forum •Hollow Tune• [one/one]

Started June 30, 2022 by @Dayzed forum

tune

(i feel bad making you wait so long for a sheet that is nowhere as good/detailed as yours :') i really am so sorry for the wait, if that ever happens again feel free to bump me and be like "ayo what the fuck")

Name: Beckham James Altair
Nicknames: Beck
Age: 16
Gender/Pronouns: Cis man, he/him
Sexuality: Gay
Appearance: Beck is pretty short, standing at about 5'5". Usually lies and says he's 5'6", since that's "close enough" and makes him sound a little bit taller. Despite that, he really isn't all that insecure about his height; he's generally okay with being seen as the soft gay kid, in all honesty. If the shoe fits wear it, after all. He is pretty slim, as well, which just contributes to the fact that he looks completely harmless. He is white, and very pale, with just a few faint freckles dotted across his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, along with a few on his arms and on the backs of his hands. He has a trio of small moles on his right shoulder, forming a rough triangular shape. He has a pretyt sharp jawline, and good cheekbones, but the rest of his face is not overly angular. He has almond shaped eyes that are a golden brown tone, with long lashes the same red as his hair. His eyebrows are also red, though they are a darker tone than his eyelashes and hair. His hair itself is wavy and rather unruly, not really behaving itself ever, and is a coppery color. It is not overly long, at about three inches (basically just, y'know, a regular haircut). He really does fit the "soft boy" archetype, really, when just looking at him. He has soft, fine lips, and his smile is often shy unless he's around people he knows well. He does have scars on his torso, especially his torso and thighs, and always wears long pants and at the very least a t-shirt in order to hide the scarring. His arms are mostly free from scars, but there are self-harm marks on his wrists (most are older and are just scars, but a few are still in the process of healing. None are recent enough to just be scabs), along with a few cigarette burns on his shoulders. Much of the scarring on his torso is also from cigarette burns, though there are quite a few other scars from other things as well. The scarring on his thighs is a mixture of scars from abuse, and a few self-harm scars (the self-harm is specifically on his inner thighs). Also has a faint, crescent-shaped scar on his throat from a suicide attempt.
Personality: Beck is very shy, and has a tendency to flinch at loud or sudden noises, especially if they occur right next to him. Also is not someone who likes physical contact, except with people he is close to and trusts implicitly (such as his siblings or adoptive parents). If anyone touches him without first checking that it is alright, he often reacts negatively, even if that reaction is a very small one (Stiffening, flinching, subtly or not so subtly trying to pull away, etc). Beck is a generally calm person, though, and has a tendency to be kind to people almost no matter what. Believes in second (sometimes even third) chances, and tries to give them to people when he can. Obviously that tendency only goes so far, but there are very few people in the world he would not give another chance to if they asked (one of the people he would not give another chance to is his bio father). His kindness does get taken advantage of, sometimes, and he can often have a hard time saying no (not in sexual situations, but like. when someone asks him for a favor). He's a people-pleaser, and he's doing his best to work on that but it is a difficult thing to work through. Has severe PTSD and suffers from depression and anxiety as well, and as a result is susceptible to panic attacks due to triggers or as an anxiety response. Is seeing a therapist and working on getting better.
Background: (honestly pretty short bc i didn't feel like going into too much detail about what his father did. I give a few tho, so TW for: SA and physical abuse of a child, self-harm, suicide attempt. Legit tho this is VERY dark so any smaller ones or those who do have triggers, please tread with caution. I have spoiler tagged parts for a reason) Beck's parents met when his mother was 16 and his father was 25, and his father pursued his mother romanticlaly. Essentially, his father groomed his mother into a relationship, and married her when she was 19. The relationship was not a good one, and Beck was born when his mother was 21. By the time he was three, she was a heavy drinker to cope with the shit that his father, John, put her through. When he was 5, she drove while drunk and got in a car accident, dying in the hospital a week later. For a while, things were okay. Not great, by any stretch of the imagination, but not terrible. John wasn't a great parent, but he seemed to be doing "okay". Beck was neglected a bit, sure, but he had clothes and usually food, and a roof over his head. John drank and swore and smoked all the time. The older man also watched thigns that were very inappropriate for such a small child, but didn't care if Beck was in the room while those things were playing on the TV, often with the sound cranked up. However, by the time a year had passed, John had turned very abusive towards the young boy.

This abuse went on for nearly five years. In that time, Beck self-harmed a lot. The self-harm scars on his thighs were an attempt to get his father to stop touching him there. He also attempted suicide, using a kitchen knife to try and slit his throat. John found him before he bled out, though, and got a doctor to treat Beck. Unluckily for Beck, this doctor was a close friend of John's, which meant there was no report made to Child Services. Luckily, though, a good teacher saw the bandages and asked what had happened. When Beck tried to evade her questions, she contacted CS herself. They came to investigate, and immediately removed Beck from John, along with arresting John. Beck was adopted by the Altairs, and is now the third of five children. John is in prison, and will be in prison for a long time. Beck has received a lot of intense therapy, but still regularly suffers from horrific nightmares and flashbacks, and struggles with physical contact. He had a boyfriend at one point, but when the boyfriend tried to start a more sexual thing, Beck had such a bad panic attack that he was sobbing, threw up, and nearly blacked out. After that, they broke up. He also took in a kitten that he found on the side of the road, and the kitten's name is Smoke.
Other:

Kohen swung back, hitting him across the face with his fist, the man was three times his size. Usually, he didn't like fighting his father like this, but his prized possessions were in danger of being taken away and thrown in the trash. They were….stuffed animals. Kohen liked collecting stuffed animals because they reminded him of his mother who would buy them for him when he was a kid and afraid to sleep alone at night.
Kohen didn't think it would be a problem if he hid them in a box, and pushed them back into his closet behind his laundry basket, but last night he had an especially tough time dealing with everything that he had brought them all out and slept with them. Kohen's father never went into Kohen's room, he didn't care to, but Kohen hadn't woken up that morning to go to school, having not slept all night.
He slept in his normal clothes instead of a pajama because his father was unpredictable and there was no knowing when he would pull something like this. When his father became violent Kohen had to get out fast and being out in the streets with his sleeping clothes on was not the best thing.

Kohen cringed at his father who calmly looked at Kohen after getting hit. He quietly left the room and instead of making Kohen feel relieved, he panicked, looking around frantically. He quickly went over to his drawer and dug around, shoving his clothes to the side before he found a small wooden box. He grabbed it and bolted out the room, downstairs.
Soon, his father appeared with a metal bat. Kohen was in the middle of grabbing his book bag when he saw him with the weapon. He froze. Seeing the man come down with the bat ready to swing, made Kohen stumble back, his body screaming to get out. This happened time and time again, but for some reason, Kohen found it hard to control his movements every time, caught between staying put, a freeze response, and wanting to run, a flight response. Before Kohen could do anything more, he saw the bat ready to make contact with his head. From this angle he couldn't dodge, so he did the next best thing, he blocked it with his wrist which made a crack-ing sound. Kohen's eyes teared up, hissing at the pain.
-
Kohen stared at the empty locker, spacing out, then slowly coming out of it as he felt the throbbing sensation of his wrist. He could have chosen to skip school, but he didn't. Even if he had a good excuse, no one knew about his situation and he was not about to open his mouth and spill his secrets only to get put into a home for his remaining year as a young adult. He could take it, it was only one more year. He wasn't sure what he would do or where he would go once he hit eighteen but he'd figure it out.

Beck had awoken for school at the same time he always did, and had rolled out of bed and gotten dressed. As usual, he was dressed in long sleeves and jeans; he didn't wear t-shirts frequently, since the chances of the scarring on his arms being visible was too high. And he knew that the scars weren't something he had to hide; Lilly and Rowan didn't hide their burns, which they too had recieved at the hands of abusive bio parents, but Beck could never bring himself to let anyone see the burns and scars that hid beneath his clothing. Rowan's burns had been given while he was protecting Lilly, so Lilly's burns were smaller than her brother's. She had burns along the side of her left leg, and some on her left forearm, whereas Rowan had burns along his entire left arm, shoulders, and even on his face. He had gotten made fun of quite a lot for it, but he was a physically intimidating enough person now that most didn't say anything about it.

Breakfast was, as usual, a rather noisy affair. With five kids and two adults, it was bound to be loud. But it was also quick, and then Lilly and Beck were getting into Lilly's car. Rowan had left earlier, since there was some basketball practice before school that he usually went to. It was optional, but since Rowan was on the varsity team he almost always went. Therefore, Lilly drove herself and Beck to school most days. Lilly was tall, with long blond hair and brown eyes. She and Rowan had never been identical twins, as Rowan had dark hair and hers had always been blond, but they certainly looked very similar side by side. Beck got carsick sometiems, so he usually spent most drives looking out the windows while the radio played music of Lilly's choice.

Once they reached school, Beck headed for the nurse's office. He had medication he had to take at lunch-time, but due to school policy he had to turn it in to the nurse. He couldn't just keep it with him. So, every morning, he went to the nurse's office in order to hand over his medication, and then after school he went back to retrieve it again. It was a pain in the ass, but since it wasn't emergency medication that he had to have on him, he couldn't keep it on him. The one time he had, a teacher had seen the pill bottle in his backpack and he had gotten into trouble. So now he made sure to turn it in, even though it was a pain.

It hurt. Like a motherfucker. The bruises and wounds always did.
Kohen was a frequent visitor to the nurse's office and the guy knew him by name at this point. He stuck his head inside, looking to see if it was empty, and it was. Mr. Hunt wasn't in yet, usually coming in later than the rest of the teachers, even students, though he left it unlocked just for Kohen, knowing his situation. Well, not quite. He thought Kohen was a reckless kid that got himself hurt all the time. His father was never mentioned and if his father was brought up at some point he dodged the questions like bullets.
Kohen flipped the switch and the lights slowly flickered on. Damn the place was old.

He sighed as he looked around, going over to the cabinet that held all the bandages. He looked down at his wrist which was starting to turn blue and purple, the swelling starting to be visible.
An actual doctor would be great with the amount of pain he was in, but maybe just wrapping it up, for the time being, was enough for now. Kohen had no idea how in the hell he was going to manage the school day because he had damaged his right hand which he used to write with.
Kohen grabbed a white bandage, slowly wrapping his wrist. He wasn't sure if he should tighten it since he was pretty sure it was fractured. He had broken bones plenty of times, but he wasn't one to take of them, a friend of a friends usually did that but she was in class right now and he couldn't bother her.
He stared at the loose bandage on his wrist. It looked….sloppy. What even was the point?! He might as well take the bandage off and go on about his day like that. He would take his chances with the pain. Maybe some painkillers would do him some good….
Kohen looked over at the cabinet full of pills for different types of things. Only problem was that he didn't have the key for the darn thing. And this was a good thing, considering that Kohen would most likely take a large amount without measuring the consequences.

Beck arrived at the nurse's office, though he pasued for a moment when he saw the light on. He usually just left his medication on the counter, so that Mr Hunt could lock it in the cabinet when he arrived at the school. But if someone else was in there, Beck couldn't do that. Not when his medication was technically a controlled substance and should not be left in the open without anyone else in the room. That was a lawsuit waiting to happen. He slowly came into the room, clearing his throat faintly so that he wouldn't startle the person inside. His medicaiton was still in his bag, not in view.

The young man's gaze fell on Kohen, and he cocked his head very faintly. "Are you alright?" he asked, setting his backpack down by the door. Beck looked very small; he didn't look like a freshman, to be sure, but he just looked…small. Harmless. The forest green sweater he wore was just a little larger than the proper size, though it looked extremely comfortable at the same time. His backpack had an assortment of pins on it, including a few pride ones, but with the way he had set it down, none of the pins would be visible to Kohen from that angle.

Beck fidgeted with the hem of his sleeves very faintly, keeping his gaze on Kohen for only a moment before his eyes were moving again, searching the room. He had a hard time with eye contact sometimes, especially with strangers; too many adults when he was younger had drilled eye contact into his head, and it frightened him now. Especially when adults insisted on eye contact. He tugged on his sleeves very slightly, though it was more of an absent, anxious gesture than anything else. He was wearing a tank top underneath the sweater; just in case he had to take the sweater off for some reason, there would still be a layer. The idea of anyone seeing those scars was a terrifying one that, frankly, he never wanted to deal with.

Kohen stopped struggling with the bandage when he heard someone behind him. Oh great.
He stood there for a second, thinking about what to do. He could leave without saying anything, but he really needed some painkillers and was planning to wait for Mr.Hunt to arrive, no matter how long it took. Maybe he would also know what to do with his wrist…or so he was hoping.
Kohen took in a deep breath before turning around to see who the hell was in the nurse's office at this hour- like he was one to talk. He looked over at the kid, who was much smaller than he was. Curiosity got the better of Kohen and he wondered who this kid was and why he hadn't noticed him earlier. Was he new? Or had he always gone to this school? Surely, he had to be new, he would have caught Kohen's eye much sooner…
A familiar feeling settled in his chest as he watched the kid look around, not being able to make eye contact with him. He scoffed, yeah, of course. The feeling was a disgusting one, not towards the boy, but towards himself. He couldn't get caught up in whatever he was feeling so he shoved it down and straightened himself out.

Kohen lifted his arm showing the boy his broken wrist, which by this point was much more visibly swollen. The purple started to spread down his arm, but just slightly.
"Was being an idiot" Kohen muttered, looking at it, then moving his arm by his side again, the white bandage still in his other hand. He looked back at the boy, staring at his sweater. He loved stuff like that, especially for the winter, but his father thought it looked too 'girly', whatever that meant. It was just clothes.
"I think it might be broken but…" Kohen looked away. No, it was definitely broken.
"I don't know what to do with it so I came to the office hoping to find some pain meds or something, but uhhh" He pointed to the glass cabinet. "They're locked- with good reason I suppose," He said shyly, knowing that people like him were the reason why they had to lock it in the first place.
"I also tried to wrap it, but it's difficult with just one hand and it hurts a lot so maybe wrapping it isn't a good idea" He trailed off, noticing he was talking too much. Something he only did when either, A: he was alone with someone else, or B: he found it hard to control his emotions, which was definitely happening right now.
"Doesn't matter" He rolled his eyes, scolding himself for oversharing. "What about you? Got a broken bone too?" He mused, knowing that wasn't the case. "If you're hurt I could try and help you, I pretty much live here and know where things are" He cracked another joke. Though it was less of a joke when you knew the real reason why.

His gaze flicked to the wrist that Kohen lifted, grimacing very faintly at the sight of the bruise, then looking over at Kohen's face again. "I can, ah, wrap it for you, if you like. And no, I don't have a, uhm, broken bone." he shuffled faintly, gaze flicking to his bag. "I have to, uhm…I turn in my medication at the start of the day." his eyes slid around the room, only occasionally darting to look at Kohen before he looked away again. "So, that's why I'm here."

He hoped Kohen wouldn't try and take his medication. Sure, it wasn't exactly the kind you took recreationally, but you could probably still sell it. If you really wanted to. He didn't know, though. He'd never tried. Probably never would, honestly. He needed his medication. Why would he sell it? He cleared his throat quietly, looking over at Kohen agian, eyes moving to that wrist. "Do you want me to try wrapping it? Mr Hunt doesn't usually come in until about the middle of first period, I think, and class is going to start soon." he really didn't want to leave his medication here with this kid that he didn't know. It just didn't seem like the smartest thing to do, and he didn't want his medication stolen.

Kohen seemed amused at someone wanting to help him. Usually, he was labeled as the school bully, sure, no one knew why, only the people he targeted knew, but he was still avoided at all costs. He had never received help from anyone else who weren't his friends, the people who seemed to tolerate him more than most. Even the teachers had enough of his troublesome behavior, sometimes sending him to the principal where Kohen would literally beg for his life for them not to call his father. He found it hard to contain his emotions. There was a tight lid on the jar, preventing him from completely snapping, but from time to time it would crack and he'd lash out unexpectedly.
Kohen shrugged, a slight smile on his face.
"Only if you want. You seem nice enough" He said, listening to Beck's next words. Kohen seemed to study the poor boy and the way he looked so afraid of everything- or was it paranoid? Not just because of Kohen himself, but more like something would come out and get him. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, narrowing his eyes at Beck.
"Why do you act like that?" He asked, ignoring the reason Beck gave as to why he was there. "You talk like you're scared of something, nervous even" The more you acted like a frightened animal, the more likely you were to get targeted and Kohen seemed to pick on the weaker students.
"Is it because you've heard stuff about me?" He asked, wondering if his reputation had finally spread around the school. Despite people knowing who he was, there was still a handful who were completely oblivious to what he did. He took a few steps towards Beck, looking at him with an expression like he was going to do something, but he stopped, only a few inches away from him. He offered the white bandage wrap to Beck.
"Here," He said while also extending his broken hand, palm faced up. "If you wrap it too tightly I'll kill you" He warned, only half joking, but also not wanting for it to hurt more than it already did.

Beck's gaze flicked to Kohen at the questions, and he blinked at the taller boy. "It, uh, has nothing to do with you." he replied, taking a step over and taking the bandage wrap. "Can you sit down, though? It would be easier for me that way." he took a deep breath, trying to think of how to respond to Kohen's questions. "As for, uhm…your other question, I have anxiety. And, stuff." he cleared his throat, not adding on that he had PTSD. Kohen didn't need to know that, and he didn't want to have to get into why he had PTSD. How a 16 year old had PTSD as bad as he did.

He kept his gaze on the bandage wrap, his touch gentle as he got to work wrapping it around Kohen's wrist. He didn't wrap it too tight, but wrapped enough for it to compress and steady the other boy's wrist. "It's…pretty bruised, you should probably see a doctor or something." he said in a quiet tone, kepeing his gaze on the bandage he was working on. "Mr Hunt would probably say the same thing."

Kohen did as he was told and looked around to find a seat, before taking the one at Mr. Hunt's desk.
"Anxiety and stuff…?" Kohen repeated as Beck wrapped his hand, the gentleness of his nature made Kohen flush red, even though he had been the one to ask him to not be too rough. Still, he found that a soft touch like that was not something he could handle.
"Why do you have anxiety? Does school make you nervous?" He asked, trying to distract himself. Kohen was familiar with mental health, but not enough to know why one would have it. He knew about depression and anxiety, the two common ones they always seemed to talk about, he just couldn't figure out why something like that would come about.
When the topic of his hand came up again he scowled. The kid had been a good distraction from his pain, but now he was aware of it again.
"If I saw a doctor they would ask a bunch of unnecessary questions. Like, where did you get that? A fall? No amount of fall would cause this much damage" Kohen complained, then grew quiet.
"Ever have a secret you absolutely can't tell anyone? But it hurts you a lot?" He asked, starting to question if his decision was a good one, to keep quiet and all. He didn't have a therapist or anything, his father would kill him if he found out he was seeing someone and telling them about their private life. Then again, therapists cost money, something he didn't have a lot of.
It didn't help that his father didn't believe in mental health, either you were possessed by a demon or you were making it up and it was all in your head. Kohen had come to accept that, taking it as fact. Mental health didn't really exist, it was just weak people making excuses for every little thing…..
but for some reason, it felt wrong. Why did something like that feel so real then? He brushed it off, not wanting to continue the thought.
As Beck kept his eyes trained on the bandage Kohen stared at him, seeing if he would look at him. He was so….unusual. Quiet, without Kohen having to do anything.
"Your voice is nice" Kohen commented as he finished up. "You don't talk too loud, it's soft." Kohen gave him a smile, something people saw rarely.
With that, the bell rang, and Kohen looked up.
"That's our cue," He said getting up. "Where are you going? I can walk with you" He offered, taking a liking to the kid.
"Oh!" He paused. "What's your name? I didn't ask, mine's Kohen" He said, the bubbly side of him coming out just slightly. In reality, Kohen was just waiting for the chance to be himself, something he couldn't be around his friends. He thought that if this kid was shy and soft-spoken enough he wouldn't tell anyone about how Kohen was actually a friendly person. He didn't want his reputation ruined, but also didn't want to keep it up. His reputation was something there to protect him in a sense. If that was gone, he'd probably go back to the one being picked on. He couldn't have that.

"I just, uhm, school does not cause my anxiety." he said slowly, eventually finishing with the wrapping, just in time for the bell to ring. He didn't answer Kohen's question about secrets. Beck had…so many. Too many. All bottled up inside because they hurt so much and how could he let someone else carry that burden? How could he tell someone else about all that pain? The only one he had told was his therapist and even then, he hadn't told her everything. He couldn't. She knew it, too, he could tell, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell her everything. Couldn't bring himself to tell her those things, even though she was a therapist, she was trained for this.

He shook his head faintly to push away his thoughts. "Thanks, I…I guess." he hadn't really thought about his voice, generally, but it was a nice compliment nontheless. His cheeks flushed very faintly at Kohen's smile, and he fidgeted with his sleeves again, gaze flicking around the room. "My name's Beckham. You can just call me Beck, if you want." he said, offering up a faint smile of his own and picking his backpack up. He would just have to bring his medication during a passing period, then. He didn't want to be too late for class. "And my next class is, ah, Physics. With Mrs Bruen." he didn't really like science, but it was a required subject. He wasn't doing amazing, but he wasn't failing it, either, which he considered an accomplishment in itself.

Kohen's eyes lingered on Beckham's face as he smiled, his eyes going to Beckham's to make eye contact. It was something Kohen had been taught to do and reinforced when he didn't. Especially when he went to church, if his father found that he wasn't looking at people properly he would have a talk with Kohen and he liked to avoid those because then Kohen would say some dumb shit, and a fight would break out.
"Well Beck, it is very nice to meet you," He said confidently, looking away finally. He picked up his backpack and lead Beck out of the room and down the hallway.
Kohen's eyes widened when Beck mentioned Mrs. Bruen.
"You're telling me, we're in the same class together? And for some odd reason, I did not know that?" He said a bit confused himself. It was one thing if Beck was around the school and didn't attend any of the classes Kohen did, it would explain why he hadn't noticed him before, but he was in the same class as him. How had he missed that?
"You must be very quiet then. I like quiet people, they can keep secrets" He said hinting at the fact that the quiet ones usually never said anything, even if they were being picked on.
As he walked he stole glances at Beck, something he did when he liked someone but tried not to show it. There was a slight bounce to his step as he thought of another topic to talk about.
"Sooooo, do you have any friends?" Kohen asked finally, silently hoping that he didn't. It was cruel to think that way, hoping that someone is lonely. But Kohen found that it was easier to get close to someone if they didn't have anyone. At least for him, he got incredibly flustered with others around that he didn't know.
"If you don't, then maybe I could be your friend?" He asked though it was odd since he never really asked anyone to be his friend, ever. The friends he already had asked him to be friends, not the other way around. It's how Kohen found himself in the small group. If it weren't for them, he'd be alone most of the time.
"You seem like you'd make a good friend" Kohen muttered, mostly to himself.
In reality, Kohen wanted to be all over Beck, ask him a ton of questions, and yap about pointless things. But Kohen had learned to keep his excitement to himself and act like he hadn't consumed too much sugar. Why he was excited was beyond him. He just seemed to like the quiet boy right off the bat. He was the complete opposite of him and it intrigued him. Kohen had come across a lot of shy ones that kept to themselves, but they always avoided him. He didn't know why.
Well.
He did know why, it's because he was terrible but it's not like he was targetting the quiet ones specifically, just the ones that went against his beliefs.

(It's fine! Take your time, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright!)

Beck slung his backpack onto his shoulder, following Kohen out the door and into the hallway. "I have some friends, yes." not many, sure, but he had a few. He was closest to his siblings, to Lilly and Rowan, but he had a few friends here at school. It was hard to make friends, though, when he was so frightened to let people in. When the idea of anyone knowing about what his father had done made him want to scream and cry and throw-up all at once. It was too frightening, too horrific of an idea. What would they think, if they knew what had happened to him?

Sure, logically he knew that it was not his fault, that he had done nothing to deserve such horrendous treatment. But it had still happened. And the ones he knew that barely accepted the fact that he was gay, what things would they say if they knew about his past? That somehow, he could still be attracted to men after what adult men had done to him? No. They would probably sneer and say well of course he was gay. Of course. How could he not be, after that? And it was an idea that terrified him because what if it was the truth? What if the reason he was gay was because he had had no chance to be otherwise? That the sexual abuse had "trained" him into it, somehow. That his whole being was twisted and unnatural, through and through.

He pulled himself from his thoughts with a deep breath, glancing over at Kohen with a faint, shy smile. "You, uhm, can be my friend if you like." he laughed a little, the request and the reply reminding him of being on the playground at six years old, shyly asking a kid if they would be his friend. That was what it felt like. An elementary school question, with an elementary school answer, spoken in the hallways of a high school.