnicity was the same as race my baddd. she's jewish by race but not religion sorry that wasn't clear. but tysm will fix it!!
Yeah no problem!! Just letting you know, being Jewish isn't a race, it's a religion. Maybe you could say that she's middle eastern or central european by race.
Hiya! Just taking a more in depth look at Bane here!
First off I read the document on hellhounds just to get a better idea of the species and LSDSALJ I LOVE IT SO MUCH ITS SO COOLIO!! Same with the detail of profile, we love to see it!
Secondly, I absolutely adore his personality and the layers he has. I can already see a lot of internal conflict going on to challenge his loyalty to the Bureau vs his loved ones and challenging the lengths of his over-protectiveness.
I think you could possible benefit analysing him from a psychological stand point, looking into how trauma effects him more so, especially considering what his relationship with his father would be like that would be a much deeper wound for him to heal. Same deal with the eye ripping out thingie. I don't think its a necessary thing to do since he's such a rich character already but it would be certainly interesting to give it a shot and see what comes from it.
AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH JULIAN??? I loved the dynamic already, I wanna hear more about how they are together as a couple because ksjdlkas my heart i'm in love.
Overall a very nice boi! Love him to death.
On that note here is my gal Pike! She's long overdue for a critique, but CW: Neglect, drugs, drinking, if there is anything else I should mention please let me know! Pike Skylar Jayren
(@MJ-The-Larcenist-Arsonist I've expanded on all her details, but "Jewish identity is also commonly defined through ethnicity." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_is_a_Jew%3F) really don't mean to be finicky !!!)
@Rover3672 Aww, thank you :) He's basically my child, and I'm glad you love him too! I'll take the suggestion on how the traumatic events affect him deeper. I think it could be an interesting experiment and way to explore him from a psychological stand-point instead of what is introduced by the way he acts and talks. Thank you again!
@Rover3672 Aww, thank you :) He's basically my child, and I'm glad you love him too! I'll take the suggestion on how the traumatic events affect him deeper. I think it could be an interesting experiment and way to explore him from a psychological stand-point instead of what is introduced by the way he acts and talks. Thank you again!
Its no problem! its something i did recently with some of my characters and its been so helpful when trying to make it more realistic, and if you need a critique again I can give a second opinion!
@threesacult, thank you for the feedback. It definitely helped point out a few things I didn’t even realize I needed to do.
His saliva/blood being partially lava is also a cool idea. Is there a reason this species has burning saliva/blood but has not fully adapted to it?
It’s actually a unique feature to Ghar’Teus. He’s had that since he became a Fire Behemoth. He hasn’t fully adapted to it because drāckonians have regular blood/saliva and their mouths/throats usually have nothing to do with fire. I’ll work on clarifying that in the page.
His traits in the Nature section are a good start, but I would love to see how those traits manifest themselves in him.
Adding a few more specific mannerisms would also be helpful.
This is actually where I struggle on all my characters. I can write them in a story with no problems, but trying to jot down mannerisms and other descriptive actions is ridiculously hard for some unknown reason. Though, I honestly do somewhat confuse Mannerisms with Personality.
His motivations and fears look good, but I'd love to see more of the "why" behind them.
This is a detail I missed on all my characters, lmao!
In general in the Nature section, I would just recommend going into more detail with the traits. Showing how certain things manifest in him and the reasons behind them would be helpful.
I totally agree. It goes back to my struggle with Mannerisms, but I also tend to forget to put the ‘why’ and ‘how’ in there anyway, lol.
You mentioned that he wasn't fully developed yet, so hopefully I didn't just critique things you were planning on adding anyway. I think Ghar'Teus is a pretty solidly developed character so far and I hope this was helpful!
You’re good, and thank you again. You’ve actually helped me figure out things that I didn’t even realize I missed. Big grin.
@MJ-the-Larcenist-Arsonist sorry it took a while for me to get to them, but here are my thoughts on Abel!
Right of the bat, including name etymology and meaning is very cool! I always like seeing what character names mean.
Very detailed descriptions in their Looks section! I feel like I gained a very clear mental image of him from it. Having a "General Description" box or something of the sort at the top of the page might help tie all the individual details together, but otherwise, this part looks great!
For the Personality section, diving into their mental illness more rather than simply saying that they are insane or deranged as an explanation for their behavior would be good. Disorders are never a determining factor in morality, so add more explanation as to why they are evil! Research is always very important when writing characters with personality disorders or mental illnesses to avoid stereotyping—I don't think you have necessarily stereotyped, just be wary of falling into the pit that many writers fall into when creating "deranged" villains. As long as you look into what disorders Abel actually has a little more, you should be good. Finding articles written by people who actually live with the disorder are the best for this, especially if they're looking at it from a writer's standpoint :)
I like how you included different mannerisms for different emotions. It'd be cool to see more about what situations he might portray these emotions in (what makes them feel embarrased? Etc.), but this section looks good.
It was super cool to see a description of their fighting style in the Mannerisms 2 section!
I think it'd actually be interesting to have a list of all the languages they speak! Very nice descriptions of their voice in the Voice section too.
I like their water vapor-based powers, nothing to critique there :)
You mention in the Medical section that he's been diagnosed with sociopathic tendencies, but sociopathy seems to somewhat contradict the traits you described in his Nature section. I'm not an expert, though, so I again will just suggest researching sociopathy and other disorders they may have.
His relationships in the Family and People sections are descriped very well! Are there any exceptions to his disregard for human life? That might be helpful to mention here.
Completely unrelated to the critique, but I love your art style!!
Overall, Abel has a very thorough profile and you're incredibly good at writing descriptions! My biggest suggestion would be to flesh out his Nature section more, but other than that it's just some minor nitpicks. Sorry I didn't have a bullet point for every section—all the ones I skipped in my critique were pretty solid and I didn't have anything to really add to them. I had a lot of fun reading their profile and I hope my critique helps!
Thank you so much for the feedback on Jack, @sortaslightlysentient and @MJ-the-Larcenist-Arsonist! You pointed out some things that I didn't even think about when fleshing out his character and I'll definitely be incorporating your suggestions :)
be less vague!! how is science a hobby?
Thank you for pointing this out! I put that in as a placeholder while researching Victorian science and medicine to try and gain a better understanding of it, and I completely forgot to actually use said research in his profile lmao
he's a coward, but this kind of contradicts some of his personality traits.
With his personality, you mentioned earlier that he's a bit of a coward but he's also extremely competitive. To what point does his competitiveness stretch? How long does it take for that "flight" instinct to kick in when faced with a challenge?
And with Jack's anger, you said that he snaps? How exactly does he snap?
I think I basically called Jack a coward and then completely neglected to elaborate on how he expresses said cowardice, despite fear being one of his main motivations lmao. He very much has a "fight" reponse when it comes to fight/flight/freeze, which doesn't feel like the response of a cowardly person, but the cowardice aspect sort of comes in because of how obsessed he is with protecting himself (whether that be literally, physically protecting himself or just protecting his ego), even when there's no real threat to him. He's also cowardly in the sense that he will absolutely always save his own skin rather than trying to help other people (excepting his husband). So his competitiveness is actually fed by fear! I'll be adding all this to his profile instead of just rambling on here lol but I hope that sort of makes sense! I'll also add onto the way he expresses anger, thanks for showing me the vagueness there.
Does The Void ever get the better of his emotions?
It doesn't directly interfere with his emotions, but it definitely contributes to his fear/stress a lot of the time. I'll clarify that somewhere in his profile :)
Is his family at all relevant to the story? Did they have a hand in his morbid curiosity? Was he neglected or nurtured?
You mentioned that he and Emmett are married! Yay these bitches gay good for them! How did they meet? Who proposed? I just kinda want more relationship details!
I've completely neglected Jack's family background because it doesn't ever come up in the story, but I agree that it's important anyway and could help inform his character. Describing the relationships between characters in words is something I definitely struggle with across the board. I'll definitely be adding something about his relationship with other characters, especially the relationship between him and his husband, in the future!
thank u for introducing me to refsheet tho. it's awesome
Of course! It's very fun getting to customize character profiles on there with color schemes and that sort of thing :)
Again, thank you both for taking a look at my character!
You’re good, and thank you again. You’ve actually helped me figure out things that I didn’t even realize I missed. Big grin.
I'm glad, thanks for letting me take a look at your character!
Also, a reminder to the next person to join the thread that the next character to be critiqued is @Rover3672's Pike since the link got a little buried in the thread lol
mannerisms are really good!! i like that you've included it for all her emotions
her motivations are a liiiiiitle vague?? why do they motivate her?
in her fears, what does 'persona' mean?
history is SUPER detailed !! kudos, man
what type of witch is she? like, wicca, supernatural, pagan? it can mean so many different things lol
WOW!! the level detail about her relationships is insane. seriously.
i love the ear piercing anecdote
overall, super good and really well rounded. she sounds great and you've gone into so much detail. maybe just explain a few more things in the earlier segments?? <3
if whoever could go next could have a look at adelaide? if i've gone too many times, let me know and i'll take it straight down!!
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