forum In the mood to critique your characters! (Closed)

Started January 12, 2020 by @Celestial-Burst

tune

Just drop a couple of them down and I’ll tell you what I think! I’m no expert, but I’ve been critiquing and making characters for a while!
Anyways, hit me!

Hello there!
This is one of my most recent updates to my characters and i have tried to get him as accurate as possible to my vision. However, I still think it's a bit messy and I would really appreciate it if you went over him and pointed out any flaws in my sections.
Thank you xXx

Of course, Morosis!
Alright, let’s see…
I don’t like to critique much on the physical appearance aspects on characters, so I’m just going to go through that part quickly!
Alright, so you say he has scars all over his body, but what are they from? Are they from surgery’s? From fights? Accidents? Or all of the above? It’s good specify to help you and others who are viewing the character know exactly what they might look like or have a better understanding of his backstory and appearance!
I’d say his weight is probably about right if he has a lot of muscles! The average weight of a 6” male is around 185 lbs -ish. So adding the fact that muscles weight more than fat probably about evens out that number! I think for the most part you did well describing his appearance! That’s something I notice a lot of people don’t do as well at.
In his conditions you put loyalty and obedience. But loyal to what exactly? The facility? A person? A group? And is he angry after he starts to remember and his personality starts to return? If I knew I had been brainwashed, I would be pissed lmao.
It’s hard to believe he doesn’t have any hobbies afterwards. Hobbies don’t always have to be something large like camping, exercising, and things like that! They can be small things as well like whistling! He has to have some type of hobby or else he would be standing around doing nothing all day!
For having no hobbies, he’s got a lot of talents lol! He seems like a very dangerous man!
His flaws aren’t necessarily contradicting, but they need some explaining. If he’s numb to human emotion, does he get angry and feel the need to be violent? Or is he just like mind controlled and whenever something happens his brutality kicks in and he becomes a crazy murdering machine without even thinking? He has to have some type of reason or motive behind being violent.
He seems like a pretty boring guy to be around xD, not in a bad way necessarily, he just doesn’t like anything! No favorite colors, items, anything!
His background seems pretty good, but his childhood is basically skipped over. He lived in a poor area, but was his childhood bad? What was his relationship like with his parents and siblings if he had any? What effected him then and made him who he was before the facility?

Anyways, he seems like a very fleshed out character! Well done! This is all I’ve got for now; good luck with your story!

Great! Here's Joanna: Joanna Henaghan
She is unfinished, and still has some kinks to work out, but she's been going well, so I'd love to hear what you have to say!

@Celestial-Burst
Thank you so much for the critique!
You made some very good points in there which I'll get on right away alongside highlighting parts of his personality I need to describe more to get the Sicarius I know.
I found your comment on hobbies and him being "boring" very interesting as I hadn't seen it quite that way. I think I could make it a running description of him with other characters, that he's "boring" and only those who have known him prior can really understand why. Hobbies wise, I wanted it to seem like the Facility vanquished all human desire to entertain themselves so they can focus more on the mission at hand, but now you mention it, I could make it so that he does "whistle" or something as he starts to deviate more.
As for being angry about brainwashing… its… uh… very complicated what the facility does so I'm glad you brought it up for me to expand upon (They make it so the person is self-aware that they've been brainwashed but replaced the feelings of anger and sadness to ones of gratitude and agreement. It's only when Sicarius starts to question whether he should really be grateful for it does it start to affect him slightly.)
Other than that, that was a fabulous critique! (and I might come back later for more haha xXx)

All right, @RainyDayArtist ! I'll see what I can find!

So her looks seem pretty good! Though she seems to be a bit overweight for her height. Not sure if she is supposed to be or not, but just letting you know!
Everything seems fine so far, i'm just going to skip right to her personality and stuff!
Her flaws that she has now are okay, I think you should give her some more, and maybe ones that are a bit more intense? Being rambunctious is a good flaw don't get me wrong, but I think its something thats a little… well, not necessarily boring, but I just think she could have some more intense flaws! Maybe shes an attention hog, maybe she has anger issues. Maybe she gets annoying because of how loud she gets! Go more in depth with her flaws and it will bring out her characters a lot more! Flaws are what make characters different from every other character in existence!
Ah, in her personality you put that she gets angry, so put that in her flaws as well!
Her personality seems contradicting to me. Shes loud and angry and rambunctious one second, but the next shes kind and calm and likes hugs. I know people aren't the same emotion constantly, but even if someone who has a fiery personality still sticks to their personality when they're sad, happy, confused, etc. So instead of making her calm when shes happy, maybe change it so it fits her general personality better.
Hm, another thing I noticed. She's a quick thinker, but when shes scared you put that she doesn't know what to do, which seems a bit contradicting. If shes a quick thinker, when shes scared she might make rash decisions because of her quick thinking. Something like that would make more sense.
So in her background, it says that her parents didn't like her as much as her siblings, but is there a reason? Just curious. But most parents really do love all their children equally. Also, how did she feel about all this? Was she angry at them? Sad? Or did she not really understand what was going on? And did her siblings dislike her the same as well?

For not being finished, she seems pretty good so far!
Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh lol, I just like to go really in depth when I critique!
Good luck with your character!

Of course! Feel free to drop another character any time!

Hello! I might have dropped him off for u to critique before, but he's quite developed and I really want to have him completely finished, ya know? Anyway, here ya go ! Be harsh !! He's an asshole! (Also I need some heavy critique on him if possible!)

@AloeVera Sure!

Ok, lets see!
His looks seem to be pretty fleshed out! So i'm going to move on from that part! I can tell that you have taken a lot of time and thought into creating Jean!
His flaws heavily outway the good things about him. And with the flaws that he has, I think this can possibly portray him as someone who can't take care of themselves and make him potentially annoying and repetitive in the long run of things. His flaws are good, don't get me wrong, but his positives in his personality are very, very little. Even the paragraph that was supposed to be about the positive side of his personality is filled with negatives. Give him more positives! Maybe he has a contagious laugh! Maybe hes got the best jokes when he tells them! Characters are supposed to be flawed! It makes the reader able to relate to them more, but too much flaws can often lead to, again, giving the character an annoying feel and actually keep the reader from relating to them!
From what I've read so far, he has a major drinking problem. That's fine, but it seems like it might almost go to an inhumane amount of drinking lol. Just be careful about how much you say he drinks, because even the worst alcoholics and addicts don't drink constantly.
So he doesn't have any talents that he is particularly good at? I know you said he is kind of a jack of all trades, but even those type of people have something they're super good at, more than the rest. Maybe he can make a mean quesadilla. Maybe hes super good at making paper airplanes! Idk! Hes got to have something he's really good at! Everyone does!
Oh, so i'm looking at his occupation section, and it says he knows how to do all this stuff, but how exactly? Did he teach himself? Because knowing all this stuff through self-taught ways seems very unrealistic. Hee had to of learned somehow! Like repairing a faucet. I could ask every man in my family and I bet only one could tell me they know how to fix it lol. And hes an assassin?? That's actually pretty dope ngl lol. How did he manage to do that? One question I have is does he feel any remorse after killing someone? Because most normal people would feel terribly guilty after killing someone.
So reading his backstory, how did he feel towards his parents and brother during all this abuse? Was he angry? Sad? Did he just not really understand what was happening? And why the heck did his only friend kill his family lol? Was there a motive behind it? Hes an assassin so was he hired to kill his family or did he do it to help Jean?
And he steps in to stop a fight? That seems very out of character for him, considering that you said he only helps people if he knows he will get something in return or it will benefit him.

Wow, that was a lot lol, sorry! He seems like a really well thought out character! Good job!
That's all I've got haha, good luck with your story!

Hi there! I was wondering if you could take a look at one of my characters? I feel like his personality is all over the place and not defined enough. Thank you in advance ^.^ Invalid Character

@Snowmirror Of course!

Alright, for the looks, what part of his features are "delicate" and "small"? His eyes? Nose? All of the above? Be specific! And he has freckles? where! On his face? His arms? Everywhere?
Ok, now for the personality part!
I think you should expand on his flaws a bit! They're all generally the same thing, being awkward and shy, other than when he gets angry. Maybe he is easily manipulated due to his loneliness and shy nature. Maybe he is anxious due to being shy. Maybe hes blunt or arrogant. Those are just a few examples, but I think you get what I mean! Give him a few more or expand on the ones he has already!
He seems to have a lack of good qualities. In his personality, you said he "comes off" as confident and things like that, which means he really isn't. I know he can't be just some shy and awkward kid who can't connect to people! Hes got more to him somewhere! Maybe he is clever, or empathetic, or even hardworking! I don't know! But give him some good qualities too! If a character is only flaws, it can actually push the reader away from connecting with the character, and make the character come off as annoying!
His background is a bit meh. Not like its bad, it can just be expanded more! How did he feel about having to do all the training and strict routines? What was his relationship like with his father and mother? And his siblings? What was something major that impacted who he is now?

That's all I have for now! He seems to be coming along well so far!
Good luck!

Honestly just pick any of mine lol

@JynSeesAGreenLight ok lol

I just randomly scrolled and clicked on one and I clicked on Iam
So I’m going to do him I guess lol.
Ok so I’m just gonna go through his looks quickly!
So he has light brown eyes, but what color exactly? There are tons of different shades of light brown, not to mention just brown in general! It’s good to be specific so that you, and whoever is reading about him, can get a good and correct image of him! And how long is his hair? To his shoulders? The beginning of his neck? And is it wavy everywhere? Just on the top?
I think you should expand on his talents a bit. The ones he have are good! But maybe give him some that are less physical and more mental/emotional. Maybe he’s really good and making people smile! Maybe he has the best jokes! I don’t know, but you do! And his hobbies as well! He’s got to have some type of hobbies that aren’t just his work! Hobbies aren’t always super big things like fishing or things like that. Maybe he like to paint in his free time? Maybe he likes to learn songs to play on his violin!
His background is very small and bare. Go more in depth! How was he kidnapped? Did he ever find out and if so how did he feel? Go more in depth!
Other than that, he seems good so far!
Good luck!

Please do my character next

thanks

@Divine-Irish-Potato of course!

Let’s see…
First off all, she seems to be underweight a bit. I know you said she’s lean but that still doesn’t make her underweight. Average weight for a women who’s 5’4 is between 112-135 lbs. so maybe raise her weight just a bit! You say her hair is long and straight, but that doesn’t really help me picture what it looks like! Be specific! How long is it? To her waist? Lower back? And how is it styled? Does she have bangs? It’s important to be as specific as possible to help you and other people viewing the character get the best and most accurate image as possible!
What shade of purple is her eyes? Magenta? Lavender? There’s too many shades not to be specific!
Alright! Now onto her personality and stuff!
Her mannerism are bare. What’s harsh about her? The way she walks? Talks? What does she do with her hands? Does she fold them? Rest them on her hips? And her eyes! Does she glare? Stare? There’s so many mannerisms to give characters, if you google “list of mannerisms” then you’ll fine tons of examples. If your character has mannerisms, it makes them feel more like real people, and not just a name!
Oh wow, her whole personality section is really bare. Give her more flaws and personality! Ok, she can be mean at times, but that’s her only flaw? I call Mary Sue lol. Maybe she’s arrogant and thinks she better than everyone. Maybe she is also dishonest and lies. Or maybe she is judge mental, I don’t know! But you do! I know I said mannerisms are what maker a character feel like a character, but it’s really flaws. If a character doesn’t have flaws, then not one person is going to like them, even as an antagonist. And I fed antagonists are the funnest characters to give flaws!
On her prejudices you said she hates men, why? Explain!
On her personality, you said she her personality is “boss”, explain in what ways. Is she a leader? Put down her goods and bass, pros and cons! That’s what they’re for!
Her background is really bare as well. You skip right to when she’s 14 and end when she’s 16. Explain in other parts too! What was her family like? Her friends? Other things that affected her! How was she like in school? Notebook ai is for you to fully flesh out you character, figure out ever nook and cranny. You seem to have only the bare minimum of your character figured out, basically the foundation for a house. But now, you have to build the rest of the house!
Good luck!

@Divine-Irish-Potato of course!

Let’s see…
First off all, she seems to be underweight a bit. I know you said she’s lean but that still doesn’t make her underweight. Average weight for a women who’s 5’4 is between 112-135 lbs. so maybe raise her weight just a bit! You say her hair is long and straight, but that doesn’t really help me picture what it looks like! Be specific! How long is it? To her waist? Lower back? And how is it styled? Does she have bangs? It’s important to be as specific as possible to help you and other people viewing the character get the best and most accurate image as possible!
What shade of purple is her eyes? Magenta? Lavender? There’s too many shades not to be specific!
Alright! Now onto her personality and stuff!
Her mannerism are bare. What’s harsh about her? The way she walks? Talks? What does she do with her hands? Does she fold them? Rest them on her hips? And her eyes! Does she glare? Stare? There’s so many mannerisms to give characters, if you google “list of mannerisms” then you’ll fine tons of examples. If your character has mannerisms, it makes them feel more like real people, and not just a name!
Oh wow, her whole personality section is really bare. Give her more flaws and personality! Ok, she can be mean at times, but that’s her only flaw? I call Mary Sue lol. Maybe she’s arrogant and thinks she better than everyone. Maybe she is also dishonest and lies. Or maybe she is judge mental, I don’t know! But you do! I know I said mannerisms are what maker a character feel like a character, but it’s really flaws. If a character doesn’t have flaws, then not one person is going to like them, even as an antagonist. And I fed antagonists are the funnest characters to give flaws!
On her prejudices you said she hates men, why? Explain!
On her personality, you said she her personality is “boss”, explain in what ways. Is she a leader? Put down her goods and bass, pros and cons! That’s what they’re for!
Her background is really bare as well. You skip right to when she’s 14 and end when she’s 16. Explain in other parts too! What was her family like? Her friends? Other things that affected her! How was she like in school? Notebook ai is for you to fully flesh out you character, figure out ever nook and cranny. You seem to have only the bare minimum of your character figured out, basically the foundation for a house. But now, you have to build the rest of the house!
Good luck!

Thanks!

Could you critique my protag? (in particular his backstory/motivations)

@AJ sure!

So I’m just gonna skip his looks and stuff since you don’t want that!
His flaws are decent, but I think you could expand on them a bit more! Maybe give him some more serious flaws. Like maybe he is gullible, or maybe he is impatient or impulsive! I suggest going a bit deeper on them!
His conditions are pretty well fleshed out, so good job in that!
I think you can definitely give him some more mannerisms! How does he stand and sit? With a slouch? Good posture? Does he use his hands when he talks? Does he think out loud or mumble to himself? There’s tons of mannerisms that could be given to him, and they would help make him feel more like an actual person and not just a name typed out!
His motivation seems good for the most part! It’s really hard to judge a characters motives when you don’t know their story or their personality!
I see that the rest of his personality isn’t written anywhere, which is should! I only know his flaws to his personality, nothing good about it! Type his full personality out somewhere!
Based on his education, he seems like a super smart guy! Especially at a young age haha.
So I read through his background and can tell you spent a lot of time on it! It’s super fleshed out and detailed! Most of it makes sense and I’m able to understand it, so good job!

Anyways, that’s all I have to say! Good luck with your character and story!

@Celestial-Burst Thank you so much for your feedback! * facepalms * I can't believe I forgot to describe his personality in his bio… I've updated it, though, if you're interested! Thanks for your help!

@JynSeesAGreenLight ok lol

I just randomly scrolled and clicked on one and I clicked on Iam
So I’m going to do him I guess lol.
Ok so I’m just gonna go through his looks quickly!
So he has light brown eyes, but what color exactly? There are tons of different shades of light brown, not to mention just brown in general! It’s good to be specific so that you, and whoever is reading about him, can get a good and correct image of him! And how long is his hair? To his shoulders? The beginning of his neck? And is it wavy everywhere? Just on the top?
I think you should expand on his talents a bit. The ones he have are good! But maybe give him some that are less physical and more mental/emotional. Maybe he’s really good and making people smile! Maybe he has the best jokes! I don’t know, but you do! And his hobbies as well! He’s got to have some type of hobbies that aren’t just his work! Hobbies aren’t always super big things like fishing or things like that. Maybe he like to paint in his free time? Maybe he likes to learn songs to play on his violin!
His background is very small and bare. Go more in depth! How was he kidnapped? Did he ever find out and if so how did he feel? Go more in depth!
Other than that, he seems good so far!
Good luck!

Lol I totally forgot about this, thank you!

Hey, would you mind doing Zenith? I've been working on him for a while, but I think there's still room to improve him! Any and all suggestions would be appreciated!