It didn't really take a lot for Seon to understand the look the dealer gave him, despite not hearing the words said. Seon may not have a capacity to understand every sexual innuendo thrown his way, but as mentioned, he did understand emotions facially fairly well. The Young God did not appreciate sexual comments from unwanted people. He snatched himself in turn out of the gripping hands of Wyn, obviously fluffed up about the whole thing and walked pointedly off to settle down among a group of Fae around the same age group as him and Wyn. His back was turned on the smoking pair of Fae as he engaged in an interested conversation, both of his flanks closing as the younger people leaned in with interest. Their voices hummed and rose among the others, connecting like a missing harmony in an orchestra.
Generally, most Gods were known for enjoying most forms of leisure and pleasure, but it was not hard to guess that Seon took with the stance that… He did not like being tugged on at all, especially for something like hallucinogens. So instead of sitting around getting high, Seon turned his back on a brewing, spite filled comment, and talked to sober Fae instead, who were kind enough not to get high in the face of a God.
Wyn blinked and watched, face blank, as Seon marched away to a group of unfamiliar faces. The only indication of the sting was the bob of his throat, and the sharpness in which he turned back around and strode over to a curious Kaizyn. Wyn collapsed onto the ground without much ceremony, limbs sprawled carelessly. He felt hands grabbing his wrists and moving them, like he was a puppet, and let Kai maneuver his arms above his head in the way his muddled mind saw fit. "Trouble in paradise?" he mused, nudging Wyn's side. He snorted and took the hint, taking another drag from his reed and letting it sit in his lungs for as long as he could stand, until the burning became too much. Only then did he exhale it through his nose.
"Don't think I'm getting anything anytime soon," he said, avoiding the question. What paradise? Every fantasy his mind conjured would be just that—a fantasy. Nothing would come of their relationship, and he was a fool to believe his attention would be received in the way he wanted them to. Kai ahh'ed sympathetically and nodded.
"Shame. He looks good on you. I thought you were a couple." Kai thought anything his mind told him was true. "Are you not?" Wyn scoffed dismissively, rolling his head back and forth. The other Fae nodded once more and patted Wyn's shoulder. "Shame. He looks good on you."
Wyn took another drag and tried blowing the smoke out in rings. The trick was difficult, and he only succeeded a handful of times. Kaizyn quickly got distracted by the show and turned it into a game, quickly joining along. He failed more times than Wyn did.
The night went on and so did conversations with the sober ones. They spoke and chatted and exchanged stories of all sorts; Seon told tales of Gods and of places beyond the Fae's understanding, keeping every one of their attentions glued onto their handsome, beautiful, incredible features. In return these Fae offered drinks, food and snacks, and stories of their own living with Fae, giggling and joking together like one true species. It was not hard to tell that Seon was above them in some way, but these young people didn't seem to care. All they cared about was their interesting stories, continued interest in them, and their attractive features that smiled around at all of them individually. It was a brief break from it all, learning up close about those he surveyed, making friends and acquaintances as wanted. Sharing traditions and hugs and affectionate pecks on the cheek as they got around to making a meal for moon high. Doing such was a tradition taken for the Gods, making warm food for them to offer by their stead. The young ones didn't know that of course, and Seon was more than happy to pass on this wisdom as food simmered in the hot pan centered between all of them.
The night flew by with Wyn and Kaizyn steadily getting higher and looser. Wyn finally crashed down from his anger is bitterness, and only felt aching longing. Even as he had sparks of happiness while laughing with Kaizyn from dumb and meaningless jokes, he still sunk back down into the ocean of amplified despair. "I think I messed up," he cried, watching Seon happily converse with strangers. Strangers. Not Wyn. Kaizyn glanced over and fell for his friend's puppy eyes. He leaned over and petted the crumbling Fae's hair and face, cooing in sympathy. Wyn whined; then in a stroke of drug-induced genius, decided it would be the perfect idea to crawl over to the God and steal their attention. He didn't want their attention on anyone else. Was this jealousy?
Kaizyn squeaked and quickly wrapped his arms around Wyn's waist, hoisting him up and away from the group of Fae. "No no no no. Not a good idea. You'll be dead before sunrise."
Wyn smacked at Kai's hands, desperate to get Seon away from the clutches of some other Fae. They're mine. Seon is mine. He said so himself! "Let me go!" Kai squeezed Wyn and dragged him towards food, which happened to be in the process of being made by a group of more smokers.
"Nope. Maybe next time. Let's eat. You're hungry."
The meal with the sober, and the not sober, went well. One group made a meat dish, with delightful sides all meticulously prepared for their new guest, and the other made a leafy dish with cuts of honeyed bark, sweet to taste, even through the high sadness Wyn was riding, bound to make one smile.
The light dish Seon consumed lifted their mood and truly let them focus on the new friends they made, visibly more relaxed as they allowed a few of the Fae to braid his hair and put different types of herbs in it, along with explanations with the symbolic significance. Most herbs were woody and musky, to match the scents of the God Fae, but a few shy individuals offered rose petals, blushing over a hand. It was hastily explained that it was a showing of great admiration. Humbled, laughing, and somewhat drunk off of a few goblets of wine, they tuck the Fae into a hug and pat them on the back, a lavish way of showing his thankfulness for such a kind gesture.
"I want that."
Kaizyn popped his head up when Wyn spoke out of nowhere, mouth a mess from the food he hungrily stuffed in his mouth. Wyn had consumed his fill already and was currently picking at the remains, his attention obsessively fixated on the other group of Fae. Idly twirling between his fingers was the sizzling reed, and he wondered if he should keep going. If he inhaled enough of the drugs, would he start seeing things that didn't hurt so much? Seon deserved someone better than him, someone like the animated Fae surrounding them. What was he even good for? Being obsessed with his fixations? Running to a twisted reality to hide from his feelings? He had nothing to offer. Not even the easy affection Seon so easily gave out and received.
Slowly finishing his food, Kai wiped at his mouth and tipped his head to the side. "Well… He didn't look too pleased when you first walked over. Were you fighting before?"
"No?"
"Did you say anything when you showed up?"
"No." Kai hummed and pointed at the reed, eyes questioning. Wyn stared at it, mind slow, until it clicked what he was asking. His brows furrowed and he shrugged.
"Huh. What happened with you, then? Why do you think you messed up?" Kai, so sweetly, was trying to help, despite having absolutely no clue what he was talking about. Wyn sighed and hunched over, rubbing at the corners of his eyes and shaking his head. The feeling of the delicately curled strands against his face only upset him further. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up.
What did I do?
"I tried… I dunno." His voice lowered. "I tried being affectionate like them. But I guess it wasn't wanted." Kaizyn leaned over and yanked Wyn into a clumsy side-hug, who sullenly accepted it while wishing it was someone else.
Seon, after a few more drinks of fresh water, and more sips of wine than they'd care to admit, rose to his feet and waved goodbye to his new friends, thanking them for the food and drink. Seon did not bother looking around for his companion, but rather started to walk back to Wyn's home, passing through the ever thickening crowd to arrive back at the pastoral sect of town. They glanced up at it for a few moments, considering going in, but ended up taking a seat just outside of city bounds to observe the movements inside of the chapel, longing to be back inside and be held in the arms of the Gods inside.
Was this a mistake? Showing their face to the one destined to explore with them? Even in his moment of refrained softness, unable to be contained by the homesick God, close to the point of tears when thinking about how much they missed the kind embrace of their mother. They wanted to leave now– start exploring the territories outside of this Fae land to track down the Gods and Goddesses of their pantheon, but something had always stopped them from leaving without Wyn.
Kaizyn continued to try and give some well-meaning advice, but Wyn stopped listening. His eyes never left Seon, so it was no surprise that he hastily pulled himself out of Kai's arms the moment they stood. He handed back the reed, mumbled a thanks and a quick goodbye, then stumbled after his God.
Though he wasn't completely sober, he tried desperately to stay quiet and a respectable distance away from Seon. He thought that they were going home, but then they stopped, and he had no choice but to confront the inevitable—but really, this was a conversation best left to a non-sober Wyn, because he knew full-well he wouldn't have the nerve to do it otherwise. Cautiously, he eased closer to Seon, then lost his nerve and skittered off to the side to sit just barely in their line of sight. It took a while before he managed to sneak a look up at Seon's face to gauge his emotions, and his heart immediately broke. Everything in him itched to crawl over and envelop them in a hug, but everything felt too fragile between them. Too raw, too strained. His drug-addled brain wasn't dumb enough to not recognized that.
Seon buried his face away into his arms, into the soft silken cloth with an audible sigh. Thankfully they weren't intent on looking around, quite assured that no one could see them and was in this moment with an a utmost amount of privacy. Nothing left Seon after that, as they curled in on themselves, leaning for support against a tree as they huddled in the shadow of the churches. A second large sigh left their delicate body, and they lifted their head back up after a few minutes of silence, wiping something off of their face that could have been easily identifiable as tears. The drops of silvery starlight dripped along their long fingers and delicate hands, touching the ground and growing a small flower in response. The flowers made from the God's tears were most unlike those Wyn had ever seen. They were glowing flowers with white, glowing leaves and petals, almost completely lit up in the patches of moonlight that crept through the branches. They curled around their thighs, as more blossomed from a few more flecks or tears, hugging them.
Wyn watched this all with a shattering heart. A part of him had wanted to sting Seon back for the rejection, but not like this. Never this. Not even that petty thought of revenge. Seeing Seon in pain hurt him too much, and he felt powerless to help. On one hand, Seon seemed in need of privacy—the whole reason for leaving the gathering to come here and release pent-up emotions—but on the other… Wyn needed to reach out. To comfort them the best he knew how, even if he wasn't wanted. The minutes went by with him watching the tears roll down and hit the ground to sprout more sadly beautiful flowers. Finally, Wyn inched closer until he was just within reach to drop his head against one of their knees. Nothing more. If he were to be pushed away, scolded, and told to go away, he would. This was all he felt safe enough to give. His hands stayed locked together in his lap, safely away from the person they had unintentionally wronged.
Seon startled a little when he felt a touch, looking down between his fingers and hastily wiping away his crystalline tears, smudging like a bright ink on the light blue skin.
"I did not see you there, Wyn." They didn't move away, in fact welcomed the touch as much as they possibly could, moving into Wyn and laying next to him, setting their heads together, and tucking his face into Wyn's warm neck. He shut his eyes, a resting break from it all, the warmth of another person, soothing and gentle on the sensitive face. He didn't even think about why he was mad anymore; anything before getting hit with his wave of homesickness, just seemed meek and unnecessary, and all that was important now was just a nice hug and the flowers kissing their skin.
He was fully prepared to get up and leave when he thought he felt Seon flinch. Wyn braced himself for it, in fact, and genuinely didn't expect Seon's actual reaction. For a moment, he clammed up, not sure what to do past the lingering fog in his mind, but instinct took over for him. As Seon settled down, face tucked into his neck, Wyn adjusted to a more comfortable position without jarring them out of their place. Then a hand reached over to lightly cup the back of Seon's head to hold him, still unsure but not wanting to leave them feeling alone. The words "I'm sorry" hung at the tip of his tongue, but now didn't feel like the right time. Whatever he had done, it wasn't the sole cause for this meltdown. It was something else. He had a hard time figuring out what, though, so he kept his mouth shut and just held Seon close. The best he could do, but not everything he wished he could.
Seon settled into the arms of Wyn, curling up and somehow becoming smaller than usual to allow himself to be cuddled close and assured like a young child against the bosom of a caring mother. It was not the same in this case. Seon, a nearly full grown person, seeing that same affection from another person who smelled faintly of herbs and honey. It was comforting in its own way– so much so it allowed tears to flow freely and create a tattoo of gleaming stars on Wyn's chest and trailing delicately down into the ground, which the pair were pressed into as though the earth would offer a comfortable bed, something to ground themselves on. Seon made no noise. He cried with quiet, shivering heaves, which was barely noticeable by the hands on him, and could only be detected by the warm breaths pushed into the skin of the Fae.
Wyn closed his eyes, then opened them to stare up at the stars as if in prayer. But this time, he had nothing to say. Nothing to ask. He sought out only his own strength and wisdom. Called out to it past the fog and begged it to come back, if only to give him the knowledge he needed to help Seon. It never came, and Wyn faltered, upset and hurting for his friend. When he felt unsteady and quivering breaths, he didn't hesitate to wrap Seon completely into his arms and bring them as close as possible. Words failed him, which wasn't a shocker. But this time, his impulses knew exactly what they were doing, even if he remained unsure of his boundaries and what he was allowed. Wyn wanted to say it would be okay, but he didn't know what he would be referring to. It could never be okay for all he knew. The next words in line spilled through without prior authorization, and he hoped they were the right ones—they didn't sound it. "You're safe."
Because of the steady drops of tears, stray from the chest that pillowed Seon's delicate face, a smattering of white flowers popped up and joined Wyn's arms that were wrapped around Seon, creating a shielding effect from the weakened, sorrowful God. He did not offer any words in response to Wyn's attempt, but he did cuddle closer, as if challenging that idea and holding Wyn to it wordlessly.
He remained this way for quite some time, trying to find a home somewhere deep within Wyn. The warmth was of comfort, and eventually allowed Seon to pull away. Flowers subsided off of Wyn's arms to avoid being pulled on, instead settling into the ground, high into the air as though an audience to the pair of Fae.
Seon rubbed at his eyes, smattering those last few tears and birthing more delicate flowers, before giving a gentle sniff. His hands remained over his eyes, as though in an attempt to hide them to save face.
"Thank you, Wyn. I appreciate it." They drew their legs into themselves, rolling into a sitting fetal position.
Wyn held fast for as long as Seon needed him to. He wouldn't make the same mistake again, regardless of his conflicted feelings and wavering surety. He held on for what felt like forever, until his skin grew a thin layer of chill from the shrouded moonlight. And when Seon pulled away, he sat up as well, mirroring the other's movements to be ready for anything. He wanted to help so desperately.
Slowly reaching out, Wyn pried the God's hands away as gently as possible and offered a soft smile, though it was sad. His hands then slipped over Seon's cheeks to cup their face, thumbs working to wipe away the remaining tears. "It's okay to be upset. We all do, it's natural. And I know I took forever, but I'm here now, Astra." The nickname slipped through, and it felt right, but he couldn't figure out why. "I'll always be here for you, okay? There's no getting rid of me. So I'm going to stay here, until you are okay, and I'm going to do my very best to make sure you're comforted."
Seonastra sighed and leaned into the hands that moved him, relaxing his face into them. For a few moments he was worried about his image in Wyn's head. A delicate pin held up by a tentative finger, that image of mysticality and Godliness, that image that allowed Wyn to truly believe that Seon was nothing more than his God. If he broke down so easily, in the face of homesickness and loneliness, he would create a pretense that the Fae around him wasn't good enough. But that wasn't true. He was hit with this shivering pain, the claws of crippling loneliness gripping his heart and meager brain fairly often. Crying over the loss in his heart for these Gods who suddenly abandoned him and didn't take him along. Sure he had a destiny to follow, such a thing was inevitable. But it didn't excuse that lingering negligence over the course of a few years. It just got more painful as it went on.
"Thank you," Seon rumbled through his broken, saddened voice. His face had grown red from his insistent rubbing of his cheeks, and his eyes swollen with the amount he was crying and annoying his lids. "It feels like there is no winning for me anymore. It has been so lonely, unseen to others. There has been no one for so long."
He felt for the God, even if he couldn't fully understand. Arenwyn Víera, the chosen one. Everyone seemed to know what he would become, and that isolated him. He isolated himself because he didn't feel like anyone would understand his thoughts and feelings on the matter of his obsession. Finding Seon had always been painfully surface-level—vast, easy to see, and the only thing anyone saw about him. They looked at him and saw a cleric chasing his tail for an impossible thing. No one wanted to bother with him, and he didn't want to bother with anyone.
So, in a way, he understood the loneliness. But he couldn't begin to imagine how deeply Seon felt it.
Wyn moved up onto his knees, still keeping his hands on the God's face so he could catch any tears that slipped through. Then, before he could psyche himself out, leaned forward and pressed a slow kiss to Seon's forehead. Whispered, thoughtless words against their skin making promises to stay. The process repeated, at the bridge of the God's nose, then to one of his reddened cheeks. No part of him enjoyed this. His fantasies stayed quiet for once, knowing this wasn't the time. "I can't imagine," he murmured, peering up at Seon with sad eyes.
Seon kept his eyes low and on the floor of the forest, looking without seeing. He was lost deep within himself, the kisses helping a little. They weren't seeing it as a romantic gesture, but rather a mean to solidify their relationship, their promise to each other. There would be no more loneliness, if one counted the company of another as the feeling of togetherness. Maybe they would be lonely together, hugging against the tides of the world and finding comfort in the gaps of their lips.
The God leaned forward after the kisses, burying his head into Wyn's shoulder and wrapping his arms tight around his waist, a genuine hug that had emotion behind it this time. One that whispered "I see you here with me" without Seon actually saying something. From this hug he drew strength again, unwrapping his arms from around Wyn one last time and standing one leg at a time– left foot shifting and pressing down on the ground, the right foot then following in its stead, lifting the heavy weight and heavy heart.
"We should go inside, Wyn. We can keep talking there."
Wyn's grasp slipped from Seon's face to wind around their neck when he moved closer, holding him close and silently promising to never let go—even when they inevitably would physically have to. Indeed, each kiss he had given wasn't in a romantic light. He remembered a light and feminine voice laughing softly and always telling him, "A kiss can mend any wound, be it on the body or in the mind." He held fast to that thought now, and made sure to stay close when Seon stood.
"Let's go home," he offered, head tipped in the direction of his place. After Seon confirmed, he led the way. Hand loosely curled around their wrist, not tugging, not pulling. He kept pace with the God, slowing when needed and gently urging them forward when they lagged for a little too long. Maybe they could take a nap, cool off for a bit, then recollect themselves and come back to the base issues surrounding their explosive emotions. A crash of guilt hit him in the gut at that thought, and Wyn knocked his head against Seon's shoulder. Just a little longer, and this will all be over.
They reached the house, flowers and plants tilting towards them in an attempt to comfort the two Fae. Wyn unlocked the door, listened for Míría, spotted a similar note explaining her absence, then turned towards Seon. Whatever they chose, he'd follow.
Seon stumbled along, glad that the hand was not nearly as guiding as it was before… Everything. It was a gentle touch that was held between their newly renovated relationship. It was silent and yet still present, settling like a cloak truly wrapping itself around them, confirming to their perhaps unwilling consciousnesses that these signs of loneliness weren't for nothing.
Feet dragged till they reached the door, and Seon immediately gunned it for the couch, not willing to climb up the steps. He pulled Wyn over, laying down into the couch and relaxing his bones into the soft pillows, cuddling deeper and slowly opening his arms to offer a place for his companion to lay. Looking small and strangely infantile tucked into the nearly woven cloths, half of his body hidden away like if he didn't, someone outside of this hovel would snatch him up and take him away from the comfort of something unexplainable to Seon. Perhaps it was the solid authority of humanity bringing him close to someone who saw him truly for the first time. Wyn might have seen Seon as a God before, but after his breakdown, it was a needed yet unfortunate blow to that image.
But he didn't need to worry about it now. All that needed to be done was sleep, wake up closer to dawn and share a quiet, sleepy meal together.
Seon's eagerness startled a smile from Wyn as he was pulled over towards the couch. He stumbled, caught off balance, and caught himself with a hand on the back of the couch. For a moment, he let himself stare at Seon once more and reevaluate the image he had of them. The untouchable Godly image still stood, a high and mighty wall between him and what he wanted. But after tonight, he realized there was a more mortal version of the tender God, and he found himself being fond of that version. Not of his pain, but of his ability to feel. To be vulnerable. And as Wyn gazed down at his companion, his admiration only grew.
"Give me a moment, and I'll be right back." The word 'love' tempted him, but he held back from dropping the pet name. Wyn pushed himself up and strode over to the coat hanger to hang up his shall, then unbuttoned a few of his blouse buttons for a more comfortable fit. As he came back over to Seon, he gave his sleeves the same treatment, unbuttoning the cuffs and rolling them up. He finished right before he reached the couch, and didn't hesitate to ease himself onto the couch with Seon into their awaiting arms, a heavy sigh easing from his lungs. He made sure to keep most of his body off of the God, but it was hard to keep his front half from partially occupying Seon's space.
Seon "aww"ed softly in his disappointment, but instead took that time to set up the couch as a brief bed situation for the pair of them, punching a pillow to be shared into place, grabbing a lush blanket draped over the back of the cushions to use as well.
He wriggled to get comfortable, the sheets outlining his delicate body as he finally got to an acceptable position, only to look up sleepily at the Fae who meandered over to rejoin him. He shifted to open his arms once more, accepting the warm body and letting Wyn be the pillow this time. He pushed his head into Wyn's neck and pulled up the covers to hide himself under it, leaving Wyn's head poking out and resting on the pillow Seon set up, and a few scant scraps of hair tracing Wyn's chest. It didn't take long at all for the God to doze, his hand set gently on Wyn's chest, fingers twitching as he fell asleep.
Wyn shifted along with Seon, getting comfortable while keeping the other's movements and preferences in mind. Eventually, the two of them settled down, and Wyn cracked a smile directed down at the hiding God beneath the blanket. His body relaxed practically the second he was wrapped up in the warmth and arms of Seon, seemingly knowing this was where he belonged. Wyn snuck a hand beneath the blanket to be able to wind some of the soft strands of hair between his fingers, wanting to hold the other a little more. Seconds ticked by. Probably minutes. His mind slowly but surely came back down into an exhausted crash, and it wasn't too long after that he fell asleep as well, snuggled up with his God and wishing this entire night had been just a horrible dream.
Seon slept soundly for a few hours through the rest of the night, still tucked in snugly against Wyn and under the light sheet keeping their combined warmth under it.
His dreams were not as calm. They surrounded him like a refined pair of headphones, convincing him that there was indeed another reality he was living in. He stood upon a crested mountaintop, wind whipping his hair and clothes and chilling him, spreading goosebumps along his tender skin, that he hugged close to himself. His body was completely stripped of scraps of clothing that could help, truly leaving him helpless in the endless grey sky. Voices of all sorts called out to him, some familiar and others completely benign. They sounded panicked, raised shouts and murmurs desperate for anyone to hear them. Seon's shaking, chilly hands rose to his head and gripped his long ears hard against his head, an attempt to mute the fear, but somehow the voices grew louder. Insisting on an answer, playing in his dreams, the voices did not let go until Seon startled awake, unaware of what ended up actually happening.
His clothes stuck to his body, warmth all over him replaced that chill until it was completely thawed. He felt heavy and drowsy, barely able to lift himself to peek out from under the blanket. His body was not ready to move, and he gave in, setting his head down back against Wyn, giving a low, shuttering sigh and a shiver. Not a shiver relating to the temperature, no, not at all, but a memory of that strange chill.
