forum The Strangers in the Palace (Closed)(Fantasy)

Started October 31, 2021 by @LovelyRose

tune

Rin nodded faintly, leaning into him and closing his eyes. "That sounds good." he said softly, relaxing a bit as Arquis rubbed their upper back. "Thank you." he took a deep breath, trying to just calm himself and breathe.

Arquis noticed the deep breath and had to fight down a wave of anxiety. It’d sounded a bit like he himself did when he was trying not to hyperventilate. Panicked breaths; nervous breaths; the type that came when one felt fragile. But he didn’t ask about it. Someone fretting over them like a flustered mother hen would probably make him feel more of a burden. Instead, Arquis let out a soft, hopefully comforting hum and continued to hold them close.

“A little after Marsiquia was born, Quirisa and I decided we were old enough to explore the forest surrounding our home on our own. She must have been around five, while I was six or seven. I was very nervous. She, on the other hand, was already incredibly brave at that point. She’d made a wooden sword in between classes to take on our trip, just in case we ran into any monsters.”

He remembered his sister well at that age. Small, wild-haired and fiery-eyed, ready to take down dragons or particularly unlucky travelers. Not much had changed since then, though her craving for battle had adapted into something more malicious. He hoped she was doing well back at the Palace.

“We did not encounter any monsters, of course. There is not much in those woods. Some birds and small creatures, but nothing too malicious. I recall one summer someone catching a- well, I cannot remember exactly what it was, but it did have a lot of sharp teeth. That was not the same year, however. I believe it was later.”

Arquis stopped then to check on Rin. His eyes wandered across their face worriedly.

Rin was listening quietly, staying pressed close to Arquis. They did not speak while the nobleman talked, preferring instead just to listen and breathe silently. The calm, soft storytelling, the blanket, the way Arquis was holding them…it was all very helpful, to them, in helping them just calm down and breathe.

Arquis smiled and gave them a small, quick kiss on the forehead before continuing.

“So we went off into the woods with the sword and a basket that we had sneakily packed with food. I do not remember exactly what was in it—perhaps some dried fruit and bread—but it did take a while for us to put together. We were very proud that we were going to explore the wild on our own. No adults around meant that there would be nobody to help us cross streams or avoid dangerous plants. We thought it was awfully grown up of us to be adventuring so young.

“Quirisa was especially excited. For a long time, she had been the baby of the family, and that meant she was treated like she was made of glass. No roughhousing, no wearing anything other than the finest dresses, and especially no going near the forest. Every skinned knee she got was basically seen as a matter of life or death. She hated it. When Marsiquia was finally born, she was ecstatic. She had the chance to reinvent herself as the middle child, and she took it.

“Not much actually happened in the forest, at least not for the first half hour or so. We wandered around and did all of the things that little kids enjoy: digging up dirt, picking flowers, climbing trees. She eventually decided that we should play a game. We made a little fort out of sticks and played all sorts of games involving the imagination. We did not realize how much time we had spent out there, and by the time we decided to go back, it was already sunset. Even worse, it had started to drizzle.

“The drizzle inevitably turned into a downpour. While the trees shielded us from most of the wind and rain, the storm made it so that we could barely see. We got lost several times. The food we had packed was not enough to sustain us for long, and we were very tired and cold. We somehow looped back around to the makeshift fort and slept in it until morning.

“That next morning was one of the only times I have ever seen Muria concerned. My father was mad at us for leaving without permission, but Muria was almost hysterical. She would not tell us why. I still to this day do not fully understand it myself. We let her help us bathe and then settle into bed. Of course, both Quirisa and I ended up catching cold, which meant more babying. But it was still a very nice time. I remember it fondly.”

Arquis took a second to catch his breath and looked down at them again. He didn’t expect a response, really, but wanted to check in on them.

Rin listened quietly, still close. He looked up at Arquis when he finished the story, flashing him a faint smile. "Thank you." they said in a quiet tone. "For the story. It was…it was nice to have something to focus on." they leaned their head on Arquis's shoulder again, taking a deep breath.

Arquis caressed his cheek with a small frown. They still sounded shaken and a little distant to his ears, and it hurt him to hear his partner upset. “Is there anything else I can do, my love? Anything at all?”

Rough nights were the worst. In the daytime, there were numerous things that could serve as distractions: meals or music or events. But at night, the mind had a tendency to wander, and it often wandered down dark pathways.

“I could fetch something to help you sleep,” he suggested. “There are herbs that could make you drowsy, if you would like.”

They shook their head quickly. "No, no, I don't want…I don't want anything like that." he said, looking a touch worried about that. "I…don't want anything like that. Don't want anything that's going to change anything." their lower lip caught between his teeth, and his gaze moved away.

“Oh, Rin, I did not- I did not mean to suggest-” Arquis felt an icy wave of anxiety grip him, but he forced himself to remain calm. He hadn’t meant to frighten them. His mind began to wonder what his reaction meant; he shut that train of thought down immediately. They needed him present and deserved his attention.

“My apologies, love. I did not mean anything nefarious by it, but I understand that it was a thoughtless suggestion nonetheless. I will not ask it again.”

"Sorry." he said. "I…" he closed his eyes, shaking his head again. "I'm just not in a good place tonight, I'm really sorry." they looked down at their hands, working to steady their breathing. "I…just…I can't…I'm sorry." he went quiet now, still trying just to breathe and breathe and breathe.

Arquis very carefully untangled himself from him and sat up, wanting to give them space. He considered placing a hand on their arm to comfort them—to let him know that he was still there—but decided otherwise. Clearly, something had upset them, and he wasn’t going to exacerbate the issue by acting careless.

“Rin,” he said quietly, heart sinking at the familiarity of the scene, “Rin, my dear, I am not upset with you, but I need you to breathe, alright? Try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Rin did his best to do as Arquis had instructed, breathing in through his nose and then out through his mouth, though every now and again his breathing would hitch or stutter. "Sorry." he whispered again. "I did not mean…" his eyes were still closed, their arms wrapped around his body.

“You have done nothing wrong, Rin. Just keep trying to breathe. In and out, just like that.”

Arquis had unfortunately had quite a bit of experience with panic attacks. He’d had plenty of his own, but Marsiquia occasionally had some as well. Hers usually came after nightmares. He wouldn’t say that he was good at handling them, but he at least had some knowledge of what to avoid.

“When you are feeling a bit better, my dear, tell me if there is anything you need.”

Rin shook their head faintly, but kept just breathing. It took them a few minutes before they were calm enough to talk again. "Sorry." He breathed. "I don't…I don't need anything, I just…I can't do the drugs. The…the sleeping stuff. I can't do it. I'm sorry." He pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead, still trying to just breathe.

Arquis bit his bottom lip, alarmed. Internally, he was still kicking himself. He really hadn’t meant to imply anything by the suggestion; all he’d wanted was to offer them a way to rest well. There were teas meant to induce drowsiness and herbs that were rumored to prevent nightmares when swallowed in small doses. He’d never heard of them being used for anything vile. But then again, it was more likely the general idea of a change-inducing supplement that had upset them, not the specific type.

“That is alright. I am not going to make you take them if you do not want to, Rin.” He looked over at him. At the very least, they seemed to be breathing a bit easier. Good. “There is no need to apologize. You have not offended or upset me, I promise.”

He took another deep breath. In the nose, out the mouth. In the nose, out the mouth. In, out. In, out. The repetitiveness gave him something to focus on, which he had needed. "Sorry." He breathed again. "Maybe I should just, ah, go to sleep. Lay down. It's…I'm…" He hated that he kept spiraling like this, hated that it seemed tonight he had such a hair-trigger that every other word sent him spiraling again.

“You do not have to go to sleep unless you want to,” Arquis responded gently.

He wondered if they’d be alright with him next to them in bed while they slept. His presence—mostly his words—seemed to be upsetting him. It was unintentional, of course, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was doing more harm than good. He would do whatever he needed him to in order to make them feel better.

“Perhaps it would be best if I rest on the floor tonight? It would be no trouble at all.”

"No, no, it's fine. It's not…I would rather have you with me." He replied quickly. "Please. If…if you want to be, I know that I'm not really…that it's not…" They shook their head quickly. "I'm sorry. I'll be fine in the morning, I really will be, I promise. I don't know…I don't know why I'm like this right now." He swallowed faintly, tearing a hand through his hair.

“Alright. Alright, love.” Arquis lifted their hand from their hair and knitted it with his. His grip was loose.

“For the past week, you have been put through exhausting situation after exhausting situation. You have likely been both physically and mentally drained for quite some time. I imagine that your stress might just now be overwhelming you because you are in a safe environment.”

What he didn’t mention was that such a reaction was—at least according to memory—a sign of surviving trauma. One kept themselves together until the stressor was gone, then broke down in private. Or near private, in this case.

“You do not have to be fine in the morning, my dear. This is a safe space where you can recover. Let yourself process whatever you need to process.”

Rin kept trying to breathe, eyes flickering shut. "I'm sorry." He said again. "I…" Having their hand in Rin's did help to ground him, he just knew that it might take a while for them to be grounded enough to sleep, or be okay. It really was true; anytime he got like this, they were usually fine in the morning after a night of sleep. It was just that right now they were drowning and overwhelmed by their own mind and memories.

“Do not apologize anymore, love. It is alright. You will be alright. Nobody is upset with you. Nobody is going to hurt you here. You are safe.” He kept up the mantra of soothing words for quite some time. Their eyes were closed, he knew, but he smiled at him anyways and gently rubbed his thumb against the back of their hand while he spoke.

In the morning, if Rin truly was feeling better, then he would have to have a talk with them. There was too much about him that he didn’t know. He wouldn’t push for a full backstory, but if there were more triggering details like the problem with the sleeping aids then he needed to know about them.

They listened, breathing evening and deepening out, and he pressed closer to Arquis, still bundled in the blanket. He didn't speak, just kept breathing and listening to Arquis, letting the nobleman soothe them. To be honest, he was pretty tired anyways, so it was likely he would eventually fall asleep, especially if this kept up.

Arquis eventually let his words taper off, though he continued to hum in a hushed way and caress their hand. He hoped that they would fall asleep, as he seemed rather tired, but was worried that they might have nightmares. There was only so much stress that they could physically handle, and if it seeped into his dreams then he was afraid they might not get the rest they’d need.

In his head, Arquis decided that he’d try to stay up for as long as he could. If they needed him, he wanted to be ready. He’d pulled a lot of all nighters in the past; this would surely be no different.

Rin eventually fell asleep, still pressed close to Arquis. It was pretty obvious that they had fallen asleep, their body relaxing and softening as they fell asleep, breathing deep and soft and even. The blanket tucked around him was soft and warm.