forum In the mood to critique your characters! (Closed)

Started January 12, 2020 by @Celestial-Burst

tune

That’s fine! If you’re up for it, I might bring my newest baby in once I finish off the details aha don’t feel obligated to though!

@Midday Sure!

For his weight and height, maybe you could give more specific estimates? Like instead of his height being “tall”. You can say 6’2 or whatever you consider tall. And instead of his weight being average you can say “165 lbs” or whatever you measure weight with. This would just help the people who view his profile get a better idea of what he may look like!
For his body type, and this is just something I like to do, it’s not necessary, but I like to put whether they’re a Mesomorph, endomorph, or ectomorph. And also if they have a triangle body shape, rectangle, etc. again, this just gives a better idea of him!
I think you can add more to his Quirks section, which is basically what the mannerisms section is. What does he do when he thinks? What about when he’s sad? Happy? Does he slouch? Add a few more to it! Mannerisms help make characters feel more realistic and like people, the less mannerisms, the more they feel like mannequins haha.
He has a lot of flaws and not a lot of good personality traits! Give him some good ones! Maybe he’s confident, or he’s smart. Give him a few!
I don’t think anybody who was abused by a past relationship partner would miss them, so his relationship with kosuke seems very unrealistic and toxic to me.
Just for further reference, make sure you have correct grammar and spelling in your sentences because some of them are hard to read and understand. I’m nosy sure if English is your first language or how fluent you are, but that’s just a little tip.
That’s all I have! Good luck!

Hey, can you do my boy here? Ram Wilson
He's currently the character I've put the most care and time into, and as far as I can tell, he's complete! Bust of course, I' love to see if you can catch anything I missed :)

@KHS-SunGod Of course!

Alright, so first we'll start with his looks!
So his hair is black right? Well what shade of black? Jet Black? Charcoal? Theres wayy too many shades of each color to not be specific! And same with his hair length! How long is his dreads? To his shoulders? Longer? And why does he get a buzz later on? It's good to be specific when talking about your character's looks so you and the view knows exactly what the character looks like!
For his conditions, what symptoms of ptsd does he show? How does he deal with it? How often does he feel the guilt of being a survivor? Explain!

He seems like a really well thought out character! That's really all I could find haha. Good luck!

@Midday Sure!

I don’t think anybody who was abused by a past relationship partner would miss them, so his relationship with Kosuke seems very unrealistic and toxic to me.

It was intended to be a toxic relationship and wasn't meant to be romanticized, and the reason Kage misses Kosuke is because his father was a yandere for his mother and empathized being a loyal partner no matter what and I guess he felt like a failure

Just for further reference, make sure you have correct grammar and spelling in your sentences because some of them are hard to read and understand. I’m nosy sure if English is your first language or how fluent you are, but that’s just a little tip.
English is my first language, I guess I'm just bad at grammar
That’s all I have! Good luck!

@KHS-SunGod Of course!

Alright, so first we'll start with his looks!
So his hair is black right? Well what shade of black? Jet Black? Charcoal? Theres wayy too many shades of each color to not be specific! And same with his hair length! How long is his dreads? To his shoulders? Longer? And why does he get a buzz later on? It's good to be specific when talking about your character's looks so you and the view knows exactly what the character looks like!
For his conditions, what symptoms of ptsd does he show? How does he deal with it? How often does he feel the guilt of being a survivor? Explain!

He seems like a really well thought out character! That's really all I could find haha. Good luck!

Thank-you so much! I'll be sure to add these things ^^
For his hair, I explain that it's impractical to have longer hair, which is why the buzz. Do you think that needs more clarification?
I'll add a lot of detain to his conditions, thank-you! I hadn't even thought of explaining those issues more in depth!
I appreciate you looking at him! :D

No problem! I think just keeping the infor about the buzz cut how it is is fine!

Ah, wonderful ty! ^^

i made this person really quickly if you dont mind looking over her. she's vague so just ask when you have any questions

Hey, your critiques are way good, so if you don't mind, could you help me out with Alci?

@Rachelkddr Sure!
Your character is actually on private right now, so If you set them to public then i'll be happy to take a look at them!

@Ash-has-a-One-Piece-problem Aww thanks! Of course i'll take a look at them!

Alright, first her looks.
She is a bit underweight, not by much though. Not sure if that's on purpose but just though I'd let you know!
So this isn't necessary its just something I like to do, but in her body type maybe you could put her body shape as well? I like to do it with my characters because it helps me picture them better and helps me when I want to draw them. Like, maybe she has a pear shaped body, or a rectangle, or an hourglass, whatever. But again, just something I like to do!
So she has scars on her arms, what are they from? How long has she had them?
Ok! Now onto the rest of her profile!
I think you should give her some more mannerisms! Mannerisms are really what make your character feel like a person and makes them feel like they have emotions! How does she stand? Does she slouch? What about when shes thinking? Does she talk out loud? Stick her tongue out? What does she do when shes happy? Sad? Annoyed? Give her a few more!
She should also have some more flaws. Flaws are really what make or break a character. They are what make them interesting and what cause troubles in the stories. Her two flaws are kind of… ehhh. Saything things like "Sometimes" or "kind of" isn't good when describing flaws. She has no solid flaws. I'd say give her AT LEASt 5-6 more flaws. Maybe shes got a shot temper, or shes childish, or even over-confident. Give her some more! I know its hard to give characters flaws, especially good solid flaws because you want readers to like them and you want them to seem like a good person, but flaws are often what makes the readers connect with the character and like them more! Flaws make characters seem more human.
I think you can give her a few more hobbies and talents as well! They don't have to be something super big and dramatic, they can be small things like humming, going for walks, doodling, anything! Everyone has talents and hobbies, whether they thinks so or not.
What type of "mind abilities" does she have? Telepathy? Mind reading? Explain!
Her background is pretty good, but I think you can explain some things a bit better! How old was she when she was taken to Orion? How did she feel about it? And her family, how did they feel? Why is her adopted family crueler to her? Do they just not like her? Because realistically, families aren't like that. If they are (which usually they're not), then its for good reason. That just something to think about. And also, what factory does she work at and what do they do? Does she have any friends? And does her family know about her powers?
Anyways, that's all I've got so far! She seems like a good character so far. Good luck!

Thanks so much! I'll work on these right away!

Hewwo, mind taking a look at my boi? ty qvq

If ur not too swamped, would u destroy my child please?

If you are still doing the critiques, would you mind having a look over a work in progress? I’ve been bouncing ideas off of a friend but I would like a fresh pair of eyes that maybe can catch something we haven’t thought about yet. She’s part of an existing universe for the Fire Emblem series but I’m just borrowing the world. ^^;

@Kinarymo Of course!

He seems really interesting! I'm reading about his forms and I think it's pretty cool that he is basically a weapon haha.
Oh dang, 5'7 is short?? How tall can they get??? xD
Its hard to critique a character's personality when they basically have none haha. But I find it pretty interesting that he slowly started to gain more and more 'human like' qualities as he was around them more. Does the fact that he doesn't have much of the basic human emotions and understandings effect his relationship with Narion or others hes around?
So he doesn't have a favorite animal? Does he just not like any of them or does he like all of them equally?
Other than that, he seems like a really well developed character! Good job! Thats all i have haha.

You seem a little busy, rn, but when you get a chance, I updated my boy's conditions, could you give it a glance? No rush!

@Celestial-Burst sorry about that. i think i fixed it

Hi! I noticed that you still have character critiques open. If you have the time, do you think you could critique my girl, Seraphina?

@Rachelkddr awesome! I’ll get to your character right now!
Alright, first we’ll start with her looks! I’m not too worried about looks when I critique characters, just about how specific they are haha.
Ok, so she has black hair, but how black exactly? Hey black? Charcoal? Ebony? There’s too many shades of colors to not be specific! And same with her hair lengths, medium hair gives me some type of idea, but it’s vague. How long is medium? To her shoulders? To her mid back? It can mean something different for everyone! And what is naturally curly hair to you? Because I myself have naturally curly hair but they’re not super tight curls and they’re not loose. It’s good to be specific when explaining looks with characters so that everybody knows exactly how you picture your character (including yourself)!
So her race is human, that’s fine, but is she a specific race? African American? German? Chinese? Mixed?
Alright, so this is just something I personally like to do with my characters because it helps me picture them better and helps me when I draw them, but in the body type section, I like to put their body shape. Are they a Mesomorph, endomorph, or ectomorph? Do they have a rectangular shaped body? Triangular? Hour glass? Again, just something I like to do that might help you.
Ok! Now onto the rest of her haha
Her nature section is very bare, you should definitely flesh it out more!
Her motivation is good! So I’ll skip past that! But her flaws are bare. 3 flaws? That’s not a lot. A character needs flaws! And I’m serious! Flaws are really what make or break a characters success in the story and with the reader! Flaws are what allow the readers to connect with the character and to make them feel human! Not to mention they make it easier for your character to screw up and create drama haha. So give her some more! Maybe she’s unconfident, maybe she’s overconfident! Maybe she has a quick temper, or maybe she’s too caring! I don’t know! But you do! I say it’s necessary for characters to have at least 5-6 major flaws! So give her a couple more!
She’s got to have more talents than that! And no hobbies? Everybody has talents and hobbies, even if they think they don’t. It doesn’t have to be something over the top or huge, it can be simple things like can sing her abcs with her mouth closed or can skip rocks at least 15 times every time (those are poor examples but you get what I mean hopefully haha). Expand on those for her!
Maybe expand on her personality section as well? It’s also a bit bare. Go all out on it! Explain every bit of her personality to the core! That’s what it’s there for!
I see you skipped the mannerisms section which is not good! Every character has mannerisms. All of them! What does she do when she thinks? Does she scratch her head, tilt it, or does she think out loud? What about her posture? Does she slouch or does she have the posture of a queen? What does she do when she’s happy? Sad? Confused? Angry? That’s what the mannerisms section is for! Just like flaws, mannerisms help make characters feel more alive and not just like a name on a piece of paper.
Why are her favorites her favorites? What’s so special about yellow to her? And why does she like fathers old map so much? Explain!
She has no backstory, which I assume you’re still making up since you said you just came up with her.
But other than those things I like her! That’s all I’ve got for now! Good luck!

@Torpion Sure!

First, his looks.
So what shade of brown is his hair exactly? Chestnut? Auburn? Golden? Theres too many shades to not be specific!
What did he get the scar on his eyebrow from? How long has he had it for?
Other than that his looks seem pretty good!
Wow, his profile is super fleshed out! I really couldn't find much problems with his nature section! Good job!
I think you can go a little more in depth with his background, even if lots of it is classified lol. Did he have any friends? Did he grow up by himself? What did he learn in training? Did he ever question why he was being trained those things? Explain! It'll help me understand the reason he acts the way he does better!
Other than those things hes a super good character! I can tell you've put a lot of thought and time into him! Well done!
That's all i've got! Good luck!

@Celestial-Burst thanks!!!