"Does it occur to anyone else that this might not be a good idea?"
"I mean, they are the ones who have dealt with him before, but I see your point."
"Fair enough, but I'm not putting my guard down."
"When do you ever do that?"
"Never."
"Touché. But seriously, is it really a good idea to trust Mr. Havoc McAnarchypants?"
"Trust me, kid," Azrael said. "There it is, the first rip in space-time."
Azrael walked up to it. It was a milky black colour.
"Don't you dare push her, Vozreal," Allison said.
"Okay, fine," Vozreal said.
Azrael turned her scythe upside down, and raised it upwards. It sealed the hole up like a zipper.
"There," Azrael said.
"Now, onto the next one!" Allison shouted.
"So, tell me Vozreal, why you're on our side now?"
"Yeah, what's with the quick turnaround? Something fishy's going on."
"Also, who was the guy creating the rips in space-time? What exactly is he?"
"If he's an Eldritch god, that shouldn't be a problem. All you have to do to get those guys to stop messing around is play a game of cards with them, and beat them. Seriously, their egos pop like a balloon pricked with a needle if you best them at literally anything."
"To contextualize that scenario, Thethla had you banned from their establishment after that."
"Yeah, apparently I was 'too old to gamble' in that dimension when you converted me from Earth 0-24 years to Universe L-055's years. Who even has maximum age limits in a casino?"
"They do, apparently."
"What's an Eldritch god?" Vozreal and Azrael and Allison asked.
"it's not an 'Eldritch' god. Hewalo is a 7th dimension, the most powerful type of dimensional being in this multiverse. As to why you should trust me, I was reincarnated. Everytime I get reincarnated, I change. So, if I was bad in my previous reincarnation, I'm now good. Understand?"
"True," Azrael and Allison both said.
"Let's go," Azrael said as she opened a portal to the next dimension, R-105.
"Oh, okay, fair enough. No tricky business, though. Anyway, an Eldritch god is like… they're these beings that were described by this racist author, Lovecraft, and apparently they're real. It's really hard to explain what one is without seeing them, I mean, even their creator had a hard time with describing what they looked like. Usually he just said "it's a mass of flesh, teeth, eyes, and tentacles!" and left it at that. Theo, do you have a better description?"
"No, that is precisely what they are. Remember when we disappeared when we were in that portal? We accidentally ended up in a dimension where there were some of them playing poker. They are typically laid back, with exceptions."
"If by laid back, you mean having an ego twice the size of Jupiter, then that's accurate. We might run into one at some point, and maybe you do know what they are, just by another name. Ever heard of Cthulhu? That's an Eldritch god. Also, what's in the next dimension?"
"Makes sense. Also we're going to the reversed sexuality dimension. Everyone has the opposite sexuality as Universe A-11, the universe we come from. Gay people are straight here, and vice versa. Bi and pan people are the same. Also asexual people/ being, like Vozreal here," Azrael said as Vozreal raised his hand and lowered it, " Are hypersexual."
"That's cool," Allison said as they went through the portal.
"Okay, cool."
"yeah it is," Azrael said.
They entered the dimension. They were in America
"Hey, Theo, this place looks familiar."
"Yes, yes it does."
"I can't pinpoint what it is, though."
Theo points off into the distance, where there is a skinny, rickety-looking wooden tower.
"No way, that's crazy. We're back in Windpost, except in a different dimension! How weird is that?"
"Slightly less weird than the fact that you've casually gambled with interdimensional beings, and succeeded in acquiring wealth of any amount."
"Fair enough, fun sponge. Anyway, I wonder if we'll see ourselves? Or Meryn, or Cody, or Aysen…"
"Wait, in a dimension where sexualities are reversed, would we or any of our friends actually exist? By the logic this dimension follows, we would not exist, and our parents would not have gotten together."
"Okay, let's not think about the fact that time is so fragile that even the slightest change in history could've lead to us just not existing. So, where's the rip?"
"It's on a different planet," Azrael said.
"Which one?" Vozreal asked.
"Fowjia."
"Let's go," Allison said.
Azrael opened up another portal to another planet.
"This is in the Hyi-18 system," Azrael commented before entering the portal.
"Wait, I get that you guys are immortal and stuff, but we're not. Does this planet have an atmosphere? Because our mom is going to kill us if we die."
"The irony of that statement was truly beautiful."
"Yes, it does," Azrael stated, "also, Allison isn't immortal. She is able to die. Now, let's go."
They went to Fowjia.
"Change your currency to Fowjian Dollars, if you don't have any, here's some," Azrael said as she held out her hand towards Chelsea and Theo, "remember, one Fowjian Dollar equals 2 Multiversal dollars. One Multiversal Dollar is equal to 5 US dollars
"We'll exchange our own money, we don't want to take any of yours. And one Fowjian dollar is ten US dollars. Got it. Make sure not to forget that, Theo."
"Yes, very funny. Anyway, is there any chance that we are going to run into Hewalo?"
"There's a chance," Azrael said, "if he actually exists, and Vozreal's not just making him up."
"I'm not!" Vozreal protested.
"Remember to be careful here," Allison said.
The planet was bustling with humanoid aliens, weird creatures and bizarre flora.
Azrael founded the second rip. She did the same thing she did last time.
"Now that's done, let's go back to this Universe's Earth," Azrael said. She teleported everyone to Earth, R-105.
"Now, let's chill for a moment," Azrael and Allison both said.
"Yep, let's do that," Vozreal chimed.
Azrael sat down in the forest since they were back in Paradox Vortex, in R-105. She cracked open a Potato Beer.
"That hits the spot," she said as she drank it.
"Are you sure you should be drinking?" Vozreal, of all people, asked.
"Fun fact: One of Chelsea's worst fears is becoming an alcoholic. Or becoming a gambling addict."
"Yeah, that's true. Luckily, I have a chocolate problem, so I don't have the time to get addicted to something else."
"That would be the first time you spoke positively of your chocolate addiction."
"I mean, at least it's dark chocolate. It could've been white chocolate, that would be a real problem."
"Agreed."
"Cool," Azrael said, uncaringly.
This was like her, usually, but this time, it was a reason for concern.
"Hey, Azrael… is everything okay? Something feels off…"
"It might be the planet and surroundings."
"Theo, you're almost always right, but I don't think that's it right now…"
"Perhaps she has had a drink too many."
"Sure."
Both of them discreetly check to see that their weapons are still on them.
"It takes seven Potato Beers to get me drunk," Azrael said, "But it's not that. It's the meaninglessness of life."
"I forgot to tell you guys," Allison said to Theo and Chelsea, "but Azrael has severe nihilism and depression."
"Life is pointless. I mean, in some dimension, you don't even exist! In others, Hitler won WW2, and America turned into a Nazi version of itself. It makes you think about how small you are." Azrael commentated, "Potato Beer is just my way of dealing with it once in a while."
"Alright, let's go," Vozreal said.
"Fine," Azrael said.
"You're not going anywhere," A weird, seemingly going further away and yet getting closer, slitherly voice said.
"Hewalo," Azrael said calmly.
"Yep."
Chelsea and Theo drew their weapons for real this time.
"Hey, what's the protocol for dealing with this thing? Do we stab it, or send it away, or wear it down, or what?"
"Or all of the aforementioned?"
"Like, what are its goals? What is it trying to do?"
"It just occurred, that this might be rude. The thing is right there after all."
"Hey-walo, what exactly do you want with us?"
"Chelsea, this is not the time for puns."
"Every time is pun time."
"Why must I live with this."
"That was a statement and not a question, wasn't it? You already know the answer, Brainiac."
"Back to the monster at hand…"
"Oh, sorry we interrupted you. Now spit it out before we beat you up, or something."
Hewalo came out of the shadow. He looked exactly like Darkiplier, red and blue glitches and all. He had a sidekick. They also came out of the shadows. They looked like a all too familiar yellow dorito. Bill Cipher.
Hewalo addressed Chelsea and Theo.
"They been telling you lies," Hewalo said as he pointed at Allison, Azrael, and Vozreal, "but don't you want the truth?"
"Truth is Absolute, Lies are Relative!" Bill Cipher said.
"REALITY IS AN ILLUSION THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM BUY GOLD BYE!" Chelsea yelled as she jumped through a portal she created.
She disappeared and the portal closed.
Theo was unconcerned. "This happens sometimes. She's gotten pretty good at doing impressions, I have to admit."
He checked his watch, then held up his hand.
3… 2… 1…
Chelsea jumped back out of the freshly reopened portal, except now with a top hat and a cane.
"Sorry, I know it doesn't match my outfit. Anyway, if a mini-Weirdmaggedon is going to go down, it needs to end before 5:30. It's 4 o'clock right now, so I think we could blast you out of existence provided we have the right tools. Theo, do you have the disintegrator ray?"
"Here it is."
"Edgelord and Razzle Dazzle Dorito, just stay still. It'll be quick and painless, as long as you don't move. 3… 2… 1…"
click