forum The Strangers in the Palace (Closed)(Fantasy)

Started October 31, 2021 by @LovelyRose

tune

Arquis was panicked. He hadn't had the time to change out of the clothes he'd worn to sleep, though in the time it took for Rin to get dressed he'd managed to slip on fresh gloves. They looked quite out of place with the rest of his disheveled outfit. He felt himself blush as Elsie stepped into the room and gave him a once over. For many years, clothes had been his mask; he'd dressed in expensive suits to balls, flaunting his wealth and masculinity in a way that was expected of a young nobleman. To be dressed so plainly for a first introduction was to be very vulnerable. He didn't know if he should try to combat that effect by straightening up. Part of him worried it'd just make him look even more ridiculous. He decided on moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry for waking you up. My colleague must not have told you when I was coming. I suppose he couldn't have known, but, well, the point stands."

"Um. Yes. Thank you." Arquis cleared his throat and desperately tried to pat down his hair. It didn't really work. A lot of it was still in disarray. He combed through it with his fingers, only pausing when he remembered why they'd called a doctor out in the first place. Some of his hair came off in his hand when he lifted it away.

Elsie saw what had happened. She walked over, took the chair from the desk, and centered it in front of the bed. Then, she set her briefcase down beside it and sat. Her legs folded one over the other. She glanced at Rin before speaking.

"Sorry, I usually ask any family or partners of my patient to leave during their sessions."

——

Honey grinned at the compliment. For a moment, he considered turning it around, but then he noticed that Ari was shifting around. He wondered if he was uncomfortable; maybe he was just hot from all the blankets. Or maybe Honey was crushing him a little. That could also be the case.

"Oh, sorry, am I squishing you?" he asked. The question was legitimate, but he was still smiling as he said it. He flopped off of Ari onto his back and spread out like a starfish. "There we go. That any better?"

(quick tw for some internalized transphobia and dysphoric thoughts)

Rin was quiet, letting Elsie and Arquis talk, though at her words, he hesitated and looked over at Arquis. "Darling, are you alright with me leaving?" he asked, keeping their focus on their partner. They would leave only if Arquis wanted them to. He did, however, take a step towards the door, rubbing his eyes for a moment. "If I leave, I'll go grab some breakfast. Should I bring some back for Arquis?" teh question was directed at both Elsie and Arquis, his eyes moving between the two.

"Mhm. I kind of need to use the bathroom, though. So I'm going to do that, and then I'll be right back." he replied, sitting up and getting out of the bed. He headed over to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He was pretty quick using the toilet, and as he was washing his hands he took a moment to look in the mirror. Using the bathroom was always strange because sometimes, weirdly, he almost…forgot that he wasn't quite the same as other men, but then when he used the bathroom it became a stark reminder of that difference. Now, in the mirror, his gaze landed on his hips, on his smaller hands and the softer curve to his face, the lack of an adam's apple, and they became all he could see. Out in the bedroom, on the bed, Honey was…well, he was Honey. He was a man and he seemed so secure in that, even when he wore dresses and makeup, and yet…and yet. He smoothed his hands over his hips, pressing at them lightly and wishing he could get rid of them. Even in a dress Honey was a man, so what was Ari doing? Wearing a dress did not make Honey any less of a man, so not wearing them…not wearing them…did that not make Ari any less of a woman? How could he claim to be a man when he lacked so many things, when his body was made for bearing children, not for fathering them? He reached up to touch his chest, fingers skimming along the flat skin and then along the scars, feeling the faint ridges beneath his fingertips. How could Honey think he was anything lovely to look at, when his body was like this. When he was just a woman playacting at being a man, as if getting rid of his breasts and wearing pants was all there was to it.

(also quick warning that once again I'm not a medical professional so anything discussed that relates to Arquis's condition comes from some online research, which is probably not entirely accurate)

"Wait!" Arquis blurted. Elsie turned to him, quirking a brow. He fidgeted with his gloves, pinching the skin underneath. "Why do they have to go anywhere? Why can he not stay here? Is it a matter of medical privacy? If that is the case, then I give my consent to him sitting in on this session."

The doctor sighed softly. "No, it's not that. It's just that in cases such as these I find that it's easier for patients to talk to me when they're alone. There's less pressure for them to mask or bury their feelings. They can be honest, and honesty is an essential part of this process."

"I can be honest with them around," the nobleman insisted, though it sounded more like he was begging. "Please, I cannot do this by myself. I cannot."

"You can." Elsie smiled at Arquis, then over at Rin. "Go ahead and take the morning to yourself. We will be done in an hour or so."

——

Honey grumbled when Ari left, but he didn't make a move to stop him. He just closed his eyes and waited patiently. Once he heard the sink running, he smiled, eager for him to return to bed. A couple of seconds passed, then a minute, then several more. He peeked out from under the covers. The bathroom door was still closed.

"I'll be right back, he says," Honey mocked, grunting as he forced himself upright. The floorboards creaked under his feet as he stretched. His knees and back popped, and he huffed out an exasperated breath. Either he was getting older, or he needed to change his exercise regimen. Running didn't seem like it'd done much to prepare his poor body for roof climbing. He stumbled over to the bathroom and knocked several times in a row.

"Ari, you still in there?" He yawned and scratched at his jaw, displeased to find that he needed to shave. "You didn't, like, slip or something, did you?"

Rin hesitated for a moment longer, then nodded slightly. "Alright. I'll be…out, then." he replied, and put some shoes on before heading out the door. He headed first for the dining room, trying to think of what he could do in the next hour or so. Perhaps he could go down to the village for a bit? He was not quite sure yet, but that was alright. Having this time to themself might help him decompress and relax. After all, these past few days had been rather stressful for them, and it would be nice to have some time alone.

Ari straightened faintly when Honey knocked on the door, hands fidgeting for a moment. "I'm fine!" he called back, voice higher than he meant it to be for just a moment, and he cleared his throat and repeated himself, this time in his lower, regular register. "I'm fine. Just…give me a minute." there was no reason to burden Honey with all these thoughts of his. All these little worries and anxieties. He rubbed his hand down his hip again, wishing he could erase it with just that touch.

As if flatter hips would make him more of a man. Some savage part of him whispered that it wouldn't matter anyway. He would never be a real man, so why was he so concerned? He took a deep breath, splashing some water on his face and then drying off again, shaking his head and glancing towards the door. Another deep, steadying breath, and he opened the door, letting a faint, forced smile tug at his mouth. "Sorry for the wait, handsome." he said, brushing past Honey and back towards the bed. At home, he would spend a day like this hidden beneath his blankets, pretending that the body buried underneath the covers was shaped differently, pretending that he was someone else. Here, with Honey…he didn't know what to do but pretend that everything was okay.

Arquis watched with a sinking feeling in his stomach as Rin left. Elsie turned to him once the door shut. She didn't seem malicious, but he was quite nervous nevertheless. She did know his name, after all. Perhaps the reason she'd wanted Rin out of the room was so she could blackmail him in private.

Their conversation began slowly. The doctor would ask a question, and he'd beat around the bush for a couple minutes, avoiding both the subject and her intelligent gaze. It was like dancing. She'd take a half step forward, and he'd move two steps back. They were going around in circles, getting absolutely nowhere. So much for honesty, he thought glumly as he ducked another set of questions. This whole thing was useless. He hated it. He wished Rin had just let him cancel.

——

Honey stepped away when the door opened. There was a crease in his brow that betrayed his concern. Something was off with Ari. He didn't know what it was, but the other man seemed different somehow. The way he'd answered the blond's initial question, then repeated that answer just a beat or two later, meant he probably wasn't fine. But if that really was the case, then what was the matter? Was it Honey's fault? Maybe sharing a bed had forced some past memory to resurface. It was also possible that he was sick somehow, which would explain the time he'd spent in the bathroom. Honey hadn't heard him throwing up, but that didn't mean much. Nausea could come and go.

"You sure you're good?" he asked softly. Ari had moved towards the bed, but Honey stayed standing. He didn't know what to do with himself. He scratched awkwardly at the stubble on his chin and added, "If you're feeling sick, I can get you something. Peppermint tea, maybe."

Rin went to the dining area and got himself some breakfast, settling down at a table to eat. He ate quietly, keeping an eye on the other patrons without speaking. He just watched, quiet and calm, as other people interacted with each other. There weren't many in the dining area, since most had probably eaten earlier that day.

Ari sat down on the bed again, pulling the blankets up around himself and giving Honey another smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm fine. Not sick." he replied, tucking his knees to his chest. "Now, I thought we were going to have a lazy morning together?" maybe he could fix this. At least he could pretend nothing was wrong, and maybe if he pretended hard enough it would be true.

Wasn't that what he was doing with his own body? Pretending that he could be a man and pretending it was true? He took another breath, closing his eyes for a moment.

While Arquis and Elsie talked, someone approached Rin. They were very tall and attractive, with well-manicured nails, a dark braid, and red lipstick. The long, shimmery dress they had on was a little over the top, but it accentuated their figure nicely. They were also wearing a necklace with a rather large ruby in the shape of a heart.

"Hello there," they said, giving him an awkward wave. They had a very strong accent. "My name is Ivanaya. You are very cute. Are you here many times? Or, ah, have you come here often?"

——

"Okay. And yeah, of course," Honey responded, still feeling uncertain. It wasn't like he didn't want to spend a morning relaxing with Ari. There was just something clearly bothering him, which would make it hard to act like everything was fine. If fake normalcy was what Ari needed, though, then he'd try his best. He crossed the room and sat on the bed beside him. His pajama shirt rode up a little as he did, revealing a flash of his toned stomach. He wasn't as tan as he'd once been, partially because of how cold it was getting. There was no way he'd go running shirtless when it was snowing. That was better left for the summertime.

He ran a hand along his cheek, barely refraining from biting his nails. His stubble was scratchy, and he swore he could feel a breakout coming. That was what happened when he didn't wash his face before bed. And when he had chocolate, he assumed.

Rin looked up, flashing a quick, polite smile. "Rinlos." he introduced himself. "I…do not come here often, no. This is my first visit." he said, taking a sip of his coffee and wondering what they wanted. Perhaps just to say hello? But then again, in this place…no one came anywhere just to say hello. They came over because they wanted something, so what did this person want from him?

Ari watched him, eyes flickering to that little flash of skin, to the light stubble on Honey's chin. Almost absently, his thumb brushed along his own jaw. He would never grow a beard. He simply wasn't capable of it. Another little thing that men could do and he couldn't, but yet here he was. Pretending. Sure, some men never grew beards because they grew in patchy, but that was different. They coul still grow them, even if they were bad.

"I do not come here much also. But I like it." Ivanaya laughed brightly and sat down at the table next to Rin. "The people are so funny! They ask me, Ivanaya, would you like to join us tonight? Ivanaya, do you like the hot bath? Very funny! Why would anyone need a hot bath? I like the cold. It is very cold where I live. I have come a long way. My friend said this place is good for you! Much fun."

They paused and looked over at Rin, like they were waiting for a response. Before he could give one, however, they started rambling again.

“Would you like to have fun? No hot bath. But you look very good, and I know many people that would like you! It would be nice to have another! Tonight, in my room. There are, ah, I am bad with these numbers. The number that is a small five. One smaller than five, I meant to say. That is how many people there are tonight!"

——

Honey saw that little twitch of his thumb and paused. Was that what this was about? Did Ari really think he looked bad unshaven? Or was it the skin stuff that was the problem? Either way, that could be why he hadn't kissed him more than once. And why he seemed to be avoiding him.

"I'll shave in a minute, sorry," he said hastily, covering his mouth with his hand. "I know it's bad. I could never grow a beard, it'd be all patchy and shit. So I'll get rid of it. I just didn't bring anything with me last night, and, uh, it seemed gross to ask you for shaving stuff. 'Cause, like, you're not supposed to share that sorta thing? Unhygienic. But, um, yeah. Sorry. It doesn't look good."

"Four?" Rin asked, smiling a little bit. He paused a moment, letting out a quiet laugh at the fact that he had been propositioned. Honestly, if he was not dating Arquis, he might have said yes. Had he been single and on the go, he probably would have accepted the offer. But, while he and Arquis had not discussed this sort of thing, he was not going to accept this invitation. It was the right thing to do, and he wasn't really into the idea right now anyway. "And, while I appreciate the offer, I'm afraid I must say no. I am not interested in that sort of thing at the moment. But thank you."

Ari blinked, startled by Honey's words. "Oh. No, Honey, it…I don't have a problem with your stubble." he said softly, leaning over to press a soft kiss to the side of Honey's head. "And…I couldn't share shaving supplies anyways. I don't…I can't…" he gestured vaguely to his face, gaze flickering away from Honey for a moment. Had Honey truly forgotten what he was? No. He hadn't. He was just being polite. He was going along with Ari's farce, with Ari's imaginative delusion that he could pretend to be something he was not. He was being polite, and kind, and letting Ari pretend he could have had supplies to lend to begin with.

Ivanaya nodded eagerly when Rin had said the correct number, then smiled when he turned them down. They were accepting their rejection rather gracefully, not showing a hint of anger or dismay. They didn't even seem that surprised.

"Ah, okay. That is okay! No fun for my new friend. But, ah, that is not really why I am here. It is just, my friend, that you look very alone. And being alone is not much fun. So I thought to myself, I will join you! And then maybe you would look not so sad." They hesitated, their fingers going to their ruby necklace. "Are you still sad? You do not look very happy."

——

Honey tilted his head to one side like a confused dog. This wasn't making any sense to him, but he wanted to try and understand. He thought for a long moment, eyes roving over Ari's face, then sighed. Even when given clues, he apparently couldn't figure out what was going on.

"Can't what? Did you leave some stuff in Kevra?" Now there was a thought. He pounced on it, hoping he'd finally found the issue. "Is this, like, a homesickness thing? 'Cause if it is, maybe we could, I don't know, do something about it. Do you want Rin? Would they help? I could go get him, if that's what you need, but you gotta tell me."

Rin hummed softly at the question. "Well, thank you for coming over." he said, giving them another quick smile. "I am…a bit sad, I suppose. My partner is with a doctor right now, you see, so I am nervous for him." he could tell that Ivanaya's grasp on the language was not very good, so they made an effort to keep their sentences simpler and easier for Ivanaya to understand. It would be rude to be incomprehensible to them.

Ari shook his head quickly. "I don't…it's not that." he replied. "I can't…I couldn't lend any shaving supplies because I don't…I don't carry them, Honey, I can't…" he exhaled, gaze flicking up to the ceiling. "I can't grow facial hair, I'm just…I'm not capable of it." like so many other things. So many other things that men could do that he could not and didn't that mean he wasn't one? He ran a hand through his hair, not quite meeting Honey's eyes and wondering if Honey really had managed to forget the truth of what Ari was. If the Anvillean would reject him now, like so many real men had done in the past. He understood that. No one wanted to be with someone was delusional as he was, pretending he could be something he wasn't. His nails dug into his palms faintly, and he took a deep breath to steady himself.

Ivanaya's expression morphed into one of shock. Gradually, it turned to sympathy. They reached out and patted Rin's hand as he spoke. They seemed genuinely upset for them.

"Oh, my friend, that is bad, bad news. Doctors are not good! They give you drinks that are like berries. Very sour!" Their nose crinkled in disgust. After the imaginary bitter taste faded from their mouth, they laughed. "I hope your special friend is better soon. Oh! Is he why you would not join? If he is better, he could come also! There could be larger than five! Eight! Or, ah, I do not remember. Smaller than that. Maybe that would make him not sick! Does he like having fun? I would take care of him. I would tell my friends, listen! Be nice to him. Would he feel better?”

——

"Oh. Right. Okay," Honey said slowly, still not comprehending. When he saw Ari dig his nails into his palms, he moved closer and gently touched his arm. They were figuring this out together. It'd all be alright.

"So, let me, uh, go through this again. You're not nauseous, or homesick, or any other type of sick. Which is good. But you're upset about something, and that something has to do with shaving? And it's not me not shaving." His brow scrunched as he contemplated the facts. Finally, he asked, "Do you just really like beards? It's okay. A lot of guys can't grow 'em, and really, I think you look fine without one. And it makes it easier to kiss you. No scratching."

Rin smiled a little, then laughed at the idea of Arquis participating in such a thing. With how awkward and shy Arquis was around hust him, he could not imagine the nobleman trying to participate in a more…group activity. They shook their head a little bit. "Six or seven?" he suggested, raising his eyebrows faintly. "And, ah, I do not know if he would be interested, Ivanaya, though I can ask him later. He's rather shy, you see." that was the best way to put it. Shy.

Ari couldn't help the faint laugh that left him at Honey's seemingly genuine confusion. "It's not, uhm, it's not about the beards." he replied. How could Honey not remember? For a moment, though, the young man's words felt comforting, until the familiar sting came back, that little voice whispering that even guys that couldn't grow full beards could grow something, and all Ari would ever have was the faint peach fuzz anyone could grow. The tiny hairs that women had.

Ivanaya nodded enthusiastically, beaming. "Yes, those numbers! You are very smart. If your special friend does not want to join tonight, it is okay! He must get better. It is a lot of energy! Very tired after! But if he is just shy, I could help! I do not mind shy at all. I would make him less shy! Many good things to say, make him very, very happy. But if not that is okay!"

Someone came up behind them. She was of medium height with dark curls and fake freckles. When she saw Rin, she blushed. There was a gap in between her teeth that was rather endearing. Ivanaya seemed pleased to see her.

"Cearan! Cearan, look, this is my new friend. Say hello!" The stranger did as asked, though it was clear she also didn't speak much Anvillean. "Cearan will join tonight. She is good at, ah, how is it said?"

"Fortunes. I look at palms," she said softly. "Will do your palm. No cost. Or aura. Can see auras."

——

Honey groaned loudly and spread out on the bed. He'd really thought he'd been onto something with that last theory, but now it seemed like he was back to square one. He rolled onto his side and reconsidered everything he'd learned about Ari. If it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't about Kevra or Anvillea, and he wasn't ill, then what could it possibly be?

"Give me another hint?" he pleaded, giving Ari puppy-dog eyes. "I'm still waking up. We haven't had breakfast or coffee yet. I can't think straight. Take pity on me and my dumbass self."

Rin smiled softly, looking up at Cearan. "Nice to meet you as well." he replied, looking up at her. "And thank you for the offer, too." he took a sip of his coffee, looking up at the two. "And, I will talk to my partner, though I really don't think he will be up to it." the idea was still amusing, but yet, he really did not think Arquis would be up to even attempting it. It would be quite a thing to see, nonetheless.

Ari tucked his knees closer to his chest, shaking his head a little bit. "It's not important, Honey." he replied. There was no reason to burden Honey with his thoughts. No reason to give Honey more worries, more things to think about. Honey was kind and polite and sweet and if Ari told him, Honey would just try to comfort him and he didn't deserve comfort. He was delusional and he didn't deserve to have his delusions bolstered.

Cearan sat on the other side of Rin, so that she and Ivanaya were surrounding him. It looked a little like he had two bodyguards, though most bodyguards weren't decked out in glitter and jewelry. Ivanaya's ruby heart pendant contrasted Cearan's citrine earrings, which took the shape of little daggers. They swished when she scooted her chair closer to the table.

"You have dark aura," she said, then muttered something in another language. Ivanaya nodded and said something back. The fortune teller cleared her throat. "Not bad. But there is secret? Something you are not tell. Is big secret, I think?"

"Do not scare our new friend!" her companion scolded. They gave him an apologetic smile. "Very sorry. Secrets are secrets. Only for you!"

——

Honey inched forward until he was right next to Ari. The humor had fled his from expression. He placed his hands on Ari's knees and squeezed gently, trying to get him to look up. His gaze was incredibly soft.

"Of course it is. It's bothering you, and that makes it important to me." He raised one hand to the Kevran's chin and tilted his head so that he could see him better. "I'm right here, Ari. Talk to me. Or at least don't just pretend like nothing's happening. If you feel bad, then you feel bad. And that's okay. Not every day is gonna be a good one."

He blinked at Cearan, cocking their head faintly as she spoke. "Oh. I…yes. Secrets." he replied with a faint, embarrassed sound. "I…would prefer not to speak of it, though." especially not to strangers. He had not even told Arquis yet, there was no way he was going to discuss it with two people that he didn't know hardly anything about. He simply refused.

Ari's gaze slid away after a moment, and he shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I don't…you don't need to be burdened with it." he replied, not meeting Honey's eyes. What wsa he supposed to say? When Honey was lovely and handsome and so secure in what and who he was, and Ari…he was none of those things. How could he be?

"Yes, yes!" Ivanaya insisted. "Secrets are yours to keep! She did not want to upset you, my friend. Very sorry!"

"Very sorry," Cearan repeated softly, looking ashamed. She knitted her fingers together and stared down at her feet under the tabls, as if she'd been scolded. Her friend leaned around Rin to pat her on the shoulder. She cheered almost instantly. As she turned to give the Kevran a smile, she paused, her gaze snapping to something over their shoulder. Her skin paled. She seized hold of his wrist.

"Death," she whispered. "Death."

Standing across the room, directly in her line of sight, was Arquis. He looked a lot different than he had that morning. Once Elsie had left, he'd changed into formal slacks with an undershirt and waistcoat, cleaned his face, and fixed his hair. He had a sapphire ring on over his dark gloves. If it wasn't for the hollowness of his cheeks and the red tinge to his eyes from crying, he'd look well put together. Elegant, almost.

——

"C'mon, handsome. Don't talk like that," Honey murmured. He pressed a light kiss to the knee that his hand wasn't on. "Whatever it is, I can promise it's not a burden. I like you, remember? And that means I also like the parts of you that maybe you don't like so much."

That sparked something in his mind. Something about meeting Ari. He thought hard for a moment, the memory slipping from his grasp like sand through the cracks in a hand. Then it dissipated. He sighed softly.

"I'm not gonna force you to talk if you really don't wanna, but I need you to know that I'm here and ready to listen. Okay?"

Rin looked up, his gaze landing on Arquis as Cearan spoke. "No, that's…that's my partner." he said, standing and moving over to stand by Arquis. He took Arquis's hand and gave his cheek a soft kiss. "Hey, love." he said softly. "Did…how did the meeting with Elsie go?" he asked. He could see that Arquis had been crying, but hoped that the meeting had gone well. That Arquis would be willing to eat more now. He didn't know what they would do if Arquis was not willing to.

Ari grimaced faintly, shaking his head. How could Honey call him handsome and say that he liked Ari when clearly the blond had forgotten what Ari was? How else would he be talking like this? As if Ari wasn't delusional and fucked in the head for thinking he could pretend to be something he wasn't? "'m not…" he trailed off, taking a deep breath ."Never mind. It's not…it doesn't matter. Just…"

Arquis shook his head sharply, pursed his lips, and pulled Rin into a tight hug. Trying to talk about what he'd just been through would be like pouring ice water on an exposed nerve. It'd hurt too much to bear. He focused instead on the familiar warmth of them in his grip. The ache in his throat resided as his muscles began to relax. His lover was here. They were here.

There was a rustling from somewhere to Rin's left. Cearan had walked up beside them. She still looked mortified, as if she was staring at a ghost. Suddenly, her gaze hardened. She tugged on the bard's sleeve and insisted, louder this time, "Death!"

Arquis lifted his head and looked at Cearan in confusion. "What?"

——

Honey frowned. This was going nowhere. All he'd done was upset Ari, which was exactly the opposite of what he'd wanted to do. Maybe it was time to try a different approach. Rather than sitting in front of Ari, he went to the side of him, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He kissed his jaw. His jaw, which didn't have any stubble. Because he couldn't grow any. The blond's eyes widened as he realized what he'd probably been missing.

"Oh. Ari, is today, uh," he paused. Accidentally insulting or somehow offending Ari would be a nightmare. He'd have to be careful in the way he phrased his question. "Is today a bad, like, insecurity day? Like, uh, you told me a while back that you- which is why- that's why you got that surgery. Maybe that's not it, and I'm just missing it again. I don't know. Did that make sense at all?"

Rin held Arquis gently, turning to Cearan when she approached, then glanced up at Arquis. "I…Arquis, this is Cearan. She can read auras. She…" he didn't know what else to say. "I don't know why she keeps saying yours is death." they swallowed faintly, wondering if it was related to whatever had happened to Arquis's father. Aurisi. Was that what she was seeing? Or was it related to Arquis's breath-stealing ability? They didn't know. "Cearan, this is Arquis. My partner." he said to the woman, giving her a quick smile. "He's not…he's not dangerous."

At Honey's words, he subconsciously pressed his knees tighter against his chest, remembering what it had felt like before the surgery, when there were breasts there, in the way and out of place. Now they were gone. And that was a good thing. Right? He had made the right choice? He exhaled faintly, still avoiding Honey's eyes. "It…I…yeah." he finally said faintly. "It's…a bad, uhm, body day." he didn't know how else to say it. Today was a bad body day.

Ivanaya came up behind Cearan and tried to wrestle Rin's sleeve from her grasp, but the young woman was determined. Her fingers were curled so tightly into the fabric that her knuckles were white. She grit her teeth, her mouth forming one thin, flat line.

Arquis was baffled. He and Rin had been apart for barely an hour, and already they'd managed to meet two new people. The one clinging onto his partner was beginning to make him really nervous. He offered her a smile, but she kept giving him the same stony glare. Cold sweat broke out along his neck. It felt like she hated him. But how could she? They didn't know each other. What was she seeing in his aura? Was she going to explain?

"Dangerous," Cearan repeated. She shuffled a little closer. "Bad. Bad. Very bad. Do not like."

——

Honey felt like slapping himself. All of the clues had been there, but he'd just brushed on by them. He made a mental promise to do better before focusing his attention back on Ari.

"Aw, handsome, I'm sorry. That's rough." He wanted to give him a hug, but he wasn't sure if it'd be appreciated. The other man was still avoiding his gaze, after all. Maybe he needed some privacy? The blond wasn't sure. Sometimes, it was hard to read Ari. That didn't mean that he wouldn't try, though.

"And I probably didn't help, did I? With all of that junk I was saying earlier, about shaving." He traced his finger along Ari's jawline. Then, he gave it another kiss. "I'm sorry. At least I didn't screw up completely. I was right about some stuff. A lot of men can't grow facial hair, but that doesn't make them lesser than anyone else. It doesn't make them not a man. 'Cause they are. You know that, right?"

Rin blinked again, then shook his head. "Arquis is not bad." he said firmly. "He wouldn't hurt me, or anyone who didn't…who didn't deserve it." he knew that Arquis might hurt someone, but anyone would. The difference lay in whether or not someone deserved to be hurt, and he really didn't believe Arquis could or would hurt an innocent person. "I promise, Cearan, he's not dangerous or bad." he glanced at Arquis again, then over at Cearan and Ivanaya.

Ari closed his eyes at the kiss. "It's okay. You didn't know." he said softly. "I just…it's not the same." his voice was quiet. "There's a difference between someone who just struggles to grow it and…and someone like me. I can't…I'll never have anything." it was so stupid, it sounded so stupid when he said it out loud. So petty. "Because I wasn't…I'm not…" he exhaled sharply, leaning his forehead against his knees and shaking his head quickly. "I'm not a man like you are." his voice was muffled now, and he didn't move from the curled up position he was in.

Ivanaya finally pried her friend's fingers loose and pulled her a few steps to the side. They began to have a rapid fire conversation in their native language, and it seemed pretty intense. Cearan sounded mad. She kept pausing to gesture at Arquis, the arc of her hand as sharp as a stab.

Arquis was honestly pretty glad that she wasn't staring him down anymore. It had begun to make him panicked, and really, that wasn't something he could handle at that moment. He was already so drained. During the latter half of their meeting, Elsie had stopped going so easy on him. No more polite chatter, no more letting him duck around the subject. She'd faced him, looked him in the eyes, and asked him if he actually wanted to get better. If he didn't, she'd said, then she'd get up and leave. There was no way she could help someone that didn't want it. Trying would be like swimming out and lifting someone determined to drown. The more she'd help, the more he'd paddle downwards, fighting her until his last breath. He'd said he didn't want that. She repeated her question, then added a couple more. Was he ready to actively make changes in his life? Could he admit that he had a problem? Or was this a case of him being shoved into an appointment he didn't want by his partner? How much effort was he willing to give?

He'd made a decision, right then and there. He wanted—no, he needed—help. He'd said as much, and she'd smiled. That was when the hardest part had started. She'd told him to start with three meals a day at regular times, then write down any rules he noticed or beliefs he had about food. He'd said he couldn't do three, and she'd written that down on a fresh sheet of paper for him. That was one rule he'd made for himself, but there was no truth to it. She encouraged him to think of more so they could address them next session. By that point, she'd have a binder made for him with tips and goals. She'd given him some vitamins before leaving. His next appointment would be the following week.

The nobleman didn't know how to describe all of that to his partner. He supposed what he was about to say would at least explain part of it.

"I should have something for breakfast," he said slowly. He wasn't avoiding it, or trying to think of a distraction. Though that was what he wanted to do more than anything, he couldn't. Not anymore.

——

When Ari lowered his head, Honey's hand moved from his jaw to the back of his neck. He cupped it gently, massaging some of the tension there with the pad of his thumb.

"I've actually always thought you're much more of a man than me. That's why I get so flustered around you. You're incredibly handsome, and you've got these strong gardener hands, and, like, that's really hot." He blushed. That was only kind of relevant to the point he was trying to make. Time to get back on topic. "I'll admit, I don't see your body the way you see it. 'Cause your mind's mean to you. It's telling you that you're something that you're very clearly not, and it's skewing your perspective until you believe that. But that's not what you really look like, and it's not who you are. You are a man, Ari. Just like me."