He swallowed faintly, shaking his head a little bit. "I…I'm sorry." they said in a quiet tone, closing their eyes. "I did not mean…that is…" he sighed, trailing off and leaning into Arquis quietly. He didn't know what else to say now.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I am not sure exactly what is troubling you, love. But I can say for certain that you deserve to be treated with warmth,” he rubbed their shoulder, “and respect,” caressed his cheek, “and devotion. The man that made you think otherwise—the brute that took advantage of you—is the lowest type of scum in existence.”
He refrained from kissing them again in case it would be overwhelming. If they wanted one, then they could initiate it, but he wasn’t going to push them.
They closed their eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm…" they trailed off again, pressing closer to Arquis. "Sorry." he finally said. "I…I'm sorry that I was…I don't know. That I'm not, ah…ready for this? I don't know." he shook his head, frowning a little bit.
Arquis had been smiling gently, but their words made his smile waver. He pushed his hand through their hair very slowly, messing up the progress they’d made with the comb.
“Not ready for what?” he asked. All of him feared the answer, but he needed to know what he’d meant. “A relationship?” He swallowed. “This… this relationship? If that is the case, then I understand, and I will let you go, but… is that what you meant?”
"No! No, the…I…it is not that." He said softly, biting his lip for a moment. "I don't know. I'm just not quite in a good headspace at the moment, I think. I've been…I guess I've been thinking too much." A faint laugh broke from his lips, and they stayed close to Arquis. "Just…I'm not making much sense. I'm sorry."
Arquis relaxed, clearly relieved. “Do not apologize for that. You have had a long week, and I do not blame you for feeling poorly. It is perfectly alright to be a touch incoherent,” he said that part with a teasing yet still gentle smile, “after what you have been through.”
He nuzzled into their damp hair and just let himself breathe for a moment. It felt good just to hold them. No expectations, no worries, no responsibilities. No danger.
“Would you like to rest some?” he offered. “I could stay and watch over you, if that would help.”
They took a deep breath, nodding slightly. "Let me put some pajamas on, and maybe we could just sit on the bed for a bit?" They suggested in a quiet tone, looking up at him for a moment. "Is…would that be alright?" He cleared his throat softly, a faint smile twitching at his mouth.
“That would be perfect. If you would like to change in here, than I can dress in the bedroom,” he suggested. There was something so incredibly gentle about his tone, though it was a different sort of gentleness than the type that would come with caring for a sibling. This was intimate; romantic, even, in an innocent way.
Arquis eventually met their eyes and gave them a reassuring smile. He did not expect them to be alright that evening. They did not have to put on a mask or hide his feelings. If they needed a night to just relax with him or cuddle, then he would provide exactly that.
"I've got boxers on, so I don't really, ah, mind, but we can do whatever you would prefer." they replied. "So, I'll be out in a few minutes?" they reluctantly released Arquis, stepping back to give the other man room to move to the bedroom to change. "Thank you, Arquis, for being so understanding." he really didn't know where his head was at, only that he was having a bit of a rough time thinking or focusing.
“Alright. See you in a bit, then.”
Arquis stepped into the bedroom. While they were in the bathroom, he unfastened the tie to his robe and changed into a pair of clean boxers, slacks, and the softest shirt he could find. He really didn’t have many comfortable clothes. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too bothered by the stiffly-pressed fabric.
He quickly went about fixing the room up as well, moving the welcome basket into a corner and brushing some of the flower petals off of the bed. That would be more comfortable for the two of them. He glanced at the bathroom door, a bit worried still. They really had seemed out of sorts. Were they ill? Had he caught cold at some point? Or was he truly just stuck in their own mind?
That, at least, was a feeling he understood well. He stopped to put on some gloves and then returned to the bed, waiting for them to emerge.
Rin changed into their pajamas, throwing the robe back on over top. They knocked on the door. "Can I, ah, come out?" they asked, tone soft and quiet and a bit subdued. They would be fine in the morning, probably; it was only that they had spiraled a bit too much and now their head seemed to be a bit stuck in that space. He wished it weren't; he didn't want to be like this with Arquis, he wanted to just enjoy his company, but apparently they were going to ruin the evening instead.
“You may,” Arquis called back. He’d gotten up again to walk off his nerves and had found a very soft, long, clean blanket in one of the cabinets that he had bundled in his arms. Since Rin was having a rough night, he would try to treat them with tenderness and care. That involved a lot of blankets and possibly hot cocoa, if he was thirsty.
He settled onto the bed once more and tugged back the sheets, though he didn’t get in them. If they just felt like going to bed, then he could make that choice. Arquis was not going to guide their plans unless they wanted him to; he was simply prepared to do whatever he could to help them feel better.
Rin came out of the bathroom, heading over to the bed and sitting down on it. "I'm, ah, sorry that I'm not…that I'm not in a good headspace tonight. I know we've had a good day today, for the most part, and I hate to ruin it now with my…my shit. It's…I'm really sorry, Arquis, this is not how I meant the evening to go." they looked down at their hands, taking a deep breath.
(hey so I've been mulling over possibilities for Rin's magic again, and I was thinking: since he was groomed/taken advantage of at such a young age, his greatest fear (both then and ig now) would be of being controlled, so what if that manifested into him having the ability to control people? would that work?)
(yeah that would definitely work! also it’s very interesting for reasons I won’t mention bc of secrets haha)
“Rin, I…” Arquis was speechless. Out of all of the things he’d been expecting, he hadn’t been ready for such desolate words. It took him a second to recover, and he shook his head vigorously.
”No, no, love, you have not ruined a single thing. There was no set plan for tonight, no specific way that it had to proceed. All I wished was to get here safely with you. That is it. And now that we are here, I do not mind looking after you, especially not while you are going through such a bad spell.”
He inhaled deeply and offered out his gloved hand. If they wished to come close to him, he could. But he would not push. There would be no making assumptions.
“A very wise bard once told me that relationships are not only about the good. I am here for you unconditionally, Rin.”
(great! Ohhh yeah doesn't the mom have some sort of control-y powers too?)
Rin took his head, shifting closer to him on the bed. He looked up at Arquis with a faint hint of uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you sure? I would not be upset if you did not want to have to, ah, deal with me tonight." hie voice was soft and quiet, and his gaze flickered away again after a moment. "You can just, ignore me, and we'll get up in the morning like nothing happened, it's okay."
(yes heh)
“I will do no such thing. You are not a burden, love,” Arquis responded, voice firm yet not unkind. He needed to make it clear to him that they were not something to merely ‘deal’ with.
His expression relaxed after a beat, and he smiled patiently at them. Not condescendingly, like the man in the carriage, but genuinely patient. He knew firsthand what it was like to feel unworthy of love and sentiment; to feel as if abandonment was just around the corner. They needed to be shown that he would stay with him even if it was hard. Especially then.
They looked up at Arquis, blinking at him and fidgeting for a moment. "Are you sure?" they asked again. "It's not…I'm only…I know that this isn't how you want to spend the evening, and…and you can just sleep, and in the morning we'll pretend nothing happened because that's what…it's…" he didn't know how to finish the sentence. It was all he deserved?
Arquis reached out very slowly to cup their chin and met his eyes. “There is no better way to spend the evening than with you. It does not matter if you are in high spirits or if you are feeling low. Unless you need time alone, my dear, then I am afraid you are stuck with me. I am not leaving you to struggle through this by yourself.”
Whoever had taught him that they were undeserving of attention was now his greatest enemy. To make someone so kind of heart—so brave, so hardworking, so loyal—feel so small was an unforgivable sin. It made his heart hurt.
“You mentioned how I would have liked to spend the night. What about you, love? What do you want to do?”
They bit his lip faintly, studying Arquis. "I just…can we just sit here? Together?" he asked, slow and quiet and a little subdued. "I don't know. Snuggle beneath the blankets or something?" his gaze flickered away again.
“Of course we can.”
Arquis would not admit how concerned he was, though all he could feel was worry. They didn’t need more negative emotions at the moment. That would be overwhelming. What he needed was a blanket and someone stable. And that was who Arquis would be. He took the extremely fluffy blanket, unfolded it, and draped it around their shoulders. It made him look tiny. He moved away from them up the bed and patted the other side, where he’d already undone the sheets.
“Here we go.” He paused and spread his arms. “Come cuddle?”
Rin watched him quietly, taking a deep breath and moving over to press up to Arquis's side again. "Thank you." he said softly. He really didn't know why he was suddenly doing so badly; all he could assume was that between being with Arquis all day, and the man in the coach, and then the memories of Lysander, and not having gotten a lot of sleep the night before…all they could assume was that it had all compounded to result in this mess. It was not Arquis's fault that Rin was like this; it was only, perhaps, a side effect, as the last relationship that Rin had been in was the one with Lysander.
“You do not need to thank me,” he replied quietly. If there was one thing that he could get into their head, he wanted it to be that. Arquis was not providing some great service. He was not being inconvenienced or handling an unpleasant task. Gratitude was nice, and he did appreciate it, but he didn’t want him feeling like they owed him something.
“Would you like to rest, or would you prefer a distraction?” he murmured, soothingly stroking their shoulder. “I could recite something from memory, if that would help. Or I could just talk for a bit. It is up to you.”
He shrugged slightly. "We can do whatever you would prefer." they said in a soft voice. "I just want to be, ah, with you. I don't care if…if you recite something, or if you talk, or…" he trailed off, taking a deep breath and shaking their head for a moment. "Just…as long as we're together."
Arquis sighed and kissed the top of their head. “Even when feeling so poorly, love, you are still very considerate.”
He brought them further into his arms and continued to rub their upper back in slow, even circles, hoping the touch would help. Then, reaching over his shoulder, he turned down the lamp that was lighting the room. It had been casting too harsh a glow over everything.
“Let me see.” His voice was low and as soft as the blankets they were under. “I would like to tell you one of the happier stories from my childhood, if that is alright. I will not mind if you fall asleep during it.”