forum All Is Hell That Ends With ‘Fair’(Closed ~ One-on-One ~ Rated a possible M)

Started March 12, 2020 by @Toxic_Persephone group

tune

(I can, yes!)

Marcus shuffled around the apartment tearing down anything that had to do with Marx. He hummed as he did so, looking more alive than he had in weeks since he had lost his fingers. Adjusting to life was much more difficult than he had first thought it would be, and found using his right hand was incredibly hard with only a few missing fingers. It had put him in a pretty bad funk for a long time, leaving him to mope around Cyrus and cling to him for comfort.
Today he felt much much better, and was actively trying to use his right hand to purge his current life of the one that had kept him captive for so long.
"Hey Cy? What should we do for dinner?"

Cyrus, on the other hand, was feeling a lot better physically, but that same fog that had settled in the day after his father's murder had never left. He had been so good at hiding it from Marcus this time, he was almost proud of it.
But at least his body was healing. He still had a hard time walking, but could do so for short lengths of time, and when he couldn’t, he was able to use just the one crutch instead of two. His side was healing up nicely too, and aside from the occasional twinge of pain, it was alright. Though it would scar badly- that much was for sure.
Cyrus had trouble moving that day. Physically, he could've gotten up, but that sluggishness, that fog kept him from doing much. He'd joined in briefly to help Marcus around the place, but other than that, he mostly kept to himself. He was reading, but mostly just to keep from getting any unwanted questions about if he was okay.
Upon hearing Marcus' question, Cyrus looked up from his book.
"Oh, I dunno. I can cook something easy, if that's okay with you."

Marcus looked back at Cyrus and furrowed his brows. “No, no. I’ll cook tonight. I learned a thing or two. Maybe. I have yet to apply that knowledge to the kitchen…” he admitted, giggling softly before he moved over to sit next to his boyfriend, pulling him in for a soft kiss.
“How are you feeling, my love?” His eyes flickered to the crutches for a moment. He was glad Cy could use only one now but he was also afraid the other might never be able to walk without assistance again. It was all anxiety, though, and Marcus knew that. So he ignored those thoughts and focused on the good.

"I've been feeling a lot better. It's mainly just really stiff," Cyrus replied, "But that'll happen if you're not using a part of your body."
He gave Marcus a little smile back and kissed him on the cheek.
"As far as cooking though, you're more than welcome to. Make whatever you want. I'm not picky."

He purred happily at the affection, returning it lovingly and smiling when the other answered him.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better. We should probably do some stretches or something to help the stiffness once you’re all healed. And as for dinner, I’ll make it for us. Something good.”

"Yeah, I've been trying what I can here and there. Stretching is still pretty painful though," Cyrus noted, "But yeah, thanks for making dinner. I appreciate it."
He had offered, sure, but he really didn't feel like it. It was still a little hard to get around the kitchen, and on top of that, he just couldn't move; he was bogged down by this sinking feeling in his chest. But at least for now, he had been able to hide that inability to get up and do anything as resting and recovering.

“Mhm, you deserve a day of rest. And I’m feeling really good today so I’ll take over for today, my love. You can rest.” He purred, sounding proud of the fact that he could finally provide for Cyrus for once.
He flexed his injured hand and looked over at Cyrus curiously for a moment. “Do you think they have prosthetic fingers?” Marcus didn’t know why he asked, even if there was he wouldn’t be able to afford them.

"Sorry, I have no clue," Cyrus replied, "I'm not really up with all of that. I bet Pollux could tell you, though. He's not exactly an expert on prosthetics, but surely he has friends who are."
Cyrus leaned back.
"I could use the rest though, now that you mention it."
Especially since I slept so badly last night again…

“Mm… I’ll ask him sometime.” He replied simply before moving closer to Cyrus and giving him a soft kiss.
“You could. Rest my love, you deserve it a lot.” He reached up to cup Cyrus’s face with his good hand, his thumb rubbing against his cheeks. “I’ll make us something. Maybe a soup or something nice and warm like soup. Sounds comforting right now…”

"That sounds good to me," Cyrus agreed, "Did you have any recipes in mind?"
He shifted so he was leaning into Marcus' touch on his face.
Cyrus appreciated all the physical affection. Not only did it make him feel happy and loved, but it also helped keep him grounded.

“Maybe a beef and vegetable? Or just vegetable? It sounds really good to me for some reason.” He laughed softly, leaning in to press his forehead against Cyrus’s. “Does anything sound good to you? I can make what you want too, my love.” His voice was soft and caring and at a murmured.

"Yeah, beef and vegetable would be good," Cyrus replied.
He was trying so hard to return the affection. He liked receiving it, but giving it back in his current state was becoming more and more difficult. It took so much energy to keep up the act. He hated himself for how irritable he was feeling deep down, how he wanted to push Marcus away. But he didn't want his boyfriend to feel guilty when it wasn't even his fault.
Cyrus barely felt present in the body that Marcus was touching. Was Marcus even real? Was Cyrus? Everything over the past few days had felt nothing short of a fever dream, and he could just feel himself spiraling.
Cyrus probably wouldn't have eaten if Marcus wasn't there, so things could've been much worse. But he still hadn't been able to shower or leave the house, or even brush his teeth consistently since they had left Pollux's place. He felt like Marcus was the only thing keeping him from literally dying.

(OH NO THE friends ARE BACK I HAVEN'T BEEN ON LIKE ALL DAY)

Marcus nodded gently, giving the other a very gentle kiss. He ran his fingers through the other's hair and studied his face for a long time, sighing deeply. He had noticed the signs that Cyrus was spiraling, but he wasn't sure if they were true or if he was being extremely paranoid. But he tried to help the other as much as he could despite his hesitance to bring up the topic.
"Hey, Cy? Are you alright?" He asked quietly after stewing for a moment on his thoughts. "I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything or just need something."

(Omg what a way to find out about the kool aid man replacement for oh……no. Yknow, because if I type the actual thing in, we're going to spam the whole page with this man)
"I mean, yeah, all things considered," Cyrus replied, "I've been having some trouble sleeping at night, but other than that, I think I'm okay. And there's the pain, but that's getting better, slowly but surely.
Trouble sleeping… Yeah, that was one way to put it. The nightmares. Waking up in cold sweats, sometimes in panic attacks. Other times not really sleeping at all. Scattering naps throughout the day because he couldn't make it through the night. It was all a completely normal response to the situation though, right? He'd been through a lot, but it would go away, probably.
Unless Marcus called him out directly on anything else, he wasn't ready to address it. It was too much of a burden. What would Marcus be able to do anyway?

(It's so funny thooooo like the whole entire photo lol)

He sighed gently, nodding and carefully bringing the other close in a gentle hug. "I'm here if you ever need me." He promised quietly. He couldn't bring it up. He just couldn't. Not with everything that had happened and not with everything he himself was dealing with. Yes today was a good day and he was high on the momentary happiness flooding his systems, but it wouldn't always be the case. He could only hope he could do something to help Cyrus at least before he himself dropped into something scary.
"Maybe we should go visit Pollux soon? Just to see how he's doing. Maybe he can make sure your side is healing up alright as I'm no doctor." He voiced his thoughts out loud, looking down at his lover with gentle eyes. "I think some social stuff would be good for both of us too. I know we have each other but I can only do so much to help and I recognize that."

"Social?" Cyrus echoed, "I- I don't know if I really… want to right now. I mean, you can go do what you want, but I'm- I'm… I don't know, I'm just not feeling it."
He frowned a bit.
"I guess we can give Pollux a visit to check on our wounds, though. If it'll give you peace of mind."
Cyrus let out a soft sigh into his lover's shoulder and tried to cuddle in closer, hoping that the contact would actually maybe bring him back, make him feel something beyond numb and broken.

“That’s okay too.” He reassured, pressing his cheek once more against the other’s hair. Cy still smelled so good to Marcus, nothing they had gone through and no amount of neglected self-care could make him think otherwise. “We can stay if that’s what you’d like, my love. My handsome Cy. I love you so much and I hope you know that.” He closed his eyes, letting the warmth between them mix into one big thing. It felt good to be so close and he hoped it was the same on the other side. “We can always go to him later. You’re healing so good. You've been so strong lately. So strong even if you can’t see it.”

Cyrus didn't move for a few moments, so paralyzed by Marcus' love and affection. God, he didn't deserve it.
His voice cracked a bit as he tried to speak. "It's hard to believe you can call this strong…"
He couldn't bear to meet the others' eyes. It was almost humiliating, to still be loved and supported at such a low point. Even at his highest before, he was usually berated, or at best, ignored.
How would I even begin to tell him what's wrong?

(Bear awwww)

He wrapped his arms tighter around Cyrus, still being weary of his injuries, and shook his head lightly.
“You’re so strong. Even if it feels low or like shit you’re still strong for getting so far. You’re here with me, you’re healing. You haven’t given up on anything and you’re still trying.” He purred soothingly. “I know it’s hard, it’s probably so much harder for you but I’m proud you’re still with me and still trying.”

Cyrus choked a little bit, trying to hold back tears.
"I-I have given up, though… At least that's what it feels like."
He let out a quiet sigh.
"I… don't know what to do. I feel like I'm fading away…"
He was trembling, trying to hold back tears.
God, it had been so long since he'd cried.

Marcus pressed soft kisses to Cyrus's cheeks, murmuring soft phrases of affirmation as he led his lover to the couch where they could sit. "You haven't given up, baby. I know it feels like it but I can tell you're still trying. You're still trying to be so strong in front of me, it's okay to not be, Cy. That's what I'm here for is to help you when you need it regardless of what it is." The words stung his heart to hear come from his own mouth. Cyrus really had been so strong in front of him. He had been strong when Marcus was patching him up, he had been strong when Marcus returned with an injury, he had been strong today while Marcus tried to soothe him.
"I won't let you fade away, Cy." He promised, cupping the other's face and rubbing his thumb against his cheek. "I love you too much to let that happen. I'm here for you, my Cyrus. My darling love."

"I appreciate it, but… what can you do? What can anyone do, for that matter? My mind is broken. It's clouded over. Corrupted, even," Cyrus sighed, "Will things even get better? Truly? The hard times might be over, but the scars… That's forever."
Cyrus still shook a bit as he nuzzled into Marcus' shoulder. A couple of tears had started to push at the corners of his eyes. He couldn't bear to make eye contact with Marcus. Not like this.