“It’s hard to ignore you. You- you’re so perfect, with your wings and your halo. It makes me want to break your neck. It’s like I’m never going to be like you, so why should I try? I hate it.” Simon hands shook harder, making him spill his tea. “Fuck.”
Razielle arched an eyebrow "perfect? Oh my dear angel, I'm not perfect." He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. "Sure I have wings and a Halo but look how far that's gotten me." He shrugged, glancing away. "You're gonna hate me more for saying this but at this point you should have known what you got yourself into. You really really don't want to be like me." He sighed softly and took another sip of tea. "You tried killing me before anyways, it's like you couldn't."
"I know exactly what I got myself into. I'm not stupid, Razielle. I want to be you. I was supposed to be you. And then shit happened, and everything got messed up. And obviously, I'm not going to kill you," Simon said, picking his words carefully. "And you're more perfect than I am, I can guarantee you that."
Razielle just shook his head and buried himself deeper into the couch. "I doubt anyone woukd want to be a flightless angel who can't even use their own damn ability to find a Diety." He took a deep breath "no one would miss me. I'd almost rather be in your situation honestly. At least you're fighting for something important."
"You want your best friend killed," Simon said wryly. "I didn't pick you out as a masochist, Raz." He grinned, despite himself. He pushed himself to his feet, dropping Spooks on the floor, and sat next to Razielle on the couch. "I don't know if it's important, per se. I think it's insanely selfish of me, but whatever."
"no of course not. I would never wish someone to die. Even if they do deserve it. It's not my call to make." He flicked his gaze up as Simon stood and settled beside him on the couch. He looked away and waved Spooks over, patting the space between him. He set his cup aside and closed his eyes. "Then maybe that's what I want. To do something for me for once. Not follow what's expected, to not be, as you put it, perfect. I love being a guardian and therapist, believe me I wouldn't trade that for the world. But sometimes it feels like that's all I am, without those things I'm just a guy with wings. At least with you, you have something you fight for without apology or thought to consequence. And no ones going tell you what to do and what not to do, because you know ultimately that their opinion at the time doesn't matter." He shook his head and opened his eyes, staring at the book he had put to the side. "Zophiel does deserve whatever punishment comes to him for what he did. He deserves far, far worse for making everyone believe he was innocent, immediately shutting those down that apposed him."
"I think you're just fine the way you are," Simon said tentatively. "Not in a weird, mushy way. But you seem. . . nice enough. And, really, would being 'just a guy with wings' be so horrible? People would think that's really cool. If I were a human I'd think it's cool." He mentally slapped himself for going on a rant. "Never mind. I'm probably not making sense."
Aw and here I thought you hated me." Raz teased, gently nudging Simon's arm. "They'd either thing that cool or rare, how much do you want to bet they wouldn't hunt an angel down?" He arch an eyebrow, the thought sending shivers down his spine. Raz breathed a small laugh "don't worry, I get what you're trying to say. And nothing would be wrong with being human, angel or human, I don't think I'd know what to do with my life."
Simon pushed his hair back. "You could go to school," he offered. "That's what I do." He shrugged. "And they probably would hunt you down, but your life would be pretty exciting."
He shook his head "can't, at least not for psychology. They'd be suspicious of the degree I have without any actual background in the field, though I could go for something else." He mused with a small smile. "Though keeping the angel thing a secret would be kinda hard. What do you in college?" He asked, ruffling his wings as Spooks pawed at the feather. "You dig your claws into my wings I will throw you across the room without hesitation, missy." He warned, booping her nose gently
"I have a doctorate in Chemistry and another in Computer Science. I'm working on one in Business. Why? Also, you can kick Spooks off the couch. She doesn't mind."
Raz shook his head tiredly "no reason, just curious. Was thinking of taking something the art feild if I go back to school. Something fun." He blinked and scooped Spooks up, holding her in front of him, finding that she had a feather in her mouth. "Excuse you lovely creature, I need those." He chuckled lightly and set her down in his lap, away from his wings.
“I don’t do it for fun,” Simon said. “I do it because I need to know things.” He pulled his legs up onto the couch, tight against his chest.”
"do you plan on getting job in any of those areas? I'm sure a lot of people would be looking for someone with that many degrees." Razielle asked, "besides, if this takes longer than we thing or if you do end up becoming an angel again, you'd need a cover job for when your on an assignment."
"Eventually. I mean, I haven't really thought about it all that much." He pressed himself into the couch to attempt to stop shivering. "I doubt any companies would want an addict working for them anyways."
"you mean recovering addict." Razielle replied, giving Simon an encouraging smile. "You still have time. You're getting your degree in business and going through all this heaven hell deal. I doubt anyone hiring would understand but you are trying."
Razielle glanced over at Simon noticing he was Still cold and offered him his blanket. "It's warming up anyways." He said before the other could refuse
Simon blinked, surprised. He didn't know what to say to that so he sat silently, looking at his hands. He looked at Razielle, slightly confused, and opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again.
Razielle tilted his head "did I say something therapist-y again?" He flinched slightly and chuckled, setting the blanket down between them in case Simon still wanted it. He downed the last of his tea and stood to wash the cup and pot he had used in the sink
Simon flushed. "No. No, you didn't." He turned away to hide his blushing and said, "I just can't believe you actually made me like you. I'm not a people-person."
"I didn't make you do anything." Razielle said softly, resting against the counter. "But I am glad you have more of a liking towards me then when had first met." He walked over and flopped onto the couch. "Everyone's a people person, you just have to find people you enjoy being around."
"I don't enjoy being around you," he said. "I tolerate you. More than other people. Look, I was trying to give you a compliment and then you went therapist-y on me." Simon frowned at him.
Razielle tried his best to keep down his laugh "well, I'm glad you tolerate me, then. This would probably be far more difficult if you didn't." He sighed softly "I don't mean to do that, I know it can be annoying." He rested his head against his hand, trying his best not to nod off to sleep "I'm not that much of a people-person either."
"You can go to sleep, you know. I won't slice your head off while you're sleeping." Simon picked up the blanket Razielle had left behind and offered it to him.
"that's not what I'm worried about, but thank you. " He muttered, setting his glasses aside on the table beside the couch and running his hand through his hair, shaking his head at the offered blanket. "Keep it, I'm warm enough with the heat and my wings."
"Alright then, Smarty-pants. What are you worried about?" Simon wrapped himself with the second blanket, making sure to tuck his feet in. "I won't jump off the balcony, either."