forum Mental health journal

Started March 02, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for

Y'all I'm havin a good day. I'm here to spread some positivity because my chem teacher isn't here and I have 40 minutes to read my book and I'm at an A in almost all my classes. The sub is playing the most relaxing (and also boppin) music, and in my next class, I don't have to do much. It feels like everybody said good morning to me and I'm makin people smile and walkin through the halls like this place is mine but not in the stupid way the senior guys do it. I'm friends with my crush, I have toaster strudels waiting for me at home, and I have two really good books I need to finish!!
Lately, everything has been feeling so awful. Everything got canceled, my crush rejected me, my grades were slipping, but now we vibin until marching season.

That's awesome, Xander. I'm glad you're having such a good day.

hhhh guys everything's bad over here.
I'm so freaking tired, I've been really unproductive, apathetic as all get out, and completely unable to do literally anything. I'm so all over the place, and I think I may have ADHD or ADD?
Like if any of you know Ethan from Unus Annus, I've seen so much of myself in him. And I've taken a few online tests, and scored highly. I'm going to actually talk to my therapist about it Tuesday, if I actually see her with all this stupid coronavirus stuff happening.
Also, been depressed, been hyper-focusing on all the things I shouldn't be focusing on, and yeah, I'm really struggling over here.

Also, i've only just remembered I also have anxiety, so I may be just having anxiety issues bc one of my student's moms is putting me in a really tricky situation, and I'd totally forgotten about that

aww that sucks sunny, sorry you have to go through all of that
sends virtual hugs

today’s been a roller coaster
first it was amazing and for once I felt like everything would be okay
then it took a tumble and I started to do my typical hate myself in a corner thing
then it was great again
then it took a massive downhill slope into grumpyville
and now I feel like I’m about to cry, but then again what’s new

Aww, Ella. D:

I'm here for you, whatever you need. Today's been quite a rollercoaster for me too, so I get that. Lemme know if you wanna vent to me about it, 'kay?

aww i'm sorry that happened ella

i hope i didn't make it worse
you know that you can always talk to me about it in pms if you want, right?

I hope no one minds me joining just to complain for a minute, but… social quarantine sucks, my dudes. I'm spending far too much time with my toxic father, and I feel awful because I can't get enough energy to do fun things with my mom and sister (which makes me feel worse, and it's a relentless cycle lol (this is in like no way funny, I'm just too awkward to be serious)), and it's now setting in that I'm not going to see most of the people I really care about and like I can't- like - ugh. Just, social quarantine really sucks.

awww that really sucks em
sorry you have to deal with that

when your family’s fine and loving so you really can’t complain but they annoy you so freakin much and you have to be in social distance with them and you hate not seeing the people you have actual healthy relationships with and you can’t go anywhere cuz they won’t let you and geez i’m just a mess lately. we’re like three days in and i’m already going insane

^ That is literally the exact situation I'm in, I really feel for you mate. We can get through it, though. Quarantine can only last for like… 8 weeks.

If you're feeling sad, listen to the tickle-me-wiggly jingle.

update: it is nearly 2am and i am still up. cant sleep. not okay…

My sanity is slowly being chipped away. I'm gonna start writing letters to myself.

another update: didn't sleep. shaking. terrified. not okay.

nia hun… you need to sleep

i was shaking and basically in a never-ending panic attack all night. i am tired and scared because i got an email from school saying i shouldn't be taking these days off because of what happened because it shows that im immature and can handle the truth.

oh nia… i'm sorry…

they're wrong, okay? you aren't whatever they claim you are
you're nia, a wonderful bean who shouldn't have to suffer from this abuse people give you
it's not fair, it really isn't

_{im so fucking done.}

hun what happened?

i was called into the office, my home teacher, a pastor and the head of senior school was there, here is the baseline of what they said.
‘you are endangering the other students by going to them if you are not okay. we need to protect them and you need to help us. come to the adult because we will understand. don’t talk to your friends about anything because it will freak them out and we don’t want that.’
now, this is all well and good, but i dont tell people in my real life whats going on…

i'm so sorry i hate when adults do that
(and i have the same problem about not talking to people, but i would suggest trying? at least with people you trust)