forum I'll critique your character! (Back open again, baby!)

Started September 19, 2020 by @Blossom_Utonium

tune

1) One per person please.
2) I will critique in the order they are received.
3) Make sure that your character is turned off of private (there is a tutorial of how to do so somewhere on this website). If I have any issues with that, I'm just going to skip you and move on to the next one.
4) It's very helpful if you give me a list of specific concerns so that I know what to focus on.
5) If you don't want me to rip your guy, gal, or non-binary pal to shreds, don't share them. I'm ruthless.
6) I will stop taking submissions whenever I feel like I've got enough to work with. But always check back, even if it's a couple hours later! I'll try to critique as soon as I get a chance!
7) You don't have to critique one of my characters, but I won't say no to it.

Would you mind taking a look at my fella?

1) Pretty much I just want to know is he’s 3-dimensional?
2) Do I need to focus more on anything like his history?
3) Should I had more detail on anything?

Thanks!

-First of all, I love the lore you set up around his last name. That's such a great touch and I'm literally obsessed with it.
-Physical description is great!
-You've given him such a great motivation, I love it.
-I think another flaw you might want to consider is that he bonds too quickly with people. If he's constantly looking for a home, then maybe he's constantly looking for people to share it with. But that may be unnecessary.
-Another flaw I see in him is that he doesn't seem to have very much respect for the rules.
-You may also want to consider that if he's very introspective, one of his flaws may be getting lost in his own head.
-A pet peeve you may want to give him is well-off people complaining about being well-off. It sounds to me like that would bother someone with such a strong sense of justice and without anyplace to call home.
-His backstory is incredible. You have managed to justify almost every single one of his character traits and behaviors with it. Bravo!

I don't think there's very much you need to change! You've done an excellent job, and you should give yourself a pat on the back.

Can you take a look at Vozreal?
1) is he believable? Is he 3D?
2) What needs work and is confusing? What need more detail?
3) Anything I nailed on the head?

Thanks a lot!

Don't hesitate to rip Alga to shreds, she's kind of my flagship character and very close to my heart but I'm very concerned about her falling into that terrible female fantasy protagonist where she doesn't really have much personality. Much apperciated!

Can you please check out my main female; Emeline

• I really want her to stray away from the clichés.
• I want her to be very independent and ready to kill at a moment's notice but on the other spectrum I want her to have an innocent about her that contradicts her killer instincts.
• Is there any more details that I need to add that I haven't to make more since out of her character?

Yo I would absolutely love if you checked out my main man Vincent!

I guess I’m mainly concerned about whether or not he’s realistic. I want him to be intriguing and have a distinct personality… But I also don’t want him to become a character that is only one personality trait. So..

1) Is he a realistic person?
2) How can I further flesh him out?
3) What are things that I obviously need to work on with him?
4) Anything you may think to/feel the need to add

Thank you so much for doing this! I really appreciate it.

Can you take a look at Vozreal?
1) is he believable? Is he 3D?
2) What needs work and is confusing? What need more detail?
3) Anything I nailed on the head?

Thanks a lot!

for whatever reason, the link you provided isn't working

Don't hesitate to rip Alga to shreds, she's kind of my flagship character and very close to my heart but I'm very concerned about her falling into that terrible female fantasy protagonist where she doesn't really have much personality. Much apperciated!

-She could use some more mannerism besides hair pulling. Does she stand straight or slouch? Any bad habits like nail chewing? Those are just some questions to help get you started.
-I think you might want to consider distilling her motivations into clear, specific statements, instead of emotions. Try https://onestopforwriters.com/character_motivations for more ideas.
-You've given her some great flaws! Maybe give her one or two minor ones for more depth. I like to make a chart of my character's best qualities, and then write down the potential negative effects that go along with them.
-Backstory is pretty good, you might consider adding more details, but you could get away without them.
Overall, I think she's a great character. She definitely has a great personality, you might just want to consider fleshing her out a bit more! Happy writing.

Can you please check out my main female; Emeline

• I really want her to stray away from the clichés.
• I want her to be very independent and ready to kill at a moment's notice but on the other spectrum I want her to have an innocent about her that contradicts her killer instincts.
• Is there any more details that I need to add that I haven't to make more since out of her character?

-Okay, so the major sticking point I have is that one of her flaws is that she can't pass up a kill, but you want her to have an innocence about her. I don't know if those two can coexist, especially since she's immortal and she has hypothetically seen a lot of horrible things. I don't think innocence is what you're looking for, I think it's positivity. Instead of becoming jaded or bitter, she is hopeful and always seeing the good in things, if this makes any sense.
-What motivates her? What are her mannerisms? What is she scared of? What does she regret? What is she hiding? What are her goals, hopes, and dreams? Don't neglect all of the fields in the template that notebook.ai provides.
-Overall, she's got great structure, but she may need more work. And don't get too hung up on clichés. Happy writing!

Yo I would absolutely love if you checked out my main man Vincent!

I guess I’m mainly concerned about whether or not he’s realistic. I want him to be intriguing and have a distinct personality… But I also don’t want him to become a character that is only one personality trait. So..

1) Is he a realistic person?
2) How can I further flesh him out?
3) What are things that I obviously need to work on with him?
4) Anything you may think to/feel the need to add

Thank you so much for doing this! I really appreciate it.

-Right off the bat: does he have any nicknames? Vincent is a rad af name, but there's gotta be at least one person in his life that calls him Vinny or something. I think it adds a little more character.
-Giving him the hobby of knitting is absolutely iconic.
-If he's really as apathetic as you say he is, I think another flaw you could add is that he's not very good at having fun and cutting loose.
-Needs more mannerisms! At least two!
-I saw your little note that your backstory isn't finished, so I'll leave it alone, but don't forget to write it!
-I think your main struggle is going to be making this guy likeable. He gives off a very Sherlock Holmes played by Benedict Cumberbatch vibe (you should watch the show for some ideas, it's on Netflix), but I think it would be pretty easy to get too heavy-handed with the logic and apathy. Let the boy cut loose once in a while! Happy writing!

If you don't mind uwu

I hope you live up to ur ripping to shreds offer because 1. he's a asshole he deserves it and 2. i want him to be so heavily developed that he's the reference of how developed all my other characters should be.

I'm looking for contradictions in character, things that might need to be cleared up, etc. and maybe anything about him that's missing. do not spare him in the slightest uwu
But also ofc take ur time and don't over work urself! I've put this guy through so many critiques so he might be kind of a hard mode?? anyway good luck and thank u in advance! if you'd like I could critique one of your characters in return !

Hi! I'd be glad if you say something about my girl Leo! Lufghenston, Acleone

1. Is she likeable?
2. Is she a good protagonist?
3. Is she unique?
4. Any improvements?

Thanks in advance!

Can you take a look at Vozreal?
1) is he believable? Is he 3D?
2) What needs work and is confusing? What need more detail?
3) Anything I nailed on the head?

Thanks a lot!

for whatever reason, the link you provided isn't working

Hi! I'd be glad if you say something about my girl Leo! Lufghenston, Acleone

1. Is she likeable?
2. Is she a good protagonist?
3. Is she unique?
4. Any improvements?

Thanks in advance!

-I think you could stand to add a few more mannerisms.
-Changing the world and making a better future are great motivations!
-Add more flaws. Also, if she's volatile when angry, then "she can't act spontaneously" isn't the best descriptor.
-Another phobia or fear to add could be that she's afraid of a quiet life or staying in the background.
-Don't forget to write that background!
-I feel like once you get her background nailed down, the rest will iron itself out. Happy writing!

-Loving the details about his hair!
-Wow! I can tell you researched depression and PTSD! Good job.
-In terms of personality, I think you've done a great job. Just make sure that it's not all gloom and doom, because that can be difficult for some readers to adjust to.
-You might want to consider adding passive aggression to his flaw list. Since he's from an abusive family, and you describe him as manipulative, I think it would fit his character. Plus (correct me if I'm wrong), full-on confrontation doesn't seem to be his style.
-The motivations are a big sticking point for me. I'm a big believer in clear, simple statements about what drives a character, instead of long explanations. That may just be a preference of mine, but I personally feel like it gets to the root of a character much faster.
-You've got such a great backstory for this boy!

All in all, most of my suggestions are minor fixes! Great job!!

-Why does he have so many lovers, and why does he have such an attitude towards women?
-An additional prejudice I'd add is that he probably doesn't think too highly of people who believe in God.
-Backstory could use some work. What's his relationship with Lucifer like? If he got out of Tartarus, why is he still the overlord?

Those are my only concerns! Happy writing!

For @Divine-Irish-Potato-the-2nd!

-Why does he have so many lovers, and why does he have such an attitude towards women?
-An additional prejudice I'd add is that he probably doesn't think too highly of people who believe in God.
-Backstory could use some work. What's his relationship with Lucifer like? If he got out of Tartarus, why is he still the overlord?

Those are my only concerns! Happy writing!

Tartarus is like one of those things where you never TRULY leave, ya know? And he is only sexist when it comes to smiling , wait, actually, scratch the sexist part, it doesn't make sense for him. He has a brotherly relationship with Lucifer, and thanks for the prejudice tip!

If you're not too busy could you look at Leyak Leyak

Thank u for the help! I'm really glad you were able to find anything haha it's hard for me to notice issues when I'm the one fixing and changing him, ya know? Always gotta get a fresh set of eyes to take a look

-She could use more mannerism, like posture, how she fidgets, etc.
-Could use a couple more flaws, just to add some spice to the pot.
-One thing that I find a little iffy is the idea that her band has no idea about her psychotic tendencies. In my personal experience, you tend to spend a lot of the time with your bandmates, so I think it's unrealistic to say they're completely clueless.
-Be careful with writing personality disorders. A lot of information on the web is either wrong or plays into stereotypes. Check scholarly sources and psychology journals. This isn't to say you've done anything wrong, it's just a suggestion.
-So I'm a little confused about why/how she became a demon, and I think that could use a little more clarification. Backstory's good, otherwise.

Overall, I think you've done a great job, but the nitty-gritty may need some work. Happy writing!

Thank you for the critique! Like @AloeVera said, I have trouble finding the small details in my characters. Once again, thank you.

Could you look at Sarus? Sarus Critique on his personality and backstory would be super helpful and I'd like to hear what you think of him as a character.

Hi uh

Never done this before

Can you look at One?

-Personality is great. He seems very likeable and fun.
-Great job on giving him flaws. They match up well with his personality.
-Great motivations, but you may want to consider adding acceptance into the mix. It seems to me that he really cares about others, ergo, he might care a lot about what others think of him.
-Love the idea of somebody who's very kind…but is also a compulsive liar. That's some quality content right there.
-Great mannerisms!
-I am just loving the backstory and the conflict you've given him. It's so good.

You've done such a good job. Happy writing!