forum I will critique your characters!!! Will tell you what I think without holding back! Have any questions just ask!! You have any questions?? You can contact me on my Discord!!! GinjaNinja#3214
Started by GinjaNinja
tune

people_alt 14 followers

GinjaNinja

Hey! Would you mind critiquing my protagonist please?

Any help would be great, thanks!

Her Mannerisms are very good. These are realistic.
I would check with the shortsighted-ness and her being a good shot. Normally she wouldn't be able to see far away so unless she has something to help her with it it would be harder for that to happen.
You said that Lilith was killed by her mom, but then farther down her back ground you say that Lilith comes back. How does she come back?
All in all though she seems like a well balanced character. You did a very good job with creating and everything. Maybe kind of check over a few things though.
Have any questions just ask!
–GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

If you could do him that would be great!! no pressure though!! Solua Sevynne
thanks a bunch :))

With his horns, Love that by the way, if he wears a beanie you could easily tell there was something there. Normally beanies are snug against the head.
I am confused what an Amorph/Corporal is.
His Personality type is amazing by the way, very good explanations and very realistic. Good job.
His ages with all of the time line and all of the years with him being in the school don't add up. I would try to make him a little bit older.
Other than that though he really is a very good character. You described him well and all of his personality types and his mannerisms all go hand in hand together. Very good job.
If you have any questions just ask!
–GinjaNinja

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

@Darkblossom Go to the character's profile, to the right of the page under the character's name are four options. There are three white buttons and one slightly bigger orange button. The first white button is the share button. Click that, and it'll give you the character's link. However, under that, it gives you the character's privacy settings. Toggle that to public (and the universe, if he's in one), then copy the link. Paste it into your desired post and you're done!

@Darkblossom group

@Aloe Vera your character has an extensive background, which is cool, but it is weird when you start writing it like a person speaking, not just words on paper. It isn’t really a problem, just bothers me. Besides that, i don’t see much wrong with him, but I’m not the best critic. Good job!

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Oh ahaha thanks! When it comes to referring to myself in the character profile, I totally understand it's a bit weird! I've had a few other people mention that in their critique of my characters, but I kinda like it, so I've decided to keep it. It's not like it makes much of a difference, but for me it feels like I'm actually talking about a friend rather than reading off stats on a paper. I'll take a look at your character :)

Looks- Do you think you could explain the race of Spirit Kats? I can tell there's already a lot lacking in the loooks tab, so it's hard to critique things that aren't there.

Nature- The personality could do with going more in depth. How does she act around others? How does she react to events? She could use some more hobbies and talents as well.

Social- Who is Sparkling Creek? What do they do? What is Moon's job as an apprentice? Also, a cheat sheet in the favorites list is including why these things are your character's favorite. It adds some fun tips that might not be covered in the rest of the profile. I notice a few things are missing in this tab as well, so that's all I have to say here.

History- What's the basic schooling for Spirit Kits? What do they learn about? And I see the history and birth date is missing as well.

I can tell this character is very under construction, so I'm excited for the potential she holds!

@papermoon

Hey there! I don't know if you're still critiquing but could you take a look at my character? His profile is definitely unfinished right now, but I would love to know what you think of the sections that arefinished, including the custom ones :)

GinjaNinja

@@barrissokasSPOOKYbrainworms(it's me Jynnie)
I will definitely critique your character!
First I would make him weigh a little more. Since he is so muscular, muscle weighs more than fat. So he would be a little heavier.
His personality type and his flaws don't really match up. With him being rude and arrogant as flaws but then he has a cheerful and childish personality type.
other than that everything is really good! I like him a lot so far.
If you have any questions then don't hesitate to ask!
-GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

@papermoon
Will definitely do this!
Honestly, I can find nothing wrong with him. He is a very well written character. It really is amazing how in depth he is described. You did a wonderful job. He has a very good personality type. He sounds like he is adorable when he laughs. I love that he always has something for stray cats. No matter what it is. He seems like a very good character. You did a wonderful job in explaining him and keeping everything so it makes sense.
If you have any questions just ask!
-GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

@Suspicious_Reptiles
He is a little underweight. He should be around 139-169. Depending on how muscular he is.
Seeing as he is normally a happy person he would normally have a few friends. But him pushing people away to not be too close is also understandable. Especially now that he knows about his family.
I can't really find anything that doesn't add up except for his weight. But even then it could be because he is going through the Oregon Trail. So he would not be eating as much to preserve whatever he has with him for as long as possible. So even then the weight thing checks out. You did a good job having everything line up and making sure everything make sense. Good job.
If you have any questions just ask!
-GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

@Caboose
With his weight he is actually rather normal. Around average for males his age. If you want him to be really scrawny try to make him a little more towards 133 pounds, 60.32 kilos.
Other than that I don't see anything that doesn't add up.
It looks like in the beginning of the story he is a villain but when he finally opens his eyes and looks at what he has done he tries to right his wrongs. which is good.
I think this version of Spider-Man is really interesting. I never looked at him as anything other than a Hero. This is honestly something I would read.
You did a really good job!
If you have any questions just ask.
-GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

@Darkblossom
The fact that she is a born leader and is also disobedient is good because if she is a leader then she does not like taking orders from anyone.
What is "Spellmaze"?
She is a pretty well rounded character. Was slightly confused at first. Only because I didn't know what a "Spirit Kat" was. But as I read more of her information I now know.
I would suggest giving a bit more information regarding her history. As well as going a bit more into detail with her personality type.
Regarding her history, why does she hate authority figures so much?
Maybe go into more detain about what "Spellmaze" is. That would help the reader to understand Glimmer better.
If you have any more questions then don't hesitate to ask.
-GinjaNinja

GinjaNinja

@Amber
First is Nathan Seyres
He is severely underweight. He is 5'5'' and normally for a male his height he would be anywhere from 122-150lbs. (55.3- 68 kg)
I don't understand what his religion is. I would go more in depth with it if you could.
With his background it says that he starves to death. I am not sure if he actually died? Or if he was near death? But that is a little confusing. I would just try explaining it a little more in depth. So no one is confused later on.
I do feel like he should be a little older with everything he has been through. BUT- you said that they get information through computers, which would be able to make them think and act a lot older than they actually are. As well as his looks developing faster in this world. But other than that it's pretty good.
Next is Lillian Nielsen
Starting off a little confused since it says they are both from different Universes, but are love interests for each other.
I would make her a little heavier because, she likes to swim and running, which are some of her hobbies. Which would mean she does them regularly. So she would be a little on the muscular side. Swimming uses a lot of the main muscles. Including biceps, triceps, calves, quads, hamstrings and a few more. So she would be more on the muscular side. Muscle weighs more than fat. I think she should probably be more around 120lbs.
Just curious as to what a "Carrier" is? Says that her Carrier is Isabella Gray. Would try to go into more detail with that.
But I am curious as to where this story is going. I would absolutely ready it. I think it would be a thrilling series. Would you be willing to keep me posted on the story if/when you publish it? Would be much appreciated.
If you have any questions just ask.
-GinjaNinja