forum I'd be willing to critique your character

Started February 25, 2020 by @jantz

tune

Thank you! That's so helpful and I'll definetly incorporate those suggestions into his character.

Yeah no prob <3

If you're not busy can you critique, Eri Eri Sayuri

@LilMeme
Eri Sayuri

Looks
Probably just an accident, but you describe Eri’s body shape in her “hair style” section. And while on the topic of body shape, the description for this is quite vague. While yes, people can visually understand “hourglass”, it just doesn’t give much descriptive detail so I’d recommend working on this.
As for her ethnicity, maybe I'm stupid but how can a Nephilim be Japanese (not too familiar with what Nephilim are so this could just be my mistake).

Nature
I'm not sure what "quirks" are supposed to be but they all would seem better in Eri's "mannerisms". And now after looking at Eri's nature, everything is really bland. You give no descriptive details about anything, instead you just go down a list to describe her which is quite ineffective. Her talents also seem unrealistic, like where and when did she learn to pick locks??

Social
Nothing to say here.

History
Her background is super hard to read and even seems unrealistic in some parts. For example, why would her father, who claims to love her, give her a taser as a gift? Out of all things. Him, a rich and powerful CEO, gave her a taser? And how would her mother even get custody of her in the first place? You mentioned she was a criminal, abusive, and poor. There is no way she would’ve gotten custody of her.
Also, the name “Asumi” just comes up out of nowhere. It took me a solid 5 minutes to realize that Asumi was Eri’s cousin.

-Davis

@Oppy-is-tired
I would like to get your critique on my character, Witch, if you are so inclined.

Witch
So since this is, I'm guessing, a video game character this critique may be a little different. At first glance Witch seems pretty interesting.

Appearance
So this section is actually really nice. It gives a nice, brief, detailed description of Witch's appearance. Good job.

Nature
I try describing a little more here. Whether if it's how she acts as a companion, her mechanics in-game, combat style, or how much damage she does/how much she's able to heal the player. Regardless, there should at least be a little more here.

History
This is fine and dandy I guess. Good job.

Lines
This is very cool and I appreciate this.

Good luck on your game

-Davis

If you're not busy can you critique, Eri Eri Sayuri

@LilMeme
Eri Sayuri

Looks
Probably just an accident, but you describe Eri’s body shape in her “hair style” section. And while on the topic of body shape, the description for this is quite vague. While yes, people can visually understand “hourglass”, it just doesn’t give much descriptive detail so I’d recommend working on this.
I fixed the error

As for her ethnicity, maybe I'm stupid but how can a Nephilim be Japanese (not too familiar with what Nephilim are so this could just be my mistake).
Her father was Japanese

Nature
I'm not sure what "quirks" are supposed to be but they all would seem better in Eri's "mannerisms"
Their supposed to be her mannerisms,

. And now after looking at Eri's nature, everything is really bland. You give no descriptive details about anything, instead you just go down a list to describe her which is quite ineffective.

I dunno, I just find more easier to write and spell out my character's personality by describing their main traits, I'm sorry if it seems annoying or boring to you

Her talents also seem unrealistic, like where and when did she learn to pick locks??

I cut out Marketing, I didn't write out how to she learn her talents

Social
Nothing to say here.

History
Her background is super hard to read and even seems unrealistic in some parts. For example, why would her father, who claims to love her, give her a taser as a gift? Out of all things. Him, a rich and powerful CEO, gave her a taser?

Sorry I didn't put any thought in this, the father gave it to her for protection, Sorry for thar

And how would her mother even get custody of her in the first place?
You mentioned she was a criminal, abusive, and poor. There is no way she would’ve gotten custody of her.

Sorry, I guessed I leaned on the statistic that women get custody more than men, also her crimes are only known in the angel world, Also I change the mom from being abusive in the beginning

-Davis

I kind of found the review a bit scathing _{Maybe I being a bit insecure or overdramatic}, I know this is a critique and you're supposed to be blunt, Don't get me wrong You did get some pretty valid critcism, like with Eri's backstory and that mistake in the looks section, maybe I'm just reading too deep into this

Thank you!

Meadow Robbins heeyyy can u please critique this?

Can you critique my boy here. I’m young and new to writing so I wanted to get someones opinion