forum I'd be willing to critique your character
Started by @jantz
tune

people_alt 59 followers

@jantz

Make sure their privacy is set to public
Try to only link one at a time. If you want me to do another one after your critique then feel free to link it after.
Keep in mind I may sound harsh.

-Davis

@jantz

Hey, could you do Kade please?

@the-boy-with-earphones
Kade Tyramine:
Overall I find Kade to be pretty well thought out. Good job.

Looks
While you do a pretty good job describing Kade physically, I think you could do a little better. His overall description in appearance seems to lack it's much-needed pizzaz. What I'd mostly recommend in this section is trying to go into more detail about his hairstyle and his body type.

Nature
Kade's nature section is actually well thought out. I don't see much I don't like here. However, you might want to consider filling out the "conditions" section. (p.s. A quick word of advice that you don't have to take. Something I like to do for flaws is to divide up the Minor Flaws and the Major Flaws)

Something I really liked about this section: The fact that you mentioned how his body language shifts with his emotions. That to me really fleshes out a character
Something you could do better in this section: Probably just flesh out his talents, hobbies, and conditions a little more

Social
Again, nothing wrong here. I really love how fleshed-out all of Kade's favorites are.

History
Yo his background is really good too. I really like it and I hope one day I can read the rest of his story.

To conclude, I can tell you've put a decent amount of thought into Kade and I really like where his background led to. Good job :)

-Davis

@jantz

Well, definitely giving it a try, can´t have a good story without a good protagonist (?) Invalid Character

@Motaki
Wren Coulson:
So before I even start critiquing Wren I just gotta say that two things I love right off the bat are her name and her art. Both are really cool to me.

Looks
Overall I feel that Wren's looks section is pretty lacking. Her hair color, eye color, and identifying marks are the only things in this section that I can visually see. Everything else seems to be described really blandly. You might want to consider going into more detail with her body shape and hairstyle.

Nature
I think you did the conditions and personality type pretty well. Although, you might want to refrain from repeating her personality as flaws. Try and think of a few, well thought-out flaws to give her as a character. Flaws are what make character feel like actual people.
I also want to note that her mannerisms are really lacking; you might want to take some time to fill that section out. Try describing how she sits, how she walks, what she does when she gets mad, etc.

Social
Nothing really wrong here, but maybe try describing what she does as a field agent.

History
Also maybe take a little more time describing her background and history. Flesh out her heritage

Overall Wren seems pretty cool. It may seem like I'm nitpicking but it's the small things that add up to create a well-rounded and fleshed out character. Good job and keep up the good work :)

-Davis

@jantz

Hey! If you still have time could you possibly take a look at my girl ivy?

Thank you!

@Celestial-Burst
Ivy:

Looks
Overall I feel like you did pretty good at describing Ivy's physical appearance, especially her hair. Although, based on her height and the pictures of her her weight may be be a little too high. The only thing I'd consider you adding here is the name of the special race of Human she is.

Nature
You did really good describing her mannerisms, good job :)
However, you could probably do a little better describing her motivations. Why exactly does she want to stop the Powers and why does she care if they "take" the inactives? Something else I'd recommend is going into more details about her flaws instead of just stating them; really flesh them out. How is she stubborn and predictable?

Social
Nothing that really sticks out here

History
Pretty good background but I feel like it could have a little more

To conclude, I really like Ivy as a character. Her story seems interesting and I wish you good luck with it. Good job :)

-Davis

@jantz

Hey, if you don't mind, could you critique Alci? I've been asking multiple people and refining her as I go, but I still have a ways to go.

@Ash-is-gonna-be-sad-in-a-few-episodes
Alci Haukin:

Looks
The description of Alci's hair is nice
I'd recommend detailing her body shape more. Where specifically is she muscly? etc.
Also, how did she get her scars?

Nature
Overall the nature section is pretty lacking for Alci. Try adding and describing things more.
Specifically in the personality box try not to just list adjectives, actually try putting how she acts into words. Her motivation is also pretty simple.
Try adding more flaws that relate to her personality.
Describe the capabilities and limits of her mind ability. By reading her character I don't even have a general idea as to what it is. That seems pretty important.

Social
Nothing to say here

History
Her background is pretty alright and all, but how did she go from being a science experiment to a factory worker? That really wasn't explained well.

Overall good job and keep up the good work :)

-Davis

@jantz

When possible please review. Also I’m just starting out here, so any tips are welcome.

Welcome to the site, Adam :)
Eric Wybert:
Right off the bat the fact that he's a werewolf is cool

Overview
Only thing to say here is maybe be a little more specific about his age (unless his story is 5 years long in which case it's ok)

Looks
So I'm guessing the reason his body type changes is because he didn't become a werewolf until later in his life? Which is cool but I'd try describing how his body type started and how it changed a little more. When he was old did he have a slouched back? Was he wrinkly? Were his tattoos all over his body, just on his arms, or what?
When he was "young" again how muscled was he, and where specifically? Did he have broad shoulders? Big forearms? Well-built thighs? Try going a little more in-depth with Eric's body.

Nature
His hobbies are fine, you don't really need to go in-depth there. Just stating them is okay. However, you might want to write out more for his personality and flaws. Instead of just listing things off try describing how it affects him and those around him.

Social
Nothing really to say here other than maybe describing which guns specifically are his favorite

History
I'd definitely take time to write a little more for Eric's background. Try describing what life was like for him before the military. How long did he serve? etc.

Eric's story seems really interesting and I wish you the best of luck Adam.

-Davis

@jantz

I've never had Dashan done like this before! :)

@Sorrel
Dashan Wang Atwood:
Hi Sorrel! At first glace, I can tell you've put some thought into Dashan and I'd be happy to critique him for you :)

Looks
I think you did a really good describing his looks. I especially like the little details that might only be mentioned once (if at all) in a story that the reader might not even catch, like the little bit of peach fuzz on his lip. Although it's very short and sweet, Dashan's body type is pretty well described. Only thing I'd say is to maybe add how he got the burn scars on his hands.

Nature
You do a really good job at describing everything here, good job. In the mannerisms, however, I'd the different ways he acts physically. How is his sitting posture? How does he walk? Does he twiddle his thumbs? How does he act when he's upset?

Social
Good job describing his favorites

History
Yeah I'd definitely add a descriptive background here

To conclude, this is a really nice character sheet. Good job and keep up the good work :)

-Davis

Deleted user

I'll take all of this in mind, and yeah, I definitely need to actually write a background. Thank you so much!

@jantz

I'll take all of this in mind, and yeah, I definitely need to actually write a background. Thank you so much!

No problem. If you ever want me to look at another one of your character just link them <3

@jantz

Hi! My new character Seraphine is in need of. A second opinion. Would you mind taking a look at her? Thanks! :)

@JumboJambo2020
Seraphine Tellmont:
I can't explain to you how excited I got when I read "Scholar" and "Lady". Super interesting thus far. (and I also really love the art)

Looks
You do a very good job describing Seraphine's hair style and body shape; really nice and well detailed. Also, really good job describing her outfits, I really appreciate it when people put detailed descriptions of clothing in character sheets.

Nature
For her conditions I'd recommend you going a little more in-depth about how her depression affects her day-to-day life.
Her personality, hobbies, and talents are all pretty well detailed, but I'd recommend giving her a couple more flaws.

Social
Not much to say here

History
I really like her background, like a lot. It's really fun and original and it seems like a story I'd really be into. Seraphine kinda gives me Zelda vibes to be honest.
However, maybe give her a specific birthday? That's not that big of a deal but just something to think about.

Overall, Seraphine is such a cool character. Good job and good luck in your writing.

-Davis

@jantz

do this character: Invalid Character
thanks

@Divine-Irish-Potato
Azrael Reaper:
I hope I don't come across as too harsh, but this character sheet is really lacking in most aspects. It genuinely just seems like you didn't put a lot of effort into filling it out (again, sorry). You describe her hairstyle as "straight" and "flowy" which really contradict each other, and the descriptions of her power levels are very very bland. Like, I have no idea how fast "very fast" is.
You also seem to repeat some of the same things over and over, like saying that she's goth once is enough.

Maybe come back to me when you have a little more to critique. Until then, good luck to you.

-Davis

Deleted user

Definitely took Wren´s critize and modify some stuff, thank you, I keep all those stuff in mind for future reference :)