forum This is painful

Started February 11, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

Well, it's a lot better than what I wrote when I was 11 lol. If you don't believe me I'll post it here.

@Jensen-rs I defy you to find something more cringeworthy than that piece of garbage (from when you were eleven). I really don't think you're going to find anything though.

Challenge accepted

You guys want cringe-worthy work? I've got something I wrote in 6th grade (about age 11 or 12). Be prepared for horribleness…

Hi! I’m Ocielia the Spotted Ocelot. I have a B.F.F.L.(Best Friend For Life) named Kathrine the Cool American-Shorthair Cat. She may be totally different from me but that’s OK. Some bffs are like that. She is domesticated, I’m not; She’s black with white around her muzzle, I’m white with dark brown spots;and she wears earrings, I don’t (but every once in awhile I will).

I also have 3 other friends, their names are Tory, the Awesome Tigress; Ticka, the Amazing Timberwolf; and Sheila, the Sweet Shebear. They are all very awesome. We all are wild except for Kathrine.
And we all also have special shapes that we wear on our shirts. Those shapes are our favorite shapes. Mine is a heart, Kathrine’s is a diamond, Tory’s is a star, Ticka’s is a butterfly with black circles and white triangles on it’s wings, and Sheila’s is a fish.

We all meet in a secret clubhouse inside of a tree. We have electricity and running water there, and we also have a freezer/fridge that we keep cans/bottles of pop, ice cubes, freezies, and ice cream in. We love hanging out in there whenever we can. We love hanging out in the local mall. We go bargain hunting in our fav. stores to find grrreat prices on things we <3(love). So do you understand that you don’t have to be the same to be friends?

That's literally copied and pasted from Google Docs. No changes at all.

Oh. Oh wow its like a diary entry

Yeah, there are, like, 10 pages like that… cringes

Lol it's okay, I'm still not the best at writing. I try to make my style descriptive and emotional but it doesn't work out the way I'd like it to.

Lol, yeah, same here.

I write mostly for myself, because I enjoy my ideas even though nobody else does, lol.

Me, too. And giving other people my work makes me feel like they're going to hate it.

Saaame. Like I could rant for hours and hours about my story but I don't want to irritate people by talking or having them read it.

Lol. Ikr?

Lol the struggles of authors

Yup. I've definitely gotten much better since I wrote that piece of horribleness…

Same, but I've got a lot of work to do before I can actually be considered a good writer. I'm actually writing something right now, lol. Practicing including sensory details.

Also, here's the cringe worthy writing I promised. Completely unedited. Also, it's an HTTYD fanfiction lol.

So, you remember me, right? The all good alpha, defeating dragon queens and such. Yep. I'm Toothless.
Now, you might think this story is just my life from my perspective, the frustration when Hiccup doesn't understand me, and the five years that you never discovered told.
No.
This is a horrifying story of betrayal and blood, the struggles of power, and the war between me and Bloodwing.
Who's Bloodwing? Well, you'll find out about that later.
Anyways, in this story, you'll find out about who I meet, how I communicate, and the ways people betray me. People that I love. People that I care about. I've saved thousands of dragons' and humans' lives, but all I get is disrespect. Power hungry dragons wanting to take my position as alpha, and even more power hungry people wanting to take Hiccup's position as chief.
But this isn't about Hiccup.
Or is it…
No, really. This is from my perspective. I'm telling the story here, I'm talking about my struggles. My struggles with Hiccup, Bloodwing, Cedar…
Oh, I haven't really told you about Cedar, have I? Well, to begin, she's beautiful. Her eyes sparkle, and her hair is a rich, deep brown, with mapel highlights. She's strong, and brave, and amazing, and confident and NO I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HER! She's only 20, so she's way to underage for a 42 year old dragon! And also, she's like a daughter to me! I protect her!
Now, wouldn't you like to meet Cedar? Maybe that's where we'll start, before we get into the heart stopping betrayals, blood, and battles. So we can begin when sh's young, with a strong heart, before she runs away at 15 years old.
Oops.
Well, I gave away a little bit of the story already. Oh well. You can find out about it later. After you read my awesome story!
Oh, one more thing before you read this. It's NOT happy. It's violent and heartbreaking. You might shed a few tears if you watched the happy little HTTYD movies and stuck with the bond and friendship me and Hiccup had.
Me and Hiccup are unbreakable! Me and Hiccup love each other! We protect each other! We can't be separated! We're FOREVER!
No. That's not how things went down. Vikings are a lot more harsh than that, I have to say.
If you can survive the first chapter, maybe you could go onto the second one. That's only IF you survive the first chapter without you dying from a heartbreak.

Who am I kidding? You WILL die of a heartbreak!
Alright, enough of me freaking you hatchlings out. Let's meet Cedar!

Yikes…

I know, right? I was 11 when I wrote that one. And looking back at it… I just… ew.

Lol. At least it's better than this:

Once upon a time, in a land far away there lived a beautiful princess by the name of Calypso. She had long, white-blond hair and lovely eyes the color of a stormy night at sea. She lived with ….
“MELODY!” said a voice in the next room.
“Coming!” yelled Melody. Gosh. Why can’t I ever seem to finish this book? She thought. Maybe I need to stay after school for awhile just to read it.
Melody swam to where her mom was watching her baby sister, Marina, play with the neighbors’ kids.
“Yes, mom?” asked Melody.
“Hi, honey. Umm… could you help me keep the commotion down? I don’t want these kids to get too jostled around,” said Ariana, Melody’s mom.
“Yeah, sure! In other words yes, of course, why not!” exclaimed Melody.
“Melody. Have you been using the dictionary to find new words again?”
“Mayyyybe!” said Melody.
OK, thought Melody, I need to find a different hobby. Or maybe a new book. Anyway it’s not like I’m going to finish the one I’m reading now. I always get interrupted. But I do wish that I could meet that princess. The book was in the non-fiction section of the library anyway.
“MOM!” yelled Melody, “I’m going to the library to get a new book!”
“OK honey, make sure you’re home by five o’clock!” replied Ariana.
“OK! I will! Love you!”
“Love you! See you soon!”
“Yep, bye!”
As Melody swam out the door she noticed that a strange animal was watching her. So she started to swim after it, but as she got closer the animal started to swim away. As the animal swam away Melody noticed that it dropped something.
“Wait!” cried Melody, “Don’t go away! You dropped something!”
But the strange animal just swam away.

Wow. A lot of dialogue, lol.

Yup. That was the same year as the other one, so about 11/12-years-old.