Arquis shifted, pulling away only a little so that he could gently cup his partner's face in his hands. He brushed the pads of his thumbs across their brow and offered him a warm smile. Rin sounded upset, and it was worrying to him that they kept apologizing. There really wasn't anything that they could've done about the situation. Nightmares happened. He'd certainly had his fair share.
"It is alright, my heart," he murmured. His left hand slipped into his hair, and he guided their head back against his chest. There was something intimate and loving about the gesture. "Everything is alright. Nobody is upset with you, love. You have not done anything wrong. I promise.”
Rin kept clinging to Arquis, taking deep breaths and slowly, slowly beginning to calm down a bit more. "Sorry." he said again, voice soft as a whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you up." he breathed. "I really didn't, and…and I'm sorry that I keep, uhm, that I keep making everything about…about me."
"I do not mind being awoken, my love. Truly." He said it seriously yet not unkindly. Rin needed to know that he was in no way upset or bothered. There would always be more time to sleep, especially since they weren't at the Palace. Helping his partner was a much higher priority.
That second part was concerning. Not much as of late had been about Rin. They'd been dealing more so with Ari's arrival, Honey's complicated emotions, and Arquis's issues with eating. The fact that he felt as if they were hogging his attention was troubling. Was he so used to receiving such minimal assistance and care that taking even a bit of the spotlight felt like too much?
"Rin, dear, I need you to know that you are not making everything about yourself. Would you say that Honey was doing so earlier, when he was having his episode?" Arquis kissed his forehead. He already knew the answer, of course. "Wanting help and needing comfort are perfectly reasonable reactions to trauma. You are not selfish. You are not a burden. I love you, my heart, and am very glad to care for you.”
Rin stayed pressed up close against Arquis, sniffling softly and breathing trembling a little bit as he kept just trying to breathe and come to terms with everything. "Are you sure?" he said softly. "Because I…I don't…if you dont want to…" he didn't know what he was trying to say, really, just that all of this was so difficult to think about, and he was so tired.
"I am certain," he responded softly. "It is an honor to take care of you, my love."
That was in no way a joke. The other day, Honey had teased that Rin's love was a blessing. Arquis actually agreed. Having the chance to share a bed with and comfort him after a nightmare was an almost miraculous gift. He was very grateful for the opportunity. Life was generally unkind to him, but this felt like a sort of reward for all that he'd suffered.
"I will say it as many times as necessary. You are not a burden when you are upset. You are not taking up too much time or energy. I am here with you because I adore you. There is nowhere else that I would rather be than at your side, Rinlos."
Rin was quiet for a few minutes after that, just clinging to Arquis and breathing, eyes closed as he held onto his lover. Finally, once they had calmed down enough, he spoke again. "I…thank you for being here, Arquis." he said in a soft tone. "I…I dreamed about Lysander again, and I just…I couldn't…"
Arquis nodded and gave his lover's shoulder a gentle, soothing squeeze. "You do not need to thank me. I understand. Nightmares are terribly frightening, especially when they are about something so awful. I am sorry that you dreamt of him again." He paused for a moment and considered how to proceed. "If you would like to discuss it in more depth, love, then we can. If you would prefer to try and return to sleep, though, then I can stay up for a little while to watch over you. Either option is perfectly fine."
If Rin was still feeling too shaky to talk about the nightmare, then they could always do so in the morning. Or not. There were some things that didn't have to be shared, especially not if they would upset him all over again. His poor partner had already been through enough.
He nodded a little bit, taking a deep breath and giving Arquis a faint, shaky little smile. "I was…I was back there again, and…and I knew what he was going to do, and I knew it was going to be horrible, but I couldn't…I couldn't move. Or l-leave, or…or anything." he had literally been trapped and unable to move, even though nothing had been holding him down. Nothing had been keeping him still or down, and yet he hadn't been able to get away.
A surge of boiling anger ran through the nobleman's system. The more he learned about Lysander—even through nightmares—the more he loathed the man. No, not man. Monster. It took a special kind of vermin to hurt someone young, to take someone so good and prey on them like a disgusting beast. He wished him a fate worse than death. But that sort of rage would do nothing to help Rin, at least not in the state they were in. Quickly, his expression morphed to one of love and concern.
"Oh goodness, that sounds awful indeed," he sympathized, running a hand through their hair. Both his voice and motions were very soft. His other arm wrapped about their lower back, bringing him into a tighter hug. "I am sorry, my heart. That must have been so stressful."
He sniffled softly, still clinging to his lover, trembling a tiny bit still. "And he…he wouldn't…he…I…" he took a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm himself again. "I couldn't m-make him stop, and he w-wouldn't stop." the nightmare had been a hellish mix of things that had truly happened and things that had not, his dreaming mind smashing it all together to create a hellscape of a dream.
Arquis protectively tightened his embrace, though Rin could still easily move away if they do desired. He wasn't sure what to say. Part of him was worried that he'd accidentally make the situation worse. That bubble of anger within him was expanding again, and it took him a second to stamp it down.
"My dear," he whispered, "I am so, so sorry. I promise that you are safe here. He cannot harm you anymore. I would not let him. Neither would Ari or Honey. We love you, Rin. And I know that does not change what happened in the nightmare. It is alright to be upset. Your feelings are valid. But I do need you to know that what happened in the dream cannot and will not happen again in reality."
"I know." they whispered. "But it was still…I…I will have to see him again someday." his voice was faint and subdued. "And when I see him again, I cannot…I cannot…I will have to act as if nothing…as if he never…" he could hardly get his words out in a way that made sense.
Arquis was confused. If he and Rin did end up moving to Kevra together, then there was technically the possibility that they might run into Lysander at some point. But Kevra wasn't some tiny, secluded village, where bumping into the same ten people happened every day. His lover made it sound like an inevitability.
"I do not quite understand," he admitted, "but I promise that I will be there for you if or when that does happen. You will not be alone. He cannot harm you ever again."
That was something he would stake his life on. As long as he was around, he'd protect Rin. He'd even use his ability, if it was required. The thought gave him a guilty, secretive thrill. He would love to seal Lysander's pathetic airway shut. The foul animal deserved far worse, but it would be an excellent place to start.
Rin's breath shivered for a moment, and he nodded a tiny bit. "I know. I just…I will have to see him and I don't…I don't want to have to see him again, Arquis. I do not want to." he swallowed faintly, staying pressed as close to Arquis as he possibly could.
Arquis hummed under his breath, still rather perplexed. "I do not know why you would have to see him again, my love, but you do know Kevra better than me. If it is necessary and you two do meet, then we can get you out of there quickly." He briefly kissed his partner's cheek, worried. "I am very sorry, Rin. You do not deserve that."
He made sure that the blankets were still bundled around them just in case he got cold. It was all he could think to do. He did not know the situation very well, nor did he know how to soothe his lover. All he could do was provide affection and touch and hope that it would help.
Rin cleared his throat faintly, staying snuggled up with Arquis and just breathing. He was quiet for a few long moments, just staying close to Arquis. "I'm just…I'm so tired of remembering him." he whispered. "Every day, for no reason, and I'm just…I…"
The nobleman made a soft, sympathetic sound. "I know. I am sorry, love." This, he knew a little better. His feelings for Muria and his father were similar. Still, it was hard to know what to say. "I wish it were different, but you are doing the best you can. You are so incredibly strong, and you have made it so far."
If it were possible, he would take some of their burden onto himself, yet he knew this was their own struggle. Seeing them so afraid and upset was just hard. He wished he could make it all go away, but he knew his lover needed to process it. Their trauma, his feelings, his abuse. Bottling it up or ignoring it would do Rin absolutely no good.
"Is there anything that you need right now?" he murmured. "Anything that could help?"
Rin shook their head slightly. "No." he said, in a quiet tone. "I just…would like to stay like this for a while, if that's okay?" their voice tipped up into a question, and he took another deep breath, leaning his forehead on Arquis's shoulder and just trying to breathe some more.
"Of course. That is perfectly alright, my dear." Arquis smiled despite the situation and placed his hand in between their shoulder blades. The massage hadn't helped much. He was still so tense. The noble rubbed the heel of his palm in a big, gentle circle, attempting to calm them further.
"Would you like to keep the lamp on? Or would you prefer to try for sleep? I know it might be challenging, especially after such a troubling dream, but you do sound quite exhausted. As I said earlier, I can watch over you for a bit, if it would help.”
Rin shrugged slightly. "I…I don't think I can sleep yet." he replied in a soft voice, staying close to Arquis and just enjoying the gentle massage that Arquis was giving him. He took a few more deep breaths, just breathing and staying close to his partner.
Arquis delivered a kiss to the spot above their right brow. "Alright, my heart. You do not have to rest yet, only when you are ready."
The night was beginning to feel peaceful once more. Outside, gusts of wind jingled wind chimes and rustled the leaves of trees. Beneath that, if the nobleman listened super closely, he could still hear the faint crackling of the fire in the other room. He couldn't smell smoke. The sheets they were in had a nice, clean aroma, though not alienatingly pure or sterile. It was more of a fresh cotton than an antibacterial scent. There was also an extremely slight hint of apples and cinnamon from the muffins. That was likely due to the fact that they'd come out of the oven not that long ago.
He wondered what Kevra was like in comparison to this village. It was strange. He didn't feel homesick, not really, but this world was so unfamiliar. He'd even been to this general area before, yet it felt entirely new. After his father had passed and his aunt had disappeared, he hadn't left the Palace much at all. There hadn't been reason to do so. No more semi-spontaneous business trips, no more outings to see friends. He was the man of the household, and that came with an unbearable amount of responsibilities.
He let out a faint, soft little breath, staying pressed close to Arquis and leaning his forehead against Arquis's shoulder. "Okay. Thank you." he said quietly. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again for a while. Everything was just too fresh in his mind for that, and he was afraid that if he did go to sleep again, he would just have the same awful dreams.
Arquis actually did start to fall asleep, but he forced himself to stay awake by rubbing his knuckles against his cheek. As tired as he was, he wasn't going to abandon his lover. He needed to be awake just in case. There would be more time to catch up on rest in the future. He opened his mouth to start a conversation about their schedule for the next day, then closed it. Rin might not have the energy or the desire to talk at that moment. Besides, if they got too deep into discussion, then they wouldn't feel sleepy again for quite a while. He did eventually want his partner to drift off, if just for a little bit. They'd been through so much.
While he didn't end up speaking, he found himself humming a quiet tune. It was a traditional Anvillean lullaby. There weren't many that were shared amongst the nobility. Most folkish songs were considered lesser than classical music, such as those he played on his harp. He shuddered to think of the instrument, returning his thoughts to the song stuck in his head. It really was a lovely piece. Very pretty and sweet.
Rin listened quietly, holding onto Arquis still. He didn't speak, just lay quietly and listened as his partner hummed. He sighed very softly, his mind slowly beginning to be able to calm down as he just listened and lay there quietly. He hated when he remembered Lysander, hated that these reminders cropped up so often.
The nobleman continued to hum, and when that song was finished, he started another. This one was one of the warmups he'd used to play when starting to learn the harp. It was not a scale, but it was repetitive and simple enough that he could recall it easily. He began to run his hands through his partner's hair as he hummed. Hopefully, the combination of the music—his voice was subpar, but otherwise pleasant—and the constant touching would continue to soothe his partner.
His mind began to drift, thinking of the pair in the other room. He wondered what they were doing. No longer could he hear talking, so he assumed they'd probably gone to bed. They would make for a very cute couple. He hoped that the sudden revelation of Honey's predicament and past hadn't scared Ari off. It didn't seem like it, but one could never be sure. Perhaps Ari just had a really good poker face.
Sleep eventually tried to claim him once more. He fought it back just as diligently as he had earlier. He'd gotten too used to this new life. At the Palace, he'd slept only a few hours a night, if that. The Cecilia Rouge had given him more time for rest, and he was starting to get so lazy. Sleeping in, snuggling, going to bed whenever. He'd have to start to restructure his schedule at some point.
