forum I want to critique some peeps

Started May 01, 2018 by NOpe

tune

@traditionalartist
Alrighty, sorry I took so long.
Starting off how did he get scars from protecting a kid in middle school? what was the kid getting attacked by a kid with a knife?
Why does he want to keep Gabriel safe and who is he keeping him safe from? What is he protecting the city from? Where did his powers come from is a bigger question; did it have to do with him overcoming his grief?

This character seems solid but could use a bit more personality especially in the Mannerisms slot. You describe him as someone looking on from the outside would describe him, try getting inside his head how does he feel when hes doing these things
also Motivations Flaws and Prejudices, Every motivation needs an explanation, why does he want to keep Gabriel safe, why is so protective of Gabriel? Just because they grew up together? What encourages him to defend the city? Why is he so loving to his aunt (this is obvious because of the background so ignore that lol) I can't really address the last two without going straight into the background which ill get to in a moment.
Flaws, considering his background where he gets cheated on and yet he becomes very trusting? Or is there deeper explanation? all of them could use a deeper explanation, why is he slightly controlling why is he so selfless? and stubborn?
Prejudices: Why is he against his entire maternal family? didnt the moms parents disown her? Not the entire family? Why does he take first impressions so seriously?
Onto the Background: oh the background. How old was Danny when he had his "romantic failure" you say during these years so they must be pretty young so the relationship couldn't have been that serious. The depression over his brother's death makes sense but again where do the powers come from? The way you put it makes it sound like his freedom from grief gave him abilities. As interesting that is it would be better if you wrote it out.

Good character, needs more personality and a bit more detail in general :)

@Kipperly_Chan Seems like a solid start, not much for me to say aside from I think her design is nice.

@Syguy20132
Whoa, how is this guy 500? A lot of missing things throughout the profile, all I can really say is how can a scar go from your face to your shoulder? lol

@traditionalartist
Alrighty, sorry I took so long.
Starting off how did he get scars from protecting a kid in middle school? what was the kid getting attacked by a kid with a knife?
Why does he want to keep Gabriel safe and who is he keeping him safe from? What is he protecting the city from? Where did his powers come from is a bigger question; did it have to do with him overcoming his grief?

This character seems solid but could use a bit more personality especially in the Mannerisms slot. You describe him as someone looking on from the outside would describe him, try getting inside his head how does he feel when hes doing these things
also Motivations Flaws and Prejudices, Every motivation needs an explanation, why does he want to keep Gabriel safe, why is so protective of Gabriel? Just because they grew up together? What encourages him to defend the city? Why is he so loving to his aunt (this is obvious because of the background so ignore that lol) I can't really address the last two without going straight into the background which ill get to in a moment.
Flaws, considering his background where he gets cheated on and yet he becomes very trusting? Or is there deeper explanation? all of them could use a deeper explanation, why is he slightly controlling why is he so selfless? and stubborn?
Prejudices: Why is he against his entire maternal family? didnt the moms parents disown her? Not the entire family? Why does he take first impressions so seriously?
Onto the Background: oh the background. How old was Danny when he had his "romantic failure" you say during these years so they must be pretty young so the relationship couldn't have been that serious. The depression over his brother's death makes sense but again where do the powers come from? The way you put it makes it sound like his freedom from grief gave him abilities. As interesting that is it would be better if you wrote it out.

Good character, needs more personality and a bit more detail in general :)

-Yes, he got the scars from bullies - one of them carried a knife.

-Yes, because they grew up together. And over the years, they begin to develop a sense of brotherly love towards each other despite being cousins. I still haven't figuring out what type of villain Danny & his team are battling against - but based on the flow of the story, I'm leaning towards a typical evil genius mastermind/supervillain who wants to take over the world.

-First love was always special. So he was absolutely heartbroken when he found out that not only his feelings weren't reciprocated, but also toyed with. His slightly controlling tendencies came from Gabriel's weak heart condition. Because of that, he developed a sense of protectiveness towards his younger cousin. And in the process, he becomes slightly controlling (like a parent monitoring their child's activities). And as for him being trusting and stubborn, those are just in his nature.

-Yes, his maternal grandfather disowned his daughter. But when she died, the entire maternal family didn't showed up. So Danny believes that they're unworthy of his trust & time, so he cut off any ties with them. For him, first impressions are very important. But this also makes him a bad judge of character. He can't tell when people lie to him - which many people do upon first impressions - so by the time those pleasant people reveal their true colors, it's too late for him.

-Hmm, you do have a point here regarding his age during his first love. I'm thinking of moving it up a bit.

-I still haven't figuring out how he got his powers. And it has nothing to do with him recovering from his grief. There's just happen to be a short gap between the two events.

Wow, your insights, inputs, thoughts, & critiques are truly helpful. I really appreciate them! Thank you!! :D

@traditionalartist you seem to have most of this character solidly planned out which is fantastic he's a great character, the only problem is all the information you gave me just now needs to be implemented into the profile. Good luck if you ever want me to take another look just ask :)

@Syguy20132
Whoa, how is this guy 500? A lot of missing things throughout the profile, all I can really say is how can a scar go from your face to your shoulder? lol

He was magically granted the gift (or curse, depending on how you'd look at it) of an unnaturally long life after saving the life of an elven man, and then again after rescuing an elven woman whom he sees as his aunt…. He fell onto his own sword…. Yeah, still planning things out. Perhaps you'll be willing to take another look at him when I do have him more fleshed out?

@Oniyuri
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal and how she has lightning powers yeah I just noticed that in the abilities folder and im like why not put that in talents?
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal

Momo-
shes a little heavy for her age especially when she is described as slim.
Mannerisms could use some more information, possibly what she does with her arms and how her expressions are as she talks.
The rest of the nature page seems good. Everything after is kinda confusing, I dont know whats going on with the whole heir thing and the gods? What kind of universe is this? If I could understand im sure id like her.

Sophia
Okay why do you describe each of these characters as "slim" Sophia is 130 lbs and 5'1 she cant be slim.
Motivations: what desires?
Later on you say she was killed? and apparently she has a necromancy ability?

Alright, all three of these peeps have me confused, some deeper explanation on the lore and the world around them would be nice.
decent characters, they need more well character there isnt enough detail to make them seem realistic, adding more depth into the nature and history seems like the way to go. :)

@Syguy20132
Whoa, how is this guy 500? A lot of missing things throughout the profile, all I can really say is how can a scar go from your face to your shoulder? lol

He was magically granted the gift (or curse, depending on how you'd look at it) of an unnaturally long life after saving the life of an elven man, and then again after rescuing an elven woman whom he sees as his aunt…. He fell onto his own sword…. Yeah, still planning things out. Perhaps you'll be willing to take another look at him when I do have him more fleshed out?

Alrighty that makes sense, and yes I would love to :)

@Oniyuri
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal and how she has lightning powers yeah I just noticed that in the abilities folder and im like why not put that in talents?
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal

Momo-
shes a little heavy for her age especially when she is described as slim.
Mannerisms could use some more information, possibly what she does with her arms and how her expressions are as she talks.
The rest of the nature page seems good. Everything after is kinda confusing, I dont know whats going on with the whole heir thing and the gods? What kind of universe is this? If I could understand im sure id like her.

Sophia
Okay why do you describe each of these characters as "slim" Sophia is 130 lbs and 5'1 she cant be slim.
Motivations: what desires?
Later on you say she was killed? and apparently she has a necromancy ability?

Alright, all three of these peeps have me confused, some deeper explanation on the lore and the world around them would be nice.
decent characters, they need more well character there isnt enough detail to make them seem realistic, adding more depth into the nature and history seems like the way to go. :)

For Mina she's half-angel/half-demon due to her parentage. Think of Dante sorta. She got those scars from a lot of her fights especially the scar on the back of her leg that she got from her best friend. She's not born royalty. She created the kingdom herself cause she wanted to be like her two other friends that were born royal. She has moments where she can be completely cold but there are also times she can let her emotions get in the way if that makes sense.
For politics/religion atm I am still working on soldifying them if it's alright can I show her again once those are done?
Also tbh I completely forgot what those creatures that have a lion head and a snake head(?) are called. Although centaur is probably wrong whoops-
Lightning powers?

For Momo
Whoa she is? I need to adjust that then thank you. Yeah I was a bit conflicted on how to accurately write out her mannerisms. As for the universe it's kinda like Earth but isn't really at the same time. Since I created these out of the universe of a huge group RP.

For Sophia
Oh gosh I can't do weights lol I will have to research more about that. She was killed but then brought back and as for the necromancy ability it's something she learned herself cause her father happened to be a reaper.

@Oniyuri Alright, now take all that extra information and fill it into the character profiles so it makes them that much easier to understand. Also yeah Weights can be difficult to get them and have them realistic; it can be helpful to google the average weight of someone the age of your character and go from there.
Good characters. :)

Hey I think you skipped mine x3

@Celestial-B CRAP so sorry!
Harmony-
Looks and nature are down packed, a few points, what is this "system" I inferred that it is the Crystalite government being evil and tyrannical but then realized that you state " they are the ones who had supposedly driven humanity to extinction and replaced them with the Crystalites" so they are not the Crystalites? ALSO jumping further down the nature tab; How much fighting talent can you get from teaching herself in a basement?
Love the detail in the personality type.
Onto the Social; why is the system so hated? What do they do that gets so much criticising?
The background is really good, just some explanation as to what the system does that makes some of its own distrust it but aside from that id almost dare call it perfect.

Keon-
Quick question that has less to do with Keon and more to do with Crystalites in general. Why would taking the form of a human be easier than simply remaining in their original forms?
Back to Keon, he looks like a good character, I have some questions about how his gem got corrupted and how the system thing works
good character, but not as good as Harmony in my opinion dunno why; maybe cause I read hers first she just feels more human to me (aside from literally being more human lol)

extra note, this sounds a lot like that Steven Universe show lol

Hi, would you mind critiquing these characters?

Andrea: Andrea Davis
Ethan: Ethan Grant
Luke: Luke Steele

For Ethan, I don't know what to do for his prejudices, so if you can offer some suggestions, I'd appreciate it.

@kat hi,
Starting off with Andrea
-Why/how do her physical features change as Halcyon?
Anyway her looks are good,
-What happened to her foster father?
Hate to be that nitpicker but I feel the need to point two things out of her Talents tab
1) I can see how telekinesis relates to flight but how do sensory abilities come into play? Does she have psychokinesis as well?
2) For the majority of the Nature page you describe Andrea as "blunt/insensitive at times" but her you say that she is also observant and perceptive?
Everything else is fine, have some more nitpicks but they are personal distaste rather than issues with the character.
-Okay, this pendant, lets her transform into Halcyon… but how? Was her mother a hero too? I thought she got her powers from a whole lab experimentation thing? Is Halcyon something separate from her telekinesis? If so it would be good if you explicitly state that.
-So the government just let 9 babies with unknown powers out into the public?
Note: whats with her love interests and material based last names? iI this like a polyamorous relationship?

Ethan Stone-
-So is he another of the lab children or does he just naturally have powers?
Looks) He is a little light to be as tall and ripped as he is. Again how are his eyes concealed as Luxon? does he cover them up with a mask?
Aside from that, both looks and nature are pretty good (Kinda underplays Andrea's heroism if she is being saved by Ethan all the time, not a complaint just a thought)
-Is everyone Agnostic and feminist here?
How is his ring charmed? What does it do?
History- Where do his powers come from?

Before I get into Luke, I noticed that Ethan has a crush on a strong female character. and then he also has a problem with the other male character. This is a love triangle thing isnt it. Joy.

Here we go
Luke-
-What is a supporting villain?
Oh hey, he's 19 too. is he one of the experiment children?
Oh, his body type is essentially the same as Ethan.
What do you mean his hair is uncovered as Rogue? His eyes as well.
No identifying marks whatsoever? No birthmarks or anything of the sort?
Nature seems good, his power is interesting. Then we get to the personality type and he becomes every bad boy ever.
Another agnostic character, well it makes sense with Luke and Andrea.
Alright onto background everything is fine except the term for this type of character is the anti-hero and his "emancipation" at 15? What? wouldnt it be at 18? (Antihero-A central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes.)

Decent characters, thoughts on possible improvement……..
All three could use more explanation on how their powers work, I dont mean the literal functions of their powers especially Luke the detail on his power are good but the origin of all three is the issue. What exactly is this Superhero formula that the reputed company gave to Andrea and the 49 other embryos? And where did Ethan and Luke's powers originate? Further in, the boys are too similar! not all guys are perfectly 6'0 tall and buff as all hell. Another thing that the two share; hand to hand combat. it makes sense with Ethan because its stated that he had been training since he was 6 but where in the foster home mess did he have time to train? Moving on.

On to these transforming thingamajiggers. Andrea's necklace, Luke's bracelet, and Ethan's ring. How does that work? Nowhere else do you imply magic in this world or even explain how they function.
Now im done lol. Andrea is my favoroite.
Also, a good prejudice for Ethan could be against criminals or people lacking morals,

How about my 2 kids?
Cole: Cole Granger
Dakota: Dakota Darwin

Thanks so much for your feedback!

To answer some of your questions:
-Andrea's appearance changes due to the necklace. It's a piece of technology that allows her to change into her costume, and that's it. No magic, just technology, and the powers are with her always, so Halcyon is not separate from her powers. Same for Ethan and Luke with the bracelet and the ring. All three of them got their powers from the serum thing.
-Blunt/insensitive and observant/perceptive can go hand in hand. Like she's perceptive enough to notice something someone might be trying to hide, and insensitive enough to ask about it. So that's what I meant.
-Lol, until you said that it didn't fully occur to me that both their last names are material-based. It was a total coincidence.
-And I'm still not sure about the romance situation. It might be a love triangle, it might not. We'll see.
-Ethan has a mask and a bandanna that covers his eyes and hair respectively. For Luke, his eyes and hair are left uncovered, as in his mask doesn't cover them.
-Ethan definitely isn't saving Andrea all the time. I didn't mean to imply that, because it's 100% not true. I hate the damsel in distress trope.
-Emancipation is basically legally allowing minors to make their own decisions and sign contracts and stuff, freeing them from the control of their legal guardians. So what Luke did was basically free himself from being a ward of the orphanage, so he could take care of himself. And no, I meant an anti-villain (the opposite of an antihero) since Luke's not a hero at all, but he's still a decent guy.
-Ethan trained in martial arts from a young age, but Luke has all his clones that can learn anything for him, so that's how he learned fighting, along with a bunch of other stuff as well.

I hope this helped clear stuff up for you. Again, thanks for your feedback!

Thanks so much for your feedback!

To answer some of your questions:
-Andrea's appearance changes due to the necklace. It's a piece of technology that allows her to change into her costume, and that's it. No magic, just technology, and the powers are with her always, so Halcyon is not separate from her powers. Same for Ethan and Luke with the bracelet and the ring. All three of them got their powers from the serum thing.
-Blunt/insensitive and observant/perceptive can go hand in hand. Like she's perceptive enough to notice something someone might be trying to hide, and insensitive enough to ask about it. So that's what I meant.
-Lol, until you said that it didn't fully occur to me that both their last names are material-based. It was a total coincidence.
-And I'm still not sure about the romance situation. It might be a love triangle, it might not. We'll see.
-Ethan has a mask and a bandanna that covers his eyes and hair respectively. For Luke, his eyes and hair are left uncovered, as in his mask doesn't cover them.
-Ethan definitely isn't saving Andrea all the time. I didn't mean to imply that, because it's 100% not true. I hate the damsel in distress trope.
-Emancipation is basically legally allowing minors to make their own decisions and sign contracts and stuff, freeing them from the control of their legal guardians. So what Luke did was basically free himself from being a ward of the orphanage, so he could take care of himself. And no, I meant an anti-villain (the opposite of an antihero) since Luke's not a hero at all, but he's still a decent guy.
-Ethan trained in martial arts from a young age, but Luke has all his clones that can learn anything for him, so that's how he learned fighting, along with a bunch of other stuff as well.

I hope this helped clear stuff up for you. Again, thanks for your feedback!

Alright, this information I understand the characters much better. all this needs to be in the character profiles with the other stuff so the next critiquer finds it that much easier to understand your characters.
Also
-Your point about bluntness and observant makes sense
-I understand what emancipation is, my only issue with that is that they let him do it at 15.
-Honestly, I have never heard of an anti-villain (legit just googled it lol) sorry about that.

• With the minor details like Luke training by having his clones do things (really clever power by the way) and the technological based ring necklace and bracelet; add them to the character profiles.
  Again, good characters, you clearly have the information all you need to do is put it in there
  :)

@Lightningclaw13
Cole- Looks are good aside from him being a bit light for his size.
Why does he not want people to know that he likes cooking?
Why doesn't he think hard workers get appreciation? and why is that his prejudice?
What is light being worship?
Oh, he is behind the whole hard worker thing but doesn't have a job?
Why are Tristan Mina and Kaden his enemies?
Why say equivalent to 11th grade? is the system different? If it is then it should be explained here.
woah this history thing. It seems so unlikely. I have so many questions.
1- Why was Cole falling off the loft so devastating? you don't say he was hurt or anything so whats the big deal?
2- What kind of damage do you get from an overprotective mother? Sure you would get aggravated and would probably grow distant but you aren't scarred or anything.
3- Lily and Ayana, where did they come from? (actually, this question is stupid but imma finish it anyway) If his mom was so overprotective how did he have time to meet and associate with them.
4- Dakota. (apparently, I'm going to look them over after I'm done here lol) So you find a girl in your barn (referring to Hunter here by the way) and you just take them in? no questions asked? Do police exist in this world? And then they build a house for them? What? and finally they let Cole and them spend a night together alone, these are not real people, real people do not act like that! Sure the ending is cute (despite them somehow finding a heart-shaped rock and him keeping it all this time which happens to be a bit too corny for my taste but maybe that's just me) but if everything leading up to it does not make sense then it loses value.
Back to the critique (I considered deleting that very organized rant.)
Who is Seth? If he is a love interest why isnt he mentioned? also, you put Seth as a love interest but only list Cole as Demisexual, huh.
Why is there a health problems tab?

Dakota-
Kota, weird nickname. (just gonna go back and add in "them" and they even though you refer to Dakota as she all over Cole's history)
(Note [Take this with a grain of salt {that means don't take this seriously}] Why does everyone have a hair color with another colored tips? Is that a trend in this universe?)
Looks are good. You describe them as chubby but they are listed as 128 pounds and 5'0 they are a twig.
Motivation is odd, what is there to be safe from? The rest of their natures are fine. Well, surprise magic is uh, surprising?
Their friends list is essentially the same, some peeps shuffled from bestie to normie but they have no friends outside of Cole's circle? Also, why does everyone hate Tristan Mina and Kaden? whats with that?
Also also, when did this become a fighting thing? there was no mention of magic or fighting with Cole but suddenly Dakota wants to be a Pokemon.
History tab. Whats with this world and treating children like they are grown up? Aside from that my complaints are generally the same as Cole's background.
Bonus question, why do they have elf ears?
Summary- Don't get me wrong these characters are good! you have great art skills and you seem like you know what kind of story you are trying to tell. It just needs more realism! Adults do not act like the way your backgrounds portray them is comical, aside from that just about everything else about your characters is solid and good! Alrighty.
:)

@NOpe
Thank you! I'll go down the list and answer everything.

Cole
He is supposed to be on the lighter side.
He's shy about it and think's he's not a good cook.
Because he believes that he's a hard worker and he doesn't get any appreciation, so he concludes that all hard workers don't get any appreciation.
Here's a (terrible) explanation ->The Children of Savian
He's a farmhand under his dad but I forgot to put it under there.
They're later on in the story and will be explained then.
Here's a (terrible) explanation
"Education:
All classes learn the elementary level because they are taught by their parents (Lasts until 5th grade) {4-11 years old}
All classes can learn the middle school level (Lasts until 8th grade) {11-14 years old}
The middle and high class can learn the high school level (Lasts until 12th grade) {14-18 years old}
The high class can learn the college level"
History
1) Changed it to "He broke his right leg and fractured his right arm. Jasmine immediately blamed her husband and after she healed Cole, they had a huge argument." Hopefully, that's better.
2) He has lower self-esteem (though he doesn't show it) and he's anti-social, worried if kids his age will want to do dangerous things.
3) They're Karla's kids, who is Jasmine's best friend. Their families hung out together a lot. (I added that btw)
4) This is set back in medieval times (but with more modern clothes) so no cops. Yeah, there were knights but the land they live on is separated into multiple cities with small villages dotted here and there, so knights were only called if absolutely necessary. Hunter and Jasmine both have magic (Hunter has Earth Magic and Jasmine has Air Magic) and know how to use it well. So if Dakota was a threat, they could deal with them. They spent a month and a half together so if Hunter or Jasmine felt like Dakota was a threat, they would have done something by then. Building a house is a bit of a stretch but at this point, Dakota has lived with them for over a month and Hunter see's how they can handle themself. With his Earth Magic, it wouldn't take as long (normally it would be around a month but with his magic, it'd be about a week), plus, they could work for him. Seeing how distant Cole was to Dakota and then watching him slowly opening up to them, gave Hunter hope that his son wouldn't be alone. Hunter had to get Jasmine on board, which took a little persistence. They trusted Dakota at this point and the house was is looking distance of theirs so they (mostly Jasmine) kept an eye out.
(I'm glad you didn't. I needed that lol)
He's later on in the story and will be explained then. Demisexual people can fall in love regardless of gender, they just need to get to know the person really well (which they will later in the story).
Because my other characters have them.

Dakota
I don't think so but eh.
As for that, at the time I was just making them a girl and so when I changed it, I (apparently) didn't correct it all.
I only have 3 characters with colored tips, I just happened to give you 2 of them lol
I've had so many people tell me so many things about weights, I just wanna give up. I changed it to 143 lbs. (Maybe it'll be right this time)
Bad peeps (Will be explained in the story)
A handful of my characters have magic and fight, Cole doesn't.
Yeah, they didn't really have friends growing up, was just very open and talkative. They have 1 person not in Cole's circle.
Reasons (Will be explained in the story)
Like I said a handful of my characters have magic and fight, Cole doesn't. (Also, the Pokemon comment made me laugh harder than I should have. Thank you.)
Yeah, this world isn't nice at all. (Maybe it's because I'm angsty but who knows) They also basically ran away from home. Sure, they told their mom and brother, but neither of them wanted Dakota to leave. They just went and that's not a thing any higher ups would care about, especially because of their family status.
Because why not? (I just really like elf ears and I have a lot more fun drawing them than normal ears)

Thank you! I don't take any offence, honest. Maybe the changes will help? (Also, less than half of my characters {I have 14 in this story} have extremely bad childhoods. Oops?)
Again, thank you!

If you wouldn't mind, I'd love anything you could tell me about my MC, Carter. Thanks in advanced!

Plz critique my stupid child thank u

Would love to hear your thoughts on my villain Helga:

@DylanB
Looks- Everything here is good, some explanation on what the "evolved" race is would be the only thought.
Nature- Very good, they all make sense and make him a very well rounded character.
Social- A little surprised he has any "best friends" considering the way you describe him in the Nature tab. Aside from that minor thing, it's all good.
History- An explanation of why he was born the way he was would be a nice thing to add.
I have questions about his background going further along
1) There is an X-men-esque school for the gifted? So oddities are a popular thing in this world? If so then why not send him there, to begin with? and if not then how is there a school for it?
2) The spray-on skin. Why and how? Why would the father want to make his son fit in with "regular kids" if he was already at a place where he was accepted. How? how is that possible? whats to stop it from fading in sunlight or water or any other liquid or even being rubbed off by clothes?
3) Death of parents, as rich as they are and they don't have enough security to stop one guy? morover how did he survive with his ability? Yes, I read the page on his ability and it makes sense but you never mention him training to use his ability at all up to this point.
And then the very unique and interesting character becomes pretty generic. Ignoring the "training in multiple fighting styles" because everyone seems to think fighting styles are as easy as a high school class. Why did he quit the police force, sure he has WilliamsTech so he doesn't need the money but staying in the police force would keep him updated on the biz throughout the city and he did spend time getting an associates degree in criminal justice so why throw that away? what is there to gain? "not doing enough?" He's doing less by quitting the force!
Good character, everything but his background is top notch! But the background makes him out to be another Spider-man clone! No, I am not telling you to change it, all it needs is more information, explain how he practiced with his ability, tell us what his parents were like. (it's a little confusing whether you are trying to make them out to be good or bad people and that can be good! but show us that that's what you are trying to do!) Tell us how he felt about his parent's death aside from wanting to save people.
Good luck! :)

Awesome, thanks for the feedback, I appreciate the insight. As far as the Evolved, it's just my term for people with abilities, like "Metas" or "Mutants". I like your point about the school, I had planned that it wouldn't be a very popular school, not very well known. But I guess I should be a little more specific with that. Similar with his parents, In my head, his dad doesn't want a "special" kid, he wants a normal one, but I had left that to put in his father's page.