Virtual Creative Writing Club, anyone?

prompts!!

music: "Breathe Again", Sara Bareilles

image: "SS Speke Shipwreck", by Boy_Anupong, Getty Images

words: from "Diving into the Wreck" by Adrienne Rich (do go read the whole thing if you can!!)

We are, I am, you are
by cowardice or courage
the one who find our way
back to this scene
carrying a knife, a camera
a book of myths
in which
our names do not appear.

@ElderGod-Icefire

@Icefire
super strong sense of characterisation and crystal clear images - the rosebush imagery especially. I noticed you mentioned the ending of that one felt off, and I wonder if it might help to change the last sentence to start with "Let no hasty hands"? I think that might help tie it all back in with the structure, if that makes sense.

:D thanks! And yeah, that definitely would sound better, thanks!

@ElderGod-kirky

@kirke
a really good take on the stream-of-consciousness approach!! there's a strong sense of characterisation and voice, and for the most part the inherent difficulty of "how much context would a character give if they're not writing for an audience" is really cleverly solved! especially how some of the Italian phrases are part of the text rather than being repeated in English too - this may just be me, but when I'm writing without an audience and slip into a different language I tend not to translate it. so just. really well done!! thank you for sharing!

that's what it's called
honestly forgot what it was called and now I feel dumb lmao
anyway, thank you! it wasn't intended to be a stream of consciousness, but the more I wrote, the more it turned into that and I'm happy with how it turned out. with the italian, Tegan was raised trilingual, with the three main languages she was raised around being English, Italian, and Greek. when she gets worked up, she tends to fall back on Italian because that's the most prominent language she grew up around. when writing, she also has a habit of mixing languages without thinking about it. sometimes if it's important she writes it twice. so i wanted to incorporate those habits into this because it's a very personal and emotionally charged piece, and I'm glad it turned out as well as it did!

thanks for the feedback!!

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster
these were so fun! you're really good at these short, vivid image descriptions!! A really cool sense of story, good eye for colours! I'd recommend keeping an eye on tenses and making sure they're consistent, as well as sentence structure - you sometimes connect two thoughts with a comma when grammatically there should probably be a period. but yeah. Thanks for sharing!!

Thanks, I'm new with writing image, I will admit grammar isn't my strong and some of my descriptions are somewhat clonky (⌒▽⌒)ゞ

@kavinfrazier21

@kavinfrazier21
I'm no longer a teen myself, but yeah I feel ya. I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for here? I'd point out minor grammar things (consistent "you" instead of "u", sentence structure, etc) but I'm sure you're aware and this seems like more of a personal thing? so yeah. very passionately argued and an entire mood; thank you for sharing!!

thank you

@ElderGod-kirky

April 26, 2021

so for context: for my creative writing class, i had to write a ballad about my favorite holiday or season. i do not do favorites, but my mom gave me the idea to write about spring, because it's like a cycle of life and death—everything dead from winter is "coming back to life" when spring rolls around. so here's my shitty spring ballad because there's no guarantee i'm gonna write anything else lmao

Spring's Sweet Kiss

It begins with a kiss.
A snowdrop peck dusting the land,
With its cold blanket embrace.
A widespread death so grand.

It begins with a kiss.
Sundew drops falling from the sky,
Ushering warmth into ice dry limbs.
A tale of rebirth one can't deny.

It begins with a kiss.
Lips of petals rising from below,
Caressing the air with still stiff bones.
Once gone lovelies saying hello.

It begins with a kiss.
Spring's fingers dance all around,
Rousing life from her slumber.
Winter is gone, gone with a frown.

@ElderGod-kirky

April 26, 2021

~~totally didn't just make two revisions while retyping it because i found clunky/off bits~~

@ninja_violinist

@kirke
hey this is lovely!!! solid ABCB rhyme scheme, very nice imagery, the thread of "It begins with a kiss" that pulls it all together.
favourite line: "Lips of petals rising from below/ Caressing the air with still stiff bones" (there's a very nice rhythm to "still stiff bones"
I do wonder if the last line is as effective as it could be? (me, being finicky about last lines? who could have seen that coming.) idk if this is intentional, but the rest of the poem almost feels chronological (from a snowdrop peck to warmth to flowers coming) and on that level it feels a bit odd to end back on a note about winter? again, all very subjective, depends on what you were trying to do.
but yeah. generally I really love it! Thanks for sharing!

@ninja_violinist

prompts!

music: "Long Long Way from Home" by Foreigner

image: "pipes" by loish (also captioned "a post-apocalyptic slice of life")

word: East Asia Student's translation of 長沙過賈誼宅 (‘In Changsha, Passing by Jia Yi’s Residence’) by the Tang Dynasty Chinese poet 劉長卿 (Liú Chángqīng) - definitely go check out the annotations on the site itself!

For three years exiled from the court, cooped up in this place;
through the ages only leaving behind the sorrow of this wanderer of Chu.
In autumn grasses alone, searching after the passage of others;
in cold woods, empty, seeing the sun slant in time.
The Han Wen Emperor has wisdom, yet his mercy is slight;
the waters of the Xiang are pitiless – if one paid homage who would know?
In a lonesome, silent landscape is one's place to fall and settle;
pitying you: for what reason must you go to the end of the earth?

@ninja_violinist

and bonus - I found this really cool Poets Respond to Art gallery that y'all should definitely check out if you're interested!! There's 14 poems set to 14 pieces of visual art, and it's got a very cool virtual gallery feel to it

@ElderGod-kirky

@kirke
hey this is lovely!!! solid ABCB rhyme scheme, very nice imagery, the thread of "It begins with a kiss" that pulls it all together.
favourite line: "Lips of petals rising from below/ Caressing the air with still stiff bones" (there's a very nice rhythm to "still stiff bones"
I do wonder if the last line is as effective as it could be? (me, being finicky about last lines? who could have seen that coming.) idk if this is intentional, but the rest of the poem almost feels chronological (from a snowdrop peck to warmth to flowers coming) and on that level it feels a bit odd to end back on a note about winter? again, all very subjective, depends on what you were trying to do.
but yeah. generally I really love it! Thanks for sharing!

oh, thank you! poetry isn't really my forte and i wasnt entirely invested in the assignment lmao. as for the last line, it's a case of "Circe didn't know what to do so she slapped something there as a patch"

@amber_is_in_a_loop

This is kind of unfinished but I wanted some thoughts on it so, let me know

This place feels like ice,
The sun itself beneath my feet,
Smiling, sliding from end to end,
And the sound of cracking.

This place feels like fire,
Casting brilliant shadow across
Skin, tending to my soul with warmth,
And a spark lands on dry leaves.

This place feels like a castle,
The halls whispering my favourite song,
My feet made to run these halls,
And stones crumble around me.

This place feels like the top of the world,
Offering a view that I could not
Have imagined for all the beauty I see,
And the rain falls, and my feet slip,

This place feels like the fall,
Air beating against my body,
Nothing can stop me now, I laugh
And my body breaks and, I'm free.

@ElderGod-kirky

May 06, 2021

got inspired, briefly lost inspiration, got inspiration back, then lost direction, but have it anyway

'Not Beautiful'

I am not beautiful.

My scars are stories of scorn and savagery.
My blood spilled pools of crimson,
Not songs of sympathetic sadness.

I am not beautiful.

I am a twisted tangle of a tapestry,
with threads of trials weaving between success and failure
and fractured femurs of faith and pride.

I am not beautiful.

Do not call my pain poetic or pretty.
Do not pretend it is by painting a perfect picture
That picks at the pitter patter of people's hearts.

I am not beautiful.

We are not beautiful.

We are broken and beyond repair,
Stolen breaths in a warrior's ocean storm.
Battles of belittlement and bruises of blamed blasphemy
Pepper our skin.

We are not beautiful.

We are survivors.

Our story must be told, but without tinted frames
Hiding the ugly and torn truth of reality.
Without fear of falling in the eyes
Of the untouched and untainted.

See us as we are,
Or keep us safely in invisibility.
For we are not beautiful,
As you so love to say we are.

@amber_is_in_a_loop

May 06, 2021

I love the imagery it’s really powerful, and the second half there reads so well I love this a lot

@ElderGod-kirky

May 06, 2021

thank you!

@Space

May 07, 2021

(I'd love to join this. Seems cool!)

@ninja_violinist

(oh please do!!! I've been super slow to respond recently but this is still active and open to anyone!)

@ninja_violinist

feedback!!

@amber_is_in_a_loop
oooh I love this!!! the imagery is super vivid and it feels incredibly intricate! at first glance it felt quite exhilarated but then on reading it more carefully it's got some ~implications~
favourite line: The halls whispering my favourite song
honestly I can't think of much in the way of critique? I have to admit I don't,,, fully understand what's happening or what place we're talking about, exactly, but that doesn't really seem to be much of an issue? even if I don't fully understand the story, the vibes are immaculate

@kirke-is-now-a-legal-adult
sfljsd I really love this!!! it's got a lot of very sibilance starting out, and alliteration all the way through that really ties it together and makes it flow. imagery is on point, fits very beautifully with the content. so super well done!!
favourite line: with threads of trials weaving between success and failure
honestly, not much to say to critique this either? If I squint really hard, I'd ask about the second sentence in the second-to-last stanza, and how exactly it fits, but it makes enough sense if I think about it. so yeah. thanks so much for sharing!!

@ninja_violinist

and prompts!!

music: Ayne Lay New, Sami Dan

—
image: Breaking Surf by Frederick Judd Waugh

—
words: from "Hypothesis" by Paul Tran

I asked why.
I asked how.
I asked if

I could survive knowing
that not everything has a reason,
that not everything is capable
of or interested in reason.

Nothing answered.
Nothing spoke
my language of smoke.

@saor_illust