“Oh, gods.” Celeste groaned, dragging a hand down her face. “I’m so sorry for the disturbance. I’ll-apologize to the guards in the morning.” She said, chewing on her bottom lip. The broken lock…she’d be fine. She had Pluto, and she wasn’t planning on sleeping anymore. She shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place.
Soren shook his head. "It's alright." He replied. "You don't need to apologise." The guards are used to screams in the night by now. From my father, when he was insane, and… He sighed softly. "The guards are used to it. Don't worry about it." He said again.
“Whether they’re used to it or not, still…” Celeste closed her eyes for a moment, opening them as soon as her father’s face flashed behind her eyelids. “And again…I’m sorry. For waking you. You really should go get some sleep while you can.”
Soren shook his head. "I don't mind, Celeste. Really." He replied. He yawned again. "Okay, maybe my body minds. But the rest of me doesn't." He said. He didn't know what to say, so he stuck with humor. Easiest thing to do, instead of fumbling his way through more consoling words.
"Yeah, but…I see you trying to hide the yawns." Celeste said, looking worried. It was sort of funny, that she was so worried about him when just a few minutes ago she'd been incapable of speech. That was what she did, focus on others instead of herself. Second to everyone else. "Are you sure? I'll be fine, if you need to go sleep." Even though part of her didn't really want him to leave, because having him here was comforting and safe, and better than being alone with her thoughts.
Soren shook his head. "'m fine, really." He said. "Besides, you could barely speak a few minutes ago. I think that's more important than my sleep." He looked over at her. I hope she's okay…I'm trying to help her as best I can. "I er…if you need to talk to a therapist or something, you can? I know a few good ones?" He said slowly.
Celeste bit her lip as he mentioned her inability to speak in her distress, blinking as he offered a recommendation of therapists. "Ther-therapy? I don't-isn't that for people who need it?" Don't you? No. No, she couldn't convince herself that she did. Why would she waste someone's time like that, when they could be helping people that needed help, and would be help-able.
(erm…you just sent the same response twice?)
((I…didn't?? Notebook glitches like that sometimes lmao, need me to resend something?))
(ooh shoot it's better now lol. It had showed the same message twice and i was confusion XD)
Soren raised an eyebrow. "I…needed therapy after I found my father's body after he…" he shook his head. "I don't need to mention exactly what had happened to him, but…let's just say I needed therapy after that." he sighed softly. "Celeste…if you're having nightmares so bad that you're screaming, you…sort of need therapy." he said slowly, eyes flickering over to her.
"Of course that's a reason for therapy." Celeste said, as though it was obvious. She furrowed her brows slightly, looking down at her hands, at the scars around her wrists visible in the short sleeved sleeping shirt. "I…do? Why? I mean, I can function fine, right? So why would I…why would I need therapy?"
Soren sighed, and gently tapped a finger on her wrists. "Celeste. Waking up screaming is not "functioning fine". Hardly able to speak after waking up is not functioning fine. Unable to even speak about what happened isn't functioning fine. I mean…most people don't like to talk about the trauma even after they're better, but…not like this." He said slowly, looking at her carefully.
Celeste was silent, mulling that over as she watched Soren's hand instead of her scars. Not functioning fine. She had always been under the impression that she was. Was he right? She closed her eyes, her hands still visible but now covered in blood, none of it her own. If visions like that, if her past in general, kept haunting her the way it did, was that not functioning. "I don't…know if I would be able to talk about it, the way that a therapist would expect me to."
Soren shrugged. "I didn't. Mikhail was the one who forced me to. I didn't say a word for the first two weeks, beyond answering yes or no questions. Then…" He sighed softly. "This is embarrassing…I basically broke down and blurted the whole thing. But…" He shrugged. "It did help. Once I started talking…it was hard to stop. And then the therapist helped me with it."
"Help." She murmured, before pressing her lips tightly together. You need help. You need it more than you're letting yourself admit. And maybe that was true. Maybe she did need help, but she just…couldn't see it. Didn't that make sense, though? Nobody ever really thought they needed help, did they? "It helped? Talking, talking to someone specific?"
Soren nodded. "Yeah." He said with a slight shrug. "It did." It also helped that…I got the reassurance that none of their deaths were my fault. Not Alana's, not mother's, not father's. He swallowed, looking out the window for a moment, then back at Celeste.
Celeste nodded, thinking for just a few more moments. “I….I’ll gladly take a few recommendations. If you think it might help with the nightmares.” She had to admit, it might be nice, not being trapped with her thoughts and nightmares all the time.
Soren nodded. "There are a few here in the palace. Would you like me to make you an appointment with one?" He yawned again, covering his mouth with a hand. "Sorry." He said afterwards. God damn it. I'm not that tired. Stop yawning, it's rude. He reprimanded himself. And it will make her feel bad.
"Only if it's not an inconvenience to anyone." Celeste said hurriedly, wincing as Soren yawned. She almost told him to go to bed, but he had refused every time. So what would be different about this time? "Don't apologize. It's not your fault you're tired, Soren."
"It's not an inconvenience. It's their job." Soren replied. "And it isn't your fault I'm tired, either, so don't say or think or act like it is." He raked a hand through his dark hair, looking at her. He hoped she wouldn't blame herself for his tiredness, but so far she had. Every time.
Celeste exhaled softly, chewing on her lip before nodding. "Alright. To-to both the therapy and your tiredness. If you're sure." She glanced down, before scooting over on the large bed, giving him more room to get more comfortable if he wanted. "Here, it can't be comfortable sitting half off of the bed. If you're insisting on not sleeping and staying here." Thank you. Thank you for being here and for staying.
Soren nodded, giving her a small smile. "Alright. I'll talk to people in the morning. Would you prefer a male therapist, or a female one?" He asked. I want her to be as comfortable as possible. He thought, biting his lip slightly. He shifted so he was sitting more on the bed, with just his feet hanging off. "Thanks." He said, glancing over at her.
((Aawww boy that's probably the sweetest thing ever said or thought about her))
"Er-female, if possible." Celeste said, reaching up to fiddle with a few strands of hair that had come loose from the braid she'd put it in. She wasn't sure sitting alone in a room with a man she didn't know would be something she could do. Soren had been different, because they'd been in the gardens and Pluto seemed fine with him. She trusted the wolf who had joined them on the bed, his head flopped onto her feet. "I don't think male…would be a good idea."
(thats both adorable and sad at the same time)
Soren gave a quick nod. "Female. Younger or older, or no preference?" He asked, yawning again. He lay flat on his back, hoping she wouldn't mind his informality. Then again, it was rather informal of him to have come in here in the first place. So. There was that. He kept his eyes open, knowing that if he closed them he would likely fall asleep.