I think he may be a bit underweight even if he is lean. Clocking it at 10 pounds under the average for his height is actually quite a bit, I think, and a lean body type implies some level of fitness or average-ness.
Getting a bit aggressive when he's angry seems a bit of an over-explanation of angry, but I guess it's true that some people don't get aggressive when angry. Maybe just try rewording it? I think also adding that he's a bitter person to his flaws makes sense. Is he a pessimist? I imagine someone raised like him with trust issues would also think highly of their own opinion, just because he probably feels like he is the only person he can trust. Is he independent? Self sufficient? There are little bits and pieces I feel like I'm missing from him that you could add to further outline his personality.
Even if he doesn't see himself as talented, he objectively would have some talents, wouldn't he? Something an outsider might deem him talented in. Also, not seeing himself as talented makes me think he's either insecure or has low self-esteem which is another thing you could add to his personality. Is he the sort of person who quits something the minute he fails? Does he have a secret sense of determination or loyalty?
You could probably explain more things in depth when it comes to many of his categories. Shorter profile means shorter critique, unfortunately. I think right now he's a good basis for a character, someone that I would like to see grow over the course of his journey, but right now it's a lot of foundational work. Fill out his history with specifics or add more details to his personality so that he can have a bit more complexity. Thank you for sending him in!
@"CW-Write Like You're Running Out Of Time" I don't mind at all ^.^ Daso Argon
There's something perfect about his imperfect appearance. Just the little attention to things like having oily skin because he's a teen or slightly crooked teeth make him easier to picture and add a little humanity. It's nice to have characters who aren't just straight up gods appearance wise, especially teenagers.
His motivations make him sounds so sincere and very endearing. And all his flaws are really good too! I honestly don't think I have anything to say on that. I am a little caught off guard by him having emotional intelligence when he's got an overly trusting nature and a naive attitude. I feel like he wouldn't be so naive to be people if he was able to interpret them well, but this might just be something that plays out better on paper because I don't think it's necessarily a contradiction.
Generally, I think his personality is really good! He feels nuanced and detailed. At this point I'm just repeating myself because he's really well done and I can't find anything to critique. He's so sympathetic and likable! And his past really just brings all that together. I feel bad for having such a short critique, but he feels really polished to me. I'm very engaged in his story!
Awwww thank you so much! I'm glad you like him, he's my baby and I adore him. But you're totally right about the emotional intelligence thing. It really should say something more like empathetic/social and good at connecting with others, but not necessarily good at reading emotions and understanding his own feelings. Again thanks for the critique!
Dude I'm???? First of all really flattered because you can somehow remember and identify the little extra parenthesis I write into character profiles and relate that back to me and that's really cool of you, thank you?????
Will definitely elaborate on Types Of People Cameron Dislikes
You're very right about the sort of contradicting history with his Current personality, I should fix that, thank you.
Totally fine about the nitpicking haha, I actually like it, and will definitely think about pride // hobbies.
I'm just,,,,, so glad you seem to like him, and your critiques are always so in-depth and THANK YOU, as always :) :) :)
@Kinarymo Sorry this took so long, I try to let a few requests pile up and do them in one go and I kind of let time get away from me OTL
Narion Krysmenor
So his mistrustful and secretive attitude leads to quarrels in the group, but I'm not sure there's an explanation of how he reacts to these quarrels or if he even bothers to participate in them. If a character is calling him out for it, does he get aggressive/defensive in any manner? Does he work hard to maintain that atmosphere of secrecy? I think it's very clear how he typically acts, but I wonder what sort of temperament he has when he's asked too many questions or pushed around.
If he's the 'group analyst' who usually comes up with solutions, do people have a hard time trusting his solutions because of his secretive nature? Is he more likely to be questioned over it than someone else? Does his personality get in the way of solving situations sometimes? That would definitely be an interesting conflict to see play out.
Not really sure if thinking he's a burden to everyone is a prejudice, but it definitely makes him sound insecure, which is something you could put down in flaws instead! I think insecurity would be an interesting thing to play up in his character too, as so much of his personality seems to allude to a certain guilt around things he can't exactly help like being sickly. If he is insecure, how would that affect his whole group analyst role? How would that affect the group?
The glimpses of the world you're building that I get through your characters is so interesting?? It's always a treat to try and understand more of it through the character's backstories! Sorry this is a short critique (definitely not worth the wait) but I think Narion is pretty well off! One of those characters that's gonna be more fun to see develop than on a template kind of thing. Also sorry if I got pronouns wrong? The profile keeps flipping back and forth between a few and I know their species/race/etc. doesn't actually have a physical gender, still hope I got that right ^^
@"CW-Write Like You're Running Out Of Time" Yup, sorry for the long wait!!
Tannika Kingsley
I like all the details in body type; it gives a nice and distinct image of the character. I really like the details to her personality that her motivations give her, too. It makes them feel more tied to who she is rather than, like, plot beats she has to go through or motivations that are tacked on last minute.
Honestly she's so balanced out? Like all the flaws are really good and meaningful, like they might actually do something for her character or get in the way/cause drama and they just make her seem really human.
I feel like anything I critique might be a bit nitpicky because she's well rounded lol but I guess I would want to know more about how she reacts to failure, especially as someone so determined and intense. Is she pushy when it comes to other people? Like, does she want others to participate in her lifestyle with her? Is she the kind of person who can't imagine leading a 'boring' life and tries to get others to follow her sort of viewpoint? I like that she wants to better herself, but what does she consider a 'better her' to be in the first place? If she always thinks she's right, what could she believe is wrong about herself in the first place? She does come off as someone with a bit of an ego, though I'm not sure how intentional that is or if that's just the combination of being selfish and opinionated. I think her daredevil nature can be really interesting though, and I honestly can't think of much else to critique beyond that! Sorry this took so long lol but thank you for letting me read about her!
@Kaloobia No problem! I really enjoy seeing all the little things people put into their writing (even if its simple templates) and it's a really cool personal touch! Thank you for letting me read about your characters in the first place! (and sorry for the late reply DX)
@Snowmirror Thank u o3o
i'm glad you find my characters interesting i certainly don't sadly :'))
But you did point out some good holes in there. I sometimes rewrite the entire info all over and forget what i've previously written, so srry if that was a mess :'))
For the quarrel part, he wouldn't really get involved, as he's very passive and doesnt have the energy to deal with it. I should probably elaborate on that more like, he's the type that witholds information thinking he's doing something good for others.
I should probably fix that, since even i forgot why that info is there >.> But generally, his role would be affected 50/50 like, once they realize that he's been lying a lot, they might start to doubt him and the quarrel resulted from this breaks the group - which will ultimately be the reason of his downfall.
Yea, i should probably fix that
Again, i'm really glad you find him interesting, it means so much to me. Your critiques are always very helpful, so thank you very much! About the pronouns, it's okay, even i get confused after so much back and forth flipping. I mean, down to his core, he's boy, but everyone calls him a girl for most of the story, so i guess you can't be wrong with this one ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you so much, once again - i hope you don't mind if i drop by every now and then with another character, your feedback is honestly one of the best srry for the length of the reply :'D
@EllieGrace Sorry its been like 300 years I forgot I had this critique running!!! Hope it isn't too late DX Autumn Grace Lazine
Her motivations are personal and simple but does she have one that's a little more plot specific? Unless the story is completely character driven. Also, is it something that might change over time? Trying not to be a disappointment is good and all, but it could get annoying for a reader after a bit if she doesn't work on understanding her fear of disappointment or learn to not worry about such things as much.
Loyalty as a flaw is like, one of my all time favorite flaws. It's just so good to play with! But she only had one other flaw than this listed (her self-esteem issues) which sounds like it could easily be fixed over the course of a story/series, so are there other flaws to note? Maybe tying back to her motivation of not wanting to disappoint close friends and family is that she cares too much what others think or relies on them for her sense of self image? Is she extremely dependent? Pessimistic? Does she have trust issues? Is she shy or standoffish on first impressions? A people-pleaser? Naive? There are definitely a ton of things you could use to flesh out her flaws more.
Her personality section is pretty slim. Caring deeply for Carson is also not a personality trait. What kind of sass does she use? Is she sarcastic? Loud? Boisterous? What makes her a passionate person, i.e. what is she passionate about? Does this make her determined? Strong willed? A dreamer? Once more, there's a lot more you could dive into here to make sure she is completely well rounded. What would make her stand out from a crowd? Why would someone want to be friends with her, and what do her existing friends see in her that makes their relationship worthwhile?
Obviously this is a character critique, not a worldbuilding critique, but it's hard to believe in a world (this one or otherwise) in which religion does not exist and play some part in culture and people. Unless there's a good reason to not have it, I'd reconsider.
Does she have any concrete policies she would want to employ if she were to become queen? Does she favor certain issues over others (like economic or human rights?) For me personally, writing royalty is really difficult because I understand absolutely nothing about politics, but a leader/royal member definitely should, and it'll be something you want to give more details for (unless she never becomes a queen or being a princess has no impact on the future of your story)
Carson made everything better? How so? By dating her? Seems a little odd to me. People make tough situations easier to deal with, but I doubt he could just make everything better like a fairy godmother.
Overall, she needs more details in her personality, but she's not a bad start!
So much detail in his appearance, I love it! I like how so much of it ties into his personality, too.
His personality is super detailed and thorough, which is great and I love it, but he has a lot of likable and positive traits and very few flaws. His prejudice definitely helps to make him seem more flawed and very understandable, but I think more could be added so that he isn't a perfect father figure, and rather have him work hard to achieve that perfection instead of just giving it to him off the bat. Like, he really loves his loved ones, but is he the sort of character that would support them even if they did something bad, or does he adhere to his own moral code before his feelings of love and loyalty?
I think in general I would just flesh out the flaws more. For example, he's emotionally sensitive, but in what sort of way? Does he take it harshly when someone says something rude about him? Is there an issue with low self-esteem or image? He fears failing as a father, but is there any reason he thinks that he might fail? Some sort of personality trait that makes him afraid of messing up for his son?
His talents and hobbies are also very detailed and nice, so no major critiques there! He's got a compelling past too and I don't see any conflict between it and his listed personality, so I would say it's all good there. Honestly, he's very fleshed out, I would just develop a few more flaws so he isn't too perfect and you should be good!
I like that you listed the meaning of her name, it's something I do too and it's just always nice to know what sort of thought goes behind a character's name. Her appearance is also fine, so no major critiques there!
I'm actually kind of surprised that she's working towards correcting her prejudice. She doesn't come off as someone who would be aware of said prejudice in the first place and it feels like something her pride would get in the way of. Is there a reason why she wants to correct this prejudice? Does someone/something change her mind? I was also caught off guard by her not being that ambitious. I know perfectionists and the ambitious aren't synonymous, but I think it makes sense that someone who is constantly striving for perfection is doing so because of a higher goal. Otherwise, it seems a bit aimless, which you mention her not having specific things to aim for, but maybe she should have that sort of goal? I'm not sure what it would be, but it would make her a little more concrete and give an easy way to really show off that perfectionist attitude.
Does her independency and her loyalty ever conflict? Not that they're contrasting traits or anything, I'm just curious.
With fearing failure being one of her listed fears, I think it would really help if she had a more concrete goal as I said earlier. It just makes sense for her sort of character. I can't really imagine someone so hardworking and orderly not having specific goals to hit in their life. Then again, this could totally be something she gains through the course of the story, in which case I have no complaints!
!!!!! I just realized every time I forgot I had a critique forum opened that you were usually the last person to send in a critique and never got a reply! I'm so sorry about that!!!! She's the tactician ahh!!! I've already gushed about how much I love this niche trope, but I'm glad I finally got to read her even if I took forever OTL She's a really well done character, and I think she can work perfectly as a strategist for a group. Thank you for sending her in!
Sorry, if I'm bothering you, but I hope if you can critique my character including mannerism? I'm not that great at writing so I hope you can help me with this. Thank you for listening.
Hi, would you mind critiquing my character? I need every single ounce of negative criticism you can give me. Don't worry, I'm extremely skilled at not getting mad. I just need to flush out the mistakes in him before I start writing. Thank you!
I'm actually kind of surprised that she's working towards correcting her prejudice. She doesn't come off as someone who would be aware of said prejudice in the first place and it feels like something her pride would get in the way of. Is there a reason why she wants to correct this prejudice? Does someone/something change her mind?
She's not really actively working to correct it, and she isn't really aware that she's prejudiced; she's just learned not to underestimate anyone and tries to be careful about that (however, she sometimes still does it because she's quick to judge). She's also open to different opinions as long as they make logical sense; her pride usually doesn't make her blindly stubborn.
I was also caught off guard by her not being that ambitious. I know perfectionists and the ambitious aren't synonymous, but I think it makes sense that someone who is constantly striving for perfection is doing so because of a higher goal. Otherwise, it seems a bit aimless, which you mention her not having specific things to aim for, but maybe she should have that sort of goal? I'm not sure what it would be, but it would make her a little more concrete and give an easy way to really show off that perfectionist attitude.
Actually, that's something I made a mental note about because I couldn't think of anything (and I'm not completely done with the setting and plot yet, so that's part of it) and then I forgot about it, so thanks for bringing it up! I'll definitely think about a long-term goal for her to work towards.
Does her independency and her loyalty ever conflict? Not that they're contrasting traits or anything, I'm just curious.
Yes, that's definitely something I intend to happen. She loves her friends and is loyal to them, but usually just in terms of helping them (and saving their asses time and time again); she has a hard time trusting them, which will bring up a bunch of problems later on.
With fearing failure being one of her listed fears, I think it would really help if she had a more concrete goal as I said earlier. It just makes sense for her sort of character. I can't really imagine someone so hardworking and orderly not having specific goals to hit in their life. Then again, this could totally be something she gains through the course of the story, in which case I have no complaints!
Yeah, that absolutely makes sense; I'll think about a goal for her. It probably won't be something she gains throughout the story; if anything, she'll slowly give up on it (because this story is my Depressing One and it'll be so fun to have her strong personality break (I'm not usually this sadistic, I swear)).
!!!!! I just realized every time I forgot I had a critique forum opened that you were usually the last person to send in a critique and never got a reply! I'm so sorry about that!!!! She's the tactician ahh!!! I've already gushed about how much I love this niche trope, but I'm glad I finally got to read her even if I took forever OTL She's a really well done character, and I think she can work perfectly as a strategist for a group. Thank you for sending her in!
It's fine! I'm really glad you got to her eventuallly. Thanks so much for the critique, it was really helpful as always!
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