(sorry if this has all been kinda gloomy btw, I know it’s a pretty serious topic)
That nearly broke him. Even though it was what he’d been wanting to hear, he hadn’t actually expected them to say it, and definitely not so genuinely. He’d been waiting for a half-baked lie through gritted teeth, or a quick, forced compliment, or even an outright refusal. To be told for once in his life outright that he was not some hideous, unlovable thing hurt in the best possible way.
In a voice muffled by Rin’s shirt sleeve, he mumbled, “Thank you. I needed that. I really needed that.” And then, after a beat passed, he swallowed. Lifted his head. Poked at his own stomach and one of his thighs, hard, as if expecting his fingertip to sink into soft, plump skin. “And, um… will you still say that? If I am not… if I… when I begin to eat more? If I,” his volume dropped, like he was sharing a secret, “get heavier?”
(it's alright!)
He reached to take the hand that Arquis had poked at himself with, lacing their fingers together and pressing kisses to the nobleman's knuckles. "Darling, I will still say that when you eat more, and when you gain weight again." it wasn't an if. When Arquis ate more, then he would gain weight. It was inevitable. And Rin would still find him lovely, when that happened.
Arquis felt like crying again, but he didn’t. Instead, he stole a quick kiss from Rin, then took their entwined hands and rested them on their stomach. Their lovely stomach. He subconsciously reached to pinch his own once more, but their hand rendered his immobile.
“Did you know,” he murmured, “that you are the only person to have ever told me that? You are the only one who has ever acted as if gain- gaining-” He couldn’t even say it. With a sigh, he continued. “You are the only one who has ever said that getting heavier can be healthy. As if it is not something to be feared. I have never not feared it, my love. Every meal I partake in, every sweet I indulge in, it is always there in the back of my mind. Warning me. Threatening me. It tells me to do horrible things to myself, and I almost always do them.”
This time, he actually lifted both of their hands, bringing them to one of the old scars on his stomach. He didn’t explain. Just held their hands there.
“I do not want to be that person anymore. But you must understand, Rin, that it is hard for me to accept that you would want me as anyone else. That you would want me if I was… well.”
He listened quietly, nodding slightly. He didn't ask if the scars were self-inflicted. IfArquis wanted to tell him, they would listen, but otherwise, they were not going to pry. "I understand, darling. But I promise you, I will want you no matter your weight. I want you to be healthy, not starving yourself, and if being healthy means you gain weight, then I do not care."
Arquis smiled sadly. “I want to believe you, I really do. Perhaps someday I will.”
That was all he could say on that topic for the night. Any more talk of his body and he felt he might fall apart. He gently untangled their hands, then reached down to pick up his shirt. Without a word, he slipped it on, covering his torso with the loose layer of cloth. While he wished he had the confidence to keep it off all night, he knew that he needed it on. He’d feel less insecure knowing that they couldn’t see or judge him—not that he would—all night.
When he was finished, he shifted so that he was turned towards his partner. He opened his arms and smiled warmly.
“Come here?” he asked hopefully, praying that he hadn’t made everything weird. He was fighting back the idea that they’d find his body odd now; that Rin would grimace or be disturbed by his slender arms, his defined collarbones. What they had said really did help, but his demons wouldn’t be slayed so easily.
Rin nodded a little bit, and moved into Arquis's arms, giving him a faint little smile. "Here we are, darling." he said softly, wrapping his arms around Arquis and snuggling close to him. "Everything is going to be fine." he kissed Arquis's cheek.
Arquis hummed softly in agreement and kissed the top of their head. He slipped his legs back around Rin’s before moving so that he was beneath them. And then, with a content sigh, he started to shower his partner’s face in kisses. He kissed along his cheeks and across the bridge of their nose, then dipped finally to his mouth.
His hands moved from around his back to their hips, and he pulled them even closer. He could feel his heart racing again, though this time it wasn’t from fear or frustration. Rin just had that effect. Every time they were around, he felt flustered; tongue-tied; eager and unprepared. Part of it was his body, which Arquis found beautiful, but most of it was just them. Their head and their heart.
Rin smiled, moving easily as Arquis shifted them around, and returning Arquis's soft kisses as best that they could. His own heart was racing, too, just a little bit, and they leaned closer to Arquis, just breathing.
Arquis nipped at their bottom lip with a laugh before slipping one of his hands onto the small of their back. He did it slowly, giving them the chance to tell him off if necessary. Smiling, he lightly tapped his fingers up his spine as if playing a piano, then began to stroke downwards in curly swirls like he was finger painting. That gave him an idea.
“Mm, love?” He broke away from Rin’s lips after one last peck. “I have drawn you, but someday, ah… could I paint on you? It is a popular artistic practice in this area. They call it living art, and there are some nice studios, though, um, most are rather underground. And a touch risqué.”
Rin shivered faintly at the motions of Arquis's hands, looking at him with a faint, slightly lazy smile. "Ah, darling…of course you may." they replied slowly, leaning in for another soft, quick kiss. "If that's what you would like to do, I think that could turn out wonderfully."
“Hopefully it will be a pleasant experience for you as well. Most of the models for the practice seem to adore the process. There is something, they say, about having cold paint applied to their warm skin,” he mimicked a brush, delicately painting imaginary patterns from his shoulder blades on downwards, “that is apparently lovely. And, of course, the intimacy of it, the contact. Having someone that close to you, treating you as a canvas. That is why many call it lovers’ art instead of living art.”
Arquis flushed. He’d been going for just a bit too long about art. They had to be bored. He applied just the slightest bit of pressure to his repetitive motions, transforming them into something similar to a massage.
Rin nodded slightly, kissing the tip of Arquis's nose as the nobleman talked. "It sounds lovely, darling, and we can certainly do it sometime." he replied, smiling and leaning into the hand on his shoulderblade, enjoying that soft, gentle touch that Arquis was giving them.
“Mm. Someday, my dear.” Arquis laughed and kissed them back. Then, he yawned, shifting under him until his legs were hitched up around their hips again. His eyes sparked with something teasing and fond, and he nuzzled against the blotchy marks on their neck.
“Is it alright if I sleep like this?” he murmured, brushing one of his heels against Rin’s calves. “It seems I am still rather tired. Unless you had something else in mind?”
Rin made a soft sound when Arquis nuzzled the marks, and nodded. "Of course you can, my dear, though I'm going to shift us a little so that I can lay down." soon after he finished speaking, he did just that, laying down on his side with his arms wrapped around Arquis, holding him close.
(do you wanna do a time skip to morning after this/your message?)
Arquis fell asleep quickly. He dreamt once more, though this dream wasn’t of suffocation and a hostile presence. It was a dream of eating, and in some ways it was worse. He dreamt he was at a feast with his sisters, though they were young children and he was still an adult. They didn’t speak to him, just ate their portions in silence. Every time he looked at their plates, their food shifted. Quirisa was eating meat with some kind of sauce, then a vegetable-rice medley, then some kind of bread. Marsiquia was having fish, then noodles and stew.
Muria and his father stared at Arquis as he reached for a small bowl of berries. As soon as he’d finish one berry, another would appear. He knew somehow if he didn’t eat the berries that he would face punishment. And so he kept eating. No matter how many he ate, however, he was still starving. At some point, he started crying, but he didn’t stop. His sisters had already finished. They joined their parents in the staring. It was as if he was a spectacle.
He didn’t sleep well, even after that dream switched to another.
(sure!)
Rin fell asleep rather quickly as well, arms still wrapped around Arquis as he held the nobleman close. They just stayed snuggled close to their partner, holding him as the night wore on. They slept sound, without any real dreams. None out of the ordinary, in any case.
[Day Eight]
When Arquis woke, he was surprised to find that he was shivering. He instinctively reached out to see if he could turn on a lamp or even the lights, but he had no such luck. It seemed the inn was having some sort of power issue. Unfortunately, that meant there was no heating, either. He sluggishly shook Rin’s shoulder.
“Love,” he rasped in that deep, morning-voice way, “love, I apologize, but I must wake you. There is a slight issue.”
He blinked into the darkness while waiting for his partner, trying to make sense of his surroundings. From the sound of it, the hail had stopped, though small changes in the pale blue light seeping through the cracks in the window told him that it was likely snowing.
Rin let out a faint hum, snuggling closer to Arquis as he slowly awoke. "Mm? What is it?" they asked ina soft, sleep-roughened voice. "What's wrong?" they rubbed their eyes, not quite cluing in to what was going on.
“The heating has gone out, I believe. We will need to put on more layers to keep warm.” Arquis swaddled Rin tightly in the blankets, making sure to completely cover his bare chest. He gave them a kiss on the cheek before rolling out of the bed. The second his feet hit the freezing ground, he knew he’d made a mistake. It was much too cold for the outfit he had on. He hurried over to his bags, collecting his partner’s as well, and brought them all over.
“Has it been like this all night?” he wondered aloud. That tight feeling in his chest was back, though only slightly. Shame the bath hadn’t helped keep it away.
Out of nowhere came a few quick, almost musical knocks on the door. Through the wood, a familiar voice chirped, “Delivery! Open up!”
“Good morning, Lovey,” Arquis replied as he hurried to the door. And sure enough, there she was, bundled in a long-sleeved, faux fur lined dress. Over it was a comfy looking coat that paired well with her blonde curls.
“Aw, hi!” She pinched his cheek and waved eagerly at Rin, hopping from foot to foot “Good morning! I’m sorry about this whole mess. We’ve got some people working on the heating, but the lighting might not be back until tomorrow. In the meantime, I’m bringing everyone extra blankets, fluffy socks, and some hot tea.”
Rin sat up, holdign the blankets close around their body as they looked over at Lovey. "Hello, Lovey. Did, ah, do you know if your brother got our message?" they looked vaguely anxious; Arquis would understand that, yes, but they din't think Lovey would. That was probably a good thing.
“Message? I don’t think so, sorry. I know he sent that note with the art stuff and the chocolates before that, but I haven’t heard anything else since then.”
Lovey began to distribute some blankets and two thermoses of hot tea. She also scooped up some candles with a tray of matches. Arquis declined the former but accepted the latter. They had enough candles in all of the gift baskets, but they needed something to light them with.
After she was finished, she paused. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Honey at all today.”
"We left a message for him with Divinity, last night, and…" he trailed off, taking a deep breath. "Right. He's not in any of the…he didn't come back last night?" they asked, taking the tea and taking a small sip of it, waiting for Lovey's reply.
Lovey looked between the two of them for a moment. Then, something dawned on her. She laughed and aimed a bright, teasing smile at Rin.
“You actually like him, don’t you? I’ll bet that’s why you’re asking all of this! Well, I’m sorry to say that you’re right. He didn’t come back last night, but don’t worry. That happens a lot. He’ll get all wrapped up with a new visitor, and then I won’t see him for a few days. But I promise that he’ll be around again eventually.”
That didn’t sound good. It reminded Arquis too much of something he’d dealt with himself. Disappearing from the outside world for a while due to the presence of another. He sent a concerned glance towards his partner and sat next to him, giving them a warm hug.
Rin leaned against Arquis faintly. "Right. Well. When you see him, can you tell him we'd like to speak with him as soon as possible? No strings or anything attached, we just want to talk." their voice was quiet, and they hoped– prayed –that the guest Honey was with was a good person.
“Of course! Though a bit of warning, I’m not sure when that’ll be. He once spent a week with a man from pretty far away. A whole week!” Lovey clapped a hand over her lips and giggled. “Sorry, I’m not meant to share potential identifiers; guests are supposed to be anonymous. Pretend you didn’t hear any of what I just said!”
“We will not tell a soul,” Arquis promised. He wondered whether or not they should tell Lovey of her brother’s situation. She seemed rather unaware of what might have been going on, and while he hated to shatter her innocence, he knew Honey’s safety was a priority.
“Yay! Thank you!” She did a little wiggle of her shoulders, as if changing into her professional facade. “Was that all you wanted to talk about?”
