Marcus grew quiet though he never let go of Cyrus. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to think about the words.
“I can’t do anything and I hate myself for it. I don’t have anyway of helping other than my company. But scars aren’t exactly forever you know. They fade, the pain fades, sometimes you even forget you have them at times. That’s the only thing I can offer, Cy.”
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"Don't hate yourself for that," Cyrus sighed, "It's not your fault by any means. Not to mention things probably will get better than they were before. I just… I don't know. It's so hard to see that right now."
He took in Marcus' warmth the best he could, but still found himself shuddering.
"Thank you for being here for me. I know this isn't easy on you either."
“It is hard, I know it is.” Marcus groaned lightly. It was extremely hard especially with so much pain and so much uncertainty in their lives. There was too much of it to really allow them to relax as well.
“My time and my attention is all I have to give, Cy.” Marcus rumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around the other to help with the shuddering.
"I know, and it's a lot. I appreciate it more than you know."
Cyrus closed his eyes and continued to try to focus on his love's presence. Yet a couple of tears still managed to escape.
Those tears were quickly wiped away by a protective Marcus. He began to hum a broken melody that he clearly knew well, rocking Cy back and forth to try and comfort him.
With that simple, sweet gesture, the dam broke. More tears streaked down Cyrus' face. His breaths were broken by soft sobs.
He couldn’t bear to look Marcus in the eyes, even more so than before. What the hell was he even crying over? And what was it going to fix?
His body was crying, but he felt so oddly disconnected and out of it still. Disconnected to the crying, his lover's touch, the space around him… It was unusual, but not all unfamiliar.
Marcus never gave up his comforting actions, continuing to hum and rock gently as he scooped up Cyrus into his arms and into his lap, sitting on the couch in a comfortable position for them both.
He hushed Cyrus gently a few times, though made no effort to actually stop the tears. Cyrus needed the release. Crying did wonders for the jumbled and blocked emotions. Or at least they did for Marcus. He waited patiently for the other to calm, closing his eyes and letting the other cry on him.
After a few minutes, the heavy sobbing dissolved into soft sniffling against Marcus' body.
Cyrus laid his arm around the other's waist, still trying to feel something. He felt absolutely drained mentally, but it was still hard to verbalize.
"Why do you… why even bother with me? I don't deserve…" he murmured, most of his words lost where his face met Marcus' chest.
"Don't." Marcus growled, his voice steeling to a warning edge. "You deserve it all, Cyrus. Don't you ever tell yourself that you don't deserve this or you aren't worth it because you are. We both risked our lives to get out of our situations and be here. Let yourself finally fucking live for once and be selfish about it." He growled, though his voice held a caring tone that couldn't be ignored. His hold around Cyrus tightened just a little bit and he fell silent to collect his emotions and chase away the want to cry.
"Fuck, Cy. Who cares what we do or don't deserve?! We fought for this! Shouldn't you deserve it after everything?"
Cyrus' whimpering faded away at Marcus' sharp words. His hands tightened on the other’s shirt, and he let out a shaky breath.
"You're right…" he whispered, "It's just hard to shake the feeling, when… when I was made to feel like I was being kept alive as a tool… like I didn't even deserve to eat or have a roof over my head…"
He paused and took a breath, trying to stave off more tears.
"Being loved and supported, even at my worst was never on the table."
“I know… I know it is baby… it’s going to take time to unlearn those things. But I’m not going to let you tell yourself those things because you’re not a tool. You’re Cyrus. You’re a human…” he murmured, his voice considerably softer than before.
Marcus understood where Cyrus was coming from. He understood what it felt like to be used like an object rather than a human. But Cyrus’s was a different pain, one that Marcus wasn’t even sure he could remedy or soothe. He sure as hell was going to try.
“You better get used to it because I’m loving you no matter what.” He huffed, wiping away the tears that stained Cyrus’s cheeks. “You’re stuck with me.”
Cyrus let out what sounded like a combination between a laugh and a sob.
"Thank you… thank you so much…" he whispered.
Part of him wanted to disappear. He should be humiliated at his reaction to all this. But Marcus made him feel not nearly as bad about it.
"I… I'm… having a lot of trouble…" Cyrus started.
"With um, yknow, with taking care of myself and all that… I don't- I dunno, I'm sorry… I just…"
Marcus hushed him with a few more soft kisses to the tear streaks on his cheeks. "It's okay, it's okay, Cy my love. Don't apologize." He moved his hand to Cyrus's hair, stroking it soothingly. "It's hard to take care of yourself. I can help you do it until you feel better, okay? It takes time. I know what it's like. You don't have to do it alone, let me help you, okay?" More kisses were peppered across his face, this time in a more teasing way to try and lift Cyrus's spirits a little. "I love you so much, alright? I'm going to take care of you for the rest of our lives."
"You're a fucking blessing," Cyrus whispered through the tears, "I couldn't make it through this without you. A-and I'd do the same for you in a heartbeat."
He was trembling, trying to hold back further crying, but it was difficult. He was feeling a lot. Sad for sure. Distraught, scared, even. But also overwhelmed with love.
“I know you would, Cyrus. You’re so good to me. You’re a blessing too, you know. My handsome blessing” he cooed softly, nuzzling into Cyrus gently. “I love you, Cy. So much.” Now he was tearing up, overwhelmed with his own emotions as he held his partner closer and closed his eyes.
Cyrus fell silent, taking in the feeling of being held rather than being hurt.
His crying had mostly stopped, and he was exhausted, but at least grateful to have Marcus there to support him.
Marcus peeked down at his lover, smiling softly at the face he’d come to adore and love. Cyrus had done so much for him… Marcus was going to try his best to reciprocate that. He hummed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of the others head.
“Why don’t you rest and get some sleep, Cy? You look tired. We can eat in a little bit.”
"Okay," Cyrus softly agreed, shifting into a more comfortable position on the couch, "I am pretty tired. I've been really tired in general lately…"
As he moved, a stitch of pain went down his side. He winced a bit, but the pain died down again pretty quickly. He was definitely doing better in that regard.
“Sleep my love. I need to make sure the stove is off and everything before I join you but I’ll join you. A rest sounds good, and you need it more than I do.” He murmured, running his fingers through his hair. His eyebrows furrowed at the wince.
“Are you alright, Cy? Would you like some pain killers?” He asked gently, fussing over his companion as he looked over him.
"Thanks, love, but I think I'm alright. It was just a little twinge, and it's gone now. I moved a little strangely, is all," Cyrus replied, "I've definitely been doing a lot better with the pain at least."
He gave a slight smile in reply.
"I guess I'll move to the bedroom, and I'll see you shortly?"
He slowly got up, using the sofa to support himself. Cyrus was still sort of on crutches, at least when it came to going out in public or going longer distances. However, he was able to hobble back and forth between rooms in the apartment at least. That's usually what hurt the most, but even that he could push through.
“I’m happy to hear that… pain is no good.” Marcus rumbled in reply, his lips turning up into a smile. “But yes, go ahead and move to the bedroom. I’ll be right in, my love.” He hurried over to Cyrus to steal away a quick kiss, smiling nice more at him before he returned to the stove.
“I love you~”
"I love you too," Cyrus replied, giving one last glance over his shoulder as he headed to the bedroom.
It was pleasantly dark in there. The curtains were closed, but let in what little daylight remained- just enough so he could see the entirety of the room.
Cyrus laid down in the bed, careful to avoid aggravating any of his injuries.
Marcus smiled brighter at the response, humming warmly. He tried to clean up as quickly as he could, putting away the stuff into the cupboard and fridge. He wiped down the counters before he washed his… er… hand and wandered into their shared bedroom, smiling gently at the sight of Cyrus laying down.
"Comfortable?" He asked gently, giggling softly as he climbed into the bed, humming happily.
"Yeah, as much as I can be right now," Cyrus replied, giving a halfhearted smile.
He scooted a little closer to Marcus, then cuddled into him.
Marcus let Cyrus settle against him before he himself relaxed into a comfortable position around Cyrus. He wrapped his arms the other and pulled him as close as he dared with the injuries and tilted his head to kiss the other’s head.
“Rest, dear, it’s good for you.” He cooed, eyes half lidded as he watched his lover’s face.