forum “You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful... something not everybody knows how to love.”// No more people please // OcxOc

Started July 17, 2021 by @michael_rainer_eats_uranium group

tune

Pogo smiled. It made him happy to see Ender happy — and he was happy, right up until he felt his thoughts thicken once more.

You're almost in denial at this point, sneered the voice. You keep telling yourself you don't like the guy, and yet you give him the damn compass.

I don't think I asked for your opinion, Pogo sighed.

Yeah, well I'm giving it anyway. Wait till he finds out about the little parasite you let into your brain. You're no cryptid, no human, no ghost, not even a demon.

I am human, asserted Pogo. You're not. That's the difference.

Humans don't have—

Pogo reached into his pocket and pulled out a small container of salt, pouring the contents into his mouth like it was a shot of liquor. He grimaced. He hated the taste of salt, but what mattered was that they hated it even more.

The subsequent pained gasping and sputtering from them was hard to ignore, but when they fell silent, he could rest knowing it'd be a while before they came back.

He clenched his jaw, a forced smile plastered across his face that softened into something more genuine as he turned his attention back to Ender.

"Honestly, when you're not in your funky eyeball form, you pass pretty well for a human. Maybe you could go out into the city sometime, yeah? Just gotta make sure you don't change in front of people."

He nods, noticing that something seemed a little off. All of his eyes were fixed on him, trying to decipher what the problem was.

something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong something’s wrong

He began to panic, but was determined to hide it from him. He crawled (it was closer to a bug-like skitter than a crawl) out of the bunker and up a tree, where he curled up and trembled.

what if I can’t help what if I make it worse what if I can’t help what if I make it worse what if I can’t help what if I make it worse what if I can’t help what if I make it worse what if I can’t help what if I make it worse

He began to cry. Inklike liquid dripped from all of his hundreds of eyes, falling and forming a puddle under the tree, staining the grass black.

"Wha- Ender? Hey! What happened?" Pogo called after the panicking creature, staggering out of the bunker and, in a moment of carelessness, hitting his forehead on the top of the door frame. He cursed, rubbing the sore spot, before turning his focus to the scenery. Ender was nowhere to be found.

"God damnit," he hissed, irritation seeping through the cracks in his voice. "I should'a downed that salt so much earlier. Can't have one functioning relationship without my conscience deciding their favorite hobby is screwing my life up."

No response from the voice this time, not that he expected one.

"Ender? Where'd you go?" he called, the effort required to project his voice straining his already raspy throat.

He searched the surrounding area, desperately trying to locate his friend, until a foot planted itself into a dark, viscous substance. His lip curled in disgust, and he recoiled.

Another drop of the substance splattered onto his head, causing him to look upwards.

".. Ender..?"

Ender looked more like a mass of eyes and ink than a humanoid shape at this point, and was sobbing in a similar way to a dying animal. He wanted to use his hands to block his tears from landing on Pogo, but didn’t have the willpower to move.

I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE I’M MAKING IT ALL WORSE

He curled up tighter, his anxiety consuming him whole. He was trembling so hard that he was vibrating the whole tree, and the puddle under him had grown.

What could he do?

Think, Pogo, think…

… He couldn't think of anything.

He grit his teeth. It's not like he had any other choice.

"If you think I'm angry with you, I'm not!" he called out, voice breaking with the effort. "I just… it's a really long story, but I've got another guy in my head I've gotta put up with because of some deal I made a long time ago, and they're an annoying bastard, and they don't let me do anything without finding some way to be a hindrance, and I just…"

He rubbed his temples, taking a deep, deep breath.

"I-It's not you. It's me. Literally."

He curled up tighter.

YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM YOU CAN’T HELP HIM USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS USELESS

He couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore, only his deafening thoughts. He let out a guttural screech to try to drown it out, but his thoughts only got louder.

YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE YOU COULD NEVER HELP ANYONE MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK

He began scratching at his eyes, like he was trying to remove them.

No response.

Maybe Ender wasn't here? And he was just… spilling his life story to some tree.

He sighed. Wouldn't be the first ti—

The shriek was loud. Loud. He cupped his hands over his ears, but it was too late. He dropped to his knees, gritting his teeth as he fought through the ringing in his ears. His breathing grew quick, then it stopped, then it continued as the pain ebbed away, the violent ringing dialing back to a distant sound.

Well, that wasn't fun. He rubbed a temple, a broken sigh finding its way out of him. Ender was most definitely here, but it seemed like he wasn't getting through to him.

He didn't know what else he could do, so he sat, his back pressed against the trunk of the tree, and he waited. When he was in a tight spot, he found that waiting it out was usually the way to go. Bad things never lasted forever.

Ender kept scratching at his eyes. He fell out of the tree, only a few yards away from Pogo. He was damp with his tears, and landed with a sound somewhere between a thump and a splat. About 10 of his eyes had been scratched out, and were now only bloody holes in his skin. His blood was thicker than his tears, but the same color. He laid on the ground, shaking, still trying to scratch out more eyes.

FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK FREAK

The sound of Ender falling from the tree startled Pogo, and he leapt to his feet. The conglomeration of eyes and liquids before him was incomprehensible — and unnerving. He couldn't tell what was going on or what was happening, other than whatever it was probably wasn't good.

Before he became conscious of his actions, he found himself taking a few steps backwards. He felt sick. Probably from all the pure salt he ingested, he reasoned.

But his hand, the one he found he was holding out in front of him, began to blur.

What to do? What to do? The salt didn't work? Why didn't the salt work? It usually worked, it…

His steps backward became less coordinated and more frantic, a panicked energy seizing him. He turned, and he ran.

He ran as fast as he could, as far as he could, until he lost his stamina and adrenaline wasn't enough to sustain him. He collapsed onto the forest floor, gasping for air, a hand clutching at his chest as he tried to catch his breath.

He kept replaying that scene. Ender, an unrecognizable mess on the ground, and his hand, a blurry mess in front of him.

But… had his hand really blurred? He took the salt, he…

It took a moment for him to realize, but there were tears streaming down his face. He didn't know what was going on, and it was all starting to become overwhelming.

He continued scratching out his eyes, unable to comprehend anything that happened outside of his head.

YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF YOU SCARED HIM OFF MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER

He scratched out his final eye, and his thoughts went quiet. Everything felt numb. He couldn’t see. He tried to drag himself to where he remembered Pogo stood, but couldn’t find him. His panic began to subside, and was replaced by numbness. He went back into his human form, and lied on the ground in defeat.

His clothes were damp with his tears, and he was covered in blood. There were hundreds of open wounds all over his body, most of which were about a centimeter deep. He still couldn’t see. He laid there, numb.

It began to rain. He just lied there, rain falling into the holes that he scratched into his body.

Rain. He would have laughed at the timing if his chest didn't hurt from running.

Pogo sat up, drawing a sleeve across his face to wipe the tears away. What was that all about? He wasn't someone to run away like that.

He held out his hand. No blurring.

He rubbed his face with his hands, taking a deep breath. Well, no problem. He could find his way back.

Pogo got to his feet, glancing around at the new environment. The rain made it hard to see, and the murkiness of the earth erased any trace he might have left on his way here.

Maybe this was going to be a little bit of a problem.

Lost, are we? rasped the voice, clearly still recovering from the whole salt ordeal. And you gave the creep your compass. Look where that got you.

"If it's anyone's fault, it's yours," he grumbled.

Mine? Well, who was the fellow to let me in to begin with, hm?

Pogo hovered a hand over his pocket, and the broken cackling in his head suddenly died down.

Alright, sheesh. You're lost, that sucks. But, I've got perks. I remember the way back. I remember a lot of things, and I can use my memory to get us back to that bunker if you'll just—

"I'm not letting you take over. That's a non-negotiable."

Take a look around you. You don't have much a say in what should or shouldn't be negotiated.

"And it'll be the hill I die on, mark my words. I'll find a way back by myself."

Mhm. Good luck with that.

Pogo grumbled vehemently to himself, turning around and starting off in the direction from which he was pretty sure he came. Either he'd find Ender, or Ender would find him, right? These woods couldn't be too big.

After a few minutes, he started dragging himself in the direction he was facing. Pogo must’ve gone that way, right? He couldn’t stand, so he clawed at the ground, leaving a trail of inky blood behind him. It began to mix with the newly forming mud, and darkened the soil and grass. He grunted in anguish as the grass below him scraped against his open wounds, and the polluted rain stung the holes in his back. His arms were hurting like hell, but he kept going. There wasn’t a single thought going through his head.
He felt around in his pocket for the compass, and gripped it tightly.

Pogo was still walking.

You're going to get even more lost at this point! groaned the voice. Or you'll end up outside of the woods entirely, which would be the best case scenario if our stuff wasn't back at the bunker!

"Why are you so adamant about leaving? I thought cryptids were "fun people" to you."

That thing isn't a cryptid. I was absolutely astonished you didn't even know what a cryptid was. Mothman, Bigfoot, the Kracken, the Loch Ness Monster? Those are cryptids. I don't know what the hell eyeball critter is.

"I don't care what he is. He hasn't tried to hurt me. He's just… strange. It's probably been a while since he's interacted with a human."

Did you forget already why you ran in the first place?! It absolutely flipped its shit!

"I ran," snarled Pogo, "because I thought you had taken over. He didn't do anything. He doesn't know you exist, so if I looked pissed, he probably took it as being pissed at him."

You can't lie to me, Alessandro; I'm literally your thoughts. He scared you. If I had taken over, I wouldn't have let you run.

Pogo didn't respond. For a long while, conversation remained stagnate. He hugged himself. The wind coupled with what he was pretty sure wasn't entirely rain left him shivering. He hoped he'd find the bunker soon.

He continued to crawl, the blood tinting his hair grey as the rain beat down on his bleeding back. He was only about 10 yards from the bunker. It started to get harder and harder to move.

i scared him away. i should have known this would happen. no one stays. i’m a monster. i’m unlovable. why don’t i just give up? there’s no place for me here.

Mutated vultures circled around him, letting out caws that sounded more like screams. He couldn’t muster the energy to yell back at them.

why does it matter?

just give up.

He lost consciousness, and the vultures cawed louder.

"… How long has it been..?"

Keeping track of time isn't one of my abilities.

Pogo pursed his lips. It was as if no matter how far he walked, the woods stayed the same. He didn't feel like he'd actually gone anywhere.

You're thinking about taking the offer.

"… Do you promise to take us back to the bunker? Nothing else?"

Sure, if it gets us out of this place faster.

Pogo hesitated.

Oh, come on, Al. What's the worst I could do with your body?

"A lot of things," he grumbled. "Alright, Kapnos. But if you pull any shit, I'm taking a salt bath when we get back."

Fine, fine.

Pogo's eyes opened, revealing a familiar silvery red, and the outline of his body began to blur. His gaze, now keenly acute, studied its surroundings.

Gods help Pogo. He'd gone a completely different direction than the way to the bunker.

Kapnos dug a heel into the ground, tensed, then broke into a sprint in the direction of the bunker.

---

It took a few minutes, but the bunker had become within their sight — as well as a few interesting-looking birds that circled a battered man beneath them. Kapnos stumbled to a halt, squinting as they tried to make out the scene before them.

What's going on over there? Pogo asked tentatively.

"Nothing I can see," muttered Kapnos. "But those birds don't look like good news."

They approached the figure, eyes widening as they realized who the crumpled creature on the ground was.

"This your freaky eye-man?"

Ender? What… what the hell happened?

"I don't have a clue, let's just… shoo! Get out of here!" Kapnos hissed, waving violently at the vultures above Ender.

The birds scattered. Ender was still unconscious, and his blood was starting to dry, getting caked in his hair. His fingers twitched.

why wake up?

this’ll just keep happening. over and over. it never stops. it never ends. always the same. give it up, ender.

don’t you want this to end?

Kapnos stared at Ender's unconscious body and grimaced.

"I really don't want to touch him."

Just pick him up, Pogo sighed. Carry him into the bunker, get him out of the rain. If you give my body back, I can take care of the rest.

Kapnos grit their teeth, but obliged, scooping Ender into their arms and making their way to the bunker.

"What's all this goop on him?"

Your guess is as good as mine. I'm still trying to piece together what happened in the first place.

"You really wanna spend time with a guy that can flip like a switch?"

I've got you stuck in my head. I call that practice.

"I wouldn't test your luck with me in control."

Kapnos pushed the door open with their shoulder, ducking under the door frame and scanning the room for a good place to set Ender's body. They decided on the couch, and retrieved Pogo's satchel shortly after.

"Okay, Alessandro, take it from here."

Pogo's eyes closed again, his body becoming more easily perceivable.

See? I told you that you could trust me.

"It's always a gamble with you," Pogo muttered. "Alright, does he have a first aid kid somewhere?"

There was a first aid kit on one of his shelves. He was starting to feel himself wake up, but he didn’t really want to.

give up. this doesn’t matter anymore. he doesn’t want you. freak.

After a moment of searching, Pogo found the first aid kit. He returned to Ender's side, opening the kit and pulling out some alcohol wipes. Before he could do anything, he had to clean the wounds.

Or, at the very least, they looked like wounds. There was certainly something wrong, but he couldn't pinpoint what was blood and what was his true form's… stuff.

Yeesh.

"Yeesh, indeed," mumbled Pogo. "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing."

I can tell.

Ender groaned quietly. The pain had started to settle into a mind-numbing ache. He didn't want to wake up, so he tried to force himself back to sleep. He couldn't. He recognized the scent of the bunker, not questioning how he got there in the first place. He flung himself off of the couch and landed with a soft crunch.
"ughhh…"
He still couldn't see, but could tell that he landed on someone's foot.
"……sorry….."

he only came back to get his stuff. don't get attached again.

"……why did you come back?…." he mumbled. "…..a monster isn't worth your time…….find the tallest tree in the woods, it's not hard to spot….Mothman'll fly you out of here……"

his original eyes had started bleeding again on the impact with the ground.

Pogo recoiled, watching the crumpled figure before him.

"What's going on?" he whispered. "I-I just… came back, saw you out in the rain. I ran because… I don't even know if you heard me the first time. I don't know what's going on, I…"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You just… lost it. Out of the blue. So I ran, because last time you did… that… they came back. I didn't want them doing that again."

Way to put the blame on me, right after I helped you get back here.

Yeah, and what'd he do if I told him the truth? Work with me here! Pogo fired back.

He let out a trembling breath, pointing at the couch.

"So are you going to let me help you? Can you tell me what happened? I can't work with what you're giving me."

"……sorry…..sorry……"
He tried to push himself upright, and managed to get into a sitting position. "…….just kinda……panicked……can't see now….." He laughed a little. "…..everything looks the same in this goddamned forest anyway……"

don't let him in.

"i'll be fine." he stood up with a groan, feeling around for the couch to sit back down.

"that goop is my blood. and tears. weird stuff. good news is, i heal faster than pretty much any human. bad news is, i'll see again. i'm tired of seeing shit."

"Did I—… did I do something?" Pogo asked quietly. "Did you not like the compass?"

He paused for a moment, staring at the ink-black stains on the cloth and his hands. Even after Ender's explaination, he didn't know what the substance was.

"Everything seemed fine, then… that happened. You—" he caught himself, "—it was… unexpected."

"…no, i liked it….just…..my head gets the better of me sometimes, y'know?…..i've found out that it's easier to just….not think."

he's scared of you.

"i've got some clean clothes on that shelf over there. they might be a little big, but at least they aren't bloodstained. then i can call Dad to take you back to…. wherever."
Ender didn't look up at him. he was used to this happening, and figured he'd leave without a second thought.

Pogo pursed his lips.

"I wasn't angry with you," he murmured. "I don't know if you heard me earlier. I just…"

He fell silent.

Come on. Tell him.

"…Long story short, made a deal a real long time ago and, basically, there's two people in this body. You're talking to me, the person this body belongs to, but when it's me, they're in the back of my head. I can't say their name or it counts as permission to let them take over. But they're an asshole, and they make my life hell whenever they can, and I have to put up with it."

Pogo sighed, standing up and retrieving the clean clothes from the place Ender directed him to.

"So that's why I've probably seemed… I don't know. Maybe I made weird faces, or— well, I did just eat a whole thing of salt in front of you. Salt makes them shut up. Salt keeps them from getting worse than annoying. It was nothing to do with you."

what if he's lying to you? he hates you, doesn't he? he's afraid, just like they all are.

"good to know."

Ender hung his head low, not looking up at him as he changed, regardless of the fact that he couldn't see. he took Pogo's compass out of his pocket and held onto it tightly.

just let go. he can't push you away if you push him away first.

"you should leave."

His voice shook, as did his hands. it hurt him so much to say it, but his fear controlled him. he started to cry, but wiped his tears off on his sleeve. he really, really didn't want Pogo to leave… but he would leave anyway, right? he was only getting it over with…

"it's not safe for you here. i'm not safe for you. you know that."

he'll run from you again. he'll run out of here and never look back.

Pogo furrowed his brow.

"What, you think one little episode is gonna scare me off? Who do you take me for?"

The thought of it almost made him laugh, but it seemed to dawn on him just the extent of Ender's worry, and he didn't want to be insensitive.

"Yeah. I'll be frank with you. That did scare me. But so does crossing the street, with all those cars in the road. It's scary and every day there's a chance one of those cars could hit and kill me. But I cross that road anyway, 'cause I've gotta get to work on time."

He, tentatively at first, then with a hint more confidence, rested a hand on Ender's shoulder.

"I don't know what you are. And… like I said, that's okay. I've just gotta get used to it. You haven't hurt me, so I'm not afraid of you. I just got spooked 'cause I didn't know what was going on."

His gaze dropped to the ground.

"I… would prefer, though, if you, uh… flipped out less often. Or, at the very least, told me what was on your mind. I'm open to talking about what bothers you, y'know."

Ender melted into his touch a little. he wasn't used to it, but it was nice.
"…..thank you….."

he's lying he's lying he's lying

"……i just…..i'm scared….of everything…..all the time….and it just…..it just boils over….. and i can't stop being afraid….."
his voice was quiet.
"…….people always leave…..they're always afraid of me……and i'm afraid of that……"

Pogo withdrew his hand, then moved to sit on the couch. He patted the seat next to him, inviting Ender to join him.

"Well, I won't be going anywhere for a while. Promise."

Oh, jeez, you're not gonna get all sappy with him, are you? Kapnos grumbled. Be the guy's therapist, why don't you?

He probably just needs someone to talk to, retorted Pogo. He lives in a bunker out in the middle of nowhere, cut him some slack.

Kapnos's mumbling turned into humored cackling. Doesn't sound any different from your city apartment, now I think about it.

Why's the good stuff ours and the shitty stuff just mine, huh?

But he didn't get an answer; Kapnos was too lost in amusing themselves. He turned his attention back to Ender.

"Why's stuff scary to you?"

"…..dunno…..it just keeps pressing down on me harder and harder……and then i break….."

DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN DON'T LET HIM IN

Ender went silent.
"i dunno what's wrong with me."