forum Mental health journal

Started March 02, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

How are you feeling today? Is there anything on your mind?
Feel free to update whenever you feel like it-

Ella! Seeing you around always brightens my mood :D

but, on to the more serious stuff (like what this thread is meant for)
unfortunately, i think i tried to come back too soon ;-;
idk- this time it has nothing to do with why i left originally, but-
i feel like i'm letting you all down by coming back and then just leaving again
i'm sorry…
can i just-
_{can i have some hugs?}

big hugs @ fren <3

<3
love you fren
don't ever go away

and y'know i just realized something
this is the one place where i feel that i can truly be myself, and i find that shocking
also, is it- is it bad that even if i'm feeling down or just not as great as usual, i'll lie to other people when they ask and say that i'm fine and dandy literally everywhere else besides notebook?

I do that too…
I think a lot of people do that, actually

Sometimes you just don’t want to talk about it atm so you pretend nothing’s wrong, and other times it’s simply easier to talk over the internet than face-to-face with people you know
And that’s perfectly fine
Just don’t use that as an excuse to bottle everything up

Thanks Ella
Thank you for everything, really

Ellaaa
_{i'm sad for a really dumb reason help}

I'm doing kinda funky.
I wrote a poem about being in an abusive relationship and how I'm getting better.
My teacher thinks I should submit it to a publisher.

Ellaaa
_{i'm sad for a really dumb reason help}

what happened ash?
wanna talk about it?
my pms are always open! ^^

_{my favorite one piece character died}

I'm doing kinda funky.
I wrote a poem about being in an abusive relationship and how I'm getting better.
My teacher thinks I should submit it to a publisher.

That's a powerful thing to write about, Reed. And I'm so glad that you're getting better.

I just don't know if I should submit it to the publisher.

I think you should, but it's all up to you and what you're comfortable with.

Today I have decided to accept that I’m alone. Stop googling every thought in my head, stop searching every page for a word or label, and stop stressing over not finding a perfect explanation.
No magical validation fairy is gonna appear in my sleep, so there’s no point in hoping for one anymore.
No one else has this same problem. No one else has these exact thoughts. And no one ever will.
I’m alone. Delusional, hopeless, and alone. And once I start accepting that, maybe I can finally start to turn things around instead of digging myself deeper into this hole.

_yes

Ella. have some hugs. -hugs-
you're never alone in this world, not unless all of us, everyone here on notebook who cares about you suddenly disappears from the face of the earth, okay?

_{i wasn’t really meaning alone in that sense but thank you… you have no idea how much that means to me-}

<3

no problem fren!
honestly, here's something i would like you to know. in times when i don't have access to the internet, and i need some inspiration, or just having a hard time in general, i think of you. and you know why? it's because it's you. you just have a very soothing voice in general, and also just the easiest person for me to imagine hugging me aha. But still! Anytime you think you're alone in that sense, remember that. You're wanted in this world, so keep going! <3

dear people of my physical world (none of which are on this site but i'm going to rant here anyway)

if i am spaced out and/or dissociated. i am usually either reliving trauma, have been traumatised extremely recently or i am very very mentally ill (by that i mean more than usual).
please, do NOT try and snap me out of it unless i am showing physical signs of distress (shaking, crying, trying to hurt myself) while still in the zoned out, dissociated space.
this is my brain's way of coping with high stress and trauma as well as trauma processing. this is how i've learnt to be safe. if i am not physically affected by it, it is safer for you to let me be until my brain naturally psychs itself out.
if you do need to snap me out. DO NOT in ANY circumstance, make loud noises, snap your fingers in front of my face, shake me violently or physically abuse me.
depending on how close you are to me you will know how much physical contact i am comfortable with, and gently, i repeat, GENTLY do whatever you think will pull me to reality.
if it is not working, then you can try talking to me, quietly and clearly. make sure that if i was underwater and you weren't i could still hear what you are saying.
don't swear at me or tell me i'm being rude. i don't mean to be like this. say things that are comforting and i can associate with safety because that is what the brain will listen to.
remember, this is a COPING MECHANISM. i did not choose to just ignore you for the sake of it.

nia xx

i’m feeling surprisingly better today-

That's great, Ella! (I have no clue why I wanted to call you 'Els')