forum This is painful

Started February 11, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

@hopelessromantic I actually really like the idea behind it!!

oh no not this. uughghhh. I've found so many old Warriors fanfics from when I was like, eleven. the cringe. the agony. the angst.

on the bright side, however, I have gotten better at writing fics….

Sorry to jump in on the conversation, but I think honestly all of those terrible fics we wrote as kids prepared us to become better writers. I mean, I had a Warriors fic (which is lost because our old computer died, taking my work with it), and that was my first real writing that I dedicated considerable time to. In middle school I was all about Percy Jackson and wrote about demigods. There are literally hundreds of pages- I think almost 300, if I remember correctly. I still have that one, and also a Hunger Games fanfic that I forgot existed. But honestly, if it weren't for my awful older writings, I would not be where I am today in writing. Fanfiction kind of inspired me to create my own characters and worlds in the first place, and as awful as they are, I don't think any of us should be too embarrassed. (Also, if I feel like it, I might post something old that I wrote)

Okay… so here it goes…
A young boy- a Greek warrior- stood on the front line of battle against the Titans. Terror pulsed through his veins coldly. The soldiers by his side stared blankly into the lightning-lit sky. why can't the gods fight their own battles? He thought, demigods aren't nearly as strong! I bet this was Ares' idea! Or Zeus', maybe? Why me, though? And not a more seasoned warrior?
The sword in his hand felt lead-heavy as he struggled to summon up the courage to fight such a powerful enemy. But suddenly, and armored warrior appeared by him. He smiled supportively, his warm, familiar, brown eyes bearing down on the boy's horror-filled face.
"Dad- I mean Apollo?" the boy asked incredulously.
He nodded, golden-blonde hair sticking out from underneath his helmet. "Yes, Demetrius. I'm here to fight alongside the demigods… Even if my own father said no."
Demetrius felt a cold rush of wind and heard a terroriing battle cry. Apollo smiled back at him once more, then unsheathed a sword which shimmered bronze, even in the gloomy atmosphere. Following his ruched gait, Demetrius prepared himself for the worst. The Titan army had heavily-armed cyclops, demigods, and Titans.
(This was just the opening passage of one of my first real works, I guess you could say. Not completely original material, obviously, but please cut me some slack because I was only 12 or 13 when I wrote this, and honestly, the opening few pages are the only decent part of it!!! The rest is like 80% dialogue, which has always been a bad habit of mine. Also, notice my severe overuse of adverbs!)

@Becfromthedead you're so much better than I was when I was 12!

Ok, I beat all of you. I have managed to find something I wrote when I was in grade 3 (i'm now in grade 9). Prepare to CRINGE!!!!!!!!!!
Tap-Tap
There’s a tap-tap at my window. It’s night. It’s dark. I wonder what it is? I wonder if it’s a monster or a giant worm? Maybe it’s a humungous spider who’s really hungry and it’s trying to gobble me all up!
“It’s ok, I’m alright – NOT scared”, just keep saying this over and over. It could just be a friend who wants me to come out and play, in the middle of the night?
Or maybe there’s a fire and the Fireman’s at my window trying to wake me up. Oh no, I’m really frightened, I need to get up but my legs won’t move.
How will I find out what it is? Should I go and wake Mum and Dad, or should I look out the window? No I can’t do that, it could grab me and pull me through. Tap-tap…there it is again. I’m really panicing now. I run to Mum and Dad’s room. “Don’t be silly, there’s nothing to be worried about” says Mum. “Back to bed you go”. I run back to my room. Ok. I can do this. I grab my helmet and a tennis racket. Then packa bag with some things just in case. Toothbrush, toilet paper – you never know.
Now I’m ready to go outside. I might just wait till I hear it again, so I can catch it. I’ll just have a little rest.
Meow, meow…my cat is sitting next to my head. It’s light, it’s morning. I run outside and there it is. It turns out the tap-tap noise wasn’t a monster or a worm or a spider. It also wasn’t a friend or a fireman. It was just a silly broken branch off the tree next to my window.
You know I wasn’t really scared.

Ok! Challenge accepted! This is the first paragraph of a short story I wrote when I was eleven. Lol it’s bad!

Once the zombies had taken over, everyone thought it was the end of the world. When the world was in ashes some people ran and hid, whereas others found an opportunity. To be honest, I was afraid at first, like any other person would be. I was truly afraid, but just like any other circumstance, you adapt. I looked back on how far I had come since the apocalypse had started as I finished the last of the zombie traps. When the zombies first came I ran straight to my best friend Kate’s house. When I went in her house she wasn't there. In a zombie apocalypse you have to expect the worst. The one thing Kate didn't know about me was that I was a ninja. I knew my job was to protect others who couldn't protect themselves, so I would search the streets for her day and night and look for any other survivors. I never found anyone. The sound of zombies broke me from my thoughts. I grabbed some weapons and headed outside

I found an old notebook from when I was 11 a while back. This is the first page of a longer story that gives a delightful taste of how bad of a writer I was.

However, my 4th grade teacher recognized that I'd always write adventures starring my classmates, and gave me a platform to read stories every once in a while in class, and the class loved it. The positive feedback I got from reading those stories is really what fostered my drive towards writing in the first place, even though the writing itself is objectively awful. :)

Thats sweet, you mustve liked that teacher

My favorite teacher. She made quite the frequent occurrence in stories as an antagonist that the students were always fighting against, always known as "The Evil Ms. Durr". :)

I once tried to make a Warriors oc story. Let's see what you think.

Meadowpaw stalked through the undergrowth her belly pressed to the ground : the many scents and sounds going into her.She focused on one scent and stalked towards it careful not to scare the creature away. She pounced and felt the blood of the tiny creature rush out as it went limp in her jaws, she purred in triumph as she dropped her catch on the leaf litter on the ground.
There was a rustling sound behind her as her friend Moonpaw strode out of the undergrowth her tail held high and a sparkle in her eyes. Moonpaw dropped whatever she had in her mouth. “Meadowpaw!” she yowled in delight. “I caught a squirrel!”
Now Meadowpaw noticed that the bundle of fur she dropped was a squirrel. “That's great!” she replied. “I caught a vole.” she picked up her catch and dropped it in front of Moonpaw.
“Nice catch, let's continue hunting.” Moonpaw mewed eagerly as she started to pad away.
“Alright.” She said and she went deeper into the undergrowth. The bushes in front of her rustled as a rabbit the size of her brown and white dappled pelt jumped out and started to dash away. Meadowpaw tore after it determined to catch it. It would feed the whole clan! She said to herself. She felt the wind in her fur as she ran, she never felt so free! As she dodged the bushes in the undergrowth. The rabbit got confused causing it to slow down. She could already feel its fur, she was so close!
Suddenly she saw a streak of blue/gray fur as Moonpaw shot out of the undergrowth claws unsheathed and slammed into the rabbit killing it in one blow.
“ Moonpaw! Thank you, I thought I would never catch it.” She said while she was panting.
“It’s fine that’s what friends are for.” She replied licking her lips. “ That’s one juicy rabbit I’m so hungry.”
“Elders and kits are fed first.” Reminded Meadowpaw as she started to clean her face with her paw.
“I know, lets just get back to camp, then we can eat.” Replied Moonpaw.
“Alright.” Meadowpaw said.
They walked back towards camp their jaws full of their very generous catch. As they neared camp they could hear the soft murmurs of their clanmates as they came back from patrol and settled down to eat and share tongues in the newleaf forest. Moonpaw was able to get into the gorse tunnel with no trouble but Meadowpaw’s rabbit was too big to fit along with Meadowpaw. “Uhhh Moonpaw can you help me?” She mew her voice muffled by the fur of the rabbit.
Moonpaw turned around to she her friend stuck in the gorse tunnel with the rabbit. She purred with laughter. “You look like a giant rabbit!” Her mew edged with laughter.
“Yea, but this giant rabbit will feed half the clan!” Meadowpaw protested.” Now, please help me.”
“Okay, okay I will.” She said as she walked towards Meadowpaw and the rabbit. “Try to back up and i'll grab the rabbit and drag it through.” Moonpaw instructed.
Meadowpaw did as she was told and Moonpaw grasped the scruff of the rabbit and pulled while Meadowpaw wiggled backwards. Once Meadowpaw was free Moonpaw sailed backward with the rabbit and fell on her back.
This time Meadowpaw was the one to laugh. “Well you look like a turtle that got stuck on his back!” She said almost going to burst laughing.
Moonpaw got up and shook herself off. “Well, we got you out.”
They heard the deputy Doetail organizing the night patrols. “ Moonpaw, Meadowpaw!There you are! Thats a big rabbit give it to the elders because Spottedsun is extra grumpy today that rabbit would cheer her up.”
They couldn’t speak because the rabbit was too big so they just nodded in response. They walked to the bushes where the elders den was.
“ Hello youngsters, what do yal have there?” Troutpelt asked.
“We brought you a rabbit!” Exclaimed Moonpaw.
“Finally fresh kill! We are starving!” Rasped Spottedsun as she dragged the rabbit into the middle of the den.
Troutpelt took a bite of the rabbit. “Who caught it?” He asked with curiosity.
“Meadowpaw did!” Said Moonpaw proud of her friend.
“It was a team effort,” Meadowpaw explained “ I chased it, Moonpaw killed it.”
“Well this is the best rabbit i've had in moons.” Croaked Spottedsun as she chewed the flesh of the fresh kill.
“Before you go,” Started Troutpelt “ Can you ask Whitesplash for some mousebile for my ticks?”
“Okay!” Replied Moonpaw bouncing out of the den.

I got bored of this idea later on. Also eleven year old me was horrible at punctuation.

^ that's not that bad but oh my gosh the amount of characters is crazy lol

That's Warriors in a nutshell, 50,000 characters.

honestly, though it really is. makes you wonder how crowded starclan is

True. I have a warriors roleplay on fanfiction.net, and I am constantly trying to remember who the heck everyone is. There's a million cats in that forest

Lol, Erin Hunter needs to like, make forty more Starclans in order to stop over-crowding.

I think that was supposed to be the function of the cats fading when they are forgotten but still, it would be so crowded because of popular cats and story-tellers

Right! And with these battles more cats are dying that are fading

I guess you’d think that Starclan would be huge because it’s like heaven for cats. Idk, I just always thought that Starclan never ran out of space for its cats.

huh. I guess so but Starclan also has boundaries because the starclan cats haven't really appeared outside the Clan territories except for in Firestar's Quest.

Their territory is basically the whole sky!

Yeah. Which leads to the thought that if they could somehow fight, they could totally take on all four clans plus the rouges, alternate clans, and tribes by themselves.

Totally!

"We can't help you fight the coming Darkness" I'm calling b.s Starclan

Y’know it’s weird that Starclan gives unclear prophecies and omens that could be misinterpreted. It does make the stories interesting tho. I guess Starclan likes to be mysterious.