forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

I have come to terms that I am a usless being.

I'm all right!

I have come to terms that I am a usless being.

I don't think you are.

I have come to terms that I am a usless being.

I know this isn't the greatest reply but MOOD

Ok so I have a reason.
I'm home sick. And well it is around noon I went to get myself lunch. And basically I'm going to have cheese it's and an orange

Okay, yeah that's a big mood as well!

A whole mood tbh

I have come to terms that I am a useless being.

I understand. One day I promise that you will have a use. Plus, you make me happy.

I also have cheese and crackers. (My fridge has tons of food. I choose the things that are probably really easy to get)

OoOh I wanna be a therapist, so this might be my kind of chat!

Hello!

Holy fuck I just got done with my presentation and dear lord I'm shaking so much and my voice kept shaking and it was way better than the first time but also it was in front of a bunch of freshmen dear lord

Not to mention one of those said freshmen kept trying to flirt with me like no babyface I'm not interested in becoming a pedophile you prepubescent lemur

You OK?

That doesn't sound good at all. I'm sorry about that.

No I'm not fucking okay my adrenaline and anxiety is through the roof and I may look calm on the outside but my fingers are shaking so much that it's hard to type

At least I can breathe…

Oh. I understand. Sorry.

No I'm not fucking okay my adrenaline and anxiety is through the roof and I may look calm on the outside but my fingers are shaking so much that it's hard to type

Try square breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale for four seconds. It helps to slow your heart rate. Shuri taught me.

No I'm not fucking okay my adrenaline and anxiety is through the roof and I may look calm on the outside but my fingers are shaking so much that it's hard to type

Try square breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale for four seconds. It helps to slow your heart rate. Shuri taught me.

Ace is well aware of that trick.

No I'm not fucking okay my adrenaline and anxiety is through the roof and I may look calm on the outside but my fingers are shaking so much that it's hard to type

Try square breathing. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and exhale for four seconds. It helps to slow your heart rate. Shuri taught me.

Ace is well aware of that trick.

Oh. Sorry.

It's okay. Sorry. I've been doing that. Thanks

You could try exercising or eating something to calm you down.

Ok… I never thought I'd come here over something serious. But here I am. So… as some of you may know from other threads I was up til 4AM last night waiting for my mom to come home after taking my sister to the hospital. This was due to some idiots at her youth program.

Anyway, this meant that I skipped school today. I'm now behind in everything. (Thank god tomorrow is a day to catch up…)
It also meant that my mom and I were working on little sleep. I spent my morning watching my siblings while my mom slept.
I attempted to sleep this afternoon, and failed miserably.
I might also mention that we've had a bad week cause our oven and the microwave aren't working.

Either way. My mom and me and my siblings were watching cartoons this evening and I was trying to look something up. My mom repeatedly asks me. Me. Not my other capable siblings cause they're apparently busy and I am not. She asks me to do stuff. Get her phone, change the baby, (which apparently requires a trip downstairs which it didn't) getting the baby juice right after sitting down ect.

This happens all the time. But tonight I have a major issue with it cause my brain is telling me no. It is telling me to chill. Relax. Don't do stupid things.
My sisters could have easily done all of these things.
But noooo. It had to be me.
Unfortunately I make the mjstake of asking why my mother, or one of my sisters can't do this because I'm busy with something important.

Big Mistake
My mom starts ranting to me about how family is important. About how my education comes second. (My school stuff had nothing to do with current situation.)

Then she does the unthinkable.
She threatened to delete all my work. ALL OF IT. She also threatened to delete my access to my writing.
This means that everything I had that was remotely writing related would be gone. All of it. This includes Notebook. My google docs. Everything.

Writing is my life. I want to turn it into a career and a future. She threatened to destroy a few years worth of stored data.
And knowing my mom she'd do it too.
I don't know what to do with this….. I'm scared she'll actually go through with it. I'm trying just to chalk it up to her being tired, but she's done similar with my reading before…. although temporarily….
But… this would be permanent….
I don't know how to process this….

Oh god…