forum The LGBTQ+ Community Chat :)

Started April 21, 2018 by @Tylerrr-M-P

tune

So umm, guys? sorry to interrupt the kindly yelled encouragement but I want your assistance, my anxiety ridden self can't figure out what to do.

I think I might go to my school's LGBTQ+ club, Haven, today, but i'm seriously second guessing if I should go or not because my Ace self is not out to anyone here and what if I see someone that I know there and they ask why I suddenly decide to show up and then I have to out myself and probably give a long discussion on definitions and I reallllly don't want to do that like… ugh. But it is Ace Awareness Week this week so they might be acknowledging that but I can't know because i've never been and just like I don't know what to do and agkshfgdfsdlfbiugdbkgbdb

should I go????????

yes!!
only if you're comftrable…our school doesn't have a LGTBQA+ club…should middle schools?

If you're comfortable with it, you should go. From my experience, everyone in LGBTQA+ clubs are super accepting and won't out you unless you want them to. Most of them probably know what ace means. They'll most likely also be willing to call the club something else (ex. Anti-Bullying club, School Spirit club) so you don't have to come out just to be in the club.

yes!!
only if you're comftrable…our school doesn't have a LGTBQA+ club…should middle schools?

My middle school has one, but there are only a few people and they mainly just come over to the high school to hang out with us.

I kinda wanna start one, but I'm not sure which teacher would support it…I feel like quite a few people would join though…many people in our school are very open.

Another thing is that (at least in my club) people are totally accepting if you just say you don't know your sexuality. If you don't want to come out yet, you could just say that or say that you don't want to share.

yeah…on national coming out day (october 11) chase, who is a transmasculine/gay, ran around the school in rainbow suspenders and belt, high top shoes, and a gay flag as a cape - I ran around behind her in my ace flag cape

yeah…on national coming out day (october 11) chase, who is a transmasculine/gay, ran around the school in rainbow suspenders and belt, high top shoes, and a gay flag as a cape - I ran around behind her in my ace flag cape

I aspire to do this one day (never will but like a girl can dream)

Hey… need some advice…I think…
I'm non-binary but only one of my siblings knows, and I know for a fact that my oldest sister and the one I looked up to the most growing up is very against basically everything LGBT. I mentioned non-binary people once to kind of feel her out, but she started talking about how she sees it as a mental disorder that should be treated not supported. I'm ONLY out to my one sibling because she's very accepting of everything, being bisexual herself, but I really don't know what to do. I know my parents are also very against all this since they're really religious. In fact, I have a paranoia that all my friends would shun me if they knew because I live where there's a huge congregation of one certain religion, and I was raised in it too. It's been driving me crazy lately, and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to get my hair cut soon, but my oldest sister saw the kind I wanted and said that I should choose something with less of a 'lesbian vibe' which was pretty rude, and also just stereotypical. I've always looked up to her so much and wanted to be like her, but… not anymore. Any advice? I'm really quite new to the whole community…

i suck at giving advice but like
You don't have to come out if you don't want to. It's not like its required. And if your friends did shun you for being non binary, then they're sucky friends. And if your sister is lgbt+ phobic, well, just try not to care too much of what she thinks. If you don't feel safe, do not come out. And who cares what your sister thinks of your "lesbian" hair cut.. it's your hair and it's just a way for you to be you

Hi @Coby, first off of just like to say I’m really sorry about your family. Religion when handled wrong can be…. yeah. Second of all, I am going to offer you a huge virtual hug.

I’m not a professional by any means, but here’s some advice. Basically, just take it really, really slow. One tiny little rebellion at a time. If you keep this up for long enough, they could slowly start to be more open minded (slowly), and although it might try your patience, a negative response will hurt a hell of a lot less this way. If they get mad at you for something you say related to this, hit them with a strong argument. Make them question their beliefs, but like I said before, in very, very tiny amounts. Slowly. Whittle away at their resolve. Whenever you end up coming out to them, hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. If the worst happens, which it hopefully won’t, you’ll be as ready as you can, and in the best state to fight back. Your argument needs to be strong. Extremely logical. Anything lgbt+-phobic that they might say, rebut it so that they’ll get to a point where they just can’t argue any more.

When things get hard, we’re here for you we promise. We all believe in you. Don’t give up, you can win this fight. You are your parents’ child and you do not deserve to be shunned.

The one thing I have to add to this is that you should not come out yet if you feel unsafe doing so (in other words, if you feel your parents may end up disowning you, or if you think the community may cause a lot more backlash than it's worth right now.)

One of my best friends routinely wears pride clothes to school. We had this discussion today at lunch:
"Why are there no long-sleeved pride shirts?"
"Because pride is in summer?"
"Yeah, but I'm gay all year round!"

seems like solid advice… better than what my brain comes up with which is mostly vine references lol. I'll give it a shot, thank you. hopefully, it doesn't blow up in my face, we shall see.

No problem, and best of luck!! We’re here if you need us

Heyyyy so if anyone wants to help a girl out with some advice that’d be awesome.
So basically idk whether I should come out bc my family is the type who says being gay is ok but when their kid/relative is lgbt+ they’re not like super supportive?? Also so many lgbt+ phobic people (though I also know quite a few lgbt+ people). I thiiiink I’m biromantic demisexual (still working on figuring it out and all) but every time I’ve attempted to say anything to my family I’ve been shut down and told I’m straight. What do I do?? They’ve made me wonder if I’m really just confused (they went on a whole tirade about it the other week) or what. There’s also this girl I kinda like and I might have a chance (this is a huge maybe) seeing as we’re friends and all but I’m literally out to like two people (I’ve only really legitimately told one person tho haha I’m the worst). I’m worried about what people will think of me, as shallow as that is.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
it's not shallow, I would be worried about that too. how about you drop hints from time to time, and if they don't get the message, sit yourself down at the dinner table and be like 'yoooooooooooooooooo I'm bi/demi"

That is not shallow at all. It's more of a legitimate concern. So for the parents thing, think of the worst reaction that they would have and ask yourself if you could handle that. If you do come out to them you should have a clear explanation of what your sexuality is in a way they can understand. Be clear and firm so they can't shut you down. And it's possible you're confused, but unlikely. Your feelings are legitimate and don't let anyone invalidate them, even your parents. Maybe when telling them have back up of some sorts? Like do you have any siblings that would be supportive of you, or any relatives you're close with? Or other adults or just friends who would feel comfortable being there? Idk just an idea. With the girl you like, I would say maybe come out to her (ONLY IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH IT), just so that she knows you're attracted to girls? I don't really have any other advice for that part. You don't have to come out if you're not comfortable with it. I hope this helps!

Thanks for the advice guys! Actually I tried to tell my sister and she made me feel really bad bc she basically said she wasn't ready to deal with having an lgbt+ sibling and I had put a huge burden on her. So there's that. Ever since I've just pretended nothing happened. Actually with that girl, I sorta told her I like girls last year and then haven't said anything else about it bc I'm awkward as heck.

inhale
guys someone told me pans can have gender preference

inhale
guys someone told me pans can have gender preference

That's… tricky. And most likely wrong, if I'm correct in my knowledge. What exactly did they say? Because if I'm thinking of it correctly, then they may be confusing pan with poly.

Steps in Nope can't do this. Steps out

2 videos I found on Asesuality/ aromanticism and thought you guys would appreciate it. alos you're the only people I have to share it with. shrugbut yeah, I like them a lot.

Poly is you can be in multiple relationships at once, and from what I've heard, if you absolutely don't have gender preference, it's usually referred to as omni?? Idk XD

Well, that wasn't really an introduction…hi? I'm here, I'm PanAce, and I'm cisfem! And totally weird :P

No no no. What I'm talking about is called Polysexual. What you're referring to is called Polyamorous. There is definitely a difference between the two, trust me on that.
Also, Polyamorous and Omnisexual are different terms too.