thank you

Recently, I have been struggling with really bad PTSD flashbacks even though I only have mild PTSD. I have been breaking down easily and self-harming myself a lot. I only recently found out I have PTSD so I don't really know how to deal with it.

I'm so sorry for everyone. I used to look down at life. once i almost ran away i was so depresed.

I self harmed for like a month until my mom found out and literally the day after she did find out she started talking about how ugly my scars were and that if I didn’t heal soon i’d Need plastic surgery
I don’t do it now, if I get urges I just snap a rubber band against my wrist or scratch a sharp pencil on my skin. She doesn’t know about it yet, it feels like because i’ve been visiting a therapist she thinks I’m somehow fixed and not struggling anymore? The only reason I haven’t actually harmed again is because I’m scared that she would find out again and yell at me
which I guess is wrong? like why am I more scared of my mom than I am of bleeding out?
idk
at this point my friends are the only people who have said “we support you, you can come to us” and actually meant it. Which is the only reason I’m holding on.

I'm sorry. You can always talk to me and I won't judge.

I snap elastic cord braclet on my wrist

Yeah, I snap rubber bands on my wrists too.

Its better then using a knife i suppose, i also scratch my skin aroud my neck a bunch

I have a cut on my head that I keep reopening. (and then people freak out and ask why my head is bleeding)

I stratch bug bites and watch them bleed, watching the blood dry is quite satisfying.

I agree. Looking at the blood before it dries is even more satisfying.

I don't self harm, but I have a really bad habit of chewing my nails and picking at my cuticals (is that the word? The clear skinlike stuff over the bottom of your nails??)
Also I'm starting to wonder if I have some form of bipolar since I can go from super happy to super sad in seconds but I'm honestly not sure. I occasionally have suicidal thoughts, mostly over the summer where I hand't seen my friends in a month bc they were all busy and I felt alone and forgotten, but I'd never be able to go through with it, probably because I hate being in pain, even for a short period of time. The closest I've ever gotten is praying for death. I feel like I have to stay alive 1. Because I'm stubborn and ambitious and want to be published and 2. Because I need to hang on for y'all and my other friends.

I agree. Looking at the blood before it dries is even more satisfying.

What did I just read ._.

Watching the blood pool up is awesome

._.

reads title of chat
HAHAHA lol I def don't struggle with either of those LOL what do you mean hahaha no.

yo what's wrong
anything I can do to help

I have no motivation in life besides helping people and they test my kindness every single day it’s frustrating to the point where I have ripped my hair out

Oof don't rip out your hair you need that
Just
Stop helping people
If they're testing your kindness they clearly don't appreciate it and don't deserve it
Idk if that's good advice
But if you don't have motivation, don't just sit and wait for it. It won't come. Maybe it will come when you get up and start chasing it
Beat it with a club

“Beat it with a club.”
What ._.

Beat it with a club
Make motivation bow down to you
Beat it with a club
Juice out every ounce of it
Beat
It
With
A
Club

._.
Aggressive

No better way to do anything than aggressively
Because kneeling and saying please doesn't work in this shit world