First, his looks.
So what shade of brown is his hair exactly? Chestnut? Auburn? Golden? Theres too many shades to not be specific!
What did he get the scar on his eyebrow from? How long has he had it for?
Other than that his looks seem pretty good!
Wow, his profile is super fleshed out! I really couldn't find much problems with his nature section! Good job!
I think you can go a little more in depth with his background, even if lots of it is classified lol. Did he have any friends? Did he grow up by himself? What did he learn in training? Did he ever question why he was being trained those things? Explain! It'll help me understand the reason he acts the way he does better!
Other than those things hes a super good character! I can tell you've put a lot of thought and time into him! Well done!
That's all i've got! Good luck!
Thank you so much!! Your critique was very helpful, I'll be sure to get working on that 😄
@agNO3 of course!
First we’ll start with her looks!
So is her hair straight? Wavy? Curly? Frizzy? You don’t say much about it’s natural style other than how long it is!
In her body time, maybe you can put what body shape hers is and stuff! Is she an ectomorph or endomorph? Is she pear shaped? Hourglass? Triangle?
That’s probably it for her looks!
I think you can probably throw in a few more mannerisms. Does she slouch or does she have good posture? Does she think our loud? How does she act when she’s angry? What does she do when she’s nervous?
I think you can also give her lots more flaws! The ones she has already are ok, but give her more! Maybe she’s quick tempered, maybe she’s judgmental or she’s over confident. Just add some more!
Other than those, she seems pretty good! Good luck!
@Celestial-Burst Thank you for your input! I’ll be sure to put in more detail and add to her mannerisms. I appreciate you taking the time to look her over.
First off, she does seem a bit underweight. A healthy weight for someone her height would be more around 140-150 lbs or higher to around 170 lbs. Another thing, her skin is pale, but that could mean a lot of things! Pale is something different for everyone! I find it best to give an exact skin tone; porcelain, fair, etc.
I think you can add just a few more flaws to her flaws section! The ones she has are good! But I think you can give her a few more, three isn't very many!
Her prejudice is good! Most people often don't give their characters good solid prejudices or they give them ones that aren't necessarily prejudices! So good job on that!
Oh, I see she has some more flaws in her personality type section, add those to the flaws section!
I like her background, but its pretty vague in some parts. Like, her childhood is completely skipped over! And so is the execution of Ruuben's mother, among other things.
Other than those, she seems like a really well thought out character! Good job!
@Kinarymo sure! And don't worry about it, its okay! ^^
Wow, I honestly couldn't find really anything. The only thing I can think of is probably puting some sort of explanation to each of his favorites, tell us why he likes each thing. His profile is super detailed and I didn't have many questions, good job!
Sorry I couldn't find much haha, your characters always seem to be really well done!
i sent my baby rynn in before and you said that her flaws outweighed her positive personality traits. i tried to fix that and was wondering if you could give her personality specifically (but also the amount of she has) another look. that way i know if i need to keep working on them. thank you!
Hey I revamped Kage a bit, also I revamped his love interest Asumi's bio Asumi Himawari
Also, did you read my reply concerning Kage's and Kosuke relationship
Sure, I'll take a look at his pf!
First thing I noticed is that his quirks (which i'm assuming is just replacing mannerisms) is very bare! He only has 3, most people have tons and tons of them! So I say list a couple more at least.
Another thing, on his talents 'healing' is listed, does this mean like healing magic? And is it just used for himself or for others too?
One thing you might should do is explain why his favorites are all his favorites! Why does he like ice cream so much? Whats so special about the outdoors to him? And also explain why his his dislikes are his dislikes as well!
Well that's about it! I looked at kage again and he looks better!
Alright, i'll start with her looks first!
I think maybe being a more descriptive and specific with some parts of it! Like with her skin tone for example; "Pale" can actually mean a lot of things! Saying something like "porcelain" or "Fair" is a lot more descriptive and easier to let people (and yourself) know what you mean! Same thing for her hair color.
I think you can give her a few more mannerisms! The two she has are good! But most people have tons and tons of them in real life, so it only makes sense if a character has a lot too! What does she do when shes angry? Does she roll her eyes? Maybe slouch and fold her arms? What about when shes excited? Does she gasp? Do her eyes grow wide?! How about posture? And the way she sits? Those are just examples! I'd say give her at least four or five more.
Shes got to have more talents than that! They don't have to be super big and dramatic talents (like her ice skating), but they can be simple things like "can beat every rp game she plays" or "can make really good and realistic costumes" etc. I'd say give her a few more of those as well!
Maybe you can try and explain why her favorites are her favorites? Why does she like those dice so much? Whats so special to her about leaf green?
Other than those things, she seems really good! I love her personality, she seems so cute lol.
Good luck!~
@the-boy-with-earphones
Of course! Also, sorry for taking so long, i've been at school all day lol
We'll start with his looks first!
I usually don't focus much on the looks since people like to do it their own way, but we'll go through it quickly.
So for the most part it seems pretty good! Maybe the only thing you might can do is explain where he got his scar on his eyebrow from and explain his body type more! Like, is he a mesomorph, ectomorph, rectangular, triangular, etc.
I think you can give him a few more mannerisms! Mannerisms are something that really help make characters feel human. The one he has right now is good, but most people have many, many mannerisms! What does he do when hes nervous? Happy? Angry? Whats his posture like? How does he keep himself? Theres tons of different things that you can put! I'd say put 4-5 more in there!
I have the same thing to say about his flaws. Most people have wayyyy more than 2 flaws! Flaws are what help draw the connection between the character and the reader! and also don't make them seem like marry sues lmao. So Give him a few more!
His prejudices are good and so are his talents and hobbies!
I just finished reading his personality and he has no good personality traits listed! They're all kind of flaws (which you could list in the flaws section)! If his personality is entirely flaws, that can make him seem annoying and actually push the reader away from connecting with the character! Give him some good traits! Maybe hes intelligent, or responsible, or honest! I don't know, but you do! :)
His background is okay, but I think you can explain it a bit more! Why did his parents divorce and how did he feel about it? What was his grades like in school? Did he have many friends? I think you can go a bit more in depth with that.
Thats about all I have! Good luck!
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