103: You didn't have to do that, though.
Maybe the days were getting long, running into each other like seems on a blanket.
perhaps the others were drifting away, and "no one noticed", no one but me.
Yes there is a chance that life was caving in, and there was no way out.
But that doesn't make it right, no it wont even break the surface. You left me.
I quote from that letter you gave me when we first fell in love. "i'll be with you forever"
Agreeing to this was a promise, a deal, a pact. but you lied.
lier.
a word with so much meaning a word that i screamed into my pillow when you left.
"liar"
A word i uttered at your funeral, alone to myself.
Liar.
We would have made it, we could have made it. so why i ask, did you have to give up on me, on us.
I advise anyone who loves someone, do not promise them a forever.
just like many others he didn't have to do it. but he did, and he would again.
but before you do it, and harm the people you promised forever.
please remember you don't have to do it.
you didn't have to do that, though
(gosh i hate this lmao. i cant do poetry or whatever this is lol)
I read that while listening to the amazing devil and DAAAAAMN
104: I was going to bet my life on you
The keys hit the counter with a subtle crash that went unnoticed. They slid a few inches in a splayed manner, like a corpse on an icy road.
He sighed.
There was a muttered curse as he fumbled with the light switch and missed the first two times, before slamming his hand upward, which he repented of a second afterwards, convinced by the pain in his palm. He stared around the small room, no particular intent in mind. The old chair with olive green padding beckoned to him, but he knew if he sat down it would be hours until he could get up again. He sighed again.
The microwave buzzed tunelessly as the subpar frozen lasagna spun slowly round, its halo of orange light serving to attempt a presentation of which it was quite unable to fulfil, which was just as well as no one cared. People who eat frozen single servings of lasagna generally don't. It was still cold in the middle when he did eat it, but the corners burned his mouth. He tried to savor the warmth of it. It was a late summer day, plenty of warmth still hovered in the air, but he did not feel it. His teeth broke through the center of the mostly tasteless brick, and he swallowed slowly.
He didn't feel like getting dressed for bed, but he was glad that he did. The change of clothes helped change his mood, and the cold felt better on his skin, not as unwelcome. His shoes lay at the foot of his bed, but he didn't muster up the energy to care. He could deal with it tomorrow.
He lay in bed, staring upward, the ceiling fan blowing down the air that had been warmed during the daylight hours. He ached. Gone were the plans for the future. Gone was the motivation that filled him with energy, pushing him onwards as he took extra hours in wait for the paycheck bonuses. Tabs were still open on his laptop to a pdf of an application to a larger apartment, as well as a page to different sites bragging low priced on expensive looking rings.
Well, he had thrown the dice. He knew the risks when he made the bets. He would recover. He had time and money and a few friends near and far. Still he turned in his bed, emotion keeping him a captive of the waking world. He had bet his life on her. As much as he wished otherwise, he wouldn't have taken it back if he could.
