Arquis hesitated. He knitted his own fingers together and ran a thumb over his knuckles. Without looking at them, he softly said, “Well. There were a couple of things.”
It wasn’t really that he was attracted to Honey, of course. The man was handsome, but Arquis didn’t have any feelings for him. At least not of that nature. But he could at least be honest and admit that not everything in the list sounded horrible. He’d be alright with some of them. Perhaps. If he ever got to the point that he was truly alright with anything.
“Is that bad?” he asked, fearing his answer.
Rin kissed Arquis's cheek. "No, lovely, it's not a bad thing to be curious or a little bit turned on by any of that." he replied softly. "It's healthy, and it's normal, whether you want Honey to do it with you or me, or anyone at all." they gave him a soft, sweet little smile.
“You,” Arquis blurted without thinking. This time, his blush spread all the way to the tips of his ears, and he stood. Nervous energy had flooded him. No longer was sleep his body’s top priority. Instead, it wanted to run as far away from the room as possible.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, he took Rin’s hand and gave it a light squeeze. He still couldn’t look at them, but this was progress.
“It has never been about love for me,” he whispered after a moment. “Intimacy. Physical touch. It has never been about love. All of my life, it has either been something to be punished for or the punishment itself. But now it is about care, and exploration, and gentleness, and I do not know how to handle that.”
Rin smiled a little at the admission, leaning forward to kiss Arquis's cheek softly, then listening as he spoke. "I see." they said in a soft tone, gently rubbing his thumb over Arquis's knuckles. "Darling, it is alright that you do not know how to handle it." he wasn't quite sure what to say, but knew he needed to say something. "I promise you that much."
Arquis lifted their hand to his lips for a moment with his eyes closed. His brow was creased, and he looked as if he was in pain. Then, as if a spell was broken, his face softened. He moved their entwined hands down to his own knee and breathed out slowly.
“I am alright. I am.” His eyelids lifted. Under the ceiling lights, his irises looked brilliant blue, deep enough to dive into. “But I need a distraction, or else I might not be soon.”
He reached behind him for the case of art supplies, popped the lid, and peered inside. There were no paintbrushes; it was all pencils, charcoal, kneadable erasers, and worn oil pastels. Honey had also thrown in a sketchbook. Surprisingly, it looked new. Arquis would have to thank him for that at some point. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if he’d opened it to find images of all the things the young man had written about.
His hands were a little shaky. He pressed them against his thighs and took a long breath in. Everything was fine. It always was when he was sketching or painting. Art made things better.
“Do you have any ideas for what I could draw?” he asked, hoping that the tremble in his speech wasn’t as evident as it sounded to his ears.
Rin nodded slightly, letting go of Arquis so that the young man could work on drawing something. "I do not. Uhm…" he trailed off, thinking. "The room? The landscape outside the window?" they suggested, looking over at Arquis and shrugging for a moment. "I am sorry, that probably wasn't very helpful to you, was it?"
That got a smile out of him. He looked at Rin, feeling just a bit better, and then stopped. His head tipped to one side, then the other. He didn’t say a word, just smiled softly as he studied them.
“Mm. Beautiful. How would you like a portrait, my love?” As if acting on instinct, his hands scrambled to the art kit, digging out a sharp, thin pencil and an eraser. He set them both down on top of a blank page and quirked a brow at his partner. It had been a while since he had studied portrait drawing, but he remembered most of the steps and tips necessary to pull off a nice sketch.
Rin blinked at him, a bit surprised, then nodded. "Sure. That sounds interesting. Is there, ah, a specific pose you want me to do?" his gaze flickered around the room, then back to Arquis. "Pose, or…clothes, or anything?" he didn't know if Arquis just wanted a sketch or portrait, or what kind of drawing he wanted to do.
Arquis considered what they’d asked, then gave a simple shake of his head. “Do not worry about posing. You can do anything you would like to pass the time as long as you do not move too much.”
He wondered what Rin would end up doing. Would they take a nap? That would allow them to keep still, but he kind of wished that he’d keep his eyes open. They were too pretty not to draw.
He snapped back into the moment. “What was the other question? Oh, that is right. If you wish to change into something a bit more comfortable, that is perfectly alright with me. I will not force you to wear something specific, however.”
He busied himself by spreading out the rest of the necessary tools. Though pastels were interesting, he didn’t have much experience with them. Charcoals were probably a bit too messy for the occasion. The last thing he wanted was to destroy their bed. He opened the pencil case to retrieve the rest of the pencils, appraising them and giving one or two a good sharpening.
Rin laughed a little bit. "I meant into nothing; some artists prefer nude portraits but I suppose that's not quite your taste." they replied, just a little bit teasingly. They then picked up their paper and pen, shifting to work on their note to Ari again. They had not finished it earlier, and wanted to send it off that day, rather than in a few days.
Arquis choked on his response. It took him a good moment before he could sputter, “I- I did not- I- if that is what you desire, then I suppose you could. Whatever you would wish, but- but I am not going to- I would never make you do that. Unless you wanted to. In which case that would be alright.”
To hide his mortified expression, he pretended to flip through the sketchbook for an empty page. He realized after a second that Rin could probably see all the blank pages that he was turning and awkwardly dropped it to his lap. He went for a pencil and scattered them all over the mattress, and in his attempt to collect them, he accidentally dropped the eraser.
Rin began to laugh, setting his letter down and grinning over at Arquis. "I don't really care either way, darling, it's up to you and your artistry." they said, laughing a little bit. The mortification and fumbling just made them laugh harder, grinning again.
Arquis bent to collect the eraser. When he was upright, he gave two quick, firm shakes of his head.
“Absolutely not. It is your body, love. You get to make that call. I will be fine with whatever you choose.”
He’d gotten serious on the subject of their choice, but then he thought of what that choice would mean and got flustered all over again. He ended up dropping the eraser once more. It bounced off his ankle and rolled a couple feet away. He dropped to his knees, fumbled around for it, and popped up with it triumphantly in his grasp.
Rin tipped their head faintly, calming for a moment as Arquis spoke. "Oh. Love, I'm fine with it if that's how you want to draw." they replied, shaking their head for a moment. "I have given you my consent to ask me to remove my clothing so that you can draw me."
Arquis practically flung the eraser this time. It leaped so far out of his grasp that he gave up on finding it and decided to pick out another. He put the new one safely on top of the sketchbook, then looked over at his partner.
“Ah. Does it have to be all of it?” he asked quietly, feeling somewhat ridiculous. Rin was the one with the choice, not him. Rin was the one that would be vulnerable, if they did decide to go through with it. “Or just some? Even though we are not going to, um, do anything, I just- I am not sure.”
Rin laughed again when Arquis flung the eraser, smiling a little bit. "I was planning on covering up the, ah, area between my legs irregardless." they replied, clearing his throat. "But no, it could be as much or as little as you prefer." he gave Arquis a soft smile; they were comfortable enough in their body that they did not mind taking off their clothing for this, especially when Arquis was a partner that they cared about and trusted. It was a whole different story with Arquis than it would have been with Lysander.
Arquis tried his best to pretend like he was cool with what they were saying. It very much was not working. Every visible part of him was colored pink, and he was fidgeting with the tips of his gloves.
“Perhaps just the top, then?” He picked up a pencil and then instantly set it down. Both of his hands flew to the collar of his own shirt. “If it would help at all, I could- um, I could do the same. You would not have to draw me, of course, but it might make it feel less unbalanced. Or simply less awkward. It would not indicate that we have to do anything at all, I promise.”
He reminded himself that he’d already seen Rin shirtless once. This was nothing new. But something about it felt different. He smiled shyly at them and waited for a response.
Rin nodded, reaching up and getting to work unbuttoning his shirt. "You do not have to take yours off if you do not want to." he said softly, finishing unbuttoning it and then setting it aside. "There we are." he said softly, smiling a little bit. "This alright?"
Arquis didn’t answer for at least twenty seconds. His eyes traveled over their chest, taking in all of the exposed angles, highlights, and shadows. They would be a fantastic subject to draw. Every part of him was gorgeous. He swallowed and glanced down at his blank page, hoping that he could do them justice.
He startled when he realized that Rin was waiting for a reply and nodded rapidly. “Yes! Yes. Very alright, yes. Quite good.”
Goodness, he was a wreck. He’d tried to pretend like he hadn’t just been staring in awe at the slope of his neck and the curve of their hip. It obviously wasn’t going to work. He was completely, utterly enamored with them.
“So lovely,” he murmured before he could stop himself.
He smiled, shifting his seat and then picking up a book instead of the note stuff. That way he would be sitting more still, rather than moving around. "Let me know if you need me to move or anything." they said, giving Arquis a smile at the soft, muttered compliment. Then he finally began to read, going quiet.
Arquis began to draw. The first step was recalling most of what his tutors had taught him about sketching people. He worked out a few quick, rough sketches of their pose as a warmup and did one or two fast shading exercises to get used to Honey’s pencils. Gradually, a plan for the piece came together in his mind.
He started out with a new sketch of the pose. They were sitting in such a way that he could capture both sharp and soft angles of his body. The hands were hard to get right, but after a good fifteen minutes he had a decent outline to fill in later. He worked his way up from the torso and arms to their face. The angle that he was sitting at allowed him to rely on basic construction lines rather easily, though his hair proved a bit of a problem. He decided to work on it more after doing some shading on the chest.
Rather than go the typical route and strive for extreme realism, Arquis took some liberties. He wanted the piece to be more authentically artistic than clean and perfect. He was surprised to find after about an hour and a half of working that they weren’t too far off from his typical landscape. Muscle and bone were jagged hills and sharp slopes. Shadows were the dark patches in the ground and flora, while highlights were the bright reflections of sunlight. Curves were hills and valleys.
The result of his efforts was a cozy piece that he was quite proud of. Arquis had drawn Rin in the way that he saw him. They were soft and pleasant; his expression was gentle, their pretty eyes focused on the book. Even in a flat, two-dimensional drawing they had a natural charisma. It was the kind of warmth brought on by domesticity, but it was also due in large part to their personality, which shone through the page. Somehow, Arquis managed to capture everything he had a hard time saying directly to them—how badly he wished to be with him, how much he adored their presence in his life, how much he loved their confidence in their skin—in a single drawing.
They looked beautiful. He looked happy. They looked calm.
“Here you are,” Arquis said. It had taken about two hours, even though it wasn’t a full colored drawing or painted. He passed it to them and dropped onto his pillow, suddenly feeling quite drained.
Rin blinked over at him when Arquis spoke, having gotten wholly absorbed into their book in the two hours it took to draw it. They had shifted every now and again, but never very much, as they did not want to mess up Arquis's artwork. They set the book aside, picking up the drawing and looking at it. They smiled at Arquis, eyes flicking back down to the drawing and moving over it. "It looks wonderful, darling. And I'm not saying that just because it's me." their smile was teasing for just a moment, and then they leaned over to press a kiss to Arquis's cheek. "It looks amazing. You have a lot of skill with art." he was starting to feel just a bit chilled, and he reached out to grab his shirt and slide it back on.
Arquis went positively pink at the praise. A happy, embarrassed laugh burst from his mouth at their joke, and he buried his face in his forearms. Rin was very kind to say such wonderful things about his work. He tried to not to smile too hard, but the grin he was hiding already hurt.
“Thank you,” he squeaked back. When he looked back at them, he was disappointed to find that he’d put his shirt on again. Part of him had been hoping to keep that sight around for just a little longer. The other part had yearned for closer contact. He could imagine planting a kiss over his heart and running his fingers over their stomach. But he’d promised Rin that nothing would happen besides art, and he was determined to stick to that promise.
Rin smiled, not buttoning the shirt back up yet. It was warmer now with the sleeves on, and he settled in beside Arquis. "You're welcome, darling." he replied, wrapping an arm around Arquis's shoulders. "It really is a lovely drawing, love, and I would love to see more. Whether or not they are of me."
Arquis shivered and clung to them. He wasn’t cold, exactly, but he had the sudden sensation of needing to be touched. The arm around his shoulders helped, yet it wasn’t enough to satisfy the urge. Trying to ignore it, he put away all of the supplies, returned to Rin’s embrace, and pulled the blankets over himself. They were like crumbs to the starving. While their warmth helped, all he really wanted was to be held tightly, and they reminded him of what he couldn’t seem to ask for.
“You were a spectacular model,” he replied to their praise. Every time Rin gave him a compliment, he practically glowed. Niceness was hard enough to come by at the Palace, but praise was an almost extinct concept. He’d worked tirelessly for years and years. Nobody had stopped to thank him for all of his sleepless nights, his hours of scheduling, his constant stress. Not that he minded such tasks and struggles. He was just always so happy to receive a compliment.
