Seon closed his eyes slowly as Wyn started speaking, almost breaking in on himself as the elephant in the room was finally brought to attention. Indeed, the raring tensions yesterday between them, a consequence of two clashing ideas and emotions, mixing in an unfortunate way.
The God shifted after Wyn's whispers, eyes still closed and sun sinking into his delicate eyelids. Dark tattoos showed on the soft skin, connecting the vines back and forth on his face and body. He stayed in silence for just a moment in time, so much so that one could have confused him for falling asleep.
Finally, though, he spoke: "I know too well about the scraps of confusion and pure frustration. So much so that over the years of my life I have experienced those emotions you said, but they turned into angry and… almost emotionless ones. I felt nothing towards the faces who raised me, those who I got my culture from, those who raised me from the softest part and the most vulnerable part of my life, only to leave me behind. I had no scraps of emotion or devotion or familiarity to hang on to. Just, as you said, helplessness. There is no understanding or remembering it. It is such a strange, one in a million person experience. In fact, I doubt there has been any God in my position. It all takes me over, needlessly forcing emotions that I can't control anymore. It condenses and I just need to escape it for a long while." He did not move, shift in his clothes, or even open his eyes.
Wyn listened silently, picking at dry skin on his palms while Seon monologued. The words felt important, he knew they were important. This entire conversation, and the impact of their lives had on their emotions, was important. But for the life of him, he couldn't detangle the little meanings behind everything. He felt bad, but he thought he could get the gist of the issue. Seon was lonely, and it made him vulnerable to his own emotions.
He wanted to so badly reach out and comfort the God. In the end, he settled for setting a hand between them to give Seon the option to take it or not. Then Wyn sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "The chapel," he realized. Fuck. I so messed up. "I didn't… I'm so sorry. I—When you shrugged me off, I took it personally. Not intentionally, but you have to know…" Why were words so difficult? Perhaps it was because he feared saying the wrong thing and implying Seon was at fault. "This is new to me. The affection. Both physical and just in general. And I don't know, I think I felt rejected? It hurt." He rubbed at his face, overwhelmingly guilty. "I didn't think about how you'd feel being in the chapel. I'm sorry."
Seon hummed his understanding as Wyn finally cracked under the pressure, taking his hand and entwining their fingers, leaning against him, his head lolling onto his shoulder as he himself seemed to relax significantly more.
"It is quite alright. I don't expect you to understand such complex nuances so early in our relationship, and it is such a stunting change. You were more in your right to get shaken up by such a strange change of my emotions. It should be me who apologizes. I allowed my emotions get the best of me. I let a part of myself that has lived on so intimately in my life for so long rear its ugly head to a partner such as you, who I hold in very high regard and respect. I was hoping I could hold myself back, tighten my throbbing heart to make myself this God you know… or you think you know… and instead created a stifled version of myself that I couldn't support. I struggle often with such strong emotions, then shift to the opposite. It is a horrifying existence I live by myself." Seon pulled away off of Wyn, as though his own words were disgusting to him. He kept their hands curled together, but his grip certainly loosened as he considered himself.
Wyn stared down at their hands, so loosely twined. The sensation made him uncomfortable with the wrongness of it. Seon putting up a false image of themself for the sake of catering to the image of a perfect God also didn't sit well with him. So, without much hesitation or forethought, Wyn unwound their hands for the briefest moment it took him to slide over and sidle up into Seon's side, moving them until his shoulder was against Wyn's chest. He wound one arm around the God's shoulder and grabbed their hand again before wrapping it around the God's stomach in a shared hug. Even his legs were on either side of him, trapping him into a full-body hug.
"You don't need to craft a falsehood to maintain the sort of image you think I want," Wyn advised gently. "You don't deserve the emotional and mental strain, and you certainly don't deserve the potential to hate what you are because of it. The consequences aren't worth it." He nosed into Seon's neck and pressed a comforting kiss to the curve of their neck. "The only image I wish to see is the one where you're at your most authentic. No Astra of mine is worthy but the realest one." Another kiss, this one on their cheek and lingering for a second more and. "Every emotion included."
Seon let out a gentle sigh as he was brought into a body locking hug, allowing his head drop and his eyes truly feel as though they were closed, hiding in the coolness of Wyn's neck, but also accepting a few kisses onto the curve of his strained muscles. He relaxed into the body and chest of the Fae, relaxing for the first time in a while, completely limp and comfortable, willing to maneuver in any way shape or form Wyn truly desired. He relaxed in such a way that his body oozed comfort and trust.
"You're right, you know." His breath sighed onto the side of Wyn's throat, tracking warm air down into his shirt and skating along the bottommost part of his features. "I wish I could accept it for myself. This is the first time I have met a Fae up close before. Your emotional states confuse me, your minds are jaded and strange. Despite this it is so entertaining to me to imagine educating you on the strings of life, to truly be a God for you. Especially for you, the person who committed himself to an idea of a God who might not even have existed. I feel like I need to stretch myself to fit that. I want to be the person you depended on. It just doesn't feel like I'm good or doing enough." The last sentence was stuffy, as though Seon suddenly welled up with tears, unable to control the reaction to such a deep-seated fear, unable to be soothed with simple words. "The whole idea of a God is that I must be perfect. I must be the one that Fae look up to."
Wyn continued to shower Seon in kisses. Neck, face, shoulder, none were safe from his loving assault. "The Gods are viewed as perfect because they are not here all the time. We only know of them from their brief and very particular appearances. They are allowed to then be themselves when they are no longer being spotted." He stroked his thumb over Seon's hand and kissed his forehead. "You don't have that luxury with me, and that's okay. You're bound to lose that illusion of perfection after being around someone for some time."
Carefully mulling over his words, he added, "I never expected perfection from you. All I wanted was for you to exist. That was all I desired from you, and you've fulfilled that tenfold." Never did he expect to be cuddling and comforting Seon, or giving them kisses and allowing them to compare their relationship to that of lovers. Never did he imagine he'd want Seon, not like he did now. A mirage of perfection had solidified his desires as fruitless, but its shatterings gave him secret hopes he knew he shouldn't have in the first place. "Really, I'd take this over some God that could do no wrong and not cave to emotions. I doubt I'd be able to stand you for long if that was the case."
Seon sighed after the reassuring words, which were of course nice, touching at the sensitive, emotional side of this conversation. It was nice hearing from Wyn, out of all people, that he was not expected to be perfect. Yet it somehow didn't feel right. Wyn could not speak for the general population. No matter how many Fae said what Wyn was saying, it would not change his mind on it, no matter how hard he tried.
"It is not normal for Gods to cave so often, I think," Seon muttered hopelessly, "Such an emotional fool." Seon shook his head hiding his face in his hands after Wyn was finished with his kisses, shaking his head in them. "I thank you for your kind words. This is a dilemma I have been struggling with for my entire life. It is not something I can easily cross over and expect to be solved in the morning." Seon glanced up at Wyn, his delicate tears making small tracks on his glowing, reddish skin.
Wyn deliberately plucked Seon's hands from his face and wiped at the tears, just as he had done earlier. "Then we'll work on it," he promised. Whether he meant helping Seon see that his tendency to be emotional was okay, or helping him be more 'Godlike' was up for debate, but Wyn didn't want to push them anymore than he already had. He said his peace, and now it was time for comfort and silence.
Acting on impulse, Wyn shifted until he had better access to Seon's face, then planted two butterfly kisses to either cheek, dangerously close to becoming more intimate. In this moment, he wished they were on that level, purely because he'd have the freedom to distract Seon from their pain with more meaningful affection. Wyn would know them better to understand how to help him better, and not be left floundering for other tactics. He'd already know what to do. Instead, he admitted defeat and simply hugged Seon tighter.
Seon knocked their heads together again, shutting his eyes and wrapping one of his arms around Wyn's neck, now reciprocating in the affection. He bumped their noses together, and a tired smile crossed over his mouth, his eyes flicking open to take in the image of Wyn, tentatively testing the waters. He was relieved to see a smiling, gentle face, intent on making Seon feel somewhat better. And it did. His fingers idly traced his cheeks and over his eyelids, telling himself quietly that the Fae destined for him was indeed sitting right there, giving him kind gestures of admiration and emotional support. His fingers finally reached the divots that was Wyn's lips, the reciprocals of strong emotions between them, the bridge between two souls. Most interesting indeed as Seon considered them; words of a long lifetime have left infinitely and continue to do so. The intense philosophy behind it… Beautiful in its own way.
Wyn wanted to say something, just one more thing to comfort Seon and rid their mind of everything plaguing it. He searched for the words, only to come up empty. So he stayed quiet and allowed the God to get closer, his breath short and few at the proximity of their faces. So close—close enough to bump noses. Then a gentle touch over his face, moving down to his lips. Wyn froze. He couldn't react. A part of him wanted to escape back into his bubble, to retreat from the onslaught of new and hide away in a shower of familiarity. But another part, the stronger part, had him subtly leaning his face into Seon's hand, practically nuzzling. Yellow eyes never strayed from blood-red ones, though they appeared apprehensive, alongside undoubtable trust and care. No matter how much his mind said to flee, Wyn held fast. Seon needed him, and it wouldn't be fair to run because of some silly feelings from a simple touch—ignoring the fact that he felt as though he could drop dead at any moment from his racing heart.
Seon's fingers remained for a few moments as he lost himself in his thoughts, not even considering how Wyn might be feeling. Eventually, his brain spurred back to life, glancing up at Wyn's frozen eyes and flushed cheeks. He removed his fine fingertips from off of the subject of his attention, returning it back down to loop their fingers once more.
He cuddled against Wyn's chest again, a shivery, relieving sigh finally relaxing his body again.
"Thank you. I appreciate your efforts in trying to make me feel better and listening. I'm glad your ideas of perfection is not related to those above you by status. I do not think I am above you at all. My Godship is nothing but a gift of moral power. Opportunity for growth and learning. I doubt many Gods see it that way. In fact I know several of them don't. That is one of the few things I don't miss. The list is finite, only comprised of a few mouthful of words."
Wyn could breathe again, no longer feeling the need to run from the situation, when Seon joined their hands once more. No more attention on his lips. No more fantasies that he wanted… but wasn't quite ready for. Wyn leaned his head against Seon's and brought their hands between their bodies, moving his free hand to stroke Seon's skin. His fingers danced over the God's hand, twisting over knuckles, then skimmed up and over their forearm while Seon spoke.
He couldn't hold back his grin, though he did try to hide it. The more Seon spoke, the more Wyn learned about the way his God thought—and loved to talk. Touchy-touchy? More like talky-talky. "Mmm," Wyn hummed, a noncommittal response to show that he was listening. "I'm glad you don't hold yourself to such supremacy, though I'm not surprised that others do. It's inevitable for those in higher power to look down on those naturally and classily lower than them. But," he added quickly, to not dampen the mood, "that's not important right now. How about we talk about us, hm? Anything on your mind about that?"
Seon looked up to listen, drinking in Wyn's ideas and opinions on the matter, hungry for outside input looking in on a strange, unique situation. His head tilted and a look of confusion passed through those eyes, his eyes cocking suspiciously at the sudden shift of the subject. It was somewhat unrelated, but perhaps Seon was talking too much about himself in this one instance.
"I do not understand what you are referring to," Seon responded after a few moments of thought, "am I supposed to be thinking of us? I assume we are most intimately and consciously lovers, as we both have a sense of solidarity in regards to our destiny. It entertwines and sets a certain trust and loyalty that not normal Fae have together. This is the definition of a lover, is it not?" As he asked this, one would be able to swear they heard a laugh, a snide snicker at his own innuendo, suggesting perhaps Seon did know more about lovers than he let on; however, his face rounded with innocence, bright and smiling at Wyn like an expectant dog, ready to be told good or bad.
Wyn sighed heavily and tossed his head back, begging the Gods for the patience and heart to get through this conversation. No one could possibly be this clueless about the meaning of lovers. "When someone talks about a lover, they typically talk about a long-time partner," he supplied gently. Even if Seon was completely aware of the real meaning, Wyn wanted to sway his view of their relationship to a more platonic, realistic version.
"And not the kind of partners that we are. I mean the kind that are intimate. The kind that, mutually, know each other on a deeper level than anyone else does." Despite himself, his cheeks bloomed—which he was starting to realize was his signature complexion around Seon—and Wyn cupped Seon's face in his hands. "Please don't make me explain this to you." His embarrassment was formidable, even more than when he tried explaining marriage to the God. His mind couldn't stray from the thoughts of lovers. It was horrible for him, but he managed to keep everything off his face, besides the blush.
Seon's lips puckered as his face was grabbed and squeezed, eyes rounding out at Wyn's desperation.
"I thought you would enjoy calling yourself more than the lover of a God. You very much are more than a lover at this point. A lover sounds most skin-level to me, but you and I have much more intimately related. We have our destinies wound together for years of our lives. I personally think it is more easy to call you such a simple title like that." Seon rose one of his hands and gently forked Wyn's hands off, patting his cheek affectionately with a little smile. "Unless you'd like me to introduce you as the full story as to why we are traveling together, I think lover really quite ties it up nicely. But if it really makes you uncomfortable… I may be able to find something else." Seon shrugged, but his expression lapsed into an expression of thought. "I would not want to call you my pupil, despite of course being so. You're much more to me than that. What are your suggestions?" He tilted his head, eyebrows raised.
Wyn's mouth opened—closed. Really, he didn't care what Seon called him, or how they referred to their relationship. But every time he was called Seon's lover, his heart ached just a little. To him, a lover wasn't just the intimate. It was the emotional. It was the commitment and promises, the joined memories spread throughout a time-encompassing relationship. It was the joining of two people who knew each other, better and deeper than anyone else.
That wasn't them. And as much as Wyn wanted that every time Seon said they were lovers, he knew they weren't. Not yet.
Taking a deep breath, Wyn gently pressed a hand over Seon's mouth and leaned forward. The cool kiss of his own lips pressed into the back of his fingers and only lasted all of a second before he pulled back and dropped his hand. Wyn's eyes darted away, not daring to look at the God in front of him. "That is what a lover is to me, on a base level. And I… I'm not ready for that, not yet. I don't know you well enough to call myself that. For me it's not about the future and being destined for each other, it's about an established, present relationship that has history and potential for a fruitful future." Wyn paused and laughed, fingers rubbing at his eyes. "Or maybe I'm just being dramatic about something I never thought I'd have." He shook his head as if clearing his thoughts. "Of course I'd want to be called the lover of a God, but not superficially. Not… Not without the hope of it becoming true."
"Why wouldn't it come true?" Seon asked softly, tilting his head the other way, jewelry clinking with the movement. "Do you not think there is a chance between us more emotionally? As you mentioned perhaps it is a question asked too early, but I think it'd be fun to explore such a situation with you. I don't think it has to be as cutthroat as you make it out to be. Intimacy comes along naturally to anyone. It doesn't have to be related to the breadth of lovers. Of course, that is what mother always said. She said being in a relationship is being able to lean on each other no matter what. And I know I can trust you that much. I think it is something we can explore. It is flexible and supposed to be comfortable." Seon paused, touching his lips unconciously as if thinking about Wyn's gesture despite it being long gone. "If we are moving too fast, perhaps me being too intimate with you, please let me know. Despite being young the last time I have seen my parents, I have been conditioned to a certain culture. I enjoy learning about yours and making sure your boundaries are understood." Seon smiled kindly, patting Wyn's cheeks again, stroking along his jaw with a thumb.
Wyn loosed a heavy breath and nuzzled into Seon's hand, his own coming up to keep theirs there and loosely threading his fingers through theirs. So there's a chance. All this time, Wyn had it in his mind that there was no chance that him and Seon could become anything more than friends and destiny partners. But here Seon sat, cuddled into Wyn's chest, telling him in a roundabout way that he was a fool to think anything but the opposite. The way they said it, it would be inevitable for them to become real lovers. Wyn couldn't think of anything better to be told.
"No, no, you're okay." His eyes flicked up to meet Seon's gaze, and he smiled reassuringly. As long as there's a chance. "I'll be sure to tell you if I'm not okay with something, but for now, you're fine." After a moment of consideration, he stroked a free hand through Seon's hair and tilted his head. "And… If lover is what you believe will describe us best, then I suppose you can continue referring to me as your lover." With that, he grinned and playfully bopped the God's nose. "Though I expect you to take care of me if that's the case. Only fair."
Seon wrinkled his nose after it was booped, laughing and his eyes joining in the full-face frontal of joy. He knew he would weasel such an answer out of tough Wyn, who seemed to melt in the face of Seon already. This honestly shocked the God as he considered it while laughing, shaking his head affectionately and shoving his head back into his shoulders and neck.
"You suppose, hmm? You suppose you can allow me to stick around and mooch off of your excellent cooking skills?" Seon giggled giddily into Wyn, the effects of exhaustion obviously settling in. The sun made him feel stupid and sleepy, weighing down his silken clothes and long hair, warming up the back of his neck and brushing along his delicate skin. He just kept on giggling, finding even the littlest thought funny, euphoria and comfort and trust numbing his brain pleasantly.
"Of course I'll take care of you, though," Seon breathed through breaths. "I will watch out for you dolefully and keep you company, more so than a God ever has before."
"I'll keep you to that promise," Wyn murmured, fingers moving to brush lovingly over Seon's cheek. "But first, let's head to bed. For real this time." A crooked grin. "However nice that nap was, we need some real sleep." Well, Seon needed some real sleep, from the sight before him. Seon was a giggling mess, and however adorable that was, Wyn knew it meant it was time to get out of the sun and into the comfort of his bed. Their bed? It just might end up becoming that.
As gently as possible, he extracted himself from Seon and prodded at his sides to coax them to their feet. "Come on, then. You still have to undo my hair. There's no way I'll be able to unwind all these braids. You've made me even more a prisoner of my hair than I already am." As if to prove his point, he gestured to his hair, the loose strands already coiling back up to their natural curls and ignoring the deliberate straightening and curling Seon had done at dawn. At that moment, a yawn broke through Wyn's defenses, and he just barely managed to smother it with the back of his hand. Yeah, it's far past my bedtime.
Seon huffed and clung to Wyn desperately as the pokes attacked their sides, whining audibly like a crestfallen animal. But of course, he rose to his feet, though, pulling Wyn with him to keep clinging to his familiar chest and warmth.
"And fine. I suppose I will have to find better ways to do your hair next time. That did not stay in all that long, huh?" Seon peeked up over Wyn's shoulder to survey the hair, a bunch of ideas running through his brain. "I think the nap was real sleep. Despite it being only a few hours long." Seon yawned deeply, squealing softly as he came back down from the big inhale. "You are most mean to me. I'd like to stay and enjoy the sun and yet you urge me to sleep." He wrinkled his nose teasingly, tapping his cheeks a couple times like a cat.
"Yet I suppose it would be best to sleep. Just for a few more hours." He let go of Wyn after a couple more seconds of hugging, grabbing his hand and meandering off to the house with Wyn in tow.
Wyn hummed and leaned into Seon, staying there even when the God moved away from their original cuddle. "Because my hair is naturally curly and incredibly stubborn, the original texture usually comes back by dawn. And you can bathe in as much sunlight as you want another time, preferably when I'm already sleeping." He deliberately ignored being called mean, though his lips twitched in amusement. Wyn nudged Seon into the house and finally up the stairs to their bedroom. Oh, my sweet bed. How I've missed you.
With more playful prodding, Wyn maneuvered the two of them to the mirror in his bedroom, with Seon standing behind him. "Alright, do your thing." He tipped his head back to grin up at Seon, eyes sparkling and expression cheeky. He knew very well that he could take out the braids—he wasn't helpless. But he liked the feeling of Seon messing with his hair when the hairstyle had been done up, and Wyn wanted to feel that again before he went to bed. "Please?" he added softly, putting on the pleading puppy eyes.
Seon had attempted to sink into Wyn's bed, prying out of his arms only to be poked and proded in front of the mirror, his eyes flicking down to Wyn's begging eyes from the reflection of the mirror.
"I thought we were taking your advice and going to bed? And you can very well do it by yourself." He huffed, standing his ground for just a couple seconds before starting to gently unravel the braids. His fingers worked deftly through the soft stalks, detangling with a sense of carefulness and gentle elegance. He perhaps gave the firmer tug here and there just for shits and giggles, but once he finished, Wyn's hair was re-fluffed and curly in all directions. Seon fluffed it for a few moments, but decided he was too tired to keep standing, and cuddled into bed, disappearing under the sheets with another audible yawn, grabbing a pillow from the surface to cuddle with.
Once again ignoring Seon's comments, Wyn practically purred at the feeling of Seon's fingers deftly working through his hair, even with the occasional tug. He got his wish, and now he was a happy little Fae—which meant that he didn't complain when Seon gave up on his hair in favor of charging into bed. Instead, he watched the adorable God with a smile while he got to work on his bedtime skincare routine. Wyn didn't want to miss the last few moments with an awake Seon, so he made it quick, ultimately sacrificing a few steps of his routine for the cause. Once he was done, he dried his face and strode over to the bed.
He undressed while he walked, not caring where his clothes ended up. Right as he reached the footboard, he grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms and hastily pulled them on. Then it was time to sleep.
Wyn rounded to the side of the bed and settled onto the mattress, then crawled across the space to Seon, and slid on top of the God's back, straddling him from above the covers. He buried his face into what would be Seon's neck and braced his arms against the pillows at their head. "Thank you, for confiding in me," he mumbled into the covers. "And… And caring so much about me. I only wish to be as great as you someday, and to deserve you at my side." With his final words of that exhausting day spoken, he shifted to slide off Seon's back.
Seon had placed himself snugly across the bed completely, parts of his body making the sheets sticking up, and where his antlers jutted out, made a hood around his face and pillow, allowing him to breathe. He didn't move much when he felt the weight of Wyn relax down on him, just tried tilting his head to see the Fae, but instead looped their fingers mutually and settled his head back down, half-closing his eyes.
"Of course. I do not hope you wish to be like me deep down. I am not much of anything, just a simple person." Seon attached himself to Wyn when he relaxed off of him, snuggling into his chest and neck, tucking himself in, while also bringing the sheets with them as they laid very wrong on the bed, Seon's feet hanging off of the edge. "It is very solemnly I find a willing ear such as yours. Most Gods except for my father found my ramblings to be quite annoying and laborious to keep up with. Sometimes I wonder if my sense of self worth comes from speech, as it is the only thing other people can truly hear and establish for itself. For me. It is strangely the only thing some people know me by." Seon shut his eyes completely with another big sigh, shaking his head to himself.
