Her eyes widened as he turned around, opening her mouth to tell him to be careful, and then his hands were on her face. "Who's the criminal here?" He was the known criminal of the two of them. He was the one who embraced that side of him, because it wasn't the same as hers. She was worse. So much worse. And because of that, because of the nature of her crimes and the shame some of them brought with, she kept them bottled up in a jar of secrets inside of her, one constantly on the edge of overflowing. "I-I do, but you're-Fates, Rhydar, you have no idea how wrong you are."
His one hand slid down and gently grasped her chin, thumb running over her lips as he frowned, his face falling slightly as he listened to her. "Then tell me, Lily," he said softly. He never pushed her to tell him about her past, but every time he got a glimpse of how much it affected her, every time she hinted but never told him, he was itching to know. He needed to know so he could help her.
"You'll look at me differently." She whispered, lifting her hands to grip his arms, just holding them. As though trying to ground herself, maybe reassure herself that there was a chance he wouldn't. "I don't know if-if I can handle that." You owe him the truth. You know that. At the very least, part of the truth.
He gently pulled her hands off of his arms, then wrapped her up into a loose hug, head resting on her shoulder and pressed against the side of her head. His one hand came up to comfortingly run through her hair, and the other ran circles over her upper back. "Never," he whispered, "I'd never look at you differently."
She buried her face in his shoulder, her arms moving to wrap around him. She held tight, part of her still whispering that he would hate her, look at her differently or never even want to look at her at all. Taking a shaky few breaths, she finally spoke, her voice strangely empty. "I planned it. I'm not sure when I started planning, but by the time it happened, I was too-prepared to not have. But I hesitated. Last second. And it didn't end fast enough. I had to keep-the knife wouldn't-it felt like it wasn't working, but he needed to die. He was hurting so many people."
"Shhh." Rhydar attempted to comfort her as he twisted his fingers through her hair and drew comforting circles over her back. He pressed his lips to just above her ear. "Sshhh. It's okay, Lily. You're okay. You did what you had to do. People who hurt people deserve their fate. You're not a terrible person, Lily. You're one of the best and kindest people out there." He didn't know what else to say, so he just held her close, eyes closing as he hurt for her. His heart twisted in agony as if he could feel her pain.
"I killed him." Lily said, the first time she had actually and fully said the words out loud since the act itself. It felt horrible, and freeing at the same time. Like another set of shackles had been lifted from her mind and limbs. "And how can I be so great when he-he was only the first. Regardless of how bad any of them were, did-did they really deserve to die, by my hand?"
The hand in her hair cupped the back of her neck, his thumb running up and down her spine. "You did it to save others, Lily. You didn't enjoy it, nor did you do it just because." He spoke softly, a whisper against her ear. "If you were truly a bad person, you wouldn't be feeling remorseful right now. You would be glad they are dead, and so much more twisted thoughts."
"I am glad. I'm glad they can't hurt m-anyone. Ever again." She murmured, her grip on him tightening slightly now that it was a bit more obvious he wasn't going to leave any time soon. "Do you really think I'm not-not bad? It feels so much like I am."
He closed his eyes and held her as close as he could without triggering any of her old fears. "You're not a bad person, Lily. Bad people make horrible decisions because they like it. They like being bad. You did what you needed to do to help people. That doesn't sound like a bad person to me."
"Not a bad person…" She repeated softly, nodding slightly against his shoulder. "I did. Do it to help. That doesn't make it okay, but it-makes it less bad, right? Fates, I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a fun date, not-a murder confession."
He ran his hands up and and down, and around in circles in a soothing manner. "I'd rather you feel better than worry about a date," he murmured, lips brushing her ear as he spoke. True, it didn't completely neglect the fact that she killed someone, but she had done it to save others. That put her more in the good spectrum than the bad.
She shivered slightly, but didn’t let go, holding onto him a little longer before she finally did. At least she wasn’t crying this time. Studying his face for a moment, she leaned in to gently almost brush her lips against his, not quite a kiss. “I don’t know how you keep doing that. Focusing on me over other things.”
He reached up to lightly stroke her cheek as if brushing away invisible tears. "I have and always shall put you before anything else. You mean so much to me, and it hurts to see you hurting and upset, even if it's something I can't do anything about." His voice was a soft whisper, and he didn't move any closer than what she had initiated.
She leaned into his hand slightly, looking slightly startled by his words. ”You mean so much to me.” “You shouldn’t worry, Rhydar. I’m not worth worrying about.” Lily turned her head a bit more to press her cheek into his palm, not taking her eye off his.
He closed his eyes briefly as he nuzzled his nose against hers. "Yes, you are. You worry about me, and I worry about you—that's just how we are. We're worrisome people, especially when it comes to each other." His other hand, the one not on her face, wrapped around her, though avoiding her waist as best as he could.
“I really wish I could argue with that logic.” She huffed, lips quirking up just slightly as she scrunched up her nose. He was always good at cheering her up somehow, making things better without even really trying. I don’t deserve you, but I want to keep you close as long as you’re willing to stay.
He huffed a chuckle and kissed her cheek. "Shall we get going?" he murmured, then blinked as he felt something hit his head. He pulled back and looked up in time for a raindrop to hit him in the eye. He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, then yelped with the misty rain steadily turned into a borderline downpour. "Shelter, quick."
Instead of a sound like Rhydar's yelp, Lily let out a surprised laugh, tilting her face up towards the rain. Despite the fact that it was pouring, she seemed happy as could be in the rain, like a plant. "You'll have to get Nevarra moving then, dear." She pointed out with a laugh, lifting a hand to push her dampening hair out of her face.
He shook his head and pecked her lips, then turned around and flicked Nevarra's reins to get her moving. "Hold on tight," he told Lily with a chuckle, then scouted around for a place to hole up while they sped down the road. He was sure they could find an abandoned farm somewhere around here—he had spotted some a while ago.
Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms back around him, unconcerned by the rain for the most part. A little longer being out in it would make her cold, sure, but she had always loved the rain. Just don't get sick. Might be best to get out of the rain then, for sure. Being sick was absolutely awful.
Rhydar didn't mind rain, but as long as he wasn't in the downpour and getting wet. He liked watching it and listening to it. It took a little bit, but he found an abandoned farm and directed Nevarra up to it, smiling when he saw a covered porch with a porch swing, as well as an open barn for Nevarra to hang out.
"Barn first." Lily suggested, pressing just a teeny bit closer to Rhydar to chase off the chill that was starting to set in her bones. "We can leave Nevarra there while we run to the farmhouse to see if anyone's home. That way she's dry."
"No one's here," he said, sure of himself as he steered towards the barn. "The pathway's unkempt and overgrown, the shutters are sealed and broken, and the garden is overgrown. Plus, no one keeps their barn open. This place has been abandoned for a while." He got Nevarra into the barn and slid off the saddle, letting her roam free in the building.
She stayed where she was on Nevarra's back for a moment, looking around curiously. "That seems sort of sad, when you think about it." She commented, swinging a leg over to the side with the other, before pausing. "I feel like I might fall. Could you just…stand close for a second in case?"
