forum "How come you haven't run away from me yet?"//oxo//Closed

Started December 12, 2020 by @knightinadream group

tune

Kangdae kept his eyes on their hands. Eventually they will have to break away and pretend like nothing happened, but for now, he wanted to appreciate the feeling. The sensation of it. How strange. When he turned, he thought that all feeling had died with his heart. Perhaps it didn't, maybe some of it had stayed with his soul. All things he was not aware of and did not appreciate while his heart was still beating. Although he was happy now, a bittersweet motion filled him. The question of whether or not he appreciated his life while he still had it swirled around in his mind. He hated it. Life, what even is it?

The stern expression that almost took over his face melted away at the moment Jimin took ahold of his hands. She held them ever so gently. He could feel how soft and warm they are against the bleakness of his. Gradually, a soft smile rose. If only it was night, then they would be able to hold hands longer without much stress.

Speaking of which, he was starting to sense the presence of the queen. While she was still relatively far away, she was still making her way back over with the painter and a guard. He did not want to ruin the moment of them holding hands, and yet he also did not want to ruin them and their plan.

Letting go of one hand, he cupped her cheek. His thumb gently rubbed it. He stared intently into her eyes. "Do not worry, my dear. I will make sure everything will be alright," He reassured, smiling. "Let's hang in there till tonight."

As he let go, her hand dropped to her side. Jimin felt his hand on her cheek, and she turned to look at him, relaxing somewhat at his smile. For a moment her eyes settled on those smiling lips, but she sensed his gaze on her so she raised her eyes to meet his. She allowed Kangdae’s cool tenderness to wash over her worry, getting lost in his keen gaze.
Though at his words, she let out a sigh. Was she worrying too much? It seemed that she was worrying all the time, even in the evenings when they were truly alone. Would there ever be a moment where she could truly be at ease? Perhaps a moment like that it happen the previous night, but it seemed so short-lived, looking back.
Well, no. That night was everything. That night was eternity.
She smiled back. Maybe now was a good time to worry at least a little, but she shouldn’t let it take over, especially in the evenings when they were alone.
“Alright. I’ll do my best.” She squeezed the hand she still held, then let it go. “I’ve missed you,” she admitted quietly.

All of his focus washed away the moment Jimin looked up at him. To him, it still felt like the first time she looked at him like that. Oh how lush it is. He does not need a smile or anything. All the gold in the world cannot compare to Jimin and her gaze. The light in her eyes is rich. It is all that he needs.

The words resonated in his hollow heart, making it vibrate softly. Kangdae could not help himself. They do not have enough time, but here he is getting closer to her. He took Jimin's hand into his then placed it over his heart. "I always have been thinking about you and the time we spend together," He whispered.

Leaning in a bit, he kissed the top of her forehead. Just as his eyes fluttered open, they immediately flickered down to her lips. The hand that was caressing her cheek glided down to underneath her chin. Time had begun to gradually slow down when he briefly looked back into Jimin's eyes.

"I know that you will," He cooed, pressing up against her. His eyes traced her lips. "You are as strong as you are sweet." Carefully, he let go of Jimin's hand then placed his on her lower back. Kangdae closed his eyes while his lips got closer….and closer….

He stopped. Opening his eyes, he looked over at the door. Oh heavens… Giving an apologetic look in his eyes, he looked back over at Jimin and then rushed over to the throne. Only a couple seconds passed as he got back into his previous position before the queen walked back in with the painter.

Jimin had assumed he would move away from her after she let go of his hand, but no, here he was, taking hers back again and placing it over his chest. An exasperated sigh nearly slipped from her, but his whispers stole nearly all of her attention. His chest was cool and silent. She didn’t move her hand away.
“Kangdae…” She stilled at his touch, nearly becoming paralyzed. No matter what happened now, she couldn’t pull away. His kiss was like fresh snow, his caressing hand like ice, and yet she did not flinch. She was used to it now, and she welcomed it as he moved closer. His voice was so warm, his breath so sweet. As his hand moved behind her, she became aware of the tension in her back, probably from the cramps. His touch seemed to relieve that tension, if only for a moment. Her eyelashes fluttered as he leaned in, unable to move much else. She was frozen, silently yearning for the unimaginable.
Then he opened his eyes. It all came rushing back, and as he dashed back to the throne, she didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. Either way, she felt the need to be very loud. But she didn’t dare. Oh, they were both utter fools. Jimin felt blood rush to her cheeks and her muscles turn to liquid, but she tried to hide it by looking toward the door and bowing before Queen Seohyun.

I should have went on with it…. Kangdae could not believe what had just happened; how he just abruptly stopped himself right then and there. Never in a million years would he have done something like that. Now he just wants to hide behind the throne and hang his head in embarrassment. If his heart worked, it would have exploded by now. What is he even going to do tonight after that?

He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, pretending like he was exhausted. Really, he just wanted to keep himself from looking over at Jimin. The urge to go back over was tempting, but with his mother and the painter there, he knew that he shouldn't even be dreaming it.

Silently, he took a deep breath. His eyes followed the painter as he went back to work. The painter picked up his brush then started to fixed some of the little details. Meanwhile, Her Majesty walked a little bit further and gave Kangdae a smile.

"You seem a little flustered, Your Highness," She pointed out. Her head slightly tilted. "Are you feeling a little unwell right now?"

Without looking over, he shook his head. "No, I am alright," He responded, sighing afterwards. "I am just a little tired, Your Majesty, that is all."

Her eyes squinted. She gave the usual Queen Seohyun concerned expression that he knew all to well, but it disappeared in a second as she went back to grinning. "Ah I see, I have told you from the beginning that you musn't stay up too late," She nodded. Turning around, she glanced over at Jimin. "Well, I believe that is all for now. Let us go."

Slightly lifting her skirts, she started to head back over towards the entrance. Just before she left, Queen Seohyun looked over at Kangdae and bowed. Once she took another step, the doors opened then she walked out.

Shaky and slow, Jimin rose from her position. She also avoided looking at the prince, her gaze entirely on the queen instead. Despite that, she couldn’t help but give a subtle shake of her head upon hearing Kangdae’s little excuse. It worked though, and she didn’t do anything else to make it seem like was listening to or participating in any way in the conversation. Her muscles still felt shaky and stiff, but she followed after Her Majesty, bowing to the prince before exiting with her.
She couldn’t think. She couldn’t understand what had happened, only that it did and it was such a close call. All she could do was take deep breaths and act as if nothing had happened at all. She tried her best to cool down her cheeks and ears, but it was always much easier for them to heat up than to cool down.

For the rest of the day, his mind was in another place. It was the usual daytime drowsiness that he experiences. Sadly he was not sure what it was. Along with experiencing so much in the last week or so he never knew, Kangdae felt a little lost. Yet, he could not get over what happened back in the throne room. Even while in studies or listening to the lords, the crown prince was not there. It came to the point where he just stopped his daily activities and went back to his chambers and slept. Or at least, laid in bed and stare at the ceiling while stuck in a deep state of ponder.

The sun was beginning to set earlier than it had last week. As usual, his court ladies came and helped him get into his evening clothes. Myung was there so he was able to ask him to bring over some ginger tea. The servant came back with a tea pot and two cups before going off. Kangdae was left alone for however long till Jimin would have to come over. Hopefully it was enough time to plan and strategize. Oh planning and strategizing, he cannot believe he is thinking of love as some sort of battle.

Kangdae paced around his room. Up and down the walls. From the front of the room to the balcony doors. Since dusk fell upon them now, the tired feeling had left him which is causing him to be tangled in a bunch of nerves. Well, at least they will be going over business first so then they have the rest of the time with each other. On the other hand, he wondered if he can pay attention during that.

It is almost time now. He can feel it. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Once he was somewhat calm, he ambled over to the desk. The azalea was poking out from the book he tucked it into. Sitting down, Kangdae took it out and held it gently. His hand rested underneath his chin as he stared at the flower.

This was one of the days Jimin was actually glad she had work to do, because she could use it to distract herself from whatever else was going on in her mind. So, unlike her love, she threw herself entirely into her work; straightening up the queen’s chambers, managing the tasks of the other court ladies, and even during meals when she had a small break, she would distract herself by going down to the seamstresses and talking to Iseul.
Even when her work had something to with the prince, it worked as a distraction. When she looked into the archives later that afternoon, none of the medical journals turned up. Even with help with some of the lower ranked ladies and servants, she could find nothing. It was suspicious; His Highness’s previous physicians and doctors would not have written down, only to take them away where no one else could find them. And the prince had told her he had no idea where they were. It was clear to her that he had been lying though, and now? Jimin couldn’t really blame him. She would be liable to tell the queen if he told the truth, and that would put him in jeopardy. Should she even ask about them again the next time they see each other?
Or perhaps he had done something to them. Threw them away perhaps, to ensure his self preservation. That would also make sense, and be more effective than simply hiding them away somewhere. So that was the question now. She did not need to know where the journals were anymore.
Additionally, she was already distracted enough by the bleeding and cramps. The pain made it difficult to work and focus sometimes, and she had to steal away somewhere occasionally so she could privately make sure she wasn’t leaking or replace the cloth pads if she needed to. Thankfully, some of the other ladies were willing to lend her pads during emergencies. It was actually them who taught her as a child to deal with these kinds of situations, and that every other woman, even the queen, had to deal with it too. Jimin never had the chance to be taught those things by her mother, and it wasn’t like her uncle was going to do it. Of course, they kept it very quick and hush hush, but as a 12 year old, Jimin was just glad she wasn’t dying.
So when evening came, she was tired. Not sleepy, tired. She just wanted refresh herself from a very draining day, not sleep. But even now, she had business to attend to. So, as she made her way down to the prince’s chambers, she took a breath and mentally prepared, as always. Admittedly, she did look forward to some ginger tea and seeing her love. The pervasive aching in her groin seemed ever-present at this point.
Soon she was at his door. Like always, she took her binyeo and left it with the guards, knocked to announce her presence, then opened the door.

"Ah, I do not know what to do," He mumbled to himself. Kangdae let the side of his head rest on the table as he held the flower up. "Should I try again? I already made a fool of myself….What if there is another interruption? Oh heavens…."

There was that all too familiar aroma again. Somehow he ignored it. The concerns that swirled around in his mind were too distracting. He will admit that he is worried; these are not easy matters to go over after all.

At the sound of the guards knocking, he rolled his shoulders back. Hopefully any sign of embarrassment or weariness will not show in his face. "Let her in," He commanded before quickly tucking the flower back inside of the book. He straightened out his new robes, eliciting any wrinkles he could find. While his love probably will not care about these details, he still wants to look as good as possible for her.

He reached over for the teapot. The handle felt warm underneath his fingertips. Not enough for him to drop it, yet the warmth should be good. By the time he wrapped his fingers around and lifted it, he suddenly sat it down. Perhaps it would be better to do it when she is right in front of him. That way the tea will not be sitting out for long.

The urge to run over and wrap Jimin in his arms filled him when the doors opened. Kangdae beamed watching her walk in. Giving her a head bow, he quietly exhaled. His hands softly gripped at his sleeves though he was relaxed for the most part. Thank the heavens, it is finally his favorite time of the day.

A warm gingery scent hit her as Jimin entered. Already smiling, it only grew when she saw him there, smiling back. She returned the bow, then moved over to the desk where he sat.
“Oh, how lovely,” she murmured, then met his gaze. “Good evening, Your Highness. How are you?”
She sat across from him, feeling the tension in her back as she did so. She ignored it, instead searching Kangdae’s face. He was lovely to behold; his onyx eyes, his pearlescent skin, his delicate lips. But she was looking for more than that. Now that they were here, she couldn’t keep her mind off of what happened in the throne room anymore. She at least hoped it wasn’t another situation he had taken badly. To her, it was just another incident of poor timing. Besides, she hadn’t even done anything to stop him.
Then she remembered the previous night, how tired and distracted he’d been. How frustrated she was that they weren’t on the same page. She didn’t see that same drowsiness now, but she didn’t want the same thing to happen again for whatever reason.
So she asked him, “Would you like to talk about this morning?”

Lifting his chin up a little, his eyes sparkled seeing the grin on Jimin. The corners of his lips continued to curve up till he sighed. Kangdae felt better seeing her once again. He did not hesitate at her question when he said, "I am well, or at least, now I am. And how about you? How are you?"

His mind was still going back to what happened in the throne room. While it is hard to not think about it, he was not as embarrassed as he was before. Now it was something that his mind was fixating on, giving him an unknown sense overcoming him. Resting his fingertips over his bottom lip, he shook his head, going back to focusing on the current moment.

Kangdae picked up one of the tea cups, placing it in front of Jimin. A small hum resonated from his throat. "Of course. We should go over it now, whenever you are ready that is," He responded. Cautiously, he picked up the pot and poured some tea in then sat it down on the tray.

He can only imagine what had happened before the queen and jimin went over to the king's hall. More pressure to their plans must have been applied. With time winding down to the enthroned ceremony, there is only so much they can do, but so much more that they have to act on. And yet, it is best that they discuss it now rather than later.

“I am well,” she replied evenly, then added, “Tired, aching a little, but it’s good to see you again.”
Jimin inhaled, taking in the ginger scent as he poured the tea. After which, she blew over the top and sipped. Warmth filled her as it slid down her throat, and she hummed with delight. “Thank you so much, love,” she said as she set the cup down. “This hits the spot.”
Thinking back to the morning, she raised a finger to her chin. The conversation had been a bit shorter than usual because they had to go to the king’s hall, which probably helped in keeping the queen from suspecting too much. “Things have mostly remained the same. I told Her Majesty that you possibly had a weak heart. She thinks there is another explanation, but we discussed starting a treatment for you.” Here she lowered her hand, folding them in her lap. “She’d also found one of the medical journals, but it didn’t have any definitive proof, so I told her it wouldn’t help. She thinks there are more of them though, so she wanted me to ask you about them again. I didn’t find any more of them in the archives, but I suppose I don’t really need to know where they are. I just need to know one thing. Did you hide the medical journals, or did you destroy them?”

Resting his hand underneath his chin, he gazed after her. His eyes lit up, watching as she took a sip from the cup. The other hand was going to reach over for the tea pot again, but he forced his hand to relax. "I am glad you enjoy it," He breathed.

When she began to talk about this morning, he sat up and focused. It seemed like them going to meet him had helped this time, though they mustn't take it for granted. He believes he can take care of the treatment part; he'll just have to come up with a plan that his servant can follow.

The mention of the medical journals had changed the course in his mind. His brows furrowed while the rest of him was strained. Both of his hands were on his lap, but they were starting to clench at his new robes.

Should he tell her? What even is the point of lying to Jimin? She knows. He cannot deny that fact at all no matter how hard he wants to hide it and run from it. The truth of it will still follow him regardless if he lies or not, yet he cannot do it to her. Even if she does not tell the queen anything, nothing will help if he refuses to say a word.

Kangdae lowered his eyes while clearing his throat. "Most, if not all, of them were burned," He mumbled. "I ordered them to be burned in the forests nearby. There is only one I decided to keep, but I ordered Myung to hide it some place where even I cannot find the damned thing…."

More words filled his throat, but he stopped himself before he would say too much. If she asked more about it, suppose he may tell her everything, but he is scared to. Him, the future king of Pyeonghwa, is scared to say a word. Alas, that is how it is.

Jimin noticed the change in his body language, and she made a small frown. So he burned them. She would have nothing to show Her Majesty, but it didn’t really matter. He had done what he could to keep himself safe, and she will do the same thing. But even now, he looked afraid. It saddened her, though she wanted to know why. She looked back down at the cup of tea in front of her, taking comfort in the sweet scent.
“Alright, that is all I need to know,” she repeated. “I will just tell the queen that you truly don’t know where they are.”
Was the one journal that he had hidden been the one that the queen had found? If it was the only one, then it must be, but she did not want to ask to see what he thought. She did not want to make him more worried, and besides, the journal that the queen found did not reveal much anyway.
Reaching up, she took the cup again and drank more of the tea. Her mind began to move on to the other things they should speak about…

Is she going to be mad or disappointed in him for his fearful and anxious actions? Will she be frustrated? His eyes glimpsed over, reading her face for any signs of what he worried of. Her frown concerned him, but it is alright. He probably would have reacted the same way if he was her.

Lowering his chin, he sighed. Some of the tension in his body has melted while the rest of it still remained. He bowed his head and muttered "Thank you" under his breath.

"If you would like to discuss more about it….the journals….You do not have to worry about me at this moment," He assured. "Even if you do not tell my mother, I am sure you are curious in something about the one I didn't burn or the one she has. My love, I may be scared, but it will pass eventually."

Kangdae relaxed, leaning back a little. Removing the headband that held the topknot and rest of hair up, he sat the headband on the table. He ran his fingers through his hair. "But this is, of course, this time is for you and your business. So, honey, please do not hesitate to ask whatever questions you desire," He faintly smiled. "And yet, we should make it quick. I want you to relax."

Jimin did not know which was more difficult to bring up. Both subjects were so awkward, and every time she tried to summon the words to buffer such awkwardness, she would come up empty. For a moment she had to register all of what he said before she could think about responding.
“Oh… no, it’s alright. We can move on,” she said. “It makes me sad that you are scared.”
She sipped her tea, watching Kangdae run his fingers through his hair. Remembering the throne room, she found it in herself to laugh a little, shaking her head. That made it less awkward, so might as well move on to that.
“Speaking of this morning…” she set her cup back down. “You need to be more careful. What you did was rather foolish, I’m not going to lie. Though, I appreciate your boldness. It was nice while it lasted.”
She grinned, all with amusement, endearment, and exasperation contained in one gesture.

It makes me sad that you are scared… The already dim smile on him fell through the nonchalant cracks. Does he really look scared at the moment? Sure, he felt it. Felt. His lips parted slightly as if he was planning on speaking, but he had nothing to say.

Her laugh resonated within him. Although he was confused at first, he found himself laughing a little. A few hair strands fell in front of his face. Brushing them to the side, he nodded at her words. It was foolish, he cannot deny that. He also cannot deny her smile is breathtaking. Oh how Jimin always looks lovely.

"Who's to say that my boldness has ended?" He asked, tilting his head. It rested while he kept hid hand underneath his chin. A smile appeared on him as he stood up and sat down next to her. "Time is ours, and the moon is high up in the sky. We have the chance to be as foolish as we desire to."

He sighed. "I was wondering what would have happened if we were not interrupted. Ah, I can only imagine, but I promise that I won't be foolish again. You have my word."

She raised a brow at his question, something sparking inside of her when he smiled. “I suppose you are not wrong.”
Excitement bubbled in her as he moved beside her, though she didn’t know why. He was just moving, that was all. When he sat down, Jimin, a little hesitantly, put her arm through his elbow and grasped his hand, entwining their fingers. Perhaps it was that which she had been excited for.
“I was wondering that too,” she said. “And thank you. There’s no point in putting ourselves in harm’s way, right?”
Indecision made her paused. It wasn’t like she needed to tell him, it would be difficult anyway. And yet, if she didn’t, it may cause problems down the line. She could already feel the pain coming back, despite the tea. Her gaze shifted to the cup on the desk.
“Actually, I should tell you something. I did not mention it earlier because I didn’t want to startle you or make you uncomfortable.” She hesitated again, then said slowly, “During times like these, I am not only in pain, but I am also bleeding. I’m not wounded, at least I don’t believe so, it is just something that happens. I…”
Looking down at their hands, she trailed off. She could not look at him now, only wait for what he would say.

(Lmao that's so true though!)

Briefly, he was hypnotized by the way he saw her light up. The air around them felt as if it were full of excitement. He sensed a feeling of it bubbling inside him as Jimin took ahold of his hand.

There was a moment of pause after hearing her question. Really, he supposed that she is right. There is not much use of putting themselves in harm's way. He could not bare to see Jimin in any danger. On the other hand, if it was the last thing he could do in order to save her or the others he cares for, then maybe it would be worth it. Though, he said nothing and just hummed in response.

Kangdae stared off into space as he went into deep thought. Gradually his mind added up all the details till his eye lit up. He sat up straight then turned to look at Jimin. The corners of his lips curved into a soft smile. "Oh I know what you are talking about," He nodded. "The monthly pain, is it not? I believe that I understand, though I only know so much about it."

He glimpsed down at their hands. "It's alright. It's okay to be a little hesitant, but I am here for you, Jimin. I will always be at your side."

She watched him as he paused to think, then let out a breath. “Oh, good. I was worried you didn’t know.” Turning to stare at her teacup, she rubbed her thumb against his hand. “And thank you. I’m very glad you are not uncomfortable, and that you are here for me.”
She leaned forward to finish her tea, then leaned back, against him. The pain was coming back now, so she closed her eyes. “Anyway, I think that is all that has been on my mind.”
(Sorry it’s short)

(It's all good!)

Kangdae was not sure what to say. His mind was lost in the feeling of Jimin rubbing her thumb against him. The gesture is so simple and yet, he eyes widened at the sight of it. They glistened as a wave of red shined. Oh heavens, he is so easily fixated by it. He cannot help but be so fixated by everything she does.

"I only know so much, but, I try to learn. It's the least I can do…" His voice became hushed. His eyes wandered as quickly as his mind did. Looking down at her, he smiled. The candlelight complimented her skin. It was dim, although he was still able to see the small freckles on her face. The crown prince could not help but imagining kissing each one while listening to her laughing.

Glimpsing over at the tea cup, he remembered about the pain and what he said earlier on in the day. "Now that we have taken care of business, it is time for you to relax," He nodded. "I know you cannot take away the pain completely, but I was once told you can lessen it in many ways, though I don't remember most of them…. Do you want to be in bed? It's more comfortable than sitting here."

Jimin caught the shine of his red eyes out of the corner of her own. A smile spread on her face, knowing it was because of her little gesture but unsure why.
She was not in the mood to explain everything to him at the moment. Though, if Kangdae had questions about anything, she may not mind it. Her gaze drifted to him again. In the candlelight, his skin looked like smooth marble. The red had faded by now, but his eyes were no less entrancing. They glittered like dark honey in the light, sweet and enticing. He always had the beauty of a carved statue, but Jimin also loved the softness of his lips and hair. As he spoke, she took her free hand and gently stroked those soft locks, trying to ignore the cramping.
“Yes, there are many ways, but we don’t need to do all of them anyway. This is enough,” she assured.
She let out a sigh. Did she want to be in the actual crown prince’s bed? The idea made her a little hesitant, but she remembered that morning. She had said she would let him take care of her, and he told her not to worry. Letting her hand fall to her lap, she nodded. “Alright. Lying down helps.”
Although, getting up to actually get in the bed might provoke the cramping more, she thought. Once again, she did not like the idea of moving.

The moment he finished his last word, his eyes trailed over to Jimin as if some force was making them do so. Kangdae felt his soul tugging, inching to get closer to her. Yet, he was still, still as can be. The sensation continued on as she ran her fingers through his hair. He never experienced such a thing, but he loved it. Would it be considered greedy if he wished for her to continue?

Without much hesitation, he stood up then strolled over to his bed. He gently unfolded the one side of the covers then fluffed the pillow until he stopped. His eyes flickered over at her then down at his hands on the pillow. They squinted. He, the future king, really shouldn't be doing such a thing. But does it really matter?

Kangdae shrugged at his internal thoughts then went back to grinning. In a sense, he supposes, it does matter, but only because he doing such things for her. To others….well, that is a another case, and thankfully it is just the two of them. There must be something he should do for Jimin. He assured her that it would be fine, and it will be for he will not have this any other way.

Although, his eyes gravitated over toward the doors. A different and familiar smell rose to his senses. His eyes burned red while fists clenched the pillow. Worry built up as he rushed over. There was no need for him to press his ear against the door. Not a single word from outside was heard. He heard footsteps walking away. The smell soon disappeared. A new conflict in their plan has appeared…. "Ah damn fools…." He whispered to himself.

He turned his head to look at Jimin. Like magic, a smile appeared on his face as he walked over. It is time for her to relax, and that is how he is going to keep tonight. Relaxation. Any problems that stir in the night will be taken care of after sunrise. There is so much stress put on the both of them, and he will be damned if more is put on Jimin. "Are you alright, my love?" He whispered. Kangdae sat down then used his hand to rub her back. "Can you not get up? Should we just stay here? I can pick you up, it is no trouble. One of my favorite things to do is to hold you after all."